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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30136191">The Sweeping change</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alergo/pseuds/Alergo'>Alergo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, First Time, Homophobic Language, M/M, Time Travel Fix-It</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:53:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>89,201</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30136191</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alergo/pseuds/Alergo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The war is lost. Lucifer won. But is it really the end? "You still can change everything, Dean...I know you can..." Let's say the last seasons didn't happen and Sam has never said "yes". Let's say the war is lost and there's only one solution ...What would happen then?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>118</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p>
<p>I firstly began this work back in 2011 so let's say the last seasons didn't happen...No Jack, no God-Chuck, no Leviathan,...I just wanted to share this story....</p>
<p>Also, the Destiel will come much much later so the ratings and tags are mostly for cautious....</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He never had faith.</p>
<p>Never.</p>
<p>Not Castiel's in any case, nor his mother's. He didn't have faith in God.  Nor did he has his father's faith who had only ever seen through revenge prism. Or even that of Sam which was one day to find a normal life again. He wasn’t even sharing the others hunters’one who only believed in themselves.</p>
<p>He had ever only known one and only faith. He was believing in his family. He was believing in his brother. He was believing in Bobby. He was believing in Castiel, who had integrated since a while the very closed circle of people to whom he’d entrust his life. Maybe even Sam's.</p>
<p>But his faith was dead. Like everything else.  </p>
<p>"It's over...." He whispered in a painfully faint voice.</p>
<p>Actually, no one had faith anymore. Whatever it was. The world was blood and fire. Lucifer had won.    "Yes, we have lost...." Calmly Castiel replied, vainly compressing the wound to stop the bleeding. "But everything can still change…"</p>
<p>"What's ya tl’king bout? " He murmured and his voice sounded so weak.</p>
<p>"You do not have to lose Dean " Castiel said and Dean could have sworn he was shining.</p>
<p>"Whassyousayin’…??"</p>
<p>"You will have to change everything...I know you can do it.…"</p>
<p>"Cass... ", Dean only whispered before fading into the darkness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Corner stone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first sensation he felt was the heat, benevolent and warm; as he hadn't known in years. The one that rhymed with security. His limbs tingled uncomfortably, they were sore and heavy; and he could almost feel a light electric current running through them, as if to animate them again. It's then he realized he was lying down. His face was on something soft. Soft and fluffy. It was tickling his cheek.</p>
<p>That’s when he became aware of the silence and he opened his eyes almost immediately. Because since the beginning of the Apocalypse, silence meant troubles. Because in the refugee camps, not everyone slept at the same time. There was always someone moving. Always someone who was crying, yelling, ranting or cleaning his gun.  </p>
<p>It was shadowy around him. Not dark. He blinked several times, and he could spot the shape of few furniture, toys and stuffed animals. He was in a bed and apparently, in a bedroom.</p>
<p>And it hit him suddenly...He was not hurting. No pain was running through his body yet fatally injured. With pressing hands, he began to grope his body before freezing. His body seemed different. More...thin? Small? His thighs seemed frail and smooth to him while his belly appeared too tender. Slowly, as if the mere fact of seeing his hands was gonna make disappear the present moment, he lifted them in front of him. Like all his body, they were strangely thin, small, and...young?</p>
<p>"No way...." He said aloud and the sound of his voice startled him. It was reedy and high pitched.</p>
<p>In a swift move this time, he threw himself out of his blanket and jumped literally toward the door. He groped for the switch and turned on the light in the bedroom. He didn't take the time to look around, he just wanted a mirror. When he finally found one, he remained petrified. With a trembling hand, he touched his cheek and in front of him, his reflection did the same. It was a round cheek. A child's cheek in a child's face. It was a child staring at him in the mirror with astonishment. It was a child touching his cheek, face to him. A child.</p>
<p>The air seemed to grow thinner. He was a child again.</p>
<p>Castiel's last words came back to him with an incredible harshness and his legs gave way beneath him. He stayed there a few minutes, limply kneeling in this – his- room before someone pushed the door. Dean turned around quickly and his blood froze as soon as he saw the person who had came in. She was even more beautiful than in his most lively memories, more beautiful than while his trip in the past. The maternity suited her well.</p>
<p>"Hon?"  She murmured. "I heard noises...Are you okay?"</p>
<p>The little boy he was had to blink to be sure of what he was seeing. Was it really his mother who was standing in front of him? Her long blond hair were just cascading on her shoulders and her brown eyes were glowing with love.</p>
<p>"Dean? It's okay, angel? " She said again, frowning and entering completely in the room.</p>
<p>The young woman squatted in front of her son and ran a cool hand over his forehead. Seeing it wasn’t hot, the hand ended its race in the scattered hair. A smile brushed Mary's lips before she bent over her son to kiss his forehead. It was the contact with his mother's lips that took Dean out of his numbness.</p>
<p>"Mom? " He whispered and his voice seemed even more weak than before.</p>
<p>"You look lost, Dean...Did you have a nightmare?" She asked again. "Dad hunted the monsters under your bed yesterday, remember?" The tone was light and the face, comforting and the woman was surprised to see her son's expression change. If till now, he had looked confused, he seemed now frightfully sad. Before changing again to become anxious and urgent.</p>
<p>"When are we? " He asked with his little voice.</p>
<p>"What? "</p>
<p>"The date? What day are we?"  He repeated.</p>
<p>"November 2, Dean. We even celebrated Sam's six month, honey…" Mary watched with concern as her son's features dropped and hardened just after. If Mary had to be honest, she would say she had never seen that expression on her toddler's face. But the moment lasted only a second before the boy seemed tired and looked quite neutrally towards her.</p>
<p>"It's okay, mom. I’m gonna sleep, now. I'm tired." And the child climbed obediently in his bed, pulled the blanket under his chin and buried his little head in the pillow. Mary blinked several times before tucked him up tenderly.</p>
<p>"Good night, Angel. See you tomorrow."  She murmured before closing the door.</p>
<p>If on the moment, her son's attitude had troubled her, Mary will soon forget it when the next day, it's a smiling boy she will find. She'll forget that evening where, for a moment, she hadn’t recognized her son. She'll forget too that that night, her hunting instinct that she had been trying to shut up for years – And most of time, she succeeded it very well – whispered to her that something was going on.</p>
<p>And Mary will never know that that night, she lost her son. She lost the little innocent being, full of life and airiness. Her child was now an adult and a hunter. With a mission more important than his own life.</p>
<p>When Mary closed the door, Dean sighed loudly while straightening up in his bed. He ran a tired and heavy hand over his face, a very confusing gesture coming from a 4 years old little boy and softly went down his bed.</p>
<p>He had to prevent Azazel from approaching his brother. Because this time, Dean knew, Castiel wasn’t playing around. It wasn’t a mission of information or whatever....He was there to change things, Cas himself had told him so. The question was this one: what's a four years old supposed to do face a demon?</p>
<p>The first thing to do was certainly to protect Sam in every possible way. Dean just hoped his mother was still keeping a large salt reserve somewhere. There was certainly also a rosary that was lying around with which he could bless the water. Even he didn't know if Azazel would react to it, it was better than nothing. Decidedly, the little boy got out of his bed and began to search his room looking for a thick marker. He would draw demon traps under Sam's bed and he would manage to draw one right before his room. Nevertheless, Dean felt himself very naked, without gun, magic knife or anything.</p>
<p>Silently, he went to his brother's room. When he entered the nursery and approached Sam's cradle, he couldn’t help but watch the baby a few seconds. Sam was a nice baby, chubby, with round red cheeks. A smile appeared on his lips as he brushed against his brother's forehead, through the bars. After several seconds of contemplation, he shook his head from right to left, to regain his senses.</p>
<p>Firstly, he had to make sure that his parents were safe. He got out his room quickly and went to theirs. After pushing the door delicately, he could see the lying shape of his mother's body. Content, he closed the door and went stealthily towards the stairs. His father was well asleep in the living room armchair. He didn't dwell on his father, he had enough emotions for the day.... He returned rapidly in his brother's room, drew a Solomon key just right in front of the bedroom -he could always change it to make it an ordinary child's drawing later - climbed in the cradle and managed to engrave the same symbol in the wood, under the mattress.</p>
<p>Already breathless, Dean began to trace all the symbols he knew who were able to drive demons away. When he finished - and that his brother's room looked like that of a paranoiac hunter's landmark-  he thought that if he survived this night, he would be entitled to a masterful punishment from his parents. In silence, stucked up in his brother's cradle around which he had drew a salt circle, he whispered an exorcism. And he felt very ridiculous. Was he really hoping to fight Azazel with that?</p>
<p>"Castiel, if you hear me wherever you are, please, help me..." He said softly.</p>
<p>"I am here" A monotonous voice replied almost immediately.</p>
<p>"Son'ov a bitch! You haven't lost your habits, huh!" Castiel looked at him, the head slightly leaned and Dean thought that his language was going to be spicy for a 4 years old kid.</p>
<p>"You're still in Jimmy?" He wondered " He shouldn't be...younger?"</p>
<p>"By interfering in time, i modified a lot of things. I was able to keep this vessel, it will save me from having to call the Jimmy of this world"</p>
<p>"I though we couldn't alter the time line! "</p>
<p>"Like you said....to great evils, the great means. I choose to change the time line, with my father's blessing."</p>
<p>"With your...You mean the big Boss?!"</p>
<p>"Exactly"</p>
<p>"I thought he was out of the picture?" Dean exclaimed.</p>
<p>"I felt him approving my choice" Castiel explained.</p>
<p>Dean seemed skeptical but let it pass. He had enough trouble like that. "And you know how to help an almost 5 years old kid to fight one of the oldest demon?"</p>
<p>Castiel crooked strangely his head, giving a neutral look to the little man who was standing fiercely before him, an annoyed pout on his childish face. "You still don’t have faith, Dean and besides, your parents sleep deeply, i made sure of that"</p>
<p>" What?! But...."</p>
<p>And before Dean finished, Castiel has already flown. Literally. The boy held back a swear and checked for the umpteenth time that his younger brother was doing well. While gently stroking his brother's belly, he felt something harder under the blanket, beside the baby. Intrigued, he lifted the light duvet and his eyes widened. "Cass..." He smiled, his fingers brushing against the Colt and Ruby's knife.</p>
<p>He was very disappointed when he tried to take the gun. The weapon seemed excruciatingly heavy to him and certainly was for the small arms of a 4 years child. But Dean being Dean, his will prevailed and he succeeded to put the gun to the edge of the cradle. The knife, on the other hand, was slipped in his pajamas - even that, goddammit, weighed a ton!</p>
<p>Well ... If he really had to shoot ... Huh ... He didn’t know where the recoil would take him ...</p>
<p>The night stretched slowly and Dean felt weariness invade him. If spending a lot of sleepless nights didn’t bother him, he couldn't said as much about his body. He was four, damn it! But tenacity always was one of his main qualities while being his bigger flaw. He held firm. And he imagined the scene which was soon to come true....He didn't really see how he could get away with it...But he wouldn't letting his brother down....Never again. And then, if Castiel had broken one of the fundamental laws of the Universe just for get him in this time, that meant he had some chances, right?</p>
<p>His eyelids began weighing tons when air was getting colder and the clock in the shape of a bird on the wall stopped. Dean refocused himself and tightened his little fists on the gun which look huge in his hands. With a clear voice, he chanted a powerful exorcism that Castiel had taught him a longtime ago...</p>
<p>Air seemed to cloud, vibrated even while a shadow formed at the door. Dean obliged himself to breath in and out deeply. Panic wouldn't help him more at 4 than at 30. The shadows seemed to condense to form a man just when Dean choose to hide himself under the blanket, beside his brother. Surprise was always an advantage. Even against demons. The only difficulty he would have, will be to lift the Colt fast enough to maintain this advantage.</p>
<p>Dean thought he heard a light laugh and he could very well imagined the demon's perverse smile. He still remembered his yellow eyes with incredible clarity. " Sam....Sam....Sammy...." He murmured with a dark voice.</p>
<p>Dean tightened his grip on the Colt, forcing himself to breathe calmly while focusing on the demon's footsteps. Somehow, he knew he wasn't alone. Castiel was with him. He knew it. He wouldn't put him in such situation if it was totally desperate. </p>
<p>When the demon was only a few steps from the cradle, he stopped. Dean heard a kind of growling and he knew he spotted the traps.</p>
<p>Taking advantage of his distraction, Dean straightened while trying to do the same with the weapon in his hand. When he was standing up in the cradle, the Colt held firmly in his hands and pointed toward the demon, he allowed himself to smile. Azazel looked at him for a while, clearly astonished, before his eyes linger on the gun.</p>
<p>" Where did you find that?"  He scolded with a voice mildly angry and mildly scared. " Who are you?"  He whispered then.</p>
<p>Dean just smiled disdainfully while pulling the trigger. Azazel partially managed to avoid it and was hit in the shoulder. The demon screeched, stepped back and studied the state of the room. Traps were traced everywhere on the walls which would have helped to weaken him, enough for prevent him to cross the salt line around the cradle of the coveted child. The other child held in his hands the mythical Colt and a key of Solomon was drawn under the baby's bed. Without doubt in the bed too.</p>
<p>With an angry gesture of the hand, he thrown Dean in the wall. The small body dropped flabbily on the ground in a loud thud. In one stride, he was on him and lifted him by collar. "Who are you, wretch, for having this gun? Where did you get it? What does a little fool like you do with it?"</p>
<p>Dean, panting, blood dripping of his lips, looked at the demon with disdain and spat in his face.      " “Little bastard!" Azazel grunted sending him one more time in the wall.</p>
<p>While the demon lost quickly interest in him to picked up the Colt, Dean struggled hard for standing up in spite of a trembling and painful body. His back hurt horribly, like his right ankle. The blood pulsed against his temples and was dripping from his nose and his lips. His child body was incredibly fragile.</p>
<p>He took the knife from his pajama, leaned in such a way as to hide it and did what he was best at: provocation. "Well....Letting yourself be hurt by a 4 year old kid... Not very impressive" Dean said in a painful voice.</p>
<p>The demon turned back to him and looked at him more approvingly than angrily and he hoped not to have gone too far. He smiled thinking about the situation : A young child standing up to a demon old of probably several centuries .… " You're not an ordinary child", the demon hissed as he approached him and all in his voice stated his perplexity. Dean could only be satisfied by this.</p>
<p>When Azazel leaned over again to make him talk and grabbed him by the collar while bringing him so close to his face that Dean could feel his breath, he accompanied the movement, almost propelling himself on the demon's chest. And with his two little hands, he stabbed him deeply in the heart. "Arrgh....Little piece of shit!"  Azazel snarled throwing him on the ground, the knife still planted in his chest.</p>
<p>Dean only started to panic when he saw that the blade didn't seem to work. Azazel seemed to struggle against the power of the knife. The electric shocks appeared to run through his body but he remained firmly anchored on his feet, a painful and concentrate grimace on the face. " Dean…" A voice beside him whispered.</p>
<p>And he could have almost smile when he saw Castiel skillfully throwing him the Colt. Azazel had also noticed the angel and his face was livid. " No...." He said in a hollow voice.</p>
<p>" Yes"  Dean replied pressing the trigger.</p>
<p>The bullet hit him just in the middle of the forehead and he collapsed in a thump. Dean looked at the body for few minutes, lamenting the death of the host. It was a necessary evil. "And now?" He asked, turning to the angel.</p>
<p>"Now, rest yourself. Children needs a lot of sleep", Castiel retorted, the corner of his lips slightly bent.</p>
<p>"Is it a joke?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. New Start</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mary Winchester was an exemplary housewife.</p><p>She was raising her two young children brilliantly, was cheerful and generous, was cultivating her garden, was dragging her husband to the church each Sunday and was cooking good homemade dishes and chocolate's cookies for the children of the neighborhood. Recently, she even had enrolled herself in the seam club.</p><p>And besides being the ideal housewife, Mary Winchester was beautiful. A natural and fresh beauty. She had long dark blond hair which dangled elegantly behind his back, a slightly pale skin and beautiful green ocher eyes. A thin face conferred on her a certain grace and her fine lips only made her smiles more bright.</p><p>No need to say she was appreciated and her husband envied by the male population of the neighborhood.</p><p>That morning looked like any other morning. John woke up at dawn to work at the garage, she had risen a few minutes later - of a strangely heavy sleep- to say goodbye to him and went to shower before the children wake up. Once washed, Mary went to the kitchen for make the breakfast of the little ones.</p><p>On a whim, she decided to make Dean's favorite chocolate muffins and began gathering the ingredients. A few minutes later, she was baking a dozen little cakes. This was when Sam, her youngest son, who was six month old yesterday, started crying. " Hey..." She whispered taking him in arms. " Hello, Sammy...You’re hungry?" She kissed his little forehead.</p><p>As she pause a moment before leaving the nursery, an unpleasant shiver ran down her spine. A cold sweat like she hadn't felt in years. With a searching gaze, she scanned the room but nothing could explain her feeling. Mary sighed with resignation...Nothing could ever make her forget her roots and all the reflexes she had gained were well and truly embedded in her forever.</p><p>Slowly, she went down the stairs, speaking softly to her toddler who still whined in her arms. Delicately, she settled him in his pram to give him his bottle. It's while Sam drank his milk with gluttony that she realized that something wasn't right.</p><p>Dean didn't wake up. Dean was always the first standing up when his brother cried. As much for grumbling - mostly- than to make sure he was alright.</p><p>A well known feeling of distrust mixed with worry took her suddenly. She wasn't the kind to worry easily but this more her morning impression didn't delight her.</p><p>She let Sam in his pram where he wasn't risking anything, climbed the stairs rapidly and pushed open the door to his eldest room. An imperceptible passed ran through her lips when she saw her son sleeping lazily, tangled in his blankets. A quick look on her watch told her it was 8 o'clock and so, more than time to wake the sleeper." Dean, angel...Wake up, Dean" She said running a hand in her son's hairs.</p><p>" Mom?" A sleepy voice replied.</p><p>" Yes, honey, hurry up, your brother is alone downstairs..." She told him, her hand still in his hairs.</p><p>The little boy straightened up quickly, eyes wide open, and looked around with frenzy. " No way..." He murmured under his breath and Mary frowned.</p><p>"Are you okay, Dean? "</p><p>"Huh? Ho yeah! It's alright, mom..." Her son replied with a smile she had never seen. "Sam is downstairs?"</p><p>" Yes. In his pram"</p><p>" Is he okay?"</p><p>" Yes....Why? Are you alright, baby? " His mother murmured softly.</p><p>Dean winced under the nickname his mother was granting him but tried to reassure her. Yes, he was okay. No, he wasn't sick. Yes, it was a nightmare. No, he didn't want to tell her. "Okay, come on and don't forget...Slowly in the stairs, step by step..." She reminded him with a smile.</p><p>" Huh....yes."</p><p>The rest of the morning was a succession of difficulties. Was he able to wash himself? To dress himself? To speak correctly? And how was he suppose to behave? He had to call on all his memory to remember what Sam was able to do around 4-5 year old. He smiled when he remembered that it had been his "I can do it alone! " period.</p><p>And first, how did he end up in his bed? Sam's room had became again a normal nursery with its light blue wallpaper and its colorful friezes. No body was lying on the ground and not a salt grain seemed to have gone astray on the floor of the little room.</p><p>Once again, Dean thanked Castiel silently. But could he really intervene so much? Frankly, if angels became the cleaners of the hunters...Well...Maybe their little trip had guaranteed him some additional possibilities. Who know? Maybe Castiel will continue to watch over him? He hoped it even if he'd never confess it to the feathered. "Breakfast is ready, Dean..." His mother told him when he entered the kitchen. "And i made chocolate muffins!"</p><p>Dean watched his mother, all smiling, come and go in the kitchen, as if she had done this all her life. Nothing could be less true and Dean knew it… "Hurry up, Dean! We'll be late at school! " Mary got impatient, deposing a bowl of cereals on the table.</p><p>Dean blinked several times before nodding gently. The situation still seemed so utterly surreal. Sam twittered happily and Dean walked over to him. With an almost mechanical gesture, he kissed his forehead by leaning on his forearms. "Be careful Dean, the pram could fall if you lean on it..." His mother said and Dean took it on him not to retort.</p><p>Kindly, he swallowed his cereals, put the coat and the little schoolbag that his mother gave him and waited. His mom was throwing frequent worried looks at him. He suspected he wasn't as talkative as usual but hey! It was more than unreal, no?</p><p>In no time, he ended up in a small classroom with bright colors. Many drawings were hung on the walls, a small blackboard was fixed on the largest wall, some four-seated tables were scattered in the room...And woman with a kind smile came to greet his mother. "Mrs Winchester! " Chanted the lady, cheerfully.</p><p> "Hello, Kimy..." Mary replied with a friendly smile.</p><p>"Hey, Dean, sweetie..." Kimy greeted him while tousling his hair. "And hello, Sam..." She smiled bending on his brother's stroller.</p><p>Dean remained petrified. He had no fucking idea of what he was supposed to do. Or to say. Or to think. So, he remained perfectly motionless, pretending perfect indifference...." Dean! " His mother scolded him."It's not because you sulked since this morning that you have to be rude...Say hello to Kimy." She ordered him.</p><p>" 'lo..." He murmured with a contrite smile that he knew perfectly inadequate.</p><p>" Well, Dean...you feel a little under the weather, today? I've never seen you so shy!"  </p><p>" He's like this since this morning, i don't quite know why..." Mary explained, bothered.</p><p>"It's okay...He will quickly resume his old habits and we will not be able to stop him from talking...."</p><p>The two women continued to talk a moment while other parents brought their children. A slightly smaller boy than him waved him, which he answered quickly. And two other boys came quickly to see him. One was brown and had big blue eyes which seemed to eat half of his face while the other was redhead and dotted with freckles. Dean had absolutely no memory of this two boys. " Hey Dean! Come on! " The redhead called, settling on one of the tables.</p><p>Despite him, Dean stepped forward, took one last look to his brother who babbled and looked at his hands, very interested, in his strolled. " How are you? " The ginger asked him. " Hey! You're not gonna believe me! Daddy gave me a baseball glove!"</p><p>"Ho...that's great...."</p><p>And the day went on like this, slowly. Dean had thought at length while listening with a very distracted ear the babbling of the redhead. Azazel was dead. Sam hadn't have any demon blood in him. That meant no power, no demonic army, but nothing prevented an other demon dedicated to the cause of taking over the torch ...Lucifer could still find the way to get out of his cell. But he knew the traps, now. And he had all a life to catch up. However...Could he really become hunter and being part of a family? After all...How could he? "Dean, you're not listening...." Kimy's voice startled him. "Come on, tell me, what's come after C?"</p><p>Dean blinked several times, needing all his concentration to re-locate himself in the present. He wasn't a hunter. He was just an almost 5 years old boy. " D...." He murmured in a weak voice.</p><p>The rest of the day seemed fuzzy. The redhead and the other boy got tired of his silence and left him for another table. And he found himself alone in the playground. The children heckled happily and he noticed that Kimy looked at him with worry. He ended up to isolate himself in a remote corner of the courtyard, where nobody could see him. "Castiel!"  He hailed. “Castiel!"</p><p>"I am here."  Said a voice behind him.</p><p>" Dammit! You still didn't learn that you can't appear behind people!" The little boy scolded.</p><p>" Dean.…"</p><p>" No!" He roared, planting himself in front of the angel. " What am i suppose to do, now? To pretend to be a 4 years old kid? To stumble on the words and to repress all the insults i very much know? To restrain myself from shoving to my mother that I know who she is?!"</p><p>" Yes." Castiel replied calmly.</p><p>" And how am i supposed to do that? huh?! And after?"</p><p>" After, the decision is yours…"</p><p>" But the danger isn't averted...There'll always be demons and ghosts....”</p><p>" Yes." Castiel replied again.</p><p>" So.…"</p><p>" So...You choose. Either you continue and you do your best to prepare yourself, either you live your life and you enjoy the family that you've always dreamed of having. "</p><p>" But the people that we saved....That my father saved…"</p><p>" I am sorry. We can't save everybody."</p><p>" The choice you propose me is fucked up. I can't give up like that.…"</p><p>" Yes you can. And nobody will judge you. "</p><p>" Even your pop?" Dean retorted laconically.</p><p>" It's thank to him that you're here, Dean. "</p><p>" Dean? "A voice near them called and the next moment, Castiel disappeared and Kimy arrived. " Who were you talking to? " She asked.</p><p>" To nobody, m'am."  He whispered trying a smile, still false, but which seemed to reassured the schoolmarm.</p><p>"What's wrong, Dean? David told me you didn’t even say a word to him."</p><p>"Nothing. I'm tired."  He said in a clumsy voice as he tried the puppy’s eyes that Sammy had done so well.…</p><p>" Okay...Come on...." She replied, putting a hand on his shoulder. </p><p>Later, when Mary picked him up, she talked with Kimy for a long time but she seemed reassured when she tenderly took his hand. His mother insisted that he does his homework so he found himself having to complete the alphabet. He had to remind himself to do some mistakes. He had forced himself to look happy, to be cheerful, to stumble on a few words while looking Sammy with tenderness. His mother was surprised when he insisted to feed him but gave in in spite of that. He took good care of him. Obviously.</p><p>			                                                                                                      	--------------------------------------</p><p>"Dad!"</p><p>He couldn't help himself. Seeing his father in the flesh, young and with a smile on his lips had been the last straw of the day. The overflow of emotion. He jumped straight up in his father's arms who received him in a hearty burst of laughter. "Hey champ! You're not in bed yet?"  John said by repositioning him correctly on his hip.</p><p>Dean felt strange, there, in his father's arms. He barely remembered what it felt like to be hugged like this. With sweetness. Just with sweetness. Without pain, despair or distress. It was odd and it was good. "Come on, in bed! " His father claimed by climbing the stair. "Tomorrow, i'm home, i'll be able to spend time with you..." He said, ruffling his hair.</p><p>" Dad..." Dean whispered in his father's neck.</p><p>" Yeah?" John replied while posing him on the bed.</p><p>" It's great that you're here...." Dean murmured softly with serious.</p><p>John raised an eyebrow, shrugged slightly and answered a quick  "you too" by tucking him. "I let the light night on, okay?"</p><p>" No.…"</p><p>" You're sure?"  His father asked, sincerely astonished. Barely 2 days ago, his son did a scandal because he hadn’t scared the monsters under his bed.</p><p>" Yes.…"</p><p>" Okay, little man. Sleep well."  He said, letting the door ajar.</p><p>				                                                                                                 ------------------------------------</p><p>From there, Dean did his best to pretend. He had never been gifted for hypocrisy but dissimulation, he knew. And if at first, he had really felt happy about this life - Witnessing Sammy's first steps in front of the fireplace with his mother leaping for joy and his father priding himself of his youngest precocity was exceptional - the duplicity began to weigh him. And God! He felt so lonely! Castiel was there, of course, but his visits were scarce.</p><p>What is bred in the bone will come out in the flesh, huh...</p><p>Dean ended up isolating himself with time. The company of children of his age didn't interest him and his brother....Sam was still young to understand anything and even if he could talk to him, he couldn't have eased his burden....Because His Sammy was gone. The realization had hit him like a truck. This Sam will not be like the one he had known. The special relationship that bounded him to him could not develop. Ho....He took care of him and Mary seemed delighted by Dean's attention to his younger brother but he would not have to assume that role of protective mother and encouraging father ...He would only be the older brother a little over-protective...Maybe it was alright? Maybe not.</p><p>His parents also went away slowly. Because Dean was an adult at the end of the day, which made him a strange, silent child with jokes that were out of place. His mother was acting as if nothing was happening while he often surprised his father looking at him, frowning, trying; always in vain, to understand his son's thoughts.</p><p>And the days went slowly, the next always looking like the previous one, in this peaceful and so normal life. Dean was aware that his radius of action was drastically limited.</p><p>This is how the year of his 8 years old, he finally chose to move. What could become of Missouri Moseley?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Dean Winchester: 8 years-old</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p>
<p>Hi Everyone! </p>
<p>I hope you're enjoying this story till now and please, feel free to leave a comment even to tell me a mistake of grammar, conjugation or whatever...If it's constructive, it's welcome....Or you can comment just to say hi! It's always a pleasure and a boost to know the story is read and appreciated.....</p>
<p>Thanks by the way and take care!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***********************</p>
<p>Dean Winchester was a young boy of 8 years old. Every other children would specify: " and 2 month!" but not Dean.</p>
<p>Dean Winchester was a discreet boy, who didn't try to draw attention to him, yet all his teachers could tell you how much they noticed him. Dean was quiet and was looking deeply bored in class but his grades were good. Nothing spectacular either. Dean spoke very little to his classmates and seemed to force himself to participate in the other students' games or to collective laughter. However, Dean was obedient and smiling, sometimes even his jokes or hints of humorous were sounding totally incongruous in his mouth. He simply didn't have the kind humor of kids his age.</p>
<p>Dean could be violent. He was never engaging the fights but was certainly finishing them. His withdrawn character was a line thrown to the other children's insults but, quickly, the other boys had  learned they shouldn’t bother Dean Winchester.</p>
<p>Dean was a handsome little boy. With piercing brown-green eyes, short light brown hair and a skin slightly tanned.</p>
<p>And above all, especially, he was an exemplary big brother, who was taking on his time to play with his brother, to answer his innumerable questions and to help him, quite simply. He was being the first to get up when the little Sam had scratched his knee, or was trembling with fear because of the monsters under his bed. Mary often congratulated herself to have a so responsible little boy. John found this devotion exaggerated but was telling himself that it was only temporary.</p>
<p>Dean was also a good liar. For example today, he had said to his mother that he was gonna strolled around in the park, beside home. It was Saturday afternoon, in the middle of March 1987, no reason that his mother refuses. However, Dean was standing there, rather anxious, the finger a few inches from Missouri Moseley's doorbell.</p>
<p>He had thought for a long time about the attitude to have toward her. In fact, he hadn't be sure that revealing himself to her was the best solution. Because he wouldn't be able to hide a lot of things from her. Did he really want her to know everything? On the other side, she was a strong ally, he knew that. Always good advice and in direct connection with the hunting world. At few steps from home, beside that!</p>
<p>He breathed out softly and pushed firmly on the doorbell. He waited some minutes, heart beating furiously, in front of the wood door before that it opened. "Yes? " Said a warm voice.</p>
<p>In face of him was standing a very young Missouri, thinner, and assuredly always so perceptive. On the minute she crossed his eyes, she stepped back and an expression of deep misunderstanding settled on her face. "Hello Missouri!" He said cheerfully, waving his hand, a mocking smile on the lips.</p>
<p>"Who are you lad?"  She asked with distrust.</p>
<p>"Let’s talk about this inside, huh?"</p>
<p>He clearly saw the doubt in her eyes before she steps aside to let him in. Dean's smile was huge and in a way, Missouri was right to distrust the blond head's angelic smile. Because, he was precisely far to be a blond head.</p>
<p>Dean took a look in the room around him. Nothing had really change. The colors were fresher and the furnitures were still gleaming from shop's polish. The young boy was moving with an almost conquering step, full of a trust he didn't have, toward the living room and dropped like a mass in the couch. An old habit gave him the impulse to put his feet on the coffee table but he realized with amusement that he wasn’t reaching it.</p>
<p>Missouri watched the boy moving in the room, at ease, like he knew perfectly where to go. As if he knew the place but she was sure she had never seen the child. She would’ve remembered him…       "So...." She started in a slightly tense voice, taking place in the armchair in front of the couch.</p>
<p>"So....It's up to you to tell me."  The child replied with perkiness.</p>
<p>"Did your mother never teach you good manners?"  She couldn't help herself of saying.</p>
<p>The boy burst of laughing but Missouri noticed the smile wasn’t reaching his eyes. They were sad. And old. Really old. "In this life, yes...." He answered with flippancy. " But it's up to you to tell me what you’re perceiving, right? Go ahead Missouri...Tell me...Who am i? " He murmured with a smile.</p>
<p>Missouri was startled because few people knew for her gift. She was only really starting to set up as "psychic " because helping the hunters routed, that was nice but it was paying very little. "I’m not perceiving anything, precisely."  She whispered softly. "Or rather, a kind of blur....As if…"</p>
<p>"I'm not from here?" The kid replied, gaze lost.</p>
<p>"Who are you?" She repeated.</p>
<p>"Dean Winchester. I live at a few blocks" he said.</p>
<p>"And...?"</p>
<p>"I'm eight years old", he started and Missouri clearly saw he hesitated to add something.…" But in real, i'm almost thirty six"</p>
<p>"Sorry?"</p>
<p>"My name is Dean Winchester.…"</p>
<p>"I got that!" She cut him with annoyance.</p>
<p>"I'm 36 years old and until four years ago, i was a hunter"  </p>
<p>"Hunter?”</p>
<p>"There, i believe we’re speaking the same language" he smiled.</p>
<p>"Did you take me for an idiot, kid? " She whispered.</p>
<p>"No, listen....I was 31 years old when i woke up in my 4 years old's body. In...my old life", Dean hesitated, "my mother was killed during this period. My father became a hunter after that, dragging us, my brother and me.…"</p>
<p>"But you are 8 year old and you are here..." Missouri muttered, getting caught up in the game.</p>
<p>"I was able to prevent the demon to attack. My mother’s alive and my father, still mechanic."</p>
<p>"Let's say i believe you, lad.…"</p>
<p>"Dean", the boy hissed.</p>
<p>"Dean. Let's say i believe you, Dean. Why would you be here, in front of me, if your life has become normal?"</p>
<p>"I’ve my reasons." Dean mumbled, simply.</p>
<p>"That's not enough for me to believe you...It's a give-and-take...If you want me to trust you, you have to give me something concrete.…"</p>
<p>"You're not used to fuzziness, huh?" Dean teased before sighing. "Let's say things won’t go better and that the war with demons is just beginning. "</p>
<p>"The war?"</p>
<p>"Ho yes....the war.…"</p>
<p>"And you want to change things? Alone?"</p>
<p>"But i'm not alone....far from it..." He said, all smile.</p>
<p>"You don't want to know first by what miracle you landed here?" She asked, surprised.</p>
<p>Dean guffawed before shaking his head from right to left. Missouri didn't really know what to think. She wanted to trust the kid but was it cautious? "Let's admit i believe you", she gave in. "What do you want from me?"</p>
<p>"To play the intermediary. "</p>
<p>			                                                                                                                              **********</p>
<p>About ten minutes later, Missouri closed the door on a smiling little boy. She sighed heavily by settling on the couch. She didn't know if what she was doing was right, if it was even logic, but she believed the boy. Her sixth sense has for sure a lot to do with it because she felt that he was trustworthy but it wasn't just that....The child was not one. It was quite obvious when the truth was revealed. The little boy she had seen was quiet and composed as it wasn’t possible to be at 8 years old. He was possessing a dose of sarcasm and irony that was impossible to have so young. And his eyes...She didn't remember to have crossed one day a child with such a look....So heavy. So sad.</p>
<p>She also knew Dean didn't tell her everything. She respected that in a way. She worked with hunters, after all! They weren't exactly known for being chatterbox....</p>
<p>The only question which was bothering her now was to know how she was going to convince this Bobby Singer bugger that the information - of an anonymous hunter-  she was gonna give him were reliable.</p>
<p>Damned good question.</p>
<p>		                                                                                                                                       ***********</p>
<p>Dean went home with a nonchalant step, the mind still turned to the conversation he just had. He had time to think and the only certainty he had was that he couldn't sit idly by when he knew where to find a whole series of ghosts, wendigos or whatever...Without mentioning the few hunts his father had made and of which he had some memories...He couldn't do nothing.</p>
<p>He had then proposed to Missouri to serve of intermediary between the hunters and him. Bobby singer, you heard of him? He said and the psychic's face had worth a look. Bobby was already pretty known in the community; if not for his hunter skills, at least for the real library he had at his home.</p>
<p>The research would be tedious. Very tedious. Internet, i miss you! Good God, it's crazy like we cannot do without things so trivial. "Dean! Didn't you tell me that you were going to the park?" His mother asked when he settled in front of Sam, in the living room.</p>
<p>"Yes. Why?"</p>
<p>"The little Peter told me you weren't there..." She said, approaching.</p>
<p>"I was there", he insisted, "but not with him…"</p>
<p>"Ha....And why?" Asked his mother while sitting in her turn next to her son. "He's a kind boy, right? Why don't you try to be his friend?"</p>
<p>Dean looked his mother for a while. He knew she was worried about his loneliness. Even his father was. But he couldn't really do anything about it.… "No" He answered, simply.</p>
<p>"Why not?" She repeated. " You don't like him? Or there’s James...He’s cool James, isn't he? You loved going to his place when you were younger.…"</p>
<p>"Mom...Could i sign up for a sports class?" Asked Dean, shifting the conversation.</p>
<p>"Sport? What kind? You want to play football? Base-ball?"</p>
<p>"May i?"</p>
<p>"I'll speak to your father but yes, of course....What do you want to do?"</p>
<p>"Self-defense."</p>
<p>                                                                                                                                                            **********</p>
<p>It had been half an hour since his father had returned from work. He should’ve been in bed since a little hour. But he was at the top of the stairs, listening his parent's discussion. "It might help him to socialize... He could make some friends...." Said Mary, looking at her husband.</p>
<p>"Maybe..." He granted. "But why does he want to learn how to fight?"</p>
<p>"He doesn't want to fight, he just want to do like at the TV.…"</p>
<p>"He already tends to fight...It's gonna encourage him, isn't it?" Mumbled John.<br/>
"I don't think so. It's the first time he asks for joining a club, John. It's the first time he wants to go towards others!"</p>
<p>"I know that but.…"</p>
<p>"John.…"</p>
<p>"Yeah, Yeah...he can go to his damn self-defense class..."</p>
<p>				                                                                                                                                          *********</p>
<p>Dean watched his father, leaning against the garage door. John was working on the Impala and Dean could say his dad exactly had the same worship than him for this car. Watching his dad, leaning over the black car, hands full of grease, had the gift of appeasing him. It was something that didn't seem to have been change: His father's love for the classic car. "Dean? " His dad said, straightening up. "You're there since a long time?"</p>
<p>"A little while..." Answered the boy, advancing in the garage.</p>
<p>"Why didn't you said anything?" He asked.</p>
<p>Dean simply shrugged, the eyes deviating on his baby's motor. "It's great you're here, son. It's time you learn few stuff about mechanics...." John rejoiced himself after some minutes of silence.</p>
<p>A huge smile painted itself on the young boy lips and the father was surprised to think that he wasn’t seeing his son smile like that so often. Except when he was with Sam. "Look", murmured John leaning over the motor, "here, it's the brake fluid and there, the coolant and there, the oil level. Just pull on the little tab, here. And this, it's the carburetor..."</p>
<p>Dean listened quietly his dad's explanations. It sent him back to a parking, a cold morning of November, where his father had decided he had to be able to fix the Impala if she broke down. But it wasn’t about ability here. No. His dad just wanted to share his passion with him. He wanted to bring him into his universe. A smile bloomed on his lips and just for moments like this, he knew it was worth it. That the loneliness weighing him wasn't vain. "You know, if it bores you, it's okay...." His dad said, noticing his distraction.</p>
<p>"No, no, it's cool, keep going dad...."</p>
<p>After around twenty minutes of explanation, John started an other conversation, nonchalantly.             "So...How was this first class of self-defense?"</p>
<p>"Not bad. Pretty calm." His son answered.</p>
<p>"Ha....and....Dean why do you want to learn how to fight? Your school's principal already call us at least once a month to tell us you're fighting...." He scolded.</p>
<p>"I don't want to learn how to fight, dad."</p>
<p>"No?" Snapped his dad.</p>
<p>"No. I want to learn how to defend myself."</p>
<p>His son's reply disarmed him completely. He sharply turned back toward him, a ball of worry in the hollow of the belly. "Why Dean? Something happened? Something...bad?" He asked.</p>
<p>"No", Dean reassured him, "but we must be able to defend ourselves..." He insisted.</p>
<p>"Why?"  John repeated.</p>
<p>"Because it's important, dad."  </p>
<p>"Dean....Tell me what is wrong..." Whispered his father.</p>
<p>"Everything is fine. Really. I swear." Dean replied with a smile." Don't worry." John didn't talk to his wife about his son's strange words. If he did, a silent alarm might have vibrated and Mary would have known that something wasn't right.</p>
<p>				                                                                                                                         *************</p>
<p>It's his brother's screams that woke him up that night. He emerged from his sleep with an amazing speed, leaped on his legs and ran to Sammy's room. He stopped at the entrance, reassured. In Sammy's bed, a ball of blanket was sobbing loudly while the little night light in shape of an owl was off. "Hey Sammy...Come out there, would you?" He whispered, sitting on the bed.</p>
<p>" Deaaannn...." Sobbed the smallest, throwing himself in his brother's arms.</p>
<p>"Hey....Buddy...What's going on?" He asked while drawing soothing circles in his back.</p>
<p>"I.....I woke up....and...the light's off....and...monsters under the bed.…"</p>
<p>"Hush", he reassured him softly, "come on, we gotta see why this lamp isn't working anymore, right?"</p>
<p>"No! Stay with me!"</p>
<p>" We’re both going, Sam, come on..." He whispered, helping him to stand up.</p>
<p>"I have to?" Spluttered Sam, eyes still full of water.</p>
<p>"No, course not", his brother smiled, "but it’d be better, don't you think? Like this, you could sleep in peace with light on, right?"</p>
<p>"You stay by me?" Whispered again the little one, sticking to his brother.</p>
<p>"Always" Dean murmured tenderly.</p>
<p>Dean took then the few steps that separated them from the night light with Sam literally hanging to his legs. Once in front of the owl, he spotted immediately the problem, re-inserted the halfway out plug and heard Sam's sigh when the owl start to shine with a warm caramel light again. "So? It's better, right?"</p>
<p>"Yes" Sam approved by doing a marvelous smile.</p>
<p>"Let’s see those monsters, now, huh?"</p>
<p>"You think? They're not 'fraid of light?" He asked with an adorable pout.</p>
<p>"No, not all of them." Dean answered him."Come on..."</p>
<p>He then went to the bed, leaned over and carefully checked that no monster was there. "There's nothing Sam", his brother told him seriously,"take a look too".</p>
<p>Sam squirmed his hands, embarrassed. His dad didn't really take the time to check under the bed, he just told him he already done it and that there was nothing. And most of the time, that was enough for Sam. And it was his mommy that had told him the monsters were afraid of the light. Neither of the two asked Sam to check on his own. Neither of them urged him to get out of bed when the night light went off. Dean was doing it. And him, he was doing it for Dean. Because nothing could happen to him with Dean. So Sam crouched down and looked under the bed. He saw nothing but a few dust bunnies. "Nothing" He exclaimed with contentment.</p>
<p>"Nothing at all", emphasized his brother straightening up. "Go on, in bed sleepy head. I'm proud of you, Sam. You were very brave."</p>
<p>"True?"</p>
<p>"Of course", approved Dean.</p>
<p>" I call you 'gain for monsters?"</p>
<p>" Whenever you want, Sammy". Dean whispered, kissing his forehead.</p>
<p>" It doesn't exist monsters?" Asked finally his little brother, with a sleepy voice. Dean smiled sadly, kissed his forehead once more, while murmuring him sweet dreams, under his caramel owl's eyes.</p>
<p>				                                                                                                              	*********************</p>
<p>“Hey, Winchester!” Snapped Wilfried.</p>
<p>Dean sighed heavily, turning back to the other boy. Wilfried Tibbs was older than him by two years. He was a sturdy boy, with golden blond hair who terrified the school's children. All except him. And that's what Wilfried didn’t digest. “So, like that, you're nuts?” Said the boy to no one in particular.</p>
<p>“What are you talking about, Wilfried?”</p>
<p>“I heard my mother and yours talking the other day and well, your mother said she was worry for his little baby Dean....And she even said you were weird!” Insisted Wilfried, sneering while some others boys were laughing.</p>
<p>“Must say she's right, your mom!” Exclaimed Jaël Smith, the inseparable of Wilfried. “You're really a weirdo!”</p>
<p>Dean sighed of annoyance, not only in the face of the behaviors of the two boys but also because of his mother's comments. It had to happen one day. An adult's mind in a child's body, it was a lot less easy to hide than you’d think. “You're pathetic...” He sighed.</p>
<p>“What? What do you said?” Snapped Wilfried, frowning. Dean sighed once more, well aware that Wilfried was not doing a style effect but that he simply didn't understand the word that he had used. Well....He was ten.</p>
<p>“I said....You're pitiful!” He said, more clearly. Wilfried grunted before throwing himself on him. Dean dodged him easily by stepping aside while letting his leg dragging behind. Wilfried sprawled on the ground in an unmanly squeak. Jaël, slimmer than his friend but faster too, darted to punch Dean's face but the latter intercepted the blow and returned the wrist of Jaël in his back before....</p>
<p>“Dean!” The boy turned around quickly at the roaring voice of his mother. Mary was standing a few steps from them and had certainly attended a good part of the scene.</p>
<p>“Come here, Dean! We're going back!” She snapped, the fists on his hips and hairy eyes. Dean sighed with weariness. God, being a child is hard! On a nonchalant pace, he went to his mother who grasped roughly his hand, while starting to move forward.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe it!” She glared at him. “You were fighting! Again! What do you want to do? Get you expel from the school?”</p>
<p>“We were just in front of the school, outside the building enclosure. So, this was not a school matter or Mrs Popkrick’s, the principal.”  He said on a delighted tone. </p>
<p>“And that makes you laugh?” Yelled his mother. “That’s all you’re doing! Fighting!”</p>
<p>“I wasn't fighting....” He denied.</p>
<p>“Oh? And what were you doing, Dean?” His mother asked him, torn between anger and weariness.</p>
<p>“I was defending myself”. He answered merely.</p>
<p>“You were defending yourself...” She repeated.</p>
<p>“Yes...What would you have preferred? That i let myself be push around like a stupid whiner?”</p>
<p>“No rudeness”, snapped his mother once more with a sharp tone, looking at him carefully, “and you won’t go to your self-defense classes anymore”. She added.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Promise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p>
<p>A small small chapter for a so important promise...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So....You understood, huh? Sam sleeps and isn't going to wake up so don't worry about that and if you're hungry or want to nibble, there's plenty in the fridge but don't touch at the cooker, okay?” Reminded him his mom.</p>
<p>“Yes, mom. Don't worry.”  He replied with a smile.</p>
<p>“And if you have the slightest problem, there is the garage's number on the fridge and you know you can always go to the neighbors. Annie will always be eager to help you, okay?”</p>
<p>“Yes, mom, it’ll be okay. Sam sleeps and i'll sleep, too”</p>
<p>“Mary, hurry...” Mumbled John. “See you tomorrow, son. Behave and take care of your brother”, he said tousling his hair.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah....I’m coming....” Replied his mom. “Be careful, angel”. She whispered, kissing his forehead.</p>
<p>“It's just one night, mom”. Dean reminded her, gently.</p>
<p>“It's the first time we leave you alone with Sam”. She corrected him.</p>
<p>“But it's the night....Nothing serious. We’ll sleep.” </p>
<p>Once his parents had passed the front door, Dean had to restrain himself to sigh of relief. A colleague of his father was retiring and a small party was organized at the garage. His parents had hesitated to accept given they hadn't found a baby-sitter. That’s when Dean had declared he could very well take care of Sam for one night. My god, what's a fuss! His mom had entered into all her states...Fortunately his dad had calmed her. After many discussions between adults, his parents had decided to accept.</p>
<p>Dean sighed once more. Formerly, Dean had took care of Sam as soon as he had been able to take him in his arms with safety. Suffice to say long before his 8 years old. But today, at this moment, his mother was reluctant to confide him his brother and it's only under his father's pressure and inducement she had gave in.</p>
<p>Dean sighed again, heavily this time. Because all of this was tiring him. He had an idyllic child life. Really. He had a beautiful and loving mother, a mechanic/former military dad who would like very much to come and see his baseball games, an adorable little brother with whom he got on well, a home and a roof above his head. A real dream life for a little boy. But here it is...He wasn’t a little boy. He was a 36 years old man, tired of playing the role of a boy. He really though he had used up all his acting resources.… “You're on the good path, Dean.” A voice behind him startled him.</p>
<p>“Cas...” He murmured as an answer.</p>
<p>“How are you going?” The angel asked him sincerely.</p>
<p>“Don't you know? Don't you watch over me from your little cloud?” He taunted, a mocking smile on the lips.</p>
<p>“Only sometimes”. Retorted Castiel, seriously. Dean smiled. A real smile like his parents saw very little. It was so good to see Castiel again.</p>
<p>“I'm tired.” He merely said. </p>
<p>“Loneliness is weighing on your shoulders”</p>
<p>“You could say that”</p>
<p>“I'm here, you know. Always. You can call me whenever you want. I will always be there for you”.</p>
<p>“It looks like a promise, Cas....”</p>
<p>“It is”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Dean Winchester: 9 years-old</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Silence was reigning in the house. 11 p.m. had just struck the clock and Mary got in her eldest son’s room. </p><p>John was sleeping loudly in the matrimonial bed after a busy day of work and Sam was sleeping peacefully in his room with spatial patterns. Mary wasn’t finding sleep.</p><p>Leaning against the door jamb, she was watching Dean sleep. He wasn’t sleeping quietly like his brother. No, his sleep seemed restless and indistinct murmurs were escaping his lips. It wasn’t a lead sleep like his father’s either. No, even asleep, Dean seemed tensed.<br/>
The child fidgeted even more in his sleep and a wince of pain animated his features. Mary approached her son and, delicately, ran a hand in his hair.</p><p>When she found out she was pregnant, she had been afraid. A horrible fear. It had been almost 5 years ago that she had gave up hunting. Five years that her parents had died killed by this mysterious demon. Five years that she made the deal. A shiver ran down her spine when she thought about it. The deal was still not completed and the date was largely passed now. </p><p>So, when she had seen the double blue lines appear on the pregnancy test, she had panicked. How could she have raise a child properly? She had grown surrounded by weapons and ghosts. She used to disassemble and mount guns when other little girls were playing dolls. How could she have given solid and healthy foundations to a child?</p><p>But she had done it. Dean was born, chubby and perfect, and she had played her mom role. She had offered a normal life to her sons. Dean had grown in a cheerful home where the monsters hide only under the bed, in the depths of the night.</p><p>But Dean was strange. Weird, other would say. Mary didn't think it had anything to do with her own past. She had never did anything for. None of her doing could have lead Dean to be so...withdrawn. She couldn't even consider that her history could’ve rubbed off so much on her son.</p><p>However, Dean was special. At times, he was fearfully calm for a 9 years old kid and other times, was joking widely using a doubtful humor. More than once, his teacher had brought her dubious jokes and remarks that had nothing to do in the mouth of a child of that age. Mary had first thought to chew out John for teaching him such words but in real, it wasn't really John's kind to talk like that. And certainly not in front of his son. Mary had no idea where Dean had heard such remarks.</p><p>Likewise, Mary was sometimes stunned by the look of her boy. Serious and sad green eyes. The flame of joy and childhood curiosity which shone in Sam's was truly erased in Dean's. Her heart sank at this thought.</p><p>Mary was ashamed to admit it and she would never say those words aloud but sometimes...Sometimes, she was ill-at-ease with Dean. Sometimes, she had the impression of being in front of a stranger. She knew John felt the same. Sufficed to see the relationship he had with Sam and the one he had with Dean. There was, by moment, so much distance between their son and them...But he was only nine years old!</p><p>Mary held back a sigh, running a light hand in her son's short hair. This one turned again in his bed. Her son might be special and a discomfort could seize her from times to times...She'd never stop loving her child.</p><p>In a sweet gesture full of love, she kissed his forehead. The child calmed instantly.</p><p>					                                                                                                ***********</p><p>Dean took a look behind him, the teacher was busy with other children; she wasn’t paying attention to him. The directive was to find a book that you’d like to read and summarize it. They will come back many times at the public library to achieve that. Dean was counting to use this time wisely...He would take advantage of it to request a subscription. Contemplating this thought, Dean shook his head. Sam would have make fun of him to no end. Dean Winchester subscribing to a public library? He’ll have really seen everything....</p><p>For now, make a list of the cases his brother and him had solved and see which ones could be resolved at the moment. The most difficult thing wouldn't be to remember places but to give enough details for Bobby to be convinced of his conclusions. Himself would think twice if someone presented him with a resolute affair which need only the end point. Few hunter trust other and it was normal. You never know other's skills....</p><p>After about ten minutes of concentration, he had finished an enough exhaustive list:</p><p> <i>   • Jericho,  <b>California </b>. Suicide of Constance Welsh (1983) after the murder of his two children by drowning. Husband alive. Adultery. Woman in white. Drive her in her home. Children's ghosts.<br/>
• Black Water Ridge, Lost Creek, <b> Colorado </b>. Coordinates 35-11. Disappearance all 23 years. 1982-1959-1936. Wendigo.<br/>
• Lake Manitoc, <b> Wisconsin </b>. 1970, accidental death of Peter Sweeney, drown by his classmates whose Bill Carlton, Jake ? , Revenge. Corpse in the lake.<br/>
• Rockford,<b> Illinois </b>. Roosevelt asylum. South wing. Dr. Sanford Ellicot. Killed during the riot of 1964. Crazy scientist. Corpse into a chest in a secret room in the basement. Many harmless ghosts of<br/>
patients. WARNING: Doc can manipulate us!<br/>
• Burckitsville,<b> Indiana </b>. Pagan God of Prosperity, Vanir: Fertility rite for harvest by scarecrow. Human sacrifices. Energy comes from a sacred tree (old apple tree) = Burn it! Haley and Stacy Jorgeson. Scotty. </i></p><p>There was of course many other hunts and if Dean could have had access to more news or information of other town or region, he could have find more. But there....He was in a public library in a little town of the Kansas and without internet! It was the best he could do for the moment. Many people would already be saved if they intervened before the moment where Sam and him had intervened in the future. Little Lucas Bar's father would be save and the kid wouldn't have to undergo the influence of Peter's ghost, Emily's parents may be saved before they are sacrificed. “Dean?” His teacher's voice said behind him. “You found a book?”</p><p>“Yes, m'am”. He answered calmly by tending to her the first potable book that came to hand.</p><p>“My first mechanic's book?” She read with surprise. He could only smile....</p><p>					-----------------------------</p><p>“You'll find a way!” Snapped Dean, pacing up and down Missouri's living room.</p><p>“Oh yeah? And how?”</p><p>“I don't fucking know! You are the psychic, right?!”</p><p>“Dean Winchester, no rudeness!” Scolded him again the young woman.</p><p>Dean stopped nimbly in the room, turned around toward her and stared at her. “Don't talk to me like a kid!” He roared. “I'm older than you, in reality!”</p><p>“In reality, you are 9 years old and a bit, yeah”....She hissed.</p><p>“I'm 37 years old, i'm a hunter and you're the only one with who i can be myself, so don't lecture me like a kid!”</p><p>He couldn't decently tell her the truth. There, she would take him for a madman! Who would believe someone - a kid, in this case- claiming that an angel who was by the way, a friend; had made him leap into the past because war against the devil was about to be lost? Dean imagined his head very well if he told her that he had spent a whole year searching God.… “Listen, Dean....” Missouri said with what looked like sympathy....”I'm not acquainted with Bobby Singer in particular but i know that, even if i beg him on my knees, he'll not accept those cases...” She explained by depositing the list on the living room's wood table.</p><p>“I know him!” Insisted Dean. “If we can prove to him that one of the affairs is true or if we could bring him proofs....”</p><p>“And how would we do that, Dean? Do i look like a hunter?” Scolded the young woman. “And you? You will ask permission from your parents to hunt, maybe?”</p><p>“No”, Dean answered quietly, “they wouldn't want…”</p><p>“They know about hunting?” Asked Missouri astonished, frowning.</p><p>Dean seemed consider the reply a moment before answering her with a voice far too bitter for a child. “My mom was hunter. In another life.”</p><p>“In another life?”</p><p>“In her past, i mean....I already told you she was dead where i come from....”</p><p>“Yes so...” Said Missouri to dispel the uneasiness that threatened to settle down...”I think i can call someone else. Another hunter could go on the spot to research solid proofs which could convince Bobby.”</p><p>“Who are you thinking about?” Asked the boy, concentrate.</p><p>“Jim Murphy”, she tried, not knowing if the kid knew him. The appreciative nod answered her.</p><p>					------------------------</p><p>Missouri gently bit her lower lip while taking the phone with one hand. Her other hand ran a moment above the digits...She didn't quite know how she will present the case to Jim, either. The man was certainly much more conciliatory than Bobby Singer and most of the hunters, but he was still a hunter. Could she tell him the truth? No....No. She couldn't tell him without talking to Dean first. The boy - She couldn't call him kid or child, that just didn't sound right- had succeeded to gain her whole trust during the year that had just passed. Dean wasn't a child and sometimes, she thought he seemed even too old for being a middle-age adult.</p><p>By sighing, she composed the phone number and soon, a posed voice answered her. <i>“Hello?” </i></p><p>“Jim? It's Missouri....”</p><p><i>“It's been a while, Missouri...” </i> Pointed out the other and she could almost sense his smile.</p><p>“Yes, too long no doubt”. She admitted.</p><p>
  <i>“Why are you calling me? A...professional issue?”</i>
</p><p>“We could say that...” She mumbled. “I’ve a favor to ask you”.</p><p>
  <i>“Which is?”</i>
</p><p>“At Jericho, in California, a woman in white may be active...I need you to go to the scene and bring me proofs…”</p><p><i>“Proofs? You don't rather want me to kill her, instead?” </i> Asked the pastor, deadpanned.</p><p>“Yeah, of course. But i need proofs that she's there, you understand?”</p><p>
  <i>“As?”</i>
</p><p>“His former husband's testimony, the ones of the neighbors, her story....Okay?”</p><p><i>“Why are you asking me this?” </i> Jim wanted to know and Missouri knew he was sincerely surprise.</p><p>“It's a favor. Please.”</p><p>
  <i>“You don't have any trouble, do you?”</i>
</p><p>“No, i assure you. Everything is fine, Jim”.</p><p>
  <i>“Well...I bring it to you as soon as the job is done, okay?”</i>
</p><p>“Thanks, Jim.” The young psychic sighed, hung up the handset and moaned against Dean. How was she going to justify that?</p><p>					------------------------------</p><p>“Where have you been, Dean?” Asked his mother, once inside. </p><p>“Er....Outside?” He tried, a bantering smile one the lips.</p><p>“Don't play with me, Dean...” She hissed, furiously – Dean could have sworn that Sam, his Sam, had the same expression when he was really angry- “We said the park, just the park” she continued.</p><p>“I was there!” He insisted but that increased tenfold his mother's wrath.</p><p>“Don't take me for a fool, Dean Winchester! Peter Mcpherson told me he saw you leave barely arrived.”</p><p>Dean grumbled and bitched against this Peter fool...This kid was a real pain in the ass! “And you prefer to believe him than your own son?” He hissed in an angry voice.</p><p>“So....i took advantage of it to take your brother to the park and guess what?”</p><p>“You didn't see me...” He continued, annoyed.</p><p>“Exact. Where have you been?” She repeated.</p><p>“Anywhere, everywhere....i was hanging out...”</p><p>“Hanging out?” She hissed. “You’re grounded until further notice! And tell me where you were!”</p><p>“I said i was hanging out!” He replied in a tired voice.</p><p>“Oh yes? Well...Go hang out in your room! I'll call you for supper!” Dean sighed again but obeyed nonetheless to his mother. This form of authority was new to him...Well, new of five years....But, in spite of the time, he had trouble getting used to it. He wasn't used to it. Ho....He knew his father's strict tone. His strict tone which made you goose bumps and quickly pass the urge to respond....but it wasn't the same authority. Nor the same priority...  His father would certainly not have shouted at him because he was out even at nine years old. At that age already, he managed Sam's needs so it was he who was doing the shopping...A basket in one hand and Sam's little hand in the other. His father didn't care to know if his room was tidy or his grades were good. Great God! He barely cared of his boys' friends as long as they did what he asked...and that they were safe.</p><p>Dean knew his father had done as he could. The best he could. But when it's about kids, sometimes, even the best isn't enough. His father had no doubt worried for them, in the same way that every other parents at one point: Will he fall into delinquency? Is he taking drugs?...Or maybe it had just gone over his head. Maybe that in the world of John Winchester the hunter, his children couldn't fall into delinquency and drugs. His children couldn't be so insecure that they come to think about suicide. No...No way. Because they had to hunt. And that was so much more important than everything else...</p><p>Dean thought he had always understood his father. But he had discovered he didn't know him at all. That he would never really understand him. He didn't know his thoughts, his feelings, his motives, his regret for them...On the other hand, he knew he loved them, Sam and him. And, in a way, it was enough, right?</p><p>When Dean closed his room's door behind him, he sighed heavily. On the contrary to what one might think, he had planed everything. The earlier he will start hunting, the better. The lack of physical training was a flaw. He couldn't really train like he would have like to do...He already ran as much as he could: during breaks, on school trips,...Once the homework done, he was trying to harden his body. He was doing push-ups and abs... Not too much but already enough to make it remarkable at his age. Thanks to that, he was rather slim for his age and his build and shoulders width were equivalent to that of an 11-year-old. “Dean! Supper is ready!” Hailed her mother, two hours later.</p><p>Meal was tense. Mary wasn’t understanding his son's attitude, in perpetual rebellion, even if it was silent. Dean ate quietly, feeling his mother's heavy eyes weighing on him. His feelings toward her was still confuse. Really confuse. He doubted to succeed to clear them up one day. Sammy was watching the scene as we watch a tennis match. Turning his head, sometimes to his mother, sometimes to his brother.</p><p>Dean sighed longingly and gently pushed back his plate. He didn't want to hurt his parents but it was the best solution....At least, for now. The most important was always to protect Sam. And he couldn't do it properly if his family was involved in one way or another in the hunting world. Farther his brother was of that, the better. “Go wash up”, ordered his mother. “You'll stay in your room until tomorrow.”</p><p>Dean nodded, not wanting to aggravate his situation. Briefly, he wondered how his mother will react during his teens where, for sure, he will take more liberty that she'll want.</p><p>He heard his father back from work and he could see from here the discussion they’ll have : His mom explaining the incident to his dad, his grumbling and the anger that arise. He’d blame Mary to have allowed him to go to the park. His mom’d retort that she couldn't sequester him at home. John would end by sighing, giving her reason. He would go up see him after the meal.</p><p>Frowning, Dean wondered if his parents will decide to send him to see a shrink....It was something that he hadn't really planed. In fact, his parent's reaction was unpredictable....Because he hadn't really known his mother and his father was another man. “Dean...”</p><p>His brother's voice called him from the hall. Dean hesitated a brief moment but, great God, it's not a punishment which will prevent Dean Winchester to respond at his brother's call. “Dean!”</p><p>It was half past eight. Sammy was in bed since half an hour. Dean gently pushed his brother's bedroom door and fell on a spatial setting. On the walls, rockets, stars and astronauts were resting peacefully. Strangely, the night light in shape of owl was still there although it remained off most of the time. Sam wasn’t scared of darkness. Dean had explained him well that every time he thought he had monsters under his bed, he could call him. Most of the time, Dean checks, invite him to do the same and Sam realizes that there is nothing. Since, Sam does it alone and there is never a monster. Dean never told him that monsters didn't exist, he simply told him that they weren’t hiding  under his bed. “Hey, little man...what's up?”</p><p>But today was different. Because the danger didn't come from under the bed but from the window. A tree's branch was behind it. It was bumping into a thump and was drawing a scary shadow behind the curtains. The rain and the wind weren’t helping. “There!” Whispered Sammy pointing his finger toward the window.</p><p>“And what’s there?” Asked Dean.</p><p>“There is something behind the window...” Whispered again his little brother.</p><p>“And what do you think it is?”</p><p>“Don't know....A monster?”</p><p>“A monster? Let's go and see, would you?”</p><p>Sam sighed but knew he couldn't escaped it. So, he got up and joined his brother in the middle of the room. “Come on, just go!” Encouraged him his brother.</p><p>Sam hesitated. Usually, when his brother comes, it's always him who went first. So...he hesitated, he was scared. “I'm here, Sammy,” reassured him his eldest, “you know i'll never let anything happen to you, right?”</p><p>“Yes!” Answered Sam with the determination of a 5 years old kid. His little fists tight along his body, Sammy walked toward the window. Behind it, the branch mimed a bony hand with sharp claws....Or at least, it is what a 5 years old boy's imagination saw. Once in front of the window, Sam turned back to his brother. Dean smiled and encouraged him to push the curtains with a wave of hand. Sam took a deep breath and went on. And he sighed greatly when he saw the branch hit against the window in small regular knocking. “So?” Asked his eldest. “A monster?”</p><p>“No...” He smiled, turning back. “Just a branch!”</p><p>“Yeah...It's great Sam. You're fucking brave!” Dean gratified him. But instead of smiling, Sam widened his eyes by cladding his hands on his mouth. “What? What's going on?”</p><p>“You said a bad word!” Sam accused him by pointing at him. Dean fixed him a few seconds before bursting of laughter.</p><p>“Yes, i said a bad word....” he repeated, hilarious...”Don't repeat it to the parents, okay?”</p><p>“k'ay....”</p><p>“Come on, in bed, buddy....” Murmured Dean bringing his little brother back to his bed. The little boy sneaked into it quickly and grasped his brother's sleeve.</p><p>“No!” Protested the youngest. “Stay with me!”</p><p>“You're still afraid?”</p><p>“No!” Contradicted him Sam. “But i want you stay with me!”</p><p>“Until you fall asleep....” He nodded quietly while lying down over the blankets.</p><p>Ten minutes later, Sam had fall asleep under Dean's cuddle who is gently brushing his hair. And soon, he heard the heavy step of his father in the stair. He didn't really have time to get up to go back to his room...Never mind… “I thought your mom told you that you couldn't leave your room...” Whispered his father, at the entrance of the room.</p><p>“He called me...” Replied merely the boy.</p><p>“Come on...We need to talk...” Dean didn't argue, he gently broke free of his brother's sprawling arms while being careful not to wake him up and went to his own room, where his father was waiting, sitting on his bed. “Come here...” John breathed in his gruff and tender voice at once. So different from the father he had known. “Your mom told me you disobeyed her”.</p><p>Dean sighed heavily in a perfect imitation of the child he should have been. “So...” Insisted his dad. “It's important Dean, you can't do what you want like that...If we tell you you can't go to the park, there are reasons.” John continued.</p><p>Dean felt his father's look on his neck. He knew he was waiting for some reactions of his part, that he asks which ones and that John would be happy to explain them to him. But Dean is tired of pretending so he said nothing and simply listened his dad. “If we always want to know where you are, it's because outside, there are bad people. Really naughty men with little boys like you. And we are afraid of what could happen to you, do you understand? At the park, we are sure there are always someone who is there, a neighbor or the other children who could call us if you have a problem....Dean?”</p><p>He still didn't respond. He listened with a distracted ear his father's speech, marveling internally of his patience. He felt an old rancor tainted of bitterness growl in his belly. Living a childhood again had reopened wounds he hadn’t thought to have or, at least, to have closed since an eternity. He was angry with his father. So much. And it was maybe because of that he was limiting himself not to answer him. To avoid telling him inconsistent and unfair things. This John was the perfect picture of the loving and understanding father. Dean was perceiving even more the drama his father had lived. “Dean, look at me!” Scolded his father's voice, harder now. “You won’t disobey us anymore and mainly, above everything, you don't lie to us!” He added, severely. “Where were you?”</p><p>“I already told mom...I was hanging out. I'm fed up with the park...It's always the same things with the same morons.”</p><p>He heard the breath John took to calm himself while wondering how far he could go before John became as authoritarian and abrupt as he can be. “Well, you will have all the leisure to not go to the park. You are grounded in your room for two weeks. You go to school, you come home from school, no detour. Is it clear?”</p><p>“Yes, dad.” John got up, the face annoyed. The conversation hadn't go as he hoped. Why was his son - of nine years old, Dear God- behaving like this? The discussion which had been more of a monologue than a real conversation, had been useless. His son had remained closed up, hermetic to theirs words. John foresaw his eldest son’s teenage years will be rough. Very rough.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Encounter of the third kind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, hello everyone!</p><p>Let’s say I’m not a specialist about kids, I don’t have kids or have kids around….So, I’m not particularly aware of the abilities of a 5-years-old...So, sorry if it’s totally off the mark….</p><p>Take care, and thank ya all!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Being grounded sucked. But like...so fucking much!</p><p>As far as he remembered, his father had never needed to punish him. The rules were simple - Watch over your brother!- and Dean would never knowingly transgress them. His life had come down to questions of life and death. Except one time which had served him well of lesson. The only times his father had found fault with his behavior, he certainly hadn't grounded him in his room. No. His father had preferred hairy eyeballs and to punish him with a heavy silence and guilt. Racking his brain, he remembered of few times where his father had sit him down at a table to give him whole texts of exorcism to translate and rewrite. But he didn't remember if it was a punishment or a necessity for a hunt or another...</p><p>Any way, being grounded was a pointless, boring and totally fruitless punishment. The only good point was that was giving him time with Sammy.</p><p>Dean restrained himself from rolling his eyes when he passed in front of his mother. She seemed to think that two weeks were far from enough....He wouldn't have thought Mary more sever and uncompromising than John. Although in the end, he shouldn't have doubted; She was the hunter, not him.</p><p>As every day, Sam was already sit when he got in the living room. His little brother distractedly nibbled the tips of his pencil while he looked at his homework with a sulky air. “Well, Sammy....If your eyes could kill, this poor sheets would already be dead!”</p><p>Sam's face cleared up and it was eyes full of malice and good-humored that landed on Dean. It was the effect he had on his little brother. Dean could make Sam smile instantly. He could dry his tears with one word and comfort him with a single look. Everybody could see it, John and Mary foremost. </p><p>Anyway, that’s why he was here, now. At 5 years old, Sam didn't really have homework but he liked more than anything doing like Dean. So, he took his little books and Dean was happy to help him… “So, Sammy, what's the matter?” Dean said approaching his brother to kiss his forehead.</p><p>“Don't know where I’ve to go!” Told his brother showing him briskly his paper.<br/>
Dean craned his neck to see what it was about. Sam was an alert little boy, clever, with an incredible  thirst for learning...To tell the truth, Dean didn't remember a Sammy as smiling and fulfilled. Seeing what little boy he should’ve been, Dean figured it was no wonder. Sam's thirst for learning had not really been able to be quenched.....Here, now, their mother bought him many early learning books and tons of little educational games that made the youngest one happy.</p><p>The game on which his little brother was stuck was a kind of arrow maze where the child had to just acknowledge the direction of the arrow and follow it. He knew how to follow a given direction but the exercise was getting tough. The arrow was at right angle: it went on the right to go down afterwards. “What do you think, Sammy?”</p><p>“Don't know! That's why i ask you!” Answered Sam with obviousness.</p><p>“Well...Think!” His brother encouraged him. “Look...Where is the tip of the arrow?”</p><p>“On the bottom...So...I go bottom?”</p><p>“Exactly! That's good, Sam!”</p><p>“But it goes straight ahead!” Marveled Sam, candidly, frowning in such a grimace of concentration that Dean had to hold back a tender smile.</p><p>“Yes”, he replied, “but it's the tip that’s important. Okay?”</p><p>“K'ay!”</p><p>“Hum hum!” Their mother cleared her throat. “It's nice to help your brother Dean but did you finish your homework?”</p><p>“No, it’ll be finish in ten minutes”. Murmured Dean by dropping heavily beside Sam. Mary sighed and turned back to the kitchen to cook the meal. She had nothing to say at Dean about his homework, his son always had correct grades or even very good ones. In the living room, Dean made silent winces under the silent laughter of his brother.</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>“There, Dean...” Mrs Mcpherson said by handing him ten dollars. “You did good...” She certified with a smile. Dean replied to her with a polite smile thrusting the money into the pocket of his jeans. If mowing lawns hadn't been one of his habits, he was certainly used to it, now! Well...He had to find some money somewhere, right?</p><p>As soon as the two weeks had passed, the first thing he had asked to his mother was to know if he could work in the neighborhood to make some pocket money. His mom had accepted, thrilled, seeing there an occasion for him to meet people, make some friends,...Dean saw it as a simple way to get money with his parents’ total approval. They certainly thought he’d buy a new bike or a real leather baseball glove...But no, Dean was planning something else for this money.</p><p>Swiftly, he turned back home. It was Wednesday afternoon and the sun was shinning valiantly in spite of the thick layer of cottony cloud which barred the way. He pushed the door abruptly and, although, his mother's voice didn't take long to rise. “Easy with the door, Dean!”</p><p>Mary appeared in the lobby, Sammy in her arms. He had a red face, puffy and sleepy eyes and was sweating profusely. “Your brother has a fever”, she explained, “the doctor said it’s a simple flu. It's not serious. I’m gonna give him a bath to bring down the fever, you're behave, ok?”</p><p>“I come with you!” Claimed Dean, already walking toward the bathroom. “How much?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“His fever? How much?”</p><p>“101,3”, answered his mother.</p><p>“Okay”, he nodded, “take care of him and i run a bath at 98”. Mary didn't have time to answer than, already, his eldest was running upstairs. She sighed before a smile come to tickle her lips. Dean was always so considerate with his brother...She wondered if every big brother were as attentive to their younger sibling. She doubted it. All the other mothers were deploring many arguments and squabbles. When she thought about it, she wanted to say that Dean was behaving almost like a parent towards Sammy. She didn't like this explication. For a strange reason, it made her uncomfortable.</p><p>					--------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>
“There, ten dollars....” Dean handed the money to James Collins. James was a boy of his age and of the neighborhood. His mother had told him again and again to befriend him. Well...She will be filled, soon.</p><p>“Okay”, said the other boy by pocketing the money. “So, we go and see your mom, we say that you’re coming to my home for the afternoon and that's it”.</p><p>“That's it”, nodded Dean. “And we’re gonna first agree on some things if she asks questions, okay? We’re just gonna spend the afternoon in your room to read comics”</p><p>“Till when?”</p><p>“Hmmm....Let's say 5 p.m. I won’t eat with your folks...” James nodded and both headed towards Dean's home. It was at two street of James'. When they arrived in front of the house, Mary was kneeling in the garden, a small shovel in her hands. Sam was playing calmly with a ball and his face lit up when he saw his brother.</p><p>“Dean! You come playing with me?” He asked rapidly by leaping literally on him. Mary raised her head and smiled in front of the antics of her youngest son. Her stare became questioning when she noticed James, not far away behind Dean. “No, Sammy. Not now. Tomorrow, okay?”</p><p>“Pleaaassseee!” Sam whined, pulling on his sleeve.</p><p>“No, Sammy.” Dean insisted, ruffling his hair.</p><p>“But...”</p><p>“No but, Sam”. Went on Dean with a posed tone. “Later, okay? If you want, we’ll even play with one of your stupid educational game tonight, okay?”</p><p>“True?”</p><p>“Of course, Buddy.”</p><p>Sam's smile was dazzling and the boy left silently playing with his ball. Dean had a brief smile before turning back towards his mother who had observed the scene with an interested eye. “Well, mom....May i spend the afternoon with James? His big sister will be there.”</p><p>“How old is she?” Asked his mother.</p><p>“16 year old.” Answered James with a weak smile.</p><p>Dean saw his mother hesitate but he knew he had already won. She was hoping so much for him to make friends. She couldn't refuse him an afternoon with some boy of his age. Furthermore, she knew James and had no fear about this said attendance. “Of course...Go on. Be nice, okay? It's kind of you, James....”</p><p>“It's nothing, m'am”. Mumbled James, as red as a tomato. Ten dollars for convincing the sister to play along and ten minutes later, Dean found himself in front of Missouri's door. He rang one time. Two times. Knocked - or rather, drummed- at the door and rang a third times before it opens.</p><p>But instead of seeing Missouri and her eternal little smirk, it's a very young Jim Murphy, still wearing a deceptive white collar who opened to him. “Uh....Yes? Can i help you, kid?”</p><p>				----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>The coffee burned his throat and his esophagus in passing but he persisted in drinking the whole cup. He had drove all night to be at Missouri at dawn. And the recent hunt caught up with him. It weighed on his eyelids. “Another cup, Jim? “Asked Missouri, a smile on her lips.</p><p>“Gladly, Missouri, thanks....” He sighed, pushing his cup towards her.</p><p>“So?” She went on by serving him coffee. “This hunt?”</p><p>“A Wendigo as you had predicted.” He answered, which made her laugh.</p><p>“I didn't predict anything at all, my friend.”</p><p>“Then who?” He said, frowning.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter. What does, however, is the list i sent you....”</p><p>“Are you sure about all those hunts?” He inquired, browsing through the said list.</p><p>“As certain as for the wendigo.”</p><p>“I take it, then.” He retorted by stuffing it in his pocket.</p><p>“Good. Moreover, Singer will have to be made aware”.</p><p>“Bobby? Why?” Wondered the other. “I doubt he accepts hunts from nowhere, just like that!”</p><p>“That's why we called you in scout, Jim.” Claimed Missouri.</p><p>“Why is it so important he knows? I’ll finish those hunts, you know?”</p><p>“I don't doubt it, Jim. But it’ll not be the only list....And furthermore, it's the author's request.”</p><p>Jim didn't answer. This business was weird. If a hunter was finding hunts, why was he not carrying them out? Why send others instead? And, above all, why wanting to remain anonymous? His reasoning was interrupted by his stomach which cried hungry. “I bring you a sandwich right now, Jim”. She smiled.</p><p>The man found himself lonely seated and pulled out the list from his pocket. The data were precise, quite enough at any case so that the hunter had to go on spot. Once again, why not staying to finish the case?</p><p> <i>Ding Dong </i></p><p>Missouri still being in the kitchen, Jim got up to go and open. When he opened the door, he firstly thought there was no one, then he looked down and saw the boy. It was a child of a dozen years who gave him back his astonished look. He was dark blond and his green eyes seemed to detail him unceremoniously. “Uh....Yes? Can i help you, kid?”</p><p>The boy still looked at him for a while with this scrutinizing look before smiling widely. “Missouri is there?” Asked the child, looking him in the eye.</p><p>“Uh...Yes...You want to see her?”</p><p>“Well, yes....Otherwise i wouldn't be here, right?” Retorted the kid, amused.</p><p>Jim frowned in front of the insolent replica but ended by nodding. He stepped back a little and let the boy in. This one smiled with a renewed vigor and went on to the living room. Jim thought he must have come already. “Jim?” Resounded Missouri's voice since the kitchen. “Who wa....”</p><p>A plate of sandwich in hand, a jug of water in the other, Missouri had just seen Dean, all smile, in the middle of her living room. “Hello, Missouri!” Said the kid, happily, an almost bantering smile on the lips.</p><p>“Dean...” She whispered, glancing not very discreetly at her other guest.</p><p>“Missouri.” Answered the child, under Jim's suspicious eyes.</p><p>“Can we talk?” She asked after depositing what she had in hands.</p><p>“Of course” Retorted quickly the kid, with still this same exasperating smile on lips.</p><p>Jim looked with suspicion the kid and Missouri run away in the kitchen. Who was he? He had never seen a boy of his age so confident and conqueror. And what presence! Moreover, during all his conversation whit the young woman, it had been clear that it was him who had dominate the exchange. And Missouri was a tough-girl! </p><p>“What are you doing here?!” Attacked Missouri with a low voice.</p><p>“I was just wondering if Jim had sent you his results...I come just in time, it seems”. He answered with good mood.</p><p>“He asks a lot of questions”. Simply said the young woman.</p><p>“He’ll have a lot of questions” Retorted Dean with a shrug.</p><p>“You want to tell him everything?”</p><p>“Certainly not everything, no”, argued Dean. “But he can be a significant ally”.</p><p>“An ally?”</p><p>“Yes, in the battle against parental authority” Dean said as serious as he could be.</p><p>“Sorry?” Croaked Missouri.</p><p>“I need to see Bobby. I need to spend time over there. To strengthen my body. To train myself. To prepare the war that will come. To get me weapons.”</p><p>“Weapons?”</p><p>“Well yes....You don't think that I’ll continue to walk around naked, right?! I never went out without my Beretta and at least another gun on me...I really feel overdrawn...It's uncomfortable.” He explained in a tone carried away.</p><p>“You are nine year old”.</p><p>“Well seen, Sherlock! Another obviousness?” Missouri glared at him, held a sharp remark and took a deep breath.</p><p>“How could he be an ally?” She asked finally.</p><p>“He’s a pastor!” Merely said the kid, already heading to the living room.</p><p>When he came back in the room, Jim was still there, leaning against the couch, watchful. When he saw him coming, he straightened up quickly and: “Christo!”</p><p>Dean blinked a few times before recovering. Evidently, the hunter had considered the fact that he was a demon....Dean remembered well Pastor Jim. His father had met him pretty early in his crusade and without seeming to, the man had been a pillar and a landmark for his brother and him. Often, when they were younger, before he could really fully support Sam during long periods, their father dropped them at Jim's and went on a hunt that was announced long and difficult. Later, the stays at his home were vacations for Sam, a window of normality in their nomadic life.</p><p>The man that was standing before him was identical to those memories of young boy. Hair already uniformly gray in spite of his middle age, brown and soft eyes, a welcoming face. Everything in him provided a sense of trust. He was Goody two shoes. Dean was planning to use that. If there was one thing that he had learned by being the resistance leader, it’s that you had to use the skills and the opportunities that every person could offer. “Sorry, i ain't a demon...” He said with a mocking smile.</p><p>Jim frowned in front of the kid's calm and amused answer. Did he was the child of a hunter?...It could explain many things… “Who are you, kid?” He asked with a posed and soft voice. The child wasn't a threat, it wouldn’t help to attack him.</p><p>“Dean Winchester”, introduced himself the boy with a solemn air.</p><p>“Winchester?” Repeated the hunter.</p><p>“My parents aren't hunters”, interrupted the kid. “In fact”, he continued, “my father don't know a thing about this world and my mother force herself to not remembering it”</p><p>“I don't understand.” Admitted Jim.</p><p>“I live at a few blocks from here”, he explained, “and hunter's world has no secret for me”.</p><p>“No secret?” Repeated Jim. “Don't you think you're a little presumptuous, Dean?” He answered, in a kindly paternalistic tone.</p><p>“No, i don't”. Replied the kid with insurance. “In fact, i think i know much more than you, Jim”.</p><p>The said Jim frowned and a deep wrinkle formed in the middle of his forehead. He didn't know how interact with the kid. He was a child but his way of being and talking was all that of an adult. “If your parents don't hunt, how do you know this world?”</p><p>“It's a long story...Let's rather talk about your wendigo hunt. It went well? My data were correct?”</p><p>“Your data?” Choked the hunter with widening eyes.</p><p>“Yes. And like Missouri certainly told you, other list are planned.”</p><p>“How did you know all that? You couldn't have access to these information from here or you had to have a contact on spot who had sent you all the data...or...”</p><p>“Nothing of that, Jim”. Dean cut him roughly while a pained grimace took place on his face. “Let's say simply that i remembered it, okay?”</p><p>“Remembered it?”</p><p>“Sit down, Jim and let us explain, will you?” Intervened Missouri.</p><p>						............................................................................................................................</p><p>“Wait, wait, wait, wait....You are telling me that you are in fact 37 years old and that you-don't-know-by-what-oddities you ended up in your 4 year old body...That your mother isn't dead and therefore, your father didn't turn to hunting but that you, you still want to be a hunter. That's right?” Asked Jim in a hallucinated tone</p><p>“In summary”  Dean nodded.</p><p>“Ha...And you think I’ll believe you?!” He asked almost abruptly. “Missouri! How can you believe him?”</p><p>“His mind seems scrambled to me, different and i feel i can trust him...” Replied cleverly Missouri.</p><p>“And that's all?” Yelped the hunter.</p><p>“I knew you more trusting than that, Jim. Where is your faith?” She interrogated, a smile in the voice.  </p><p>Jim swallowed the replied he had on the tip of his tongue while Dean choked literally. Missouri didn't know how much what she had said could apply to the situation. “Alright. I want proofs” Demanded Jim.</p><p>“Proofs?” Repeated Dean, frowning. “Well...Ask me questions about hunting....”</p><p>“I know you know your stuff if you are actually the author of the list”. Replied Jim.</p><p>“So....Give me a gun and i shoot anything at 100 yards”. Said the boy with pride.</p><p>“I will certainly not give a gun to a child”. Denied Jim.</p><p>“Pff...My dad taught me to shoot when i was 7 years old. At 9 years old, i was able to mount and demount a gun blindly”.</p><p>“Well...Your dad was reckless”. Just said Jim.</p><p>“My father was a hunter who had lost his wife”. Lashed Dean.</p><p>Jim raised his hands in sign of peace. It seemed to be a slippery slope and he didn't want to hurt or tease the child. In a corner of his mind, he wondered how - if the kid told the truth- he lived his new life, with this non-hunter father. </p><p>“What kind of proof do you want? You had been introduced to the hunter world while your seminary years where a vengeful spirit was haunting your church. Robert Singer discovered this world when he had to kill his wife, possessed by a demon. I don't know the reasons of Caleb, Bill and Helen, Elkins and the others...”</p><p>Jim had paled at the evocation of his story and had been sincerely astonished that the boy knew Bobby's one. The guy didn't bond easily and knowing his tragedy, it meant being a part of his family. He knew evidently Bill, Helen and Elkins but Caleb wasn't a name he recognized. “Okay...But i still have trouble believing you...”</p><p>“Listen...I need you to believe me, okay? Because if this temporal magic trick wasn't planned, it’s greatly welcome...”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because war is coming and it's never too soon to get prepare.”</p><p>“A war? What kind of war?”</p><p>“The kind that would send chills up your spine. The world had nothing left of the one we know”. Dean whispered slowly.</p><p>Jim remained petrified a moment by what he read in the boy's eyes. Despair, regrets and a huge amount of sadness, of that which one doesn't mimic. And certainly not at 9 years old. </p><p>“I believe you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Bobby Singer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From that moment, the days went on slowly for Dean. Strangely, he could almost feel the pre-hunting excitement seize him. Unlike many people, many hunters, Dean would have been unable to say goodbye to the job. It was inscribed in his genes. Ho! He could have done without all these bullshits about deal, Lucifer and apocalypse but he missed the good ol'hunt.</p><p>Just him, his car, good music and the road as far as his eyes could see. And Sam. But Sam would never come on the road with him again. He’ll have many others things to do than hanging out with his loser of brother. But it was true that he was impatient. Impatient to see Bobby again, to be himself again and to be able to joke around freely without being careful every damn minute that words too rude aren’t coming out of his mouth. He wanted to find again the hushed and stuffy atmosphere of the bars, the satisfaction of a hunt with a happy ending and the freedom...</p><p>A hunters' life wasn't a sinecure. It was hard, violent and dark. It was only bringing grief and tears. Dean wasn’t saying he wanted to find it again above everything but...He couldn't deny that he was missing it. That had been all his life. His childhood...Who can honestly deny the stones which founded his structure?</p><p>Besides this, Jim and him had agreed it was simpler that the hunter finish the hunts of the list before going to see Bobby. It wasn't the initial plan but that satisfied him anyway. The important thing was to have the support of the old guy because he had always been of considerable help to them. Because Dean trusted him entirely and because it was just essential to him. After, Jim would go and see Bobby and would test the ground.</p><p>The days went by so, then the weeks and the months. Soon, Sam was 6 years old. Soon, Halloween was there. Is it necessary to say that Dean hated this holiday, much to the disappointment of his family? “Look, Dean.... You can put this costume, right?! You brother is dying to walk around!” Urged Mary, brandishing the panoply of Dracula under his nose.</p><p>“Ho yeah, Dean! Please! Pretty please! I want candies!” His brother bounced literally on spot.</p><p>“No”, he repeated once again. “I won’t put this damn costume and beside, i won’t disguise myself at all. I hate Halloween.”</p><p>“Why?!” Lamented his mother.</p><p>“It's stupid”. He hissed. “All the other day of the year, the kids are afraid of monsters and that day, poof! We should disguise ourselves as monsters!”</p><p>“But Dean, it's for fun!” Gently explained him his brother. “Please! I want candies!” He said again, with puppy eyes.</p><p>“I can accompany you, Sam but i won’t wear a costume.”</p><p>“And you, Dean, aren’t you afraid of monsters?” Asked John, putting himself at his height. “It wouldn’t be for that that you don't want to dress up?”</p><p>“No! Dean, he ain't scared!” Sam defended him.</p><p>“No?”</p><p>“Course not! Or else, he wouldn’t look under my bed when i believe there are monsters there!”</p><p>“Come on, Sam...You still want those candies?!”</p><p>“Yes!”</p><p>“Dean...” Sighed his mom. “You can't simply follow your father and Sam, without costume”.</p><p>“And why not?”</p><p>“It's Halloween, Dean!” Told him Mary. “It's supposed to be fun!” Dean looked at his mother with wariness. How could she claim that such a party could be be fun? She?! A hunter? It was the ultimate paradox, right? And so hypocrite that he felt an immense anger.… “No!” He gasped furiously. “I won’t disguise myself as a monster! And it's not funny!”</p><p>“Dean...” He father sighed.</p><p>“What, Dean?!” He shouted and soon, Sam's smile faded.</p><p>“Dean! Watch your tone, young man!” Scolded his mother.</p><p>“Alright...So....If i disguised myself as Hitler, it’d be fun?”</p><p>“Of course not, Dean...” Replied his dad.</p><p>“Or.... In psychopath? In rapist?”</p><p>“Dean, where are you going with this?” Asked softly his mother.</p><p>“It's an example. It's not fun to disguise himself as monsters.” He repeated</p><p>“But, this kind of monster”, said John brandishing the costume, “doesn't exist”. Dean watched his father brandish the Dracula costume, a deep air of incomprehension on his face. His mother was approving her husband's remarks with a distracted nod, however not very convincing. Dean sighed, ran a hand in his brother's scrub by apologizing for raising his voice and went on the front door, his brother's hand in his.</p><p>He won’t wear one of these damn costumes, no matter what his bloody parents are saying!</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>“So, Jim, what brings you here?” Asked Bobby's gruff voice.</p><p>“Nothing special”...Smiled Jim. “Just wanted to take some news...”</p><p>“Yeah....Sure....Honestly, Jim, what are you doing here?”</p><p>Jim sighed loudly. It was nearly three months that he had been trying to settle all the hunts of this damn list while taking care not to refuse the hunts that presented themselves to him. And frankly, do you have a damn idea of the time, the means and the energy it takes to sweep a lake in search of the body of a child disappeared more than ten years ago, completely illegally? “That's why I’m here...” He said, deposing the list on the table.</p><p>Bobby raised an eyebrow, slipped up the list to him and looked at it. At the end, his gaze alternately passed from the list to Jim. “Those are hunts, yeah, and? They are over, right?” He claimed by pointing the large <i>"V" </i> crossing every section.</p><p>“Yes, i just finish them. It took me a while because, you know, i don't hunt full-time”.</p><p>“It's not your writing”. Bobby noted right away. </p><p>“No, it's that of a psychic, from Lawrence, Kansas”.</p><p>“Ah....And she spots hunts your psychic?” Asked Bobby, astonished.</p><p>“No, no...It's another hunter who asked her to send me the list.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I don't know....But there will be other lists and i won’t have the time so....”</p><p>“I stop you right now, pastor....I don't hunt for others, okay?”	</p><p>“Bobby, all the information were correct. Accurate. Really a good job. I will just not have the time, that's all...”</p><p>“Maybe but not me...I don't work on others’ hunts”. Said Bobby, getting up.</p><p>“Bobby...” Pleaded Jim....”You trust me, right?”</p><p>“It's not about trust but caution. I don't know this guy”, he said pointing the list, “and I ain’t interested in his hunts, okay? And then, why he ain’t doing them himself?”</p><p>“He’s…. unable to do so”. Replied Jim with a brief hesitation.</p><p>“Unable to do so?” Repeated Bobby, raising his eyebrows. “Yeah....No thanks.”</p><p>“Well....And if you met him?”</p><p>	---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Two weeks later, whereas the end of the year was a matter of days, Dean found himself in a car with Jim, on the passenger seat and with a huge smile on his face. Jim, on the other hand, was more and more astonished by the attitude of the boy who wasn’t really one. As soon as Jim had told him he would have to meet Bobby, the kid's smile could have competed with he most beautiful Hollywood smile. And before he could propose anything, the kid had explained to him his plan. He was supposed to be a pastor- Ho yeah?- who animated teenage groups within the church. A kind of youngsters house. And, as it happens, during the winter's holiday; they were organizing a kind of retreat where the kids could have some fun and get away from it all. Mary and John hadn't been too hard to convince with supporting papers. <i> Dean goes to church? He hates that! It's not really the church ma'am, only a sharing group for youth - It's not rather made for teenagers in difficulties? - Not at all, Mister. It's for all age and then...Dean is rather precocious. - And where are you going?- In south Dakota...</i>	</p><p>By deploying his most charming smile and his most warming voice, by brandishing in good time a phone number, they had finally accepted...And with pleasure.</p><p>While the last lyrics of another ACDC song resounded in the binnacle, almost covered by Dean's voice who was singing as loud as wrong, Jim cracked. He turned off the radio. “Hey!” The kid complained at once.</p><p>“I can't bear all this noise”...Replied merely the pastor.</p><p>“Noise? It's the most divine music that exists....Except perhaps that of the Impala engine”. Retorted Dean at once.</p><p>The boy's behavior had totally metamorphosed. He seemed more serene, more cheerful, more free actually. The eyes half-closed, sprawling in the seat, the head swinging to the music beat, Dean Winchester seemed perfectly consonant with the situation. “You know Bobby Singer well?” He asked, eyes on the road.</p><p>He felt the kid straightened up in his seat before he answered. “Pretty well, yes....In fact...Even very well.  By the way, talking about him”, Dean went on, “we have to be careful...He’ll certainly not swallow i'm a trans-temporal hunter!”	</p><p>Jim raised an eyebrow in front of the fanciful expression but for lack of better term...</p><p>“No.....You will simply tell him that my dad went hunting and that you are watching me for him. It fell on you and you couldn't refuse. The hunter will join you at Bobby's by the end of the week.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“And I’ll use this week to get to know Bobby” Finished Dean.</p><p>“And it’ll be enough?”</p><p>“It has to”		</p><p>The boy seemed thoughtful a moment, his stare seemed sadder and almost off. Jim shivered and once again, many questions swirled in his mind. Tons and tons of questions he couldn’t ask to Dean. Not right now. When that seemed so painful for the kid. But why Dean didn't seem more worry about the reason of this trip in the past? And why did he think to be able to stop the war in coming? How did he know how stop it? And why had he been involved himself again in the hunt? No sane person would choose this life wittingly. But the kid had done it...With a whole life of hunting behind him, he had knowingly decided to start living such a life again...	</p><p>Jim sighed heavily when Dean turned on the radio again.</p><p>When he parked the car near the salvage yard, Dean was doing his best to appear insensitive. But Jim knew people well enough to see the stars in the boy's eyes. This place had to mean a lot for the kid.</p><p>The boy left the car, a bright smile on his face. When the kid's mother had told him that Dean was a solitary boy, silent and not very smiling, Jim had been flabbergasted. Was they talking about the same child? But Dean was just not the same person with them as with his parents. And that left him with an unpleasant impression...		</p><p>Dean didn't wait him to knock at Bobby's door and he arrived right when the guy opened his door. He looked firstly at Dean with wary eyes before sliding his stare on Jim. “Care to explain?” He grunted, pointing Dean with his chin.</p><p>“Last minute constraint...His father left him to me while he was going hunting so...”</p><p>“And your other friend?”</p><p>“He’ll join us later...It bothers you if we stay here a little week? He’ll join us by the end of the week...” Bobby frowned, looked at Dean again who had been silent until then and nodded briefly before letting them in.</p><p>When Dean passed in front of him, he could feel the man's stare on his neck. Calmly, he raised his head and plunged his green eyes in Bobby’s earthy ones. This one maintained the connection a few seconds before turning to Jim: “Damn, Murphy, you are the only hunter, baby-sitter part time”.</p><p>“Dean’s a good boy”. Said simply the pastor, putting a solid hand on the younger one's shoulder.</p><p>“Dean, eh?”</p><p>“Dean Winchester, sir”. He introduced himself, politely.</p><p>“Ho ho ho! No "sir", dude! Just Bobby. Okay?” Asked lively the man with the cap.</p><p>“Okay”, he approved with a half-smile.</p><p>“So...Winchester, that's it? I don't think I know your father...”</p><p>“No, indeed, you don't know him”. Affirmed Jim, pushing Dean in the house. Dean advanced further in the room, letting the two discuss. Bobby had to certainly ask precision about the mysterious hunter. Letting his eyes get lost in the living room less cluttered than in his memories, he felt a wave of nostalgia invade him. It was harsh. It took his breath away a few minutes and he had to work hard for calming himself. He couldn't letting himself go emotional now. Not yet. Later. When he’ll be able to call Castiel in safety. There, he will be able to grieve on his shoulder. Castiel always listened. And by the way, he always understood too.</p><p>He didn't jump when Bobby arrived behind him, bothered. Dean understood his ill-being. From what he knew, Bobby Singer wasn't very at ease with children. Sam and him had been the only ones who had been close to him. “Hm...I don't have much for entertaining you...” Grumbled Bobby in his beard. “Books if you want...And hmm...My dog, Lucius, isn't very friendly so don't go play with him...”</p><p>“I think Dean will find something to pass the time”. Jim said with a smile.</p><p>Dean looked at Bobby then Jim, both waiting visibly an answer. “I have to practice shooting”.</p><p> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------</p><p>The weight of the gun in his hand. The cold metal under his fingers. The feeling to being complete. Dean sighed of relief when he took in hand the Beretta 86. The Beretta had always been his favorites weapons. He'll ask Bobby to have him. “You sure of yourself, kid?” Asked Bobby with a dubious voice.</p><p>Dean gave him a quick look before affirming that he loved it already. Jim had threw a fit when he had asked a gun for shooting and Bobby didn't seem happy to put a weapon in the hands of a kid. Dean had no recollection that this had been a problem… Actually, Jim had made some comment to his father when he had learned it but it had never been further. No doubt the question had been settled far away of his eyes and no doubt, also, Bobby had put his oar in. “Where can i practice?” He asked by removing the security with a precise gesture, repeated a thousand time.</p><p>Bobby hesitated a while before pointing him a space behind an old car. There, Dean knew there was a small firing range. He chose to place himself about twenty yards from the targets and with an experienced gesture, he aimed. There was eight cans, a whole charger. Eight shot echoed in the salvage yard and eight cans fell on the ground, disemboweled from a smoking hole. In the continuity of his movement, Dean reloaded his gun. <i>Like bike </i>, he thought. Shooting was a second nature for him....He could still remember his father's proud look when he had taught him to shoot. He had always be gifted for that. He couldn't have decently forgotten. “Goddamn it!” Cursed Bobby by approaching him. “Well, kid...You're pretty good, huh?!”</p><p>The next morning, Bobby and Jim made a monumental scene because he was out to run as usual. Jim had argued that whatever he says, he was only a child and a child had no place on the roads at such an early hour. Bobby had added that anything could have happen to him and they didn't even know where he was. He hadn't even bothered to left a note. In truth, Dean had found himself disarmed in front of the two men's worry.</p><p>And while the two eldest seemed to bone up a hunt, Dean calmly read again the exorcism books of Bobby. A little upgrade was never superfluous. Bobby threw him frequent looks and Dean tried not to notice it.</p><p>On the other side of the room, Bobby swore mentally again. Hunters had asked him for some help on a case and honestly, he didn't see the solution. Furthermore, the kid prevented him to focus. Not that he was fussy or annoying....Far from that, even. And justly. Bobby was certain that a boy of this age should at least get restless, ask questions, stretch his legs, to be sad about being alone with two hunter during the winter holidays and not just stay put at a table and read and read again some old sordid exorcisms.</p><p>The child was noiseless, observer and a good shooter. Bobby would have never think to see a kid of not even 10 years old shoot cans like that. With this baffling ease. As if he had done it all his life. He had also seen the boy mount and demount the gun in less than one minute and clean it with care and attentiveness, with safe and precise gestures. The kid seemed to like this weapon particularly.</p><p>He was also fiercely independent. Bobby acknowledged that he didn't know shit about kids but he was certain that a boy of almost ten year old usually needed some sort of support or comfort. Dean seemed totally at ease, never asked for help or comfort. He had been struck by his glare because he had advised the kid to put a coat for going out. <i>I missed an episode and you gained a vagina? </i> Had retorted the child with an amused and insolent tone. And there was that, too! The kid had clearly a coarse language! He had heard more swearing in his mouth than he had ever heard in the mouth of a teenager in the middle of a rebellious crisis!</p><p>More worrisome, Dean hadn't yet asked news about his father. Hell! His father was hunting, right?! And the kid knew so! But he didn't seem to complain about the removal of his father or the lack of news. In fact, most of the time, Dean didn't even seem to care about it.</p><p>
  <i>Damn kid!</i>
</p><p>Too focused on the kid's every movements, Bobby didn't work well on this fucking hunt! In truth, he was stuck. He really didn't have idea about the creature at the origin of this disease which seemed to attack children by putting them in coma. “On what are you working?” Asked Dean, approaching them.</p><p>They had spread all the documents on the dining room table and Jim and him were frantically searching data on the existence of such a creature in all the books they had. “A hunt”, he answered laconically.</p><p>“Ha ha...so funny...” Grumbled the kid by settling.</p><p>“It's not for you age!” He hissed, moving the documents away from his view.</p><p>“Pfff...Not for my age...Bullshit....” Scolded the kid, grabbing another paper. “Jim?”</p><p>“A creature attacking children”. Responded the pastor.</p><p>Bobby looked strangely at the man in front of him. His friend would never include a child in a hunt even if this one was aware of it. Especially when the victims were children! Who's the hell was Dean?! “How?” Asked the youngest with an astonish seriousness, his jaw contracting intermittently.</p><p>“It makes them sick”.</p><p>“Sick? You mean...like a kind of pneumonia followed by a coma? With a fall down of their immune system?”</p><p>      Two pairs of eyes turned instantly on him and Dean hesitated between a sigh of annoyance or a brilliant smile. “How do you know that?” Asked him Bobby with his usual gruffness.</p><p>“I know what i'm talking about, that's it. It's a striga.”</p><p>“A striga?” Repeated Bobby. “It's not a kind of spirit which feed on men's vital energy?” He asked without noticing that he was asking questions to a ten years old kid.</p><p>“Yes, but it has a penchant for kids. They have more energy than adults”. Explained Dean.</p><p>“And how could we end it?” Asked Jim.</p><p>“We can't.”</p><p>“What?! We can always kill those bitches by a way or another!” Grunted Bobby.</p><p>“We can't except...When it's feeding”. Finished Dean with an insolent smile.</p><p>“We have to surprise it while it's feeding on a kid?” Whispered Jim, as much annoyed than his friend.</p><p>“Yeah...We are lucky, huh?”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Are you dumb or what?!”</p><p>	--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>“No, no and no!” Jim snapped, glaring at him.</p><p>“Why?” Asked Dean, teeth clenched.</p><p>“Why? Because you are nine years old, you're a child, that your pa...father would kill me and it’s risky!” He snapped.</p><p>“It ain't a game, kid...” Insisted Bobby, nodding seriously.</p><p>“I know it's not a game, dumbass! I may be nine year old but i can use a gun and i trust you to have my back and about my dad, nobody said he had to be aware.”</p><p>“And if you’re hurt?”</p><p>“I won’t be hurt! We just have to wait it notices me, that it starts to feed itself and you jump on it! It's not difficult, right?!”</p><p>“It's risky! Nothing ever happens as planned!” Grunted Bobby.</p><p>“I would only have to take a gun too!” Jim continued to deny fiercely while he could see Bobby hesitate slightly. “What the hell! You want to convince another kid to play bait? Or you prefer to choose who's gonna be the next victim at the short straw?”</p><p>“The kid isn’t wrong, Jim....” Whispered Bobby, taking a look at Jim.</p><p>This one glared at him before surrendering. From today, they would set off for the nearby city, near Timber Lake.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know that in the show we learn in one episode that Dean LOVE Halloween but this Dean had lived an very gruesome open war so he's a little bit different ....And honestly, it's a scene i've always wanted to see so....</p><p>Thanks you all for the kudos and bookmarks.....Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!! Don't hesitate to leave a comment, it's always great!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Little Sammy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You could have believe he was asleep. Peacefully. He could have represent the picture of the innocence itself. A blond angel sleeping quietly.</p><p>The blond angel in question had, in fact, a Beretta stashed under his pillow and another gun under the bed. <i>Just in case... </i>Had said Bobby. Dean had to admit it’s been a long time he hadn’t felt this feeling of urgency and excitation. Hunting wasn’t something you could forget.</p><p>In the next room, Jim was champing at the bit, with a burning worry. What would he do if something happened to the kid? He had said to his parents that he was in camp! But this boy was so stubborn! Bobby, on the other hand, was sit in front of the control screen of the camera. The picture was far from clear but it was the best they could do...</p><p>The kid was playing his part well. Even through the screen, he could see his calm breath...An amazing self-control. The goal was simple: kill the striga before it finishes its delicious meal.</p><p>It was a quarter before midnight when Bobby wondered if kid hadn’t fell asleep. On the screen, he wasn’t moving. Ten minutes later, a shadow appeared in front of the room's window. It sneaked inside, under the scrutinizing eyes of the two hunters. They needed to wait for the good moment. Dean was still not moving.</p><p>The dark shape drew itself more clearly on the screen while it was slowly getting closer to the kid's bed. Jim clenched his fists, he had to work hard not to smash the door right away. He held his breath when it bent on the boy, as to kiss him. Dean didn't move. He didn't even give off a complaint when the creature began to utter a kind of deaf rattle and that a thin vaporous streak came out of his mouth towards the gaping hole that the creature seemed to have revealed.</p><p>Jim and Bobby shared a look, loaded their guns and with a powerful shove of shoulder, tumbled in the room. Bobby shot rapidly with all the precision he was capable of but the creature was faster. It leaped back, away from Dean, pale as a dead man; and sent Bobby flying across the room. This bitch had a colossal strength! Jim didn't wait but, once again, the monster reacted faster and the pastor ended up unconscious on the floor. The striga seemed to hesitate a few seconds before rushing over to Bobby, still stunned. It immobilized him before leaning over him as for Dean. Bobby’s eyes widened as he felt his breath suck from his lungs. He had the unpleasant feeling to suffocate. </p><p>On the other side of the room, Dean came to his sense quickly, right on time to see Jim crashing on the ground. Discreetly, he plunged his hand under the pillow and clutched his gun. A smile appeared on his lips while he was pointing the gun on the striga, greatly busy with Bobby.</p><p>BANG! BANG!</p><p>	---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Dean wriggled in the back seat. He didn't like the spot. With his parents, he was always trying to go on the front seat. And when he is secluded at the back, he was spending his time groaning under the muffled laughter of his brother, amused by the situation.</p><p>At the front, Bobby and Jim were quiet. His intervention during the hunt had cast a chill. It had been welcomed, of course, but when he had straightened up, Bobby had looked at him strangely. Jim hadn't talked either, merely starring at the gun still warm in his hands. Participate at a hunt as bait was one thing, killing a creature yourself was another. He knew it. Bobby and Jim too.</p><p>Maybe it’s his silence that had created the discomfort....His lack of reaction and his satisfied smile while the Striga was disappearing. His calm and casual appearance when he had asked to the others if they weren't hurt. As if all of this was of a distressing banality.</p><p>Dean knew his reaction had seemed strange to them. Totally abnormal. He got it. He understood too that he cannot say it all to Bobby. The man didn't have a fairly open mind enough for accept the fact that he was from another time. He’ll certainly not leave him in peace if he told him that he didn't know how this temporal jump had been possible.</p><p>Currently, they were on the road to Kansas. In a few hours, he will be home. Away from hunt and guns, he’ll find again his mother's smile. Smile that he couldn't help but find hypocritical. How could she not worry about the end of the deal? Or rather of his absence...</p><p>On his legs, a sheet of paper. The second list was in preparation. He’ll soon give it to Bobby, ready to bear his suspicious and astonished glare. This list was different, it wasn’t only about hunt. He wanted to be sure of the happiness of some people...If Sam wasn’t a psychic anymore, other might have had the misfortune to become one.</p><p>Firstly, he wanted to make sure of he childhood of Max Miller. Azazel shouldn't have had the time to corrupt the child blood, neither kill his mother....If everything had gone well, Max had to live happily with his parents. Nevertheless, Dean indicated the need to learn about the living conditions of the child. He couldn't allow that the child was mistreat all the same.</p><p>Secondly, watch out for this crazy family in Minnesota. It wasn’t because they were humans that he had forgotten them...They could also face the ghost of H.H Holmes. This psycho who hung around in the walls of the building where the hanging field once stood. It won’t be easy but....well...</p><p>Finally, if Dean was counting well, Bill Harvelle still had a few years left but without Winchester, he didn't know if his death would happen at the same time....He’d be on the lookout. His survival wouldn't be inconsequential. Jo would probably not be so willing to hunt anymore...</p><p>“What about the truth?” Snapped Bobby, fists tight on the steering wheel, interrupting his thoughts.</p><p>“The truth?” Repeated Jim with a sluggish voice.</p><p>“Who is this boy, Jim?” The other asked with a gruff voice. “Who is his father? Not a hunter”</p><p>“A mechanic”, answered Dean instead of the pastor. “My dad is mechanic and my mom a good little housewife. And furthermore, it's there you’re taking me back because they think i’m at a camp organized by the pastor”.</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>“Exactly. If you want to know more, take a look....” He said, giving him the list.</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------..............................</p><p>“So? It was great? You made friends?” Asked his mother, a jolly smile on her lips.</p><p>Dean turned back her smile, remembering Bobby's face when he had giving him the list. The man had braked suddenly, swearing outrageously. Followed by a long discussion. Bobby had not been easy to convince, far from that...Dean had slalomed between lies and half-truths. He had done for the best.</p><p>“Yes”, he replied finally.</p><p>“A lot?” Asked him his brother who had installed himself on his lap.</p><p>As soon as he had set foot in the house, a brown hurricane had throw itself at him to smother him. His mother had burst out laughing, telling him how much he had missed his brother. Sam had stayed by his side ever since.</p><p>Dean raised an eyebrow wondering briefly if Sam didn't have a spy mission...His parents had quickly realized he was answering easier to his questions than theirs...”Bobby. In fact, his name is Robert but he prefers Bobby”. He explained to his brother, patiently.</p><p>“How is he?”</p><p>Dean sighed gently in front of the insatiable curiosity of his younger brother but he replied to him in spite of all in a calm tone. Mary was watching them, a smile still on her lips. “Grumpy....” Said Dean without thinking. “And very loyal”</p><p>‘What’s mean <i>"loyal" </i>?” Questioned Sam, looking at him with his big brown eyes.</p><p>“It means that he’s always there for his friends…”</p><p>“He’ll always be there for you, then?”</p><p>“I hope so.” Whispered softly Dean.</p><p>Farther, Mary was listening, always moved by the discussions of his two sons. Sam had boundless admiration for his brother and Dean always protected Sam of all way possible.</p><p>The last remark of his oldest annoyed her. Was that why Dean had never had friends? Did he was afraid of being disappointed? Who could have hurt him so much that he no longer trusted anyone?</p><p>When did his son get so disillusioned?</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>John sighed once again, burying his face in his hands. He would never understand his son.</p><p>Dean was now 13 years old. John would have been tempted to say that it was the teenage years but Dean had always had this rebellion in him. He had always looked at him right in the eyes with effrontery.</p><p>If Dean had been fighting a few times in Elementary school, Junior High school wasn’t going smoothly. There wasn't a week where Dean wasn't involved in some fight. As usual, he was never the instigator and was always dealing with his problems outside the school but the outcome was the same. Today, the school had called once again: Dean had knocked out two boys of 15 years old who were bullying him.</p><p>If it was just some disciplinary problems, John could have let them pass. Defending yourself energetically wasn’t a crime...But Dean was showing the wrong example to his brother. He was talking crudely, was using salacious insults and had sometimes made some remarks totally displaced about girls. John didn't remember his appeal for girls had woken up so early and so intensely. Furthermore, John had once caught Dean with a beer. The kid had sworn that it was the first time but he had gone into a black rage. Dean hadn't really reacted at his outburst what hadn’t calmed his anger.</p><p>Really, he wasn't understanding his son. John had tried every punishment. It didn't seem to bother Dean to be ground to his room, without friends or leisure. John could have laugh about it...What friends? What leisure? His son was spending most of his time between his brother and a constraining physical training which seemed important to him.</p><p>In spite of his thundering entrance into adolescence, Dean had never rebuffed his brother. John didn’t have a brother but his friends had told him that at one point, Dean would dismiss his brother for more space and intimacy. But it wasn’t the case. Dean was always there for Sam. He was helping him to do homework, was advising him if he had troubles at school...He was always answering without ever spoiling him. John had been worried about the bad influence that Dean could have had on Sam but the advice he gave to the younger were all astonishingly wise and fair.</p><p>Sam was 9 years old. It was a smiling little boy with sparkling eyes. He was rather sociable but as top of his class, he often attracted the malice of the older ones. Dean had more than once devoted himself to talk some sens into the ideas of the little idiots who were bothering his brother. Likewise, Sam seemed not to get tired of his brother's advice. With heartache, John had to admit that Sam was turning more easily to Dean than to him. Sometimes, he felt jealous of this special relationship. He had more than once felt ashamed of that....</p><p>The only threat which seemed working was the removal of Dean's almost weekly outings with the church's youth group. John didn't quite know why they had accepted but Dean seemed happier every time he left, and more sullen at the way back....But even from there, Dean came back sometimes with scratches or injuries of any kind...The first time, they were worried but the pastor had told them there were adventure courses or other physical training quite violent...</p><p>	--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>“Mom, where is Dean?” Asked her youngest son.</p><p>“He is grounded in his room”</p><p>“Again! Can I go and see him?”</p><p>“No. He’s punished, Sam”. Mary watched her youngest son moan as he returned at his homework. Yes, Dean was punished once again. Yes, it had became a habit. Yes, she was worried of the turn their relationship with him was taking. And no, she didn't have a fucking clew at how to react....</p><p>She had never posed so much troubles at her parents...Well....Maybe, but it was normal, everything she had ever wanted, her, had been a normal life....It was what she had offered at her children so, why Dean was behaving that way?</p><p>On many points, when she looked at Dean, she was seeing her father. It gave her shivers in the back, sometimes. Not that she didn't love her father but....He was a hunter. A fucking asshole of hunter. Cold, methodical and smart. A specialized liar. So...When in some looks of his son, she was seeing her hunter of father, it made her uneasy.</p><p>But Dean was a good boy. Really. He could be quiet, almost taciturn with a sense of humor very particular, he was a kind child. With the heart on the sleeve. He was a wonderful older brother, a polite child who didn't mind when asked for help. He was willingly helping his father when he needed a hand on a car. By the way, John was more than thrilled because Dean seemed to have a gift for mechanic.</p><p>If Mary had been more honest with herself, if she had listened her instinct, she would never have let pass the bruises, the cuts and others injuries that dotted his son's body. If she had listened her instinct, she would have seen the blatant lie in the many excuses of her son: <i> "Just a fight, you should see the other!", "Just a fall in the woods, no worries!", "I only fell down the stairs, that's all!",... </i> At the second time, Mary had gone to see pastor Jim because it was always at the return of pastoral trips that he was bashed up. Jim had welcomed her with a reassuring smile. Dean was a turbulent child who didn't stick at one place and was always finding troubles with the others boys. A trivial story....really. The explanations were compelling, Jim was reassuring and Dean didn't seem more or less affected than before. John and Mary had let it pass....Maybe, they shouldn't have? If Mary had listened the voice of her father who whispered sometimes at her ear, she wouldn't have. </p><p>But then, Mary didn't want to listen her instinct. Mary had choked her instinct. Forsaken at the very depth of herself. She had hidden a whole part of her life and never wanted it to come back.</p><p>Dean was 13 years old. We are the July 10, 1992 and it was no doubt from that day, that things began to change.</p><p>As each Sunday since years, the family was going to the church. A habit, really. Mary was very faithful, John didn't really have views on the subject but pleased his wife and ordinarily, nothing came to trouble that day.</p><p>Except that Dean had came back from one of his trips the previous day and that it had been pretty trying. Both physically and morally. To the great displeasure of Bobby and Jim, the young boy was participating in more and more hunts even if in the early days, he managed the research more. Dean had got fed up pretty quickly. He could shoot, knew the hunt and his height was giving him a satisfactory speed. No reason to not hunting.</p><p>“Dean! Hurry up! We'll be late!” Admonished his mother by entering in his room without delicacy. His bedroom was also a sore subject. Dean had never been someone very orderly and his room was the just reflect of that. It was simply messy. His mother had scolded him more than once about that. He always answered it was his room and that she shouldn't enter, quite simply. It wasn't a fad of prepubescent teen...Under his bed, he had engraved a key of Solomon and behind his commode and his wardrobe, some pentacles for repelling demons. In his closet, in a little iron box, was his gun (The Beretta he had hassled Bobby for) as well as some silver bullets and a blade. So, his room was his stash and his mom certainly shouldn't come there to do some search. He had won this battle by dint of screams, his mother didn't venture there at all.</p><p>“I'm tired!” He whimpered, turning back in his bed.</p><p>“Well, go to sleep earlier! But now, we'll be late at the church!” She pressed him.</p><p>“Don't give a shit...” He grumbled in his pillow.</p><p>“What?!” Hissed his mom.</p><p>Dean sighed heavily, now perfectly awake. It was not the time for starting a debate on his mother's faith. “I join you, ok? Go on, i'll catch you at the church....” He whispered, tired.</p><p>He felt more than he saw his mom hesitate before nodding and leaving the room. Few minutes later, he heard the front door slam. Once again, he sighed. Slowly, he got up, painfully pulling on his sore muscles. For a 13 years old boy, Dean was already quite robust. You could easily gave him 15 years old because of his height and his shoulders. He simply had already a good musculature, abs already finely drawn and a face that have already lost the curves of childhood.</p><p>In a flexible gesture, he relaxed his back muscles. The previous day, a poltergeist had mistaken him for a ping-pong ball and it was a miracle that he didn't have any visible bruise. On the other hand, his back was a bruise on his own. Jim had once again been pretty worry...</p><p>In less than fifteen minutes, Dean was ready; jacket on his back (His dad didn't even buy his leather jacket! He was going to have to find the same one!) and a blade in his right shoe.</p><p>He took his time to get to the church. He really didn't want to assist once again at one of this boring and useless ceremony. God was existing, yes, and what? Frankly, apart from this unexpected and totally surrealistic return in time, did he have only made one thing for him? Did he help Sam to fight against the demon? Did he save his mother from the flames? Did he help him in the flames of hell? Did he only help one victim that he had meet on hunt? Meg? Max? Hendriksen?</p><p>Dean sighed heavily as he arrived in view of the church. The street was a deafening calm and in a few minutes, he would be inside.</p><p>“No! No! Let me go!” His brother's muffled and distressed voice came to him. He felt his heart leaping in his chest and the anger growling in his belly for the one who dared to attack his brother. “Let me go!” Repeated his brother's voice.</p><p>The voice came from an alley beside the church. Without delay, Dean rushed in, the fists tight. He had expected a lot of things....Any child would have thought at a kidnapping, he had immediately though supernatural. But no...It was just a man who was trying to drag his brother to the end of the alley.</p><p>A tall man, well build but not too muscular. A pervert smile hooked at his mouth and a salacious glare fixed on Sam. Sam, struggling like a devil against the man's grip.</p><p>“Hey!” He growled ferociously, running towards them.</p><p>The man let go the boy and, taking advantage of the reprieve, Sam came to hide behind his brother, his little fists grabbing Dean's shirt with terror. “Come on, kids....”, whispered the man, approaching them....”Don't you want to come with me? I have plenty of games at home and a lot of candies...”</p><p>Dean looked furiously at the man while pushing back his brother. “Go find mom and Dad, Sam!” He ordered to his brother but the little boy didn't move.  “NOW!” He roared turning towards him.</p><p>Sam jumped and ran off, eyes full of tears. Unfortunately for Dean, the man had taken advantage of this moment for grabbing him by the wrist. “You'll come with me, now, boy!” He snarled, tightening his grip.</p><p>“Thanks but you really ain't my type...” Hissed Dean in return.  </p><p>The scene went on rapidly. Dean brought suddenly back his wrist towards him and the man found himself unbalanced, not awaiting so much resistance and let go. Blinded by wrath, Dean gave him a masterly punch in the abs and the guy bowed under the pain, spluttering. But he was only 13 despite of all the physical exercises he could do...The man straightened up rapidly, grabbed him by the throat and slammed him hard against the wall. Dean clenched his teeth but the air quickly began to fail. The guy cursed and loosened his grip but slapped him with enough strength to make him fall. Dean held a groan between his teeth and could feel the copper taste in his mouth. The adult seemed satisfied a moment and leaned to grab his shirt collar....Just when Dean lifted his leg to hit violently his groin. The man screamed and Dean got up quickly.</p><p>“Dean!”</p><p>His father's voice came to him from the alley's entry but the wrath darkened his mind. This piece of shit of pedophile had dared to touch his brother! Just imagining what could have happen made him sick....</p><p>The man was kneeling in front of him, both hands pressed against his painful crotch. But Dean didn't care, he literally beat him up. Face, stomach; stomach, face. The man was now on the ground, the nose bloody, both hands wrapped around his abdomen.</p><p>“Dean!”</p><p>He felt two arms encircled him and his dad's voice whispered to him soothing words at his ear. But anger was continuing to furiously beat against his temples...It was only when he felt the soft embrace of his brother that he succeeded to relax himself. On a sudden gesture, he enveloped the child with his arms and pressed him tightly against him. “What were you doing there, Sammy?” He asked softly.</p><p>“I was waiting for you...” Whispered the quavering voice of his younger brother.</p><p>John brought them back at the church and from the corner of his eyes, he could see another man that he recognized like a neighbor holding the man on the ground. The police wouldn’t be long. His father made him sit on a chair while Sammy was still hung at him. “How are you, Sammy? Did he hurt you?” He asked slowly.</p><p>“No...But you’re bleeding, Dean....” Answered his brother, pointing at his face.</p><p>“Let me see that...” Said his father, gently cupping his face.</p><p>“It's nothing...” He murmured by disengaging…”He only slapped me…”</p><p>“The bastard...” Growled John, his eyes still fixed on the trickle of blood flowing from his mouth. “You're sure you're ok, Dean?”</p><p>“Yes, I said….” The next moment, he found himself into his dad’s stifling embrace. This one had brought back his two sons against him and was pressing them against his chest. A few minutes later, it's his mom who arrived. His mother whose glare darkened when she learned that his son was hurt and who took them too in her arms.</p><p>The police questioned them briefly, him and his brother, and the verse of insults that he used to describe the dude could have made blush his dad. The cop in front of him looked at him strangely because he didn't really seem shaken....Only really angry.  “And you fought him?” Asked him the cop, a man of a good forty.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“And you put him KO?”</p><p>“It seems so….”</p><p>“He almost weighed the double of you....And is taller than you by at least five inches...”</p><p>“Well...Let's say size isn't everything” Finished Dean, dryly.</p><p>The incident was quickly closed. Or, anyway, justice had rapidly solved the case. But Dean felt the heavy stare of his father when this one thought he wasn’t looking. He was 13 years old and he put KO an adult man. He had been hurt but didn't care. No, all that had mattered to him at the time had been Sam....</p><p>In the meantime, another problem arose...He couldn't let Sam defenseless...</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading, for the kudos, bookmarks and comments....Feedback is awesome!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Roadhouse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Come on Sam! Get up!” He yelled, barging in his brother's room.</p><p>“But...huh....Sleeping...” Yawned his brother in his pillow.</p><p>“Wake up, sleepy head!” He went on, pulling the sheets.</p><p>“Dean!” Grunted his younger brother. “Cold...”</p><p>“We are in July and it's almost 80 degrees outside...So, move Sam!”</p><p>“Why?” He groaned again, deigning to open an eye.</p><p>“Thar wasn’t you who absolutely wanted to run with me?”</p><p>“Really?!” Said Sam, jumping out of his bed.</p><p>“Sure....”</p><p>“And you’re gonna let me do exercises like you? A real training?”</p><p>“Easy, bud...” Answered Dean, ruffling his hair. “Step by step, Samantha...”</p><p>“Don't call me like that!” Growled his little brother, trying to flatten his mop.</p><p>At nine years old, Samuel Winchester was a smart and bright kid. His model student status brought him some troubles sometimes but in spite of that, Sam was well appreciated at school, as much by the teachers than by his classmates. In a way, he was enjoying the popularity his brother had lacked so much. Unlike him, he was never fighting and was astonishingly sociable. More than once, teachers had been impressed by the differences between the two brothers.</p><p>It was the same with their parents who kept comparing them. Sam wasn't fiercely independent. Sam wasn't silence, almost grumpy, like his brother. Sam was easily chatting and had a bright smile. Dean wasn’t offended and Sam always looked at his brother as his hero. </p><p>Sam was also small for his age but Dean had assured him that he would soon have a great growth spurt. He had a jovial face and unlike his brother, had refused to cut his hair too short. So, he had a beautiful mop of brown hair which had contributed to his nickname.</p><p>One hour later, Sam was panting, both hands on his knees, head bent forward. Literally exhausted.</p><p>“Well Sammy....We'll have to work on that...” Said his elder's voice.</p><p>Sam raised his head slightly expecting to see his brother's amused grin but his face was nothing but serious...No, his brother seemed concerned. Sam hadn't failed to notice that he was still breathing as calmly as when they left. “H...How?”  He asked between two breaths.</p><p>“By running a little every day...”</p><p>“Really?” Croaked the younger.</p><p>“Yeah, really...” Nodded Dean. “It's important, Sam.”</p><p>The young boy looked at his brother more intently, discovering him grave and almost solemn. Many people were saying his brother was strange. He didn't count the rumors which ran against him at school anymore, the whispers when they learned that he was Dean's younger brother, the mocking looks of teachers and even neighbors....But Dean had always been there for him. In a way that he could barely apprehend. He was the only one not to have lied to him....Monsters were existing....Even if it wasn't his childhood's monsters, he had learned that other monsters were existing. And there again, when he had met one...It was his brother who had saved him.</p><p>So, Sam responded at his brother's remark with a nod just as solemn. Because what was important for bis brother, was also for him.</p><p>They went back home quietly, Dean letting Sam take softly his breath. He had longingly thought at what he could do for Sam. Physical training was certainly an important point but not the only....He had to think about protecting the whole house and this, without arousing his mother's suspicions. Maybe Castiel could help? He was also going, and as quickly as possible, to have the pentacle tattoo against possession. The problem was still arose for Sam’s. He will never accept to get a tattoo once in age. And he couldn't wait so long.</p><p>He could maybe encourage his brother to get one when he would be slightly older, arrange for the tattoo to go unnoticed or, once again, ask Castiel's help....</p><p>“Hello kids...Where have you been?” Asked their mother's voice once inside. “You're all flushed, Sam! Are you ok?”</p><p>“We ran....” Explained merely Sam.</p><p>Mary pursed her lips, and her stare went from Sam's red face to Dean's quiet one. “That's great...” She finally said. “What about a good shower before breakfast?”</p><p>“Ok!” Said the boy, already running upstairs. Once the bathroom's door closed, Mary turned back to Dean who had already sat at the table.</p><p>“You made him run?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Why? You’ve always refused to take him with you...”</p><p>“He was too young...He would’ve slow me down...” Explained Dean. “Now, he’s old enough.”</p><p>“Old enough for what, Dean?” Asked his mother with relevance.</p><p>“To learn how to protect himself...” He answered...”I won’t always be there....”</p><p>“Your father and i will”, Mary said almost dryly. “You don't need to smolder him like that...It's not your job”. She added.</p><p>Dean looked at his mother for a while, drank a gulp of his chocolate milk - His parents were refusing him coffee, no matter what he says!- and looked at her again, a smile on his lips. "Father Jim organizes a trip next week...May i go?"</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>"Don’t you want to repeat why we have to absolutely find this old paranoid bloke?" Asked once again Bobby's gruff voice.</p><p>"Because", he hissed, "he’ve a gun that will be decisive in the war"</p><p>"Huh huh...What kind?"</p><p>Dean sighed, glancing annoyingly at the man beside him. It wasn't the first time Jim wasn’t coming with them but it was still exceptional...Not that the pastor didn't trust Bobby for his safety but he still preferred to have an eye on him. Like he was so well saying so: <i>"I promised to your parents to take care of you"</i>. He could say that he was doing well alone and that he didn't need any baby-sitter, Jim just turned a deaf ear. Despite of the fact that he knew the truth, he was still a boy in his eyes. Dean was deeply annoyed by that.</p><p>For wow, he was with Bobby. Just with Bobby. And Bobby didn't know the truth. Dean didn't really know if the man was ready to accept it. But he wasn't naive enough to believe that Bobby would still accept the i-know-it/that's-all/ it's-like-that for a longtime. Especially when he was saying that Elkins had a gun that could give them an advantage in the war ahead. Bobby had looked at him with a raised eyebrow while Jim was biting nervously his lips. "A Colt." He replied anyway.</p><p>"A colt?"</p><p>"Yes, a Colt. Made by Samuel Colt himself. Capable to kill anything, even demons."</p><p>"Ho...And it works with regular bullets?" He asked, frowning.</p><p>"No. I'm not sure how many bullets are left."</p><p>"Right...And if the bullets are limited, how can we use this weapon?"</p><p>"It's also the key that open Hell's gate. It must not fall into wrong hands."</p><p>"Ok…" Grumbled Bobby, glaring him suspiciously. "How do you know?" He asked, rudely.</p><p>"I know it, that's a..…"</p><p>"No!" Growled Bobby's hard voice. "I want answers!" He yelled, braking suddenly.</p><p>Dean looked at him with a half-annoyed, half-pensive expression. It's been four years since the little one was coming to hunt episodically with them. Bobby had been astonished by the ease whom Jim had gave in. The pastor seemed to have no authority over the boy. From what he knew, the kid's parents had no fucking idea of what their son was doing. No, they just thought he was on a nice little trip with the good pastor! Dean had said he had known the hunting world by his mother who was an old hunter but that she didn't know it. The kid would have talk about an old diary he had read by accident. That was explaining one thing, a lot of other things were still unanswered. And he was hating that! “It's complicated, Bobby...” Sighed the annoyed boy, glaring at him. “I’ll tell you everything but...not now, ok?”</p><p>“No! I....”</p><p>“Bobby!” Yelled Dean and his eyes, resolved and grave, were enough to silence him. “It's really complicated and really hard to explain”. He said with a dull voice. “Even for us, it borders on the incredible, ok?”</p><p>Bobby pursed his lips and darted on the boy an evaluative look. Many questions were jostling in his head but the kid had never took him for a ride and in all honesty....More than once, his relevant remarks had saved his life. With a sudden gesture, he nodded and restarted the car. He could hear Dean’s sigh of relief and almost felt the kid's body relaxed. “So?” Dean said after a moment. “Where are we going? How do you think to find traces of Elkins?”</p><p>“Elkins is paranoid and a very good hunter but hunters are like everybody else....”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“Well, like everybody else, they have places where they meet”. Explained Bobby with a smile.</p><p>“You think about the Roadhouse?” Once again, Bobby's sharp look met his eyes and he shrugged, innocently. “Huh....It's still the Harvelles that own it?” He asked, in a distracted voice.</p><p>“Yeah...Bill and Helen. A good hunter...” Grumbled Bobby.</p><p>“They....They have a daughter, right?” He asked again, the voice suddenly softer.</p><p>“Yeah...Don't see her so often...Johana, i think...How do you know?”</p><p>“Bobby....”</p><p>“Ok, ok....Later.”</p><p>Two hours later, they were parking in front of the bar. Dean couldn't deny it looked better than in his memories. No doubt Bill’s death had struck a blow to the business. He wondered how Jo's father could be...Would he be like his own had been? Harsh and uncompromising with his children? Did he have the idea of training Jo to hunt? Or, on the contrary, did he want to keep her away from this life? It was unlikely given the place where Jo was raised...But Jo had her mom. Who was taking care of her, was loving her, was cuddling her. Helen was, without doubt, the most stubborn and gruff woman he had ever met but she had loved her girl until the last breath.</p><p>Bobby passed in front of him and headed right to the entrance of the bar. When Dean pushed the heavy doors, he was almost expecting to see Ash lying around on the pool table or Jo smiling to him, leaning against the bar. He could almost hear the thick laugh of Helen. The atmosphere of the bar hadn’t changed. Those things were unchangeable. A smoky room, with a heavy atmosphere where beer's scent was always floating.</p><p>There were few people inside. Some guys were sitting to a remote table in the back of the room and Dean quickly identified them as young hunters; certainly sharing some nasty stories in front of a beer. At the bar, two men were talking on both side of it. One was a stranger, a hunter too, given his worn out clothes and the shot gun he was holding in his hands. The other, Dean recognized him immediately even if he had never saw him. Bill Harvelle. He had the same brown eyes than his daughter and the same oval face. No one could deny his paternity concerning Jo. The young girl must have inherited his blond hair from her mother because Bill’s was brown. The man stopped talking when he spotted Bobby and a smile, same as Jo, spread out on his lips.  “Hey, Singer! What the hell ‘re you doin’ here? It ain’t like you to go so far from your cave!”</p><p>“See you soon, Bill. We'll see each other later...” The other man said, leaving.</p><p>“Yeah, bye, Mike.”</p><p>“I'm laughing out...” Replied Bobby, sitting on one of the bar stool.</p><p>Bill watched Bobby a moment but his eyes fell on Dean when this one climbed on a stool too. Their eyes met a few seconds but Dean didn't look away. “You babysit, now?”</p><p>“It’s the pot calling the kettle black, no?” Answered Dean, instead of Bobby.</p><p>Bill raised an eyebrow in front of the kid's answer that implied that he was perfectly aware of Jo, and certainly of Helen too.</p><p>“Don't mind him, Bill. It's the son of an acquaintance...”</p><p>“Hunter?”</p><p>“You could say that...”</p><p>Bill's gaze became even more skeptical before he shrugged. After all, that wasn’t his business. “A drink?”</p><p>“A beer!” Dean said immediately.</p><p>“Coke for the kid”, Bobby growled, glaring at him, “and a beer for me.”</p><p>“Ok!”</p><p>“Bobby! Old chap!” Said a feminine voice behind them.</p><p>Helen was almost unrecognizable. Her face seemed more solar and a light smile was on her lips. Her hair seemed clearer and no wrinkles came squinting the corner of her eyes. She was young and more happy than Dean had never seen her. “Helen!” Exclaimed Bobby almost merrily. “It's been a longtime, huh?!”</p><p>“Way too much time! You serve him a drink, Bill?”</p><p>“There! There!” Replied Bill, putting a bottle of beer in front of Bobby.</p><p>“What brings you here, Bobby?” Asked Helen, still not having noticed Dean.</p><p>Bobby took a gulp of his beer and prepared to answer them when a blond tornado crashed in Bill's legs. “Hey, honey?”</p><p>“Daddy....” Moaned the little child, grabbing her dad's shirt.</p><p>“Well, what's up, munchkin?”</p><p>When the little girl raised her head, fat tears were running from her brown eyes. Dean felt immediately a whiff of affection for the girl. More than ever, he hoped Jo could have a better life. “They say i'm not normal!” Cried the girl that her father had taken to arms.</p><p>“Who's that, Jo?”</p><p>“The others! At school!” She cried</p><p>“Stop crying”, her father gently ordered her by drying her tears. “Big girls don't cry” He added then.</p><p>Jo bit her lower lip to try to hold back her tears. She almost let another tear fall when her father put her down. “Don't listen to them”, he merely said. “You're my little warrior....” He added in a puff of pride.</p><p>Helen hadn't intervened in the discussion and Dean immediately understood Jo was a daddy's girl. But from what he had just seen, Bill raised Jo as...as a hunter. With awkwardness and a soft harshness. The <i> " you are my little warrior"</i> looked a lot alike <i>" you are my little soldier"</i>...Words that meant so much to a child and that he had heard too much to not know what impact it might have on Jo. “But they say i'm weird!” Insisted Jo, looking at her father with despair.</p><p>“They're stupid, that's all! Don't listen to them”</p><p>“But....”</p><p>“Jo....”</p><p>Without hearing more, Dean slipped beside the little girl and knelt down in front of her. Seeing Jo at 6 was rather disturbing.… “Hi, Jo...” He whispered softly and he pretended not to see that they had all the attention of the three adults.</p><p>“Hi...” The girl spluttered, waddling on her feet.</p><p>“You don't have to be afraid of me, you know...” He said with a smile.</p><p>“I'm not!” Exclaimed Jo, glaring at him furiously.</p><p>“I'm sure...You know”, he said, “me too the others children, they said i was weird...”</p><p>“Why?” She asked, looking at him with her curious big eyes.</p><p>“Because i wasn't like them. Because i wasn't afraid of the dark. And because i never looked under my bed...” He explained simply. “What happened?”</p><p>“I only said to Tony that he was stupid! He said ghosts are white and that they are afraid of light! But that's not true! So, i said so! That they are transparent and just afraid of salt! They laughed! They said i was weird for saying things like that! And now, they call me <i>"Miss Salt"!” </i></p><p>“Ho well...you know...you don’t need to tell them those things...” He explained with a smile.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because they can't understand. They think monsters don't exist.”</p><p>“But they do! It's the truth!” Pressed the girl. “How can we save them if we don't tell them the truth?” She asked sadly and with so much innocence that Dean couldn't hold back a soft smile.</p><p>“Well, for now, you can't do anything...Just don’t listen to them, pretend you don't hear them and have fun...One day, if you want”, he explained insisting on the last three words, “you'll able to help them. When you'll have grow up. Okay, Lady?”</p><p>The little girl blushed at the nickname before nodding impetuously. Dean smiled again at her, running a hand in the blond hair, like he would’ve with Sam. Unintentionally, Dean had just made himself a fan more than devoted...When he raised up, he met three pairs of curious eyes. Helen and Bill looked at him suspiciously, surely wondering how a kid could talk about those things so calmly while an amused glimmer shimmered in Bobby's eyes. “Have fun, huh?” Taunted the old hunter.</p><p>“I’ve a lot of fun!” He affirmed with a bantering smile. “Just differently than all the whiners of my age.” He merely added.</p><p>“What do you want, Bobby?” Asked suddenly Bill, breaking the atmosphere.</p><p>“Elkins.”</p><p>“Sorry?”</p><p>“You surely must know where he is, right?” Asked Bobby.</p><p>Bill seemed to hesitate a moment, his piercing gaze passing successively from Bobby to Dean. “Why do you want to see him?” He asked.</p><p>“It's personal. We just need to talk..”</p><p>“Look Bobby....Elkins isn't very friendly, okay? And like i owe him one or two...”</p><p>“He may know where my mom is”. Dean cut, dryly.</p><p>“Your mom? How so?”</p><p>“My mom is missing”. He lied impudently.</p><p>“I thought your parents weren't hunters?” Asked Bill, more and more suspicious.</p><p>“Correct. My mom is a former hunter”</p><p>“You don't give up hunting...” Said Bill with an assured voice.</p><p>“She did”, Dean insisted. “And she is missing.”</p><p>“How do you know about hunting, if she really did it...”</p><p>Dean sighed heavily, shrugging. Why all these explanations? Hunters weren't so prying usually!” Well”, he said with a harsh tone, “we’re not gonna spend the night on it...Either you tell us where Elkins is, or we'll go elsewhere...”</p><p>“Bill...Take this like a good customer and friend's request”. Said Bobby, sinking his cap.</p><p>“A good customer?! You! Bobby Singer, i haven’t see you in this bar more than three times this year!” Helen laughed loudly.</p><p>“Well...” Sighed finally Bill, scrubbing distractedly his two days beard. “Give me some time to make a few calls, spend the night here and we’ll go together, ok? ….. Anyway, the old paranoid won’t open his door to you without good reasons.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys!</p><p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. The Colt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p><p>Well, guys! A little mistake has occurred.....The previous chapter 11 was actually the chapter 12 so....This is the real chapter 11....So sorry for the little mix up.....</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bill had quickly eclipsed in the back shop, certainly to make those phone calls....The hunters was a closed community and few names actually filtered. The Winchester name had been known in his world but that time was over.</p><p>Bobby was chatting with Helen but Dean didn't really bother to listen what they were saying. He was simply watching Helen, noting not really on purpose the differences. He didn't know the precise date of Bill's death. It must have been around the ninth years of Jo....Dean really hoped to be able to avoid his death. He knew it wasn't his goal...Actually, if he wanted to save all those who were dead, it wasn’t a given and no doubt others will died anyway but...He wanted at least to do that for Jo. She deserved it.</p><p>So...He was quietly sitting at the bar, glaring at his coke. It was a shame he couldn't drink beer! His father had caught him with a bottle once...He had been so pissed off. Dean hadn't really gotten why he was making such a fuss about it and without a doubt, his nonchalance hadn't soothed his father's anger. His first beer dated back at his 12 years. He remembered it well because it marked his first hunt. Ho! His father had certainly not given him in person by encouraging him...No, his dad had collapsed in the couch of the motel room and he had stayed put at the kitchen table. He had cried, that night...No doubt some of his rare crying fits...And the beer had almost finished by itself in his hands. The next day, his father hadn't told anything otherwise this disappointed but so understanding look. So, fuck it, he wanted a beer! Word of Dean Winchester, before his 16 years, he’ll have a beer!</p><p>He was out of his alcoholic thoughts by a little hand that pulled on his shirt. Jo was waddling beside him, an adorable and determined pout on the face. “Yeah, Jo?”</p><p>“Do you want to play with me?” She asked, merrily.</p><p>“Maybe later, honey, okay?” He whispered kindly. “Why don’t you drew something beautiful for you dad? I'm sure he'd be happy to see that you aren’t sad anymore.”</p><p>“You think?” Murmured the little girl.</p><p>Dean nodded slowly and the little girl hastened to bring back a paper sheet and many pencils, she settled right next to him, a shinning smile hooked on her red lips. A muffled laugh reached him and when he straightened his head, he saw Bobby chuckled behind his hands. He rolled his eyes before spotting the hunters playing pool. He watched them play for a while, observing carefully their level. If he hadn't lost his touch – and he hadn't...like cycling- he was rather good at pool. More than this two guys, anyway. It was his chance to make some money.</p><p>Taking the time to place an innocent and curious expression on his face - he had became quite good at this game! - he advanced towards the two guys. He knew that Bobby and Bill were watching him, not wanting to miss any information that could help solving the mystery that was Dean Winchester...Bobby had always disliked not knowing. “Excuse-me...Can you show me how to play?” He asked candidly, pointing the pool table.</p><p>The two guys, one big and stocky and the other, smaller and thinner, exchanged a quick look before answering him. The big guy spoke first: “What're you doin’ here, kiddo? It ain’t a place for ya, ya know?!”</p><p>“My dad dropped me off for a couple of hours. He didn't want to tell me where he was going...” He explained, applying a sad look larger than life.</p><p>“Haa...And ya dunno how to play pool?”</p><p>“He never has the time to show me...” He shrugged.</p><p>“C'mon kid...We're gonna show ya...” Said the smaller one after another glance with his comrade.</p><p>After more than thirty minutes of learning and explanation, Dean straightened proudly with a happy smile on his lips. “How about a game?” He asked.</p><p>“Sorry, kiddo...We’re just playin’ for cash…” Said the tall one.</p><p>“Yeah...Time is money...”</p><p>“Ho?” Whispered Dean with a perfect piteous air. “I have 200 dollars...Is it enough?” He asked innocently, getting out of his bag a small bundle - tons and tons of mowed lawns.</p><p>“Huh....yeah...200 dollars, that's good”. Nodded the tall one who seemed nonetheless embarrassed.</p><p>“So...We bet 200?” He asked, feinting uncertainty.</p><p>The man nodded and gave him a pool cue while piling up the 600 dollars on a corner of the table. Dean smiled victoriously and leaned on the pool table. The ball number 6 ended up right in the hole and the two guys looked at each other. They had been duped beautifully...</p><p>On the other side of the room, Bobby stifled a burst of laughter under Bill's questioning gaze. “Where did you find this boy?” Asked the man with a gruff voice.</p><p>“It's Jim that found him, not me!” Replied Bobby like it was an insult.</p><p>“Murphy?” Croaked the other with a wince of disdain, making Bobby rolling his eyes. “And where did he find him?”</p><p>“Dunno. Actually, i don't know much about the kid...”</p><p>“But you babysit him...” Noted Bill.</p><p>“Honestly Bill”, answered Bobby. “This kid doesn't need anybody to take care of him”</p><p>“Ho yeah?” Asked Bill.</p><p>Bobby shook his head from side to side, while a mocking smile appeared on Bill's lips. “Let's see that....” He said with mordant. “Hey, kid?!”</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>On the other side on the room, Dean counted his bucks under the two hunters’ black glare, trying not to smile victoriously. “Sorry guys...Nobody ever told you that appearances are deceptive?” He taunted, gently. “You’re in for some darts? You can show me beforehand if you want...” He added, all smile.</p><p>“Hey, kid?!”</p><p>Bill's loud voice attracted his attention. He greeted the guys with a quick wave of his hand and went to the bar where Bill and Bobby were still sitting. He hadn’t seen Helen leaving, neither Jo.</p><p>“You know how to shoot?” Asked finally Bill when he arrived beside them.</p><p>Dean took his time to answer. Should he respond truthfully right now? Or let him find it by himself? Finally, a smile brightened his young face.</p><p>“We bet?”</p><p>	---------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Dean looked with a septic eye the few weapons that Bill presented him. Weapons? Fucking toys, yeah! The man seemed determined, for a reason that completely went beyond him, to know if he knew how to shoot. Hell, he was gonna be disappointed...Just seeing his condescending air, Dean could say that he didn't believe him able to knock down these fucking cans! “Are you kidding me?” He hissed.</p><p>“And why that?” Asked him Bill, an eyebrow raised.</p><p>“You call that guns? That's a joke...” He murmured. “This….is gun” He added, getting his Beretta out of his waistband.</p><p>“Fucking hell....” Smothered Bill while squinting on the gun. “What the fuck a kid like you do with that?!”</p><p>“Hang on...I'll show you”. He said with insolence, making Bobby rolling his eyes.</p><p>With safe and concise motions, he pierced the eight cans right in the middle. He holstered his gun and turned back at Bill, who still looked at him with an astonished expression. His surprise turned quickly into anger and Dean remained quiet when the man began to swear against pastor Jim. “How old were you when you learned how to shoot?” He asked on a dry tone.</p><p>“Seven” He answered without even thinking of lying</p><p>“Fucking pastor!” Roared Bill, turning back at Bobby. “You see! He takes the liberty to give me advice about parenting but he teaches how to shoot to a seven years old kid!”</p><p>“That's not Jim who taught me...” He emphasized even so.</p><p>“So who?” He asked rudely.</p><p>Dean seemed hesitant for a while, not sure about the answer to give. He could lie at Bill but Bobby would know it right away and he had never answered at Bobby when he had asked that...So, he merely shrugged. He met Bobby's disapproving gaze but like he had said earlier, the answers would come later.</p><p>" Wowww!!!!" Exclaimed a thin voice behind them.</p><p>Jo and her mom were there and they must have seen the whole scene. Helen was looking at him intently like she wanted to read his mind while Jo was watching him, eyes wide, amazed. "You got them all!" She rhapsodized, running towards him. "It's terrific! You shoot so well! As well as dad!" She assured.</p><p>The concerned emitted a kind of indignant groan while Dean laughed out loud. "You’ll teach me, right?! You’ll teach me?! Dad say i'm too young!" She said, peeved.</p><p>"And he's right, princess...." He answered. " You're still have a few years ahead before having to think about that, right?"</p><p>The girl just shrugged. Dean still could remember his own excitement when his father had taught him how to shoot. It was a big step. The big entrance in the grown-up world. The end of the innocence. He had felt so happy to see the pride in his father's eyes....Today, he would’ve like his father was proud of him for something else....The irony was that his current father would’ve a heart attack if he saw him shoot a gun. John had a dislike of guns since he had came back from viet'....He had certainly had to surpass that to become a hunter.</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------</p><p>The evening passed quietly between poker games, piercing gazes between Bill and Helen, Jo's admiring glances and the ones tinged with Bobby's impatience. Late in the night, Dean felt the need to go outside. He was suffocating, here. Sometimes, like now, puffs of nostalgia prevented him from breathing. It squeezed his throat until he feels dizzy. Sometimes, the emptiness was so palpable that it was painful. He missed Sam...It wasn’t new, of course, but not less aching. Sam had won his own battle...He had said "no" to Lucifer but this one had won, nonetheless.</p><p>Sam was dead, Lucifer had took another vessel less powerful and the world had burnt, slowly but surely. He missed Sam...And sometimes, that woke him up in the middle of the night. Sammy...The Sammy who teased him about his gluttony and his libido...The one who had his nose always plunged into his books, who was making puppy’s eyes to apologize, who had claimed a normal life, who was insisting to talk to him about feelings....</p><p>He had a brother. And he loved his brother. And he'd do everything to spare him the hunt and the pain. And he'd give his life for his brother, his father or his mom. Really. But...He missed Sammy. Hell! He missed even his drill sergeant of father...He was so helpless in front of his father’s worried eyes, now. And the more time passed, the more he felt mad towards his mother. The one that had made the initial deal....The one that was at the origin of everything. It wasn't her fault, of course, but she should have think before making a doubtful deal.</p><p>Most of the time, these flushes of sweet sorrow were passing as they had came. And he had just to think about his father's eyes leaning on the car or his mother's face when she looked at Sammy or just about Sammy. Sammy who was proudly showing him his last math homework.</p><p>So, standing in the backyard of the Roadhouse, he took a big breath. He took out from his mind the old pictures, trying to replace them by the new ones. He smiled sadly while feeling a hand on his shoulder. A warm and soft hand. Which gave birth to a sparkling heat in the hollow of his belly. Castiel was always there, in those moments. And Dean wasn’t feeling so lonely anymore.</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Dean was impatiently drumming against the hood of the car. It had been an hour since he was ready and an hour that he was waiting that Bill and Bobby deign to prepare. Who could believe that two seasoned hunters were taking so long to get ready? A sigh of relief passed through his lips when he finally saw Bill get out the Roadhouse, Jo and Helen behind him. Bobby was following them with a nonchalant pace. Helen seemed to flood his husband with recommendations. Even if it wasn't a hunt, Dean could understand her reluctance. Her husband was leaving far from home, on a shady job, and hunting wasn't something predictable. He barely felt Bobby entering the car, too busy watching the little family saying goodbyes. Jo was hugging her father and Dean thought that the man was a thousand time more demonstrative that John had been. Maybe it was because Jo was a girl? Or because Helen was still there? Dean had always thought John had never been good for showing his feelings. And if his father had never told him he loved him, he wasn't stingy with embraces and friendly and proud pats on the shoulder. “I let you in charge, Jo, you take good care of your mom, ok?” Bill said to his daughter who nodded seriously. </p><p>“You shouldn't tell her that”, he whispered softly looking the man straight in the eyes.</p><p>“What?” Croaked the hunter, frowning.</p><p>“You cannot imagine how important it can be for her....” He merely said.</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>The atmosphere in the car was heavy. Bill was dying to ask questions. Dean saw it by the way he was tapping against the steering wheel. Bobby and him were arguing over the radio: Bill preferred the silence, conductive to conversation. Bobby didn’t want the conversation to start. Dean could even see Bill looking at him often in the rear view mirror. He was certainly expecting impatience but he was gonna be surprised, Dean had too much to think to see the time go by.</p><p>He knew he couldn't lie indefinitely to Bill. Because he’d have to convince Elkins to give him the Colt and that was an impossible mission in itself. He hoped Bill was the kind of hunter who satisfied himself with little. No question, no answer. Bill Harvelle was different of John. For a strange reason, he had associated them. Maybe simply because they both had children? But Bill was more cuddly with his girl than John ever was with Sam or him. More smiling too. This was directly link to Helen.</p><p>Dean also though about Bobby. The explanation wasn’t far away and that worried him. Bobby was a major pillar....That he didn't even know it was difficult enough.</p><p>And he was thinking about Sam. He’d have to teach him how to shoot soon. He still didn't know how to do it without drawing attention of the parents but it was non-negotiable. If he didn't want to make Sam a hunter, he want him able to defend himself without difficulties. Surreptitiously, he was already giving his brother books which were teaching him some delicate subjects. Sammy knew, in a totally hypothetical way, that salt repelled spirits. Dean had always be careful that these books didn't get into his mother’s hands.</p><p>And his thoughts went on during all the trip, under Bill's scrutinizing eyes and Bobby's attempts to listen music.</p><p>When the car finally stopped after five hours of non-stop drive, it was in front of an old house, apparently abandoned. If John had always referred to Elkins as a paranoid, Dean could see that this was indeed the case. The old man seemed to hide from the world as much as from other hunters....</p><p>Bill advanced rapidly towards the front door which let, by the way, filter enough air. Bobby was on his six, as himself. He took the time to inspect the place, nonetheless, attentive to the smallest details.</p><p>“Elkins!” Yelled Bill, knocking at the door. “It's Bill Harvelle! Open! Elkins!” He tried again after a few seconds. “Open! It's just for some information!” He added.</p><p>It took again another few minutes for the door to open slightly. A man of a good forty was standing before them. He had the face chiseled by the years and gray hairs were dotting his black hair coal. His eyes was narrowed by mistrust and his suspicious look weighted heavily on them. “You brought friends?” He said, pointing them with his chin.</p><p>“Just information Daniel....” Repeated Bill. “Can we come in?”</p><p>The man hesitated a moment before stepping back. Dean held back a smile when he saw the sawed-off shotgun that the man was holding. Constant vigilance. Barely in, Bill and Bobby had a beer in theirs hands while he had to settle for a glass of water. There again, while both hunters didn't ask more questions, he had to hold back a smile. No hunter offered you a drink without good reason. Courtesy wasn't really their thing....</p><p>He could felt Elkins' glare on him, waiting patiently that he drank his glass of holy water. He raised up his eyes, met the two earthy pearls of Daniel Elkins and swallowed a big gulp of water. “Satisfied?” He said with the most insolent smile he could managed.</p><p>The two eyes of the old hunter immediately narrowed as he put himself on the defensive. “What do you want?” He baldly asked.</p><p>“Well, in fact”, began Bill, “the kid says you could....”</p><p>“Let's be simple”, cut him Dean, incisive. “I want the colt”.</p><p>“What?” Croaked Elkins, this time clearly surprised.</p><p>“I want the Colt, and i know you have him”. He added.</p><p>“Don't know what you're talking about, kid” Grunted the other.</p><p>“Let's don't play game, okay? You have the Colt and i want it. That's it”</p><p>A heavy silence fell in the room. Bill looked at him, astonished and with a dull anger. Bobby seemed annoyed but nonetheless determined. Elkins, on the other hand, was gauging him. And he recognized him for what he was, namely not a child. "How old are you, kid?" He still asked.</p><p>"We don't care" replied Dean "I want the Colt, i need the Colt. How many bullets are left? " He asked.</p><p>"How do you know the munitions are limited?" Hissed Elkins.</p><p>"I know it. And i also know that you're gonna give it to me 'cause i need it. This gun is dangerous and made for bring down a lotta nasties. "</p><p>"That's why i keep it safe." Replied Elkins.</p><p>"It's not safe. A bullet is missing, isn't it? Since a few years now...You must have noticed it."</p><p>"How...Who are you?" Elkins grunted, squeezing tightly his gun.</p><p>"Dean Winchester" He introduced himself. "The Colt isn't safe. I can put it in a safe place. Really safe."</p><p>"And we won’t be able to use it anymore…"</p><p>"It's a double-edge sword. It's the key of a Hell's gate. It's more dangerous than beneficial...We have to put it in a safe place."</p><p>"How can you fucking know so much, Dean!" Grunted Bobby, punching the table.</p><p>"You don't know?!" Asked Bill to Bobby, puzzled.  </p><p>"No, i told you...It's Jim who found the kid" He mumbled.</p><p>"It's more like the kid found Jim, right?" Replied right away Bill.</p><p>"It's not a kid..." Grunted Elkins, glaring him with his piercing eyes.</p><p>"I'm not a demon, a shapeshifter, a werewolf and certainly not a ghost, ok?!” Dean got impatient. "I'm serious", he went on, "No matter how i do know it, this gun have to be place in safety."</p><p>"Why should i trust you? " Asked the oldest.</p><p>"No special reason" Dean admitted. "Just follow your instinct. I don't ask for the moon....Just that you give me this gun...It's not like i'm gonna trigger the apocalypse, huh?! " He taunted with a strange irony. Dean lost himself a moment in his own thoughts. He had thought longingly about that. Him not breaking the first seal, could the Apocalypse really be avoided? Or could the seal be broken by another pure soul? Wasn't it the fact that he was Michael's vessel which had contributed?</p><p>"And i should give it to you, like that, without explanation?"</p><p>"Explanations are gonna come right on time." He said with a determined voice. " But war is coming and we must be ready".</p><p>Elkins looked at the 13 years old kid in the eyes. The boy was standing straight and his eyes were much more deep that they should be. His grave face and his already well-marked features were denoting with his age. The kid didn't have much of a child....The curiosity, thereby the distrust, itched him but his gut - and like every hunter, he was trusting his instinct-  told him he was trustworthy. So, he made the most foolish thing to which he could think: He gave him the Colt. Without an explanation that worth it, without really knowing who was the boy and without knowing where the gun would gonna go.</p><p>The kid sustained his gaze a few more seconds before nodding in recognition. Even in this harmless little gesture, he could see that the kid wasn't one anymore. What did he have to go through in order to grow up so fast?</p><p>				--------------------------------------</p><p>The way back was even more heavier than the previous one. Bobby was demanding explanations that he couldn't give to Bill. He didn't know the man, he didn't trust him enough. Nothing personal. " Dean! Shit! Are you listening to me?!" Grunted Bobby, glaring at him in the rear view mirror.</p><p>"What?" He replied, annoyed.</p><p>"You owe me an explanation!" Rumbled the oldest.</p><p>"I owe you nothing at all!" He hissed with irritation.</p><p>"That's enough! " Yelled suddenly Bill, parking on the side of the road.</p><p>The man got out the car quickly and opened the back seat door. Dean suppressed an apprehension in front of the width of the man. Although he was stronger than his age, he had no chance if Bill demanded answers with a strong-arm method. It wasn’t Bobby's way but Bill’s? "Get out." Ordered simply the hunter in a neutral but firm tone.</p><p>Dean obeyed without arguing, recognizing the directive in the man's voice. He seemed irritated and Dean had no desire to annoy him even more. But he must have been too slow at Bill's taste because this one grabbed him strongly by the arm and threw him literally out off the car. Dean avoided barely the fall, astonished by the man's roughness. He didn't seem the kind of man to brutalize a kid even in such conditions....By habit, Dean looked around him. They were in a middle of a deserted road, very little attended...Long live to the roads lost in the depths of the United States! "I demand answers" Snapped Bill, rudely.</p><p>Dean detailed the man in front of him, a hunter in all his glory. Tall, wide shoulders and of a good constitution. With this hard face and these severe eyes, Dean could almost confound him with his father. "Bill..." Began Bobby, frowning.</p><p>"No, Bobby! We don’t know shit about this kid! I thought that you at least knew where he was coming from but not even" He sniffed. "He could just as well serving demons....or witches or whatever! I want answers!".</p><p>" Or what?" He replied with insolence. "You're gonna kill me? You're gonna torture me?" He said again with narrowed eyes, a sneer on his lips."You want to make me talk, go on! " He spat.</p><p>"Stupid little dumbass!" Bill insulted him, running a hand through his hair.</p><p>"You really thought to impress me with you little show, Bill?" He whispered. "Fuck, I had to deal with things so worst than you, you can’t even imagine!"</p><p>"I saw your parents..." Said distractedly Bobby. " Good people. Not hunters...We just need to understand...." He added. " You're a kid and…"</p><p>"Fucking shit! Stop seeing me as a child! I'm a hunter, ok?! I know as mush as you do about hunt, i know how to shoot and i'm almost as fast and tough as you! Don't fucking care about my age!"</p><p>"We do! We do care, damn it!" Grunted Bill.</p><p>"So what? Don't tell me you're not gonna train your girl, Bill?! You're gonna teach her how to shoot, to survive whatever her age, right?!"</p><p>"But i'll be there and she won’t hunt alone! Where are your parents while you are on the road with strangers, huh?!"</p><p>"At home, safe." Answered merely Dean. " Listen...You don't want to help me, very well...I can do without you both...It’ll just be harder and it won’t be me who will suffer..."</p><p>Dean went back to the car without waiting but instead of get in, he simply leaned on it, darting the two hunters with his decided look. Bobby capitulated while taking off his cap for running a hand in his hair whilst Bill planted himself in front of him with sharp look. "Okay. I trust you, Dean. But if you betray this trust, know that even Hell won’t be far enough to hide you from me..." The man said in stark terms.</p><p>Dean had a disillusioned smile and his eyes passed from decided to haunted. It was two empty green balls that pined Bill down.</p><p>"What do you fucking know about Hell?" Whispered the kid before getting in the car.</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>"Stop right there!" Ordered Dean.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Stop right there!" He repeated.</p><p>"Here?" Bill said, surprised, parking the car. "Why? It's just a godforsaken hole" He moaned.</p><p>"Because" Said the kid, getting out the car.</p><p>"Where are you going?!" Asked Bobby, following him in a shop.</p><p>"Just here.…"</p><p>"You're kidding me?!" Bill grunted, annoyed before the title of the shop."Ain’t you a bit young for doing your adolescent crisis?!"</p><p>" I’m not doing my adolescent crisis and no, I’m not kidding" Replied Dean, entering the tattoo shop. Bobby and Bill followed him along to note the kid was already at the register. "I'd want a tattoo" He said, putting 100 bucks on the counter.</p><p>"Ain’t you too young?" Replied the guy with a frowned. "Anyway", he went on, "I need the consent of your parents…"</p><p>"I'm 16 years old…"</p><p>"Yeah...Sure...And I’m still 20...." Answered the guy that look at least 40. "And it's not a whorehouse here, i don't care about the age of sexual majority…"</p><p>"I want a tattoo, dude..." Repeated Dean, getting another 100 dollars of out his pocket. "My daddies agree..." He said, pointing Bill and Bobby behind him.  </p><p>"Your dads, huh?" Murmured the man, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>"Yup…"</p><p>"And you surely have papers to prove that? " Asked the guy with a smile.</p><p>"Sure..." Replied Dean with the same smile. " Look...." He whispered, pulling out a third bill.</p><p>"...Mmm...yeah.…"</p><p>"See....My dads agree and you’ve your nice little papers....Now, i want a tattoo"</p><p>"Ok" Gave in the guy, pocketing the 300 dollars. "What do you want?"</p><p>"Do you have a piece of paper and a pencil?"</p><p>Dean took a dozen of seconds to draw the anti-possession pentacle before returning it to the tattoo artist.</p><p>"Okayyy...." Whispered the guy, looking at him strangely. "You're sure about that, kid?"</p><p>"I don't have all day.…" He hissed, installing himself in the chair.</p><p> One hour later, Dean got out the shop and returned to the car where Bill and Bobby were waiting for him. "What did you do?" Asked finally Bobby.</p><p>"This...." He replied, showing him the drawing he had made.</p><p>"It's against possession...." Whispered Bobby.</p><p>"Yup....Much more practical than necklaces...." He merely said.</p><p>"You’re crazy...." Sighed Bill. "But it's really clever..." He added.</p><p>"Obviously!"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys!</p><p>Obviously, i know iRL Dean is a little bit young to get a tattoo, it wouldn't stick around as he grows....but we aren't IRL, right?! So let's say Castiel takes care of it.....THanks!<br/>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Just a bad dream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p>
<p>And sooooo......This is the previous chapter 11 that was in fact the 12th.....Sorry for the mix up. As apology, you'll get the next right away....</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hey, buddy, where are you going like that?!"</p>
<p>"Dean!" He welcomed his little brother in his arms, trying not to wince when he pressed unwittingly on his tattoo. Sam had red rimmed eyes and a defeat face. Dean recognized his surly air, the one he had when their father was telling them to pack their things whereas Sam had finally fit in. Despite all of that, as soon as he had seen him, the pouting had given way at the usual smile. Dean closed his arms on his brother. He had missed him.</p>
<p>"Sam!" Scolded a male voice and Dean saw his dad getting out the house, apparently angry.</p>
<p>"What happened, Sammy?" He asked his little brother who stood by him.</p>
<p>"Sam, go to your room! We're gonna talk about it later!" Said his father's hard voice. "How was the trip, Dean?" He asked then.</p>
<p>"Great", he said distractedly, putting himself at his brother height, "Hey, Sammy? You don't want to tell me what's going on?" His brother shrugged and mumbled something away, the eyes fixed on his shoes. With a slow gesture, Dean passed a hand under his chin to raise it. "Sam? Can you repeat that?"</p>
<p>"I wasn't at home in time and i wasn't at the park....Mom and Dad yelled at me, that's all”</p>
<p>"And where were you?" He asked, frowning.</p>
<p>"Nowhere....", responded his brother, "I was hanging out. And for running, the park isn’t so cool...." He added, still slightly annoyed.</p>
<p>When he straightened up, he could see his father's disapproval look. He knew his attitude towards Sam annoyed him. He knew he was very invasive and over-protective for a big brother. His mother already told him on several occasions, more and more abruptly. But it was visceral and if his quasi-parental behavior had suited John well, it annoyed his father tremendously. Dean understood, but there was really nothing he could do about it.</p>
<p>"In your room, Sam." Resumed their father and Dean could see his jaw tighten whereas Sam was still attached to him.</p>
<p>"Go on Sam, listen to dad....Me too, i need to go to my room to unpack my bag...." He said, catching his brother's hand.</p>
<p>"Each in his own room!" Added their dad in a tensed voice.</p>
<p>In the hallway, they met their mother and Dean could tell she was quite angry with him too. He didn’t really know why...Maybe it was about Sam's jog? Once in front of their room, he sent his brother in his own with a wink when he balked at leaving him and went in his. He emptied quickly his bag on the bed and briefly sorted his clothes. Clean and dirty. Downstairs, he heard his parents arguing vigorously and was almost sure it was about him. Once certain his parents were staying downstairs, he got out of his room for his brother's one. This one was sit up cross-legged on his bed, a book in front of him. When his older brother entered the room, he smiled happily. "So, buddy, you’re playing rebel?" He said, ruffling his hair.</p>
<p>"I just wanted to walk around! " Argued his brother.</p>
<p>"And where did you go, Sammy?" He asked again.</p>
<p>"Just take a walk! I swear Dean!" Sam assured him.</p>
<p>Dean looked at his brother for a while before nodding. Sam wasn’t lying to him. In fact, Sam almost never lie to him. Awesome big brother's privilege. "You didn't speak with strangers?"</p>
<p>"No! I just went running like you said and i didn't notice the time flew by....When i walked back, mom and dad just began to shout at me!"</p>
<p>"They were afraid, Sam....", he explained, “I certainly wouldn't have been happy either, you know?" He added with a little smile.</p>
<p>"But they didn't believe me!"</p>
<p>"Why?”</p>
<p>"They didn't believe me when i told them i was running....They said i was lying..." The end of his sentence ran aground his lips and Dean raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>"Hey...Can you repeat that?! I didn't understand anything!"</p>
<p>"They said i was lying, like you...." Repeated softly his brother, barely daring to meet his eyes.</p>
<p>"Ha. Well...Try to not do it again, okay?"</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"Because it's not right to scare mom and dad. Nor to disobey them." he explained, cleverly.</p>
<p>"But you do it all the time!", argued his brother, "and when you were leaving the park, you never told where you were going! I remember!"</p>
<p>Ha. There was it, the reason of his parents’ anger towards him. And now, they were going to tax him with having a bad influence on his brother. Great. "Listen, Sam...", he sighed placing himself at his brother's height, "what i'm gonna say is very important, okay?"</p>
<p>"Okay…"</p>
<p>"I want you to listen and to keep it to yourself, okay?"</p>
<p>"I can't tell to mom and dad?"</p>
<p>" No. It's between us, okay?" The little boy briskly nodded his head while straightening up to appear focused and listening. "I know you want to take me as example but you can't" He began.</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"Because, often, I’m not gonna listen mom and dad and cause, according to them, I’ll do some bad things."</p>
<p>"And that will be true?" Asked his little brother, a confused air on his face.</p>
<p>"Sometimes, it will"</p>
<p>"So why are you doing it?" He asked again.</p>
<p>"Because i have to. It's necessary. I need to do certain things so we can all live safely, ok?"</p>
<p>"And those are bad things?" Mistrusted his brother.</p>
<p>"Not really. Just things they don't understand. Things they’re afraid of. As not knowing where i go or what i do."</p>
<p>"And me, i can do that too?", asked briskly the little one, "That way, there would be two of us and more people could live in safety, right?!"</p>
<p>"No, Sammy" Replied softly Dean.</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"Because you got to stay with mom and dad. They need you. Them, to live safely and fully, they need you to be kind and happy, okay?"</p>
<p>"Okay. I'm not doing like you even if you do it for us." Summarized Sam, an annoyed pout on the face.</p>
<p>"That's it, Buddy!" Smiled Dean, ruffling his hair once again under his bursts of laugh.</p>
<p>	----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>"I thought having been clear...Everyone in his own room, i said." Sighed the gruff voice of his father.</p>
<p>Dean sighed deeply watching his parents seated at the kitchen table waiting apparently to have a discussion with him. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. What could he honestly tell them? "I had to talk with him" He merely said entering the room to sit up.</p>
<p>"He told you what he was doing?" Just asked his mother.</p>
<p>"As he told you. He was running and didn't notice the time flew by. He told you the truth", he lectured them. "Why didn’t you believe him?"</p>
<p>"You were saying the same thing...", grunted his dad, "i was walking around...and we all know it wasn't true even if we still don't know the truth."</p>
<p>"I was gonna see Pastor Jim". He said briskly.</p>
<p>"Yeah sure....", sighed his father, " let's admit. Are you aware that your behavior is rubbing off on your little brother?"</p>
<p>"I know", he sighed, "I fixed it."</p>
<p>"You fixed it?", repeated his mom, perplexed. "And how do you want to fix the fact that your little brother idolizes you and wants to do exactly like you?"</p>
<p>Dean pretended not to hear the bitterness in his mother's voice while he was thinking about his answer. "By just talking to him. It's not because he’s a child, that he’s stupid." he said.</p>
<p>"You’re a child too, Dean", hissed his dad. "It might be time for you to realize that....You aren’t an adult and you don't have to mollycoddle Sam like you do."</p>
<p>"I don't mollycoddle him...", he denied, "anyway, the problem is solved." He finished, turning his heels.  </p>
<p>	----------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p> <i>Alastair and the razor. Alastair and the whip. Alastair and the knife. Flashes of cold light. Deafening roars. The heat. The cold. The pain. The heat-the cold-the pain. Heat-cold-pain.</i></p>
<p> <i>DEAN!</i></p>
<p> <i>Sam. Sammy. Always Sam.</i></p>
<p>
  <i>Blood. Hot and cold. Pain. A bolt of pain. And fear. And despair. And fear. And wrath. And fear. And pain again.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>"One word, Dean, only one word...." Alastair's nasal and disgusting voice. His laugh. Creepy. And painful. So painful.</i>
</p>
<p><i>"One word, Sam, only one word..." Lucifer's conceited and tender voice. His smile. Arrogant. "One word, Sam, only one word...".</i> </p>
<p>
  <i>NO! NO! NO! NO!</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>SAM! </i>
</p>
<p>Even before waking up, he stifled the cry in his throat. He wanted to scream, to cry and sob. He wanted Sam. He wanted to forget. Why these images were coming back now?</p>
<p>Dean straightened up completely in his bed. He ran a tired hand on his sweat soaked face and glanced at the clock. 22:12. It was still early but as soon as he got home, Dean collapsed. He wasn’t used anymore to long drive and no doubt that seeing Jo and Helen again had been more trying than he’d have thought. Maybe that was why he had dreamed? Or maybe it was because of the Colt, neatly tucked away in the double bottom of his sock cabinet.</p>
<p> <i>"One word, Dean, only one word...." </i></p>
<p>Dean closed his eyes and breathed slowly. It was all behind him. Sam was sleeping in the room beside. However, he still felt the razor's cold blade against his skin and he could hear Alastair's voice. He could almost smell the burnt flesh and ashes....With a weary movement, he got up and went discreetly down the stairs. He didn't want to wake up his parents. Sat in the kitchen, one of his father's beer in hand, he wondered how could he still have this old reflex. Alcohol keeps the folks mellow, right? Or was it chocolate? The first sip went down his throat and he could only be okay with the former...It had been a long time, it would surely only take a few bottles to get him drunk but he didn't fucking care.</p>
<p>The nightmare was still behind his eyelids.</p>
<p>He didn't quite know how he ended in the park. But there he was...Sat against one of the stone wall, a beer in hand and even more images behind his eyelids.</p>
<p>"Bloody hell...." He mumbled under his breath.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes for a while and breathed the fresh air of August. A barbecue smell still floated in the air with the one of cut herbs and myriads of flowers dotting the park. It wasn’t Hell. Sam was alive. Lucifer, still in his cage. Everything was fine. So, why this load in his stomach? <i>Without any doubt this burden will never go away... </i>He said to himself. Blood never disappears entirely. A stain always remains...</p>
<p>"Hey, kiddo!" Called a solid voice.</p>
<p>Instinctively, and in spite of the alcohol mists, he tensed, on the look-out and straightened briskly. He found himself face-to-face with a man in his forties, beige outfit on the shoulders, a hat on his head and a star attached proudly to his chest: The sheriff. So fucking great!</p>
<p>"You're Winchester's eldest, right?!" Asked him the man, advancing towards him. "Yeah, okay...." He murmured, noticing the beer and his slightly tipsy look. "How old are you, kid?"</p>
<p>"13" Flatly replied Dean.</p>
<p>"Alright...", sighed the man, "I’ll bring you back home."</p>
<p>" Can d’it 'lone...." He mumbled, getting up completely. Obviously, he wasn't used to drink anymore. Goddamn it! He could count on his fingers the numbers of times he had been wasted! And here he was, after a few beers, in a daze. <i>But you're 13 years old, Dean.... </i>Squeaked a voice, at the edge of his consciousness. Strangely, it was the voice half-pinched, half-annoyed of Sam. While he staggered slightly on his feet and that the sheriff had to help him to join the car, he was ready to admit that yes....Maybe it wasn't the best idea of the century.</p>
<p>"Come on son..." Sighed the man with a paternal tone. "Get in the car, i need to talk to your parents"  </p>
<p>Dean drowsed in the car during all the drive. He wasn't drunk enough to be sick or to sleep but he just let himself go. He didn't want, for now, to struggle with himself. Alcohol had brought a welcomed numbness even if temporary.</p>
<p>Sheriff Williamson threw an umpteenth look in the rear view mirror. Now that he was taking more time to look at the boy, he acknowledged him. He had suspected that he was John's eldest but he had hoped he was wrong. He wasn't really a friend of John Winchester but Lawrence was a little town and he had to know from sight all his fellow citizens. Furthermore, he had already talked several times with the man on his workplace, whereas he was bringing a patrol car to repair. The mechanic was a professional who loved his job and did it well.</p>
<p>He had, evidently, heard about the kid. Dean Winchester. Firstly by his feat of a few month ago, when he had saved his little brother. It had been all around the town and the boy had became a little hero in the neighborhood. It had quickly calmed down, mostly because the kid hadn't fed it. Unlike many young boys, Dean hadn't played with it, nor did he went big-head. After that, the little interrogation he had himself led having let him with a strange impression about the kid, he had begun to listen. A lot of rumors were circulating about the child and everybody agreed that he was special, if not strange. Dean Winchester wasn’t a boy whom one had to bother at the risk of tasting his fists, he was quiet and shy but was using an offbeat humor, if not totally displaced. He had good school grades and he had to acknowledge that the kid had never had troubles with the police.</p>
<p>Until now.</p>
<p>Once again staring at the sleeping form on the backseat, he thought that, even drunk, Dean Winchester wasn't ordinary. He had caught many drunk kids in his career and all those around Dean's age were behaving more or less the same way. Those who weren't social cases were pleading that he doesn't tell their parents whereas the others were generally aggressive or on the defensive. Dean hadn't reacted in either of these two ways...He had merely agreed and hopped in the car, obediently, without a word. He could even tell he seemed downcast...Yeah, exactly that. Downcast. Jaded. And this same feeling of unease he had already felt during his interrogation appeared in the hollow of his belly.</p>
<p>Once in front of the house all light off, he stopped the car and hesitated a moment. He was almost sure that John wasn't the kind of guy to leave his 13 years old kid on the street....Yet, the lights of the house were off and everything seemed calm. Did the boy had fled unnoticed?</p>
<p>Taking a decision, he got off the car and opened the backseat door. Forthwith, the kid opened his eyes and the sheriff had almost the impression he was scanning the situation.</p>
<p>"Come on kiddo, we're at your home...Can you walk?" He asked in a neutral tone.</p>
<p>The kid nodded softly and got carefully out of the car. Not certain of his balance, the sheriff grabbed him slightly by the arm. He rang the doorbell several times before seeing one of the rooms lighted up. The light seemed to spread and a few seconds later, the door opened. "Craig?" Asked John’s sleepy voice.</p>
<p>"Hi John", he said politely, "i think i found someone who belongs to you?" He tried with humor, slightly pulling Dean under his father’s gaze.</p>
<p>"Dean?!" John was now totally awake and was looking at his eldest son with total confusion. "But", he went on, "you went to bed early and.…" The confusion quickly gave way to anger. All John's face twisted in a furious expression that he was apparently trying to hold back in front of the sheriff. "God Dammit! Where did you go?!" He exclaimed in a roaring voice.</p>
<p>"I don't think he’s in any state to answer clearly, John”, merely said the sheriff in a slightly contrite voice, "and if you brought him inside, huh? He wasn't far away, John, just in the park, with a beer."</p>
<p>"Thanks, Craig, really. I cannot even imagine the encounters he could’ve make so late..." Just replied John, dryly grabbing Dean by an arm.</p>
<p>"It's okay, John. Let's say nothing happened. Good night."</p>
<p>"Good night". John softly closed the door before to report a hairy look at his son who still seemed slightly nauseous, beside him. "In the living room." He hissed in a harsh voice.</p>
<p>While his son was moving slowly towards the living room, John ran a hand on his face, sign of his anger, but also his helplessness. He clearly wasn't understanding his son. Dean had gotten to bed early, tired by the trip. And it was the police that brought him back at midnight, totally wasted! Mary, who had gotten down with him, was standing in front of the kitchen's door and seemed flabbergasted. His son was 13! How could he even think to drink till getting drunk?</p>
<p>With a head movement, he pointed her the living room and both entered in. Dean was on the couch, his head between his hands. John had a brief moment of hesitation despite the red mist of anger which inhabited him. His son seemed so frail, right now.… "We're waiting for some explanations, young man." Attacked immediately Mary, arms crossed and back ramrod straight.</p>
<p>For all answer, Dean sighed loudly and raised his head. He had his eyes slightly puffy and tired features but didn't seem too out of it.</p>
<p>"Dean...", creaked John, "….we asked you a question."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry" finally said Dean, straightening up completely.</p>
<p>Both adults had the breath took away for a moment. At every remonstrance, Dean obediently apologized while giving them a plausible explanation. Every time, and it enraged John, he could tell his son's excuses were totally false. Here, however, Dean's voice sweated honesty.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry", he repeated, "i fucked up…"</p>
<p>"How many beer did you drink?" Asked John, wondering if his son was talkative because of the alcohol.</p>
<p>"Just some..." Answered his boy.</p>
<p>"How many?!" Added his mother, frostily.</p>
<p>"I dunno....5 or 6...maybe more." he sighed.</p>
<p>"5 or 6?! " Roared his father. "Do you realize that you're only 13 year old? 13, DEAN! You aren’t even driving age and you already drink 5 or 6 beers?! What are you thinking?! It's not a game, Dean! Do you realize what could’ve happened to you if Craig didn't spot you?! If you had an accident?! DEAN! I'M TALKING TO YOU!"</p>
<p>"Yes!" Said briskly Dean." I'm sorry! What else do you want?!" He snapped.</p>
<p>"Don't talk to us that way, young man!" Hissed his mother this time. "Why did you drink?" She asked then.</p>
<p>John saw his son hesitate, cruelly biting his lower lip while looking at them stealthily as if to evaluate them. His son was so secret, so mysterious...John would be totally unable to say what his son was thinking....In fact, he knew nothing about his son. He didn't know what he wanted to do later, if he was in love with a girl or even what was his favorite school subject. Just this, sometimes, was enough to make him mad at Dean. Their son didn't give them anything. In a certain way, it was like he didn't trust them.</p>
<p>"I had a nightmare" He mumbled under his breath, with reluctance.</p>
<p>"A nightmare?" Repeated John, frowning.</p>
<p>"About what, Dean?" Asked softly Mary, getting closer to Dean.</p>
<p>"Nothing that matters..." Evaded the boy.</p>
<p>"It had to since you’ve been drinking..." She repeated.</p>
<p>"It was nothing, okay!" He snapped, getting away from her. </p>
<p>"DON'T TALK LIKE THAT TO YOUR MOTHER!" Snarled his dad. "You don't want to tell us what your nightmare was about, fine. But alcohol is by no means the solution! Getting drunk won’t solve your problems! Now or later! You are grounded until further notice, including your trips with pastor Jim.…"</p>
<p>"What?! No!" Briskly said Dean, glaring at him.</p>
<p>"Yes! And don't talk back!" Snarled John.</p>
<p>"Or what?!" Hissed Dean, tight fists.</p>
<p>"Be careful, Dean! One more stupidity of this kind and this is the boarding school that is looming for you! This is clear?"</p>
<p>"....…"</p>
<p>"I said: THIS IS CLEAR?" Yelled John.</p>
<p>"Yes sir." Hissed Dean in a sour voice.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Bad trip</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p><p>Take note to go back see Chapter 11 and 12 because they changed......Because of a little mix up of my part....The real chapter 11 is now there and not sadly forgotten in my computer.....So the actual chapter 12 is in fact the previous 11th. Sorry again!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean could understand his parents. Really. He was understanding them. If it had been Sammy, he would himself have knocked some sense into him. But it wasn't Sammy, it was him....He knew how to defend himself.</p><p>It had been, of course, a mistake. He had learned a long time ago alcohol wasn’t helping in anything, on the contrary....The awakening was simply more painful. But this cop had bumped into him and now, he found himself deprived of hunt as a fucking stupid teenager! With rage, he threw his pillow across the room and kicked his bed. "You can't hold it against them to watch over you" placidly said a warm voice.</p><p>"Cas!" He yelped, turning back. "You're crazy to come here! They could see you!"</p><p>"Do not worry about that.…", merely said the angel.</p><p>"I don't hold it against them...." Replied Dean, nevertheless.</p><p>"Liar", softly whispered Castiel with a comprehensive look. "You are blaming your mother. ", he added.</p><p>"And how do you know that, Sherlock?!" Hissed Dean in return.</p><p>"I know you" Calmly released Castiel, a thin smile on his lips.</p><p>"Yeah..." sighed the younger, dropping on his bed. "I blame her, all right....For this deal and to behave as if nothing had happened...She should know demons never forget this kind of thing."</p><p>"And your father?"</p><p>"My father is....a good dad ", he hesitated, eyes fixed on both hands, "maybe that’s why he annoys me so much…"</p><p>"It's understandable"</p><p>"It's childish"</p><p>"No", denied Castiel, "it's human".</p><p>Dean flabbily nodded while Castiel settled on the bed. Willingly or not, they ended up shoulders to shoulders and Dean immediately felt soothed by the direct contact. "It will not be the last nightmare", finally said Castiel.</p><p>"I know. It's just...It had been a long time since i had one. It took me by surprise…"</p><p>"It's behind you", Castiel encouraged him slightly, with a deep voice.</p><p>"I know. It's gonna be okay"</p><p>"Now", whispered Castiel with a smile, "you have to assume your punishment".</p><p>  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>"A boarding school?" Softly asked Mary, glaring at his husband.</p><p>"What did you want me to say to him?" He angrily said. "He provoked me so i said the first thing that came to my mind!</p><p>"And it was a boarding school?!" Hissed Mary.</p><p>"Yes, and it's not a bad idea! It would make him see people and teach him some discipline!”</p><p>"Dean isn't undisciplined", Mary countered him, "he’s just.…"</p><p>"Disobedient, arrogant, casual, brawler and inconsiderate!"</p><p>"John!"</p><p>"It's true! He was drunk, Mary, and he’s 13 year old! And he still acts as if he hadn't done anything wrong!"</p><p>"He admitted to have made a mistake", his wife reminded him, "he apologized".</p><p>"Ho! May God be praised! Dean apologized! " Mocked John.</p><p>"John! Stop right now the sarcasm!"</p><p>"And in addition, it would take him a little bit away from Sam!"</p><p>"Ho John! Don't tell me you're jealous of your eldest son?!"</p><p>"Don't talk to me about jealousy! This has nothing to do with that! Dean behaves as if he was the only one to worry about Sam and it’s not normal! You know it as much as i do!"</p><p>"Anyway, it's not for now…"</p><p>"You really think your son will stop his bullshit overnight?"</p><p>				--------------------------------</p><p>On the contrary to what John had been thinking, Dean tried to keep a low profile. It wasn't very difficult because anyway, he was grounded. The new school year came quickly and if Sam was really happy about it, Dean found it deeply boring. Despite this, after careful consideration, he had decided to continue his education to graduate from High School. It wasn't much but it was something he hadn’t been able to get before. By choice as much as by necessity. He wasn't gonna put his school dropping out of school on his father's shoulders because he had never really like school....And that it had been a godsend back then. He had had more time for Sammy and the hunt. But today, he really wanted to graduate. He still wasn’t liking school and he still didn't know what tomorrow will be made of but he wanted to get it. Maybe it was a way to prove something to himself or maybe he just had hope for a better future....</p><p>So, the start of the school had come and go and soon it was Christmas and the new year. His 14 year were there in an instant. The past few months had been terribly calm. His punishment had lasted for over two month and his parents were more reluctant to let him out, so he only saw Bobby episodically and Jim during his visit to Missouri. His relationship with his parents hadn’t evolved...or at least, not in a good way. His father seemed to hold his positions firmly on him and wasn’t letting anything go. The day Sammy asked them if he could sign up for a defense class, their father gritted his teeth as Mary reluctantly agreed. Dean didn't show his satisfaction.</p><p>In spite of the tensions within the family towards his brother, Sam was remaining steadfastly loyal to him. The boy, who was going on his 10 years old, still got along well with his brother and covered him up from times to times when he visited Missouri. He was an exceptional big brother, he must have acknowledged it by chatting with his classmates. Their elder brothers were almost all idiots who spent more time annoying them and telling them to sod off than watching out for them. Dean laughed at him sometimes and Sam didn't hesitate to do the same but his brother had always been there for him and had never sent him packing. In his mind, Dean was like a hero. His brother's explanations of what he had to do hadn’t fell on deaf ears. Sam knew his brother was acting for the better.</p><p>We were in April and it was a Sunday morning like any other, Dean got up late. For some time now, he had told his mother he no longer wanted to go to the church. She had been angry at first and then finally accepted that it was his choice. She couldn't force him to believe in God. He was believing in God, of course...Or rather, he knew. Sometimes, he wondered if it wasn't easier when he sincerely believed he didn't exist.</p><p>So, this morning, he got up late, went slowly to the kitchen to have breakfast, quietly reading the newspaper. Not that he liked reading the news but it was always an interesting way to spot anything strange going around.</p><p>Today, rightly, he wasn't deceived. A small article, at the bottom of the third page, immediately caught his attention. <i> <b><span class="u">Worrisome disappearances</span> : already nine victims! </b></i>Automatically, Dean read the article diagonally. It seemed that in recent weeks, some disappearances had occurred in the region. Some adults, mostly women, were missing and no traces could be found. Already, Dean was making a list of potentially suspicious supernatural beings. It could be a spirit like H. H. Holmes or evolved ghouls, a crocotta or vampires...The list could be long, he needed more data. With a quick gesture, he tore off the page, left a brief note for his parents while hoping to come back before them and slammed the front door.</p><p>	----------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>"Have you seen that?" Said Dean, brandishing the article under Missouri's nose.</p><p>"Yes", replied the psychic, "i already spotted it".</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"And i'm keeping Bobby informed"</p><p>"And nobody have think to tell me?” He said with some anger.</p><p>"You're not really in your parents' good graces, Dean. And i think we can manage without you, right?"</p><p>"What did you find?" He asked finally, seriously.</p><p>Missouri sighed in front of the boy's behavior. She and Bobby had just thought it wasn't bad that he spend less time with them and on the road and more time with his parents. Missouri feared that the growing gap between him and his parents becomes too large to be filled. Bobby agreed while wondering how his parents couldn't see anything. In spite of that, the old hunter still didn't know the truth, he was however asking far fewer questions. "No relationship or similarity between the vic other than their gender, and still, there was an exception. Most disappeared on the road along Clinton Lake, outside of town. Each time, we found their car but no clue. "</p><p>"Okay....So, either it’s a ghost that haunt around these roads but like it's a big territory, i doubt it… Either, it's a territory strictly speaking and it's some creature....maybe vampires. You’ve been talking with the neighborhood?"</p><p>"No, not really. Bobby wasn't available, he just gave me some advice…"</p><p>"And, of course, you didn't think i could be useful?"</p><p>"Oh yeah? How? By borrowing daddy's car to go there? Missouri said, annoyed.</p><p>Dean pursed his lips, holding back the rude words that were tickling the tip of his tongue. Of course, the loss of his autonomy was an infuriating thing. He blessed the day when he could drive his father's car...If his dad offered it to him again...</p><p>"Tonight, we'll go over there to question the neighborhood...If it's vampires, we'd better go to the bars....and also see if they haven’t found bodies that they haven’t yet been able to identify."</p><p>"And your parents?"</p><p>"They don't need to know..."</p><p>	------------------------------------------------</p><p>Dean sighed in relief when he actually came back before his parents. He didn't want to have to explain <b>again </b>....And lie <b>again </b>. Even though lying had been an integral part of his past life, it was nothing compared to now. He was lying to his parents, Bobby and even Missouri when he was telling her not to know how he ended up here. Damn! The one he least lied to was his little brother!</p><p>The rest of the day passed slowly between his mother’s half-veiled sermons and Sam’s burst of laughter showing him what he had learned in self-defense. Night came quickly and around 10 p.m., once his mother had poked her head in his room before going to bed and heard his father’s first snores, Dean sat up in his bed. He quickly put on some clothes without forgetting his knife which he had put in his right boot. Always. Hesitant for a moment, he finally made up his mind to go down the window. It overlooked the roof of the living room extension, so it was easy to slide. Once on the ground, he headed for Missouri, hoping that this time, his nocturnal absence would go unnoticed.</p><p>"Well....You took your time! I thought you forgot..." Mumbled Missouri when she saw him coming.</p><p>"I had to wait until they fell asleep...It might be nice to come back before they wake up...I risk the worst punishment ever!" He grimaced.</p><p>Missouri smirked before laughing frankly.</p><p>"And you find this funny?"</p><p>"Sure! Come one, get in the car, we’ve a ten-minutes drive...Bobby called, he'll be here tomorrow, he just finished a hunt..." She added.</p><p>	-------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>"Party-goers, huh?" The bartender repeated, his hands on a dish towel, and the eyes fixed on Dean.</p><p>"Yeah....Real night owls....Drinking a lot and quite loud. They're friends but i didn't remember where they are.…"</p><p>"I dunno, kid". The bartender concluded, shaking his head.</p><p>"You're sure? They’re quite remarkable..." He insisted.</p><p>" Yeah...I'm sure..."</p><p>Dean sighed before thanking the guy who nodded back. Most people seemed to respond to him reluctantly and it was reluctantly that he always had to fork out a few bucks. In short, it was the fifth bars they were doing, which still gave nothing. "Maybe we’re wrong" He said to Missouri, once in the car.</p><p>"How so? Are you thinking about another thing than vampires?"</p><p>"No...I'm pretty sure that it’s vampires....The territories involved are too large for a spirit haunting a road or even a field. The victims seem to disappear but the cars aren’t damage at all, not even off the road. I’ve seen that before"</p><p>"And?" Asked Missouri.</p><p>"Vampires were lying on the road and pretending to be hurt, people were stopping to help. Almost too easy. "</p><p>"So? Why should we be wrong?"</p><p>"We bet on the fact it’s a group already well established and therefore, which stands out in the bars but…"</p><p>"Yeah?" Missouri pressed him, impatient.</p><p>"Vampires are an endangered species, it could be just one vampire.…"</p><p>"Who is looking to recruit?"</p><p>"Maybe or maybe not....But if he’s alone, he’ll be discreet…"</p><p>"So? What do we do? I’m not a hunter, mister, in case you forgot!” Scolded the psychic</p><p>"We keep looking...It doesn't cost anything...."</p><p>	-----------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Dean sank into his bed without any grace. It was four in the morning, Missouri and him had walked around almost every the bars along the road to Clinton Lake. And they hadn't found anything. Nothing. Nada. Nix. Either none of the bartenders they had met had told them the truth - Which was possible but quite improbable...- or, as they had surmised, it was truly a lonely vampire. If Dean listened to himself, he'd say that among all the victims, only the man hadn't served as a feast. Without a doubt the vampire wanted to build a clan. Maybe one of the women had found a place into it too....Dean sighed, the head buried in his pillow. He only had three hours of sleep left...</p><p>The next morning, as usual, Sam was stamping impatiently. He got up late - Surprise! - and his mother and Sam were waiting for him at the front door. "Go ahead!" He screamed with bad mood." Anyway, we’re not going together!"</p><p>"Hurry up, Dean" Merely replied his mother.</p><p>"Come on, Dean!" His brother pressed him.</p><p>Ever since he and Sam were going in two different schools, their mother drove Sam to school and he had insisted on going alone, on foot. The Junior High School was only a few minutes from home. And although his lessons were starting earlier than Sam's ones, they were leaving the home together. Maternal decision.</p><p>"Come home right after school, eh! No detour!" Told him his mother with a note of remonstrance in the voice.</p><p>Dean wondered absently if his parents would ever forget his little alcoholic blunder. Ever since that night, his father's threat was trotting in his mind. Would they really go so far as to enroll him in a boarding school? Get him away from them and Sam?</p><p>"Yeah mom, don't worry". He answered with a little polite smile as usual.</p><p>Dean watched his mom and his brother get in the car and waved his hand as the car pulled away. Once certain he was no longer in sight, he walked quickly towards his destination. Ho...He wasn't gonna miss school, ho no! The school would rush to call his parents and they would demand tons and tons of explanations...And that threat that was always floating between his father and him. No, he was just gonna be late for his stupid history lesson.....He absolutely had to see Bobby first.</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>"And you think at a vampire?"</p><p>"All the facts point in this direction but he’s rather lonely, looking for a clan…"</p><p>"Yeah...", Bobby sighed, "and you have no idea where he might be hiding?"</p><p>"No...We didn't have time to look for buildings that could’ve done the trick" Dean replied, grabbing  Lawrence’s blueprint. "But there are plenty of old buildings around the lake" He sighed.</p><p>"I get that , kid, don't worry...You shouldn't be in school by now?"</p><p>“What time is it?"</p><p>"9:30"</p><p>"Shit!"</p><p>	----------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Dean took a deep breath once he passed the school grounds. He had arrived quite late and the principal had summoned him to his office. The man had made a long speech about his deplorable demeanor and lack of insight. He had reproached him his numerous fights as well as his frequent delays. His frankness and natural insolence weren't appreciated either. Strangely, he was convinced that his good grades angered his teachers more than they ennobled them...The principal had therefore pointed out with undisguised joy that he had to inform his parents. An absence card - for 2 hours!- would be sent to his parents. Dean was madly happy....He just wished to be able to intercept that stupid card.</p><p>He returned home at a slow, thoughtful pace. He should have asked Bobby if he didn't have an anti-possession pendant on him. It was the only solution he had found for Sammy. He’ll just have to tell him to not display it in front of their mother. His brother would listen to him, he knew it. Sometimes, Dean caught himself fearing Sam's teenage years. The moment his brother would doubt him and his actions. The moment his brother would stop believing in him, when he would only see what his parents were seeing. A strange kid, whom no one really know how to approach.</p><p>"Did school go well?" He heard his mother's voice from the kitchen.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah....As usual....May i go to the library for my homework?"</p><p>Mary came out of the kitchen to answer to him. She seemed to assess him for a moment, looking at him suspiciously with her piercing gaze. "All right. We eat at 18... Be on time."</p><p>Dean smiled discreetly, walking up the stairs to supposedly pick up his books. He grabbed a random school book, took a blade and slipped his weapon behind his back, being careful to cover it with his shirt. During his lessons, he had allowed himself to conscientiously study the map he had brought with him and some buildings had seemed interesting to him. Bobby had certainly started by the west as he had suggested and only that could take the day. Nothing prevented him from going to have a look in the area further south, near Rockhaven Parc. The only thing he regretted was having to take public transport...What a joy!</p><p>	------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>He had been walking the streets for an hour. In less than an hour, he should be home, and he still hadn't found anything. He had checked out half of the large warehouses along the lake but if it was truly a lonely vampire, he certainly would have preferred something smaller. Maybe one of the old cabins or an abandoned house or...Dean froze when his eyes fell on a small, ruined house. From what he knew, all the inhabitants of this part of the lake had been expropriated when the construction of the warehouses began. Dean slowly approached the house, his instinct telling him that he finally might have found what he had come looking for. The little house was clearly abandoned, however, he could see fresh tire tracks on the tar in front of the garage and footsteps in the ground in front of the house. Hesitant for a moment, Dean approached the window to try to see something. It was dark inside and he had to frown to be able to see something. At first glance, the house was empty and completely quiet but Dean was sure someone was squatting the place. Entering the house, even to get a glimpse of the place, was too risky but he couldn't leave without being sure.</p><p>It was a moan of pain that pulled him out of his thoughts. With his senses alert, he immediately spotted the source of the noise. It came from the cellar which opened on the small courtyard through a little double door closed with a padlock. Again, Dean hesitated a second before taking out something to pick the lock. Quickly, he removed it as well as the heavy chains that were blocking the doorknobs. Another moan came to him as he was opening the doors.</p><p>It wasn't really a cellar. Barely a closet. And a woman, the last one missing if he remembered correctly, was there. She looked at him with big, wide eyes, a gag in her mouth,  her feet and hands bound. Quietly, he motioned for her to be quiet while untying her bonds. "Hush....", he whispered with his finger against his lips. " Are you okay? Are you hurt somewhere?" He whispered again.</p><p>The young woman shook her head from side to side as she was trembling like a leaf.</p><p>"Everything is fine, ok? We're gonna leave...Can you walk?" He asked softly.</p><p>"Yes..." She mumbled, getting up to leave the small cellar.</p><p>"Then come on..."</p><p>Dean thought quickly. He obviously had to bring the woman to the hospital but how? Glancing quickly at his watch, he was already imagining his mother’s sermons and his father's dark eyes reminding him again and again his threat. There was only one solution: he had to borrow a car.</p><p>As fast as he could, he made the woman sit down at a bus stop while assessing her condition. She was still quavering and her eyes were still as wide as big as an owl’s. She looked very pale and scratches doted her face and her hands. Her wrists, and certainly her ankles, were bloody because of the tight bonds. "You wait for me here, okay?"</p><p>"Nonononono...." She whispered, grabbing his arm.</p><p>"It's okay", he said softly, "i’ll come back and we’ll go to the hospital, ok? But i have to leave for a minutes or two, ok? We have to leave as soon as possible, you understand?"</p><p>She nodded briefly and released her hold on his arm. Dean sighed as he walked away to find a car.</p><p>					------------------------</p><p>Dean took a deep breath to prepare himself to face his parents. It was almost 6:30 p.m and that was a record....really...Between convincing the girl to get in the car, going to the hospital, convincing her to get out of the car and dropping her off in the emergency room, going to Missouri to see Bobby to tell him the location of the vampire's lair and tell him the latest facts while enduring his wrath at having the bad idea - according to him- to go there alone, and then abandoning the car in a deserted place but not too crappy and coming back here. A record really, being only half an hour late.</p><p>But he was late and it was enough for his mother. Adjusting his bag against his back, he sighed and pushed open the front door. He didn't know if his mom had waited firmly for the door creaking to jump on him right when he got home or if she had just decided to camp in front of the door until his return but...She was there, just in the hall, fists on hips and hairy eyes. </p><p>"Diner is cold" She merely said, on a rough voice.</p><p>Really, of all the possibilities, he had never considered apprehending his mother more than his father. But it was a different kind of dread...As much as he had been afraid of disappointing his father, afraid of not meeting his expectations, afraid of not be able to protect him and Sam; as much as he was feeling right now had nothing to do with fear of the other’s judgment. He wasn't afraid to disappoint his mom. He wasn't happy about it but it was going to happen at some point...One day, she wouldn't understand him anymore and one of his actions will really disappoint her. Dean didn’t know how he was right...</p><p>"It’s 18:30", she continued in a biting voice, "where have you been?"</p><p>"At the library", he replied, "As i told you...I didn't see the time pass…" </p><p>No, what he was feeling in the pit of his stomach wasn't fear. It was a mixture of exasperation, anger and incomprehension. What he always felt in front of his mother.</p><p>"Was it for a homework assignment?"</p><p>"Yes, i told you"</p><p>"Show me", she demanded.</p><p>"Sorry?"</p><p>"Your homework. The one you spent more than 3 hours on. Give it to me."</p><p>"I haven’t finish it...." He said, ill-at-ease.</p><p>“It's not a matter...Let's me see it." She said, again.</p><p>"In fact....I only found books and read a few articles...I didn’t really start writing the paper." He lied, effortlessly.</p><p>"Dean....", sighed his mother, pinching the bridge of her nose, "Where have you been?"</p><p>"At the library" He insisted with a hint of irritation in the voice.</p><p>Sometimes, Dean wondered if the exasperation he felt towards his mother was the same that John had felt towards Sam. Someone who requires your presence and your full attention when he has no idea of what you had to face. Alone. But John hadn't been alone....He had him. <i>And I’m not alone either</i>, he realized with a smile. He had Castiel.</p><p>"Your diner is in the microwave.", whispered his mother, "After that you'll go to your room and you’ll stay there. I’ll talk about it with your father" She continued.</p><p>	--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>"Dean...We’re not joking anymore", his father said sternly, "You were a half hour late and i know you weren't at the library. Where have you been?"</p><p>"I was at the library", the boy insisted.</p><p>"No! Dean...The boarding school is still an option, you know?" His father growled.</p><p>Dean looked up at his father. He wasn't stupid and he knew his relationship with Sam was bothering his father. What made him really angry because, under different circumstances, it had worked out well for him. "It's just a pretext dad..." He couldn't help saying.</p><p>"What?!" His father hissed, looking him in the eyes.</p><p>"My behavior...It's just a pretext to send me away…"</p><p>"How dare you....?! We had been pretty lenient with you, Dean..."</p><p>A bitter smile crossed Dean's face and just with it, if John had known what to watch, he would have see the full extent of Dean's bitterness towards him. "Don't confuse tolerant and distant, Dad." Dean replied simply.</p><p>John's face drained of its colors and he remained frozen for a moment, the mouth parted. Just as John was about to respond to his son unexpected response, the door rang. A few seconds later, Mary hailed John.</p><p>The man threw another look at his son who was biting his lip, looking haggard and wondered for a moment if he was regretting what he had just said. But the next moment, he was facing his wife’s frozen face. "What's going on?" He asked, approaching her.</p><p>The front door was still open and when John reached it, he found Craig Williamson, his hat in hand, looking quite bothered, on the doorstep. "Craig? A problem?" He asked, dreading the answer.</p><p>"I'm sorry, John but it's about your son..." Answered the sheriff.</p><p>"What did he do?" He asked, running a hand over his face. He didn’t really need to ask which son he was talking about…</p><p>"He stole a car" Craig replied briefly.</p><p>"HE WHAT?!" John roared.</p><p>"There is a witness who saw him taking the car...We found it a mile from here, in good condition, in a deserted area."</p><p>Mary watched her husband's face turn red as he realized the magnitude of their son's lies. He would scream even more the next day when he’ll receive the absent card of the school, which will make it look like Dean had premeditated the theft by going to locate the car. "DEAN! COME HERE RIGHT NOW!"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Paternal decision</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"3000 dollars, Mary! 3000 dollars!"</p><p>John and his wife were in the kitchen since their return from the police station....With Dean and 3000 dollars less. A witness had recognized Dean stealing the car and had called the police. The owner had filed a complaint. Easy case. Dean had been charged of theft without damage to property since the car had been found in perfect condition. Being minor and his first charge, he got out with a hefty fine. In the eyes of the law, it wasn't a big deal, it had to be said...The case had been closed in one fell swoop. Really.</p><p>But Dean had deliberately lied to his parents. He had stolen a car for no apparent reason. When his father had yelled at him to find out why he had done it, he had nonchalantly shrugged, with an annoyed face. <i>Annoyed that he got caught, yeah! </i>  Had furiously thought John. Dean had been late at school which left them with little illusions about his morning activities. Dean didn't seem to care about his act. Dean was lying again, again, and again. Dean was simply not listening to them.</p><p>John had enough. He pushed once again the pamphlet under his wife's nose. "It's quite far, John". Mary protested softly.</p><p>"It's barely halfway to Wichita!" He argued.</p><p>"But...Isn’t it too rough? Sending him away like that...?"</p><p>"No, Mary. He has to learn his actions have consequences." Her husband whispered firmly.</p><p>"I have the feeling of....getting rid of him." Mary whispered with a small voice.</p><p>"We’re doing this for him, honey....He needs discipline. Who know what he’ll do next time?"</p><p>"I don't want him to think that we....We don't want him anymore."</p><p>John pursed his lips as he thought about his son's words. <i>"Don't confuse tolerant and distant, dad" </i>. Those words were haunting him ever since and he couldn't stop to relive the situation again and again in his mind. Did they treat him in any other ways than Sam? Without a doubt. But Dean wanted this. It was he who had create this situation. It was he who had pulled away from them.<i>  But he was just a child.... </i>He thought with sadness. But that didn’t change the facts. His son needed discipline. No way his son will become a delinquent.… "He won't think that, Mary..." He reluctantly reassured her.</p><p>"He’ll think exactly that." She countered him.</p><p>"It’ll pass. He'll understand. Look...", he whispered, opening the pamphlet, "This is a school for problematic teenagers. Read this..." He said, showing her a little framed in sober colors. "These are the kind of teenagers they take care of.…"</p><p>"Dean is not depressed..." She hissed.</p><p>"No, but he has authority and provocation issues. He has no friend as far as we know, he refuses to follow the family rules and personally, i think he has a very manipulative behavior towards Sam."</p><p>"You’re exaggerating....", sighed Mary, quibbling the brochure, "he's just pretty overprotective…"</p><p>"I’m not exaggerating", insisted John, "keeping them apart a bit is a good thing and look....Dean will be followed by a psychologist and a whole teaching team. People who will be able to understand him and…"</p><p>"I do understand my son!" Mary hissed with a hard look.</p><p>"That's not true, Mary. Dean drinks, lies and steals...Don't you think it's time to take actions? Before he turns to something else?"</p><p>"I don't know…"</p><p>"We may call them via the toll-free number, right? It's open 24/24. We don’t have to do anything and we can ask some questions...."</p><p>Mary took a few second to think. She didn't want to look like she was getting rid of her son. By sending her son away, she had the feeling of abandoning him, of resigning. But neither John nor her were understanding Dean....And it was time to do something. For Dean. "All right" She whispered in a weak but determined voice.</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Dean stayed at the top of the stairs for a moment, livid, frozen and inexplicably disappointed. Even though his father had talked about it before and had often revived the idea, he had never though he’d go through with it...Separate him from them. From his family. Family has always been the keystone of Dean's life. That's why he was fighting. That's why he got up every day. That and to avoid the end of the world, of course. And he knew it was the same for his father....Or maybe he knew less his father than he had tough? Maybe he had only knew John-the-hunter....</p><p>With a distract ear, he heard his father dial the phone number that will take him away from his family and before he even realizes he was gonna leave, a single thought crossed his mind: How to protect Sam? The answer jumped out at him...Bobby was still at Missouri and he certainly had anti-possession pendants with him.</p><p>With a brisk gesture, Dean straightened and headed for his room. No chance of getting out downstairs...He opened and climbed over his window to receive himself skillfully on the ground. He walked the path in a daze. An unreasonable fear was hammering his temples and made his hands sweaty. He was afraid to leave his brother, to leave him alone, to be pull away from him....Once and for all. He was afraid for his safety, his future, for their relationship.</p><p>When he arrived at Missouri, he opened the door without even knocking or ringing the doorbell and  Missouri’s indignant face passed high above him. But the young woman quickly seemed to see that something was wrong because, instead of making some scathing remarks about his rudeness, she led him to a chair and brought him a glass of water. "What's going on?" She asked in a soft voice.</p><p>"I was seen stealing the car", he explained dully, "my father wants to send me to a boarding school…"</p><p>"Ho Dean..." Missouri whispered.</p><p>In truth, Missouri had often asked herself this question: How long could parents not see that their son wasn't ordinary? And how could they interpret it? It seems that John and Mary decided that Dean needed discipline and to learn community life. They had seen in the maturity and independence of Dean, a lack of well-being or/and a rebellion. Obviously, the fact that Dean steals and drinks hadn't help.… "Dean", she resumed, "They don't do it against you...They just don't understand you".</p><p>"My father taught me how to steal a car, you know?" He said, raising his head. "I was 9 year old and he told me it wasn't right but that it could save my life or that of others in some situations. That’s what i did. What I’ve always done...." He whispered slowly.</p><p>"But your father isn't that man, Dean....He isn't anymore."</p><p>"This man was my father....", murmured Dean, "A boorish, tough, uncompromising, relentless, vengeful man without any ounce understanding. And who loved me. Who loved us...So much that he was ready to give up his soul for us. The other…"</p><p>"He’s your father too, Dean" She corrected him in a deep voice.</p><p>"It's true", he conceded, "but i don't get him!"</p><p>"What the hell are you talking about?!" Bobby's gruff voice asked, his wide eyes moving rapidly from one to the other.</p><p>Dean sighed heavily, mentally flogging himself. He had totally forgotten Bobby's presence in the house.....He didn't know if he was ready to face his friend's doubts. </p><p>"Bobby..." Missouri began, calmly.</p><p>"No! He talks about his father like he isn’t his father! So what?! Your real father’s a hunter? You were adopted? You.."</p><p>"No" Dean cut him off suddenly, straightening up to face him. "No, you don't get it at all."</p><p>"So what? I deserve some fucking explanations!" Yelled the older man.</p><p>"It's true", Dean conceded, "you deserve an explanation....And more than you think, Bobby. But you won't like the truth..."</p><p>Bobby frowned at the boy’s assertion. Now that he was paying attention, the kid looked downcast and his eyes were dull. "Shoot…"</p><p>"You trust me?" He asked first of all.</p><p>"Yes"</p><p>The answer hadn't been immediate and although it was absolutely natural in their situation, it hurt Dean. Bobby had always been a surrogate father and trust was just implied between them. Dean had to think for couple of minutes to find the right words...</p><p>The conversation promised to be hard.</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Dean could have laugh at Bobby's face after he had told him the truth but he wasn't really in the mood....Like the weather, his mood was peevish. According to him, Bobby had reacted pretty well to the announcement of a trans-temporal-hunter-came-down-god-knows-how. He had initially been speechless and then had cried out the sham. He had let Missouri convince him by answering only direct questions. He had finally told at his friend the latest events and asked him for anti-possession pendant. Bobby had given it to him, reluctantly. Dean wasn't sure the old hunter really believed him but the man hadn't turned him down neither. Nor sprinkled him with holy water.</p><p>But here he was, on his way home, the pendant in his pocket and the mood down. He struggled with his father's decision. How could he really consider pushing him away? Dean knew, he knew, his father only wanted his well-being and that he had made up his mind about it. Many teenager were sent to boarding school for their best interests....But that it was coming from his dad left him with a bitter taste in the mouth. "It will be alright" A voice whispered as a warm hand rested on his shoulder.</p><p>"Cas...Always there in good times, huh?" He smiled, enjoying the gesture.</p><p>"He does what he thinks is the best solution" He continued with a soothing voice.</p><p>"I know"</p><p>"That does not mean that you do not have the right to be mad at him"</p><p>"Ho no?" Dean whispered with a sour voice. "I would’ve sworn otherwise…"</p><p>"I know how difficult it can be...", sighed the angel, "It is the reality but it is not really ours".pedantic</p><p>Dean turned around hearing the sad voice of his angel. The man had, of course, not changed but Dean could easily detect his discomfort. "Are you okay?" He asked, a slight inflection in his voice.</p><p>"I do not understand my brothers anymore", explained Castiel, "i cannot help myself but find them..."</p><p>His eyes were lost for a moment and Dean knew he was looking for a suitable term. "Dumbass", he finished for his friend, "Totally blind and incredibly conceited."</p><p>"Pretty much, yes" Agreed Castiel, the corner of his lips curved.</p><p>"You're always there for me, Cas but you know i'm there for you too, huh? If you need to talk or anything...Just someone…"</p><p>"Someone who knows" The angel ended with a half-smile.</p><p>"Yeah..."</p><p>"Thank you, Dean. I will remember that".</p><p>A minute later, Dean was alone again. The weather was still gloomy, the pendent still weighed in his pocket but his mood had improved markedly.</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>In front of the house, Dean hesitated for a brief moment. Should he go back through the window or could he enter through the door? At the stage where he was...</p><p>On a nonchalant pace which had the gift to annoy his parents, Dean entered calmly his house. He had been gone for an hour. Had his parents called the boarding school? And if he was already enlist, when would he leave? Lost in thought, he closed the door without discretion and found himself facing the angry face of his father. "Where were you?" Snapped his dad in a furious voice.</p><p>"Outside" He joked, insolently.</p><p>His father saw red and with a quick gesture which Dean hadn't seen coming,  he grabbed him by the shoulders with a firm grip. "You think you’re funny?!" Spat John, shaking him lightly. "Where have you been, huh?! Want to spot another car? Buy some alcohol? Or do you want to go further next time?! Start drugs, maybe?! NO?! <b>LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU!!"</b></p><p>With each sentence, John was shaking Dean so well that at the end of his father's tirade, he freed himself from his firm grip. As Dean was massaging his shoulder with a distracted hand, he lifted his head to face his father's eyes but it was he who looked down. John couldn't believe his gesture...When he had seen that Dean was no longer his room even though he had been grounded, he had been blinded with anger. And when Dean had quietly walked through the door, his hands in his pockets...It had been the last straw...</p><p>"Sorry....I didn't mean to hurt you...." His father mumbled, stepping back a little.</p><p>Dean didn't know what to say. Everything had been said, right? His dad didn't understand him and he couldn't make him understand without involving him in something he absolutely wanted to keep him away from. Him and his whole family. Sam would know how to defend himself but in no case  will he become a hunter....Too bad if it hurt his family.</p><p>"Me neither", He replied softly, so sincerely that his father remained silent for a moment. "I'm in my room if you and mom want to talk..."</p><p>John watched his son climb up the stairs, utterly bewildered. Face with his anger, he had expected cries and tears perhaps or, at least, incomprehension. But his son had reacted with acceptance and worse, with a certain understanding that touched compassion. He had never heard that genuine tone in his son’s voice...Or at least, not addressed to him. Dean's voice always sounded infinitely different when he spoke with Sam. And there, his son's voice had appeared so full of regret, almost tremulous.</p><p>"He meant it" Said his wife, from the kitchen's door.</p><p>“Mary....i..." He mumbled, ashamed of his anger.</p><p>"I know. You didn't want to...." Mary reassured him.</p><p>John nodded slowly, still mortified by his gesture. He could never have imagined being tamed by his anger.</p><p>"But if you touch my son like that again...You will regret it." Mary's growling voice hissed.</p><p>John pursed his lips at his wife's incisive tone. He wasn’t doubting it for a moment....Mary was resourceful.</p><p>"Let's go...", she said in a voice suddenly more frail. "I think he knows pretty well what we’re gonna talk about..."</p><p>	-------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>"Dean? What's going on?" His brother asked him as he sneaked into his room.</p><p>"Sammy....We need to talk..." He said as he sat down on his little brother's bed.</p><p>"About what? Dean?"</p><p>Dean looked at the ten years old kid in front of him. A lively child who had much less serious concerns than whether or not his father would come home alive this time around. <i>For that alone, it was worth it....</i>Dean repeated. "I made a big mistake, Sammy..." He started.</p><p>"A mistake? What kind?"</p><p>"I stole a car" He confessed simply.</p><p>"What?! But it's not right....It's not right to steal Dean!" His little brother scolded him. </p><p>"I know Sam...But i had to. Do you understand?"</p><p>His brother’s piercing gaze scrutinized him minutely for a full minute, so Dean started uncomfortable. "It was to help people?" Sammy asked finally. " These are the things you need to do to make sure everyone has a safe life?"</p><p>"Yeah, that's it...." Dean sighed, relieved that his brother remembered this conversation.</p><p>"Steal a car?" The younger one murmured suspiciously.</p><p>"You must trust me, Sam", murmured Dean in a small voice, " Trust me, please...".</p><p>Sam had never seen his brother so vulnerable. He had never seen his brother begging for anything. Had never seen him implore their parents for any privilege. His brother was a hero, yes, but a 14-years-old hero. And Sam knew it. "I trust you. Always." Sealed Sam in a deep voice.</p><p>"Then, you have to take this..." His brother said, giving him the pendent.</p><p>"What's this?" He asked, studying the jewel. It was a sort of a five-pointed star – a pentacle- if Sam remembered correctly- with some pretty intricate designs. Sam was sure he had never seen anything like this.</p><p>"It's to protect you. You always have to wear it, okay?"</p><p>"Okay"</p><p>"But Mom can't see it, ok?"</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because she wouldn't understand. She doesn't like these things very much..." His brother explained cleverly.</p><p>"Okay...", Sam nodded absently, putting the pendant around his neck, and quickly hiding it under his shirt.</p><p>"I love you, lil bro, you know that, huh?" Dean whispered, running a hand through Sam's hair.</p><p>"Yeah...I love you too, Dea' "</p><p>"Dean?! The door opened on his mother. She looked uncertain and determined in the same time, a weird pout on her face. "Your father and i want to talk to you. Can you come in your room?" She asked soberly.</p><p>"Can i come too?!" Sammy asked immediately.</p><p>"No Sam, we’ll explain later..." Mary replied with a smile.</p><p>Dean bit back a sigh, wishing he could skip the conversation. He stood up slowly and gave his brother a quick wink as he left. In his bedroom, his mom was already sitting on his bed, hands clasped on her lap while his father was in the little metal desk chair, practically in the same position.  </p><p>"So?" He asked, rocking on his legs indecisively, his hands locked in the pockets of his jeans.</p><p>And it was so blatant that Dean was precocious at the time that Mary doubted their decision once again. Dean was a special child...She didn't really know why but she felt it. But John was sure of their choice and she trusted her husband...He was a good father. "This can't go on, Dean", John said in a neutral, almost muffled voice.</p><p>"Yeah...So you send me across the state?" He said bitterly.</p><p>"Dean...", resumed Mary, "You stole a car for no reason....Or anyway, you don't want to give us one…"</p><p>"And anyway, there is no reason to justify stealing a car!” John growled gruffly.</p><p>"Are you sure, dad?" Dean whispered gravely, looking him in the eyes.</p><p>For some strange reason, John felt himself judged by his gaze. His son's green eyes seemed to shine brighter than usual and he knew, without quite knowing how, that his answer would seal something he had no idea about. "Yeah, i'm sure" He confirmed, firmly.</p><p>Dean's gaze got husky and John thought he saw, for a few seconds, raw anger vibrate in his son's green orbs. The moment passed quickly and Dean's face had became as expressionless as ever. This stolidity that made him sick...</p><p>"Alright" Dean’s hoarse voice snapped.</p><p>Mary felt her throat tighten, feeling she had just lost her son. It was stifling in the room suddenly and an uncomfortable silence filled the already charged atmosphere. Dean's voice had sounded too frail to her and yet, as usual, he wasn’t showing anything. </p><p>John looked at his oldest son wondering once again how his answer had been decisive. Dean had hinted at something he just didn’t understand...He wondered if he should feeling guilty about that. He wasn't understanding his son. Was he a bad father? "It's a disciplinary boarding school for boys. Saint-Sebastian", his father continued in a heavy voice, "it's a pretty strict school. We enlisted you for next year, you'll finish this year here. You'll be leaving as soon as the vacation starts. After that, we'll see...."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Saint-Sebastian</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rain was pouring hard against the windows of the Impala. Dean absently thought that he had no hope of getting the car back, now. The few weeks that had separated him from his departure had passed quickly. In fact, he didn't see them pass. Missouri had been sorry for him but had reassured him by telling him that a year would pass quickly....For more safety, he had brought the Colt at her home, like most of his hunting stuff as his blade and his weapon. He didn't want his mother find it by mistake by searching his room.  </p>
<p>In less than a quarter of an hour, he'll be exiting this car to see his new "<i>home </i>". He was already dreading the separation with Sam. His brother had taken the news rather harshly...He had insulted theirs parents, had screamed, cried, begged to change their mind and finally locked himself in his rooms, in tears. Dean had been heartbroken while John and Mary had felt ashamed, but not less determined.</p>
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<p>He had consoled his brother by trying not to stir up his anger towards their parents. He didn't want to turn his brother against them....He had made Jim promise to keep an eye on his family as Castiel had promised to watched over them before he even had to ask.</p>
<p>"Here we are" Said his father's clear voice.</p>
<p>Dean didn't take the time to look outside. Really, he will have plenty of time to discover his new surroundings later. For now, he tried to make Sam smile, who was right next to him, clinging to his arm.</p>
<p>They got out of the car and walked rapidly to the main building. The disciplinary boarding school for boys, Saint-Sebastian was a moderately renowned school, which offered many activities and a psychological support for students who needed it. The discipline was strict and uncompromising. Outside, Dean could see a few buildings set in an arc, facing back. In the center of it, Dean was supposing a sports field.</p>
<p>Entering in the lobby of the main building, Sam still firmly gripped in his hand, Dean felt nervous. He didn't like the idea of being away from his family. He had never like that....The room was sober, the walls were a fairly classic white while a few plastic seats were arranged here and there. A wide, mottled marble staircase seemed frozen at the far end of the room while dark wooden doors dotted the bare walls.</p>
<p>"It's ugly" Sammy growled, tightening his hold on his brother.</p>
<p>"That is very true, bro..." Dean sighed, running a hand absently over his face.</p>
<p>"We have an appointment in ten minutes…", Mary said unnecessarily, pretending not to have heard them as John stared at them.</p>
<p>Sam growled formally, having decided since the news broke to sulk. Dean sighed heavily, dragging his brother to one of the far seat. Once seated, he pulled Sam onto his knees; this one settled himself comfortably against him. If Sam had recently decreed that he was too old for his mother's hugs, he never refused Dean's. And certainly not now. Dean smiled fondly as he looked at his 10 years old little brother, curled up against him. Luckily, Sam was still small for his age...His growth spurt will would only happen until around 13 years old.</p>
<p>"Hey Buddy..." He whispered in his brother's ear.</p>
<p>"I don't wanna leave you here..." The younger mumbled.</p>
<p>"I know. Me neither, you know....But we don't really have a choice. You'll come see me every weekends...." Dean reassured him, a hand gently rubbing his brother's back.</p>
<p>"It’s not enough...." Sam complained and Dean nodded absently.</p>
<p>"I know. But it's gonna be fine…"</p>
<p>"You're my best friend!" He whimpered.</p>
<p>"And you're mine..." Dean whispered, tightening his embrace. " But i've made a mistake, remember?"</p>
<p>Sam shrugged, clearly telling him he didn't care. Despite this, Dean tried to console him again, sometimes short of words in front of his little brother's answers. They had never really been apart and Dean hoped Sam wouldn’t take the separation too hard. On the other hand, selfishly, he hoped his little brother wouldn’t forget him too soon. Sam will be a teenager soon and he really hoped he wouldn’t walk away from his loser brother. </p>
<p>"Mr. and Mrs. Winchester?" A man asked as he entered the hall.</p>
<p>"Yes, hello sir." Their father replied immediately, extending a solid hand.</p>
<p>"Mr. Graam, i'm the principal of the establishment", the man introduced himself, shaking John’s hand. "Please, come into my office..." He said, pointing the door behind him.</p>
<p>John was eager and confidently stepped into the room and Mary followed suit, with a polite smile for the principal. Dean sighed quietly, having already studied the man in front of him. Principal Graam was a man with a slight overweight, an open face and a discreet smile. Quickly, he turned a piercing gaze on him and his brother. "Dean, i guess?" The man asked with a little smile.</p>
<p>"You guess well" He answered, trying in vain to convince his brother to follow him.</p>
<p>"And who is this young man?" The man asked again.</p>
<p>".…"</p>
<p>"He's my brother, Sam." He replied, in face of the silence of his younger brother.</p>
<p>"Say hello, Sam! " John said in a stressed voice.</p>
<p>"No, no.…", Mr Graam whispered with a smile. "No need to disturb this shy young man…"</p>
<p>"He's not that shy usually..." Mary murmured, looking pained.</p>
<p>"Usually, you didn't take him away from his brother...." Dean muttered under his breath.</p>
<p>Ten minutes later, Sam and Dean were sitting in two chairs side by side, near their parents, in the principal's office. The man looked at them professionally, clearly seeing the rare bond between them. "So, Dean? I guess you know why you’re here?" The principal asked.</p>
<p>"Because my parents decided it" He said in bad faith.</p>
<p>"And didn't they have good reason?"</p>
<p>"Who can really tell?" He merely whispered, making Mr Graam's thick eyebrows frowned.</p>
<p>"Dean", he resumed,"I can only ask you to think about your actions. You'll stay here during a whole year and to help you to find some focus and perspective, you will have a reference educator. He should be here shortly...." He added, glancing at his watch. "His name is Joshua Carpenter and i'm sure that you will get along very well. He..."</p>
<p>The door opened slowly, cutting off the principal in the middle of his sentence. A man entered the room with an apologetic smile on his face. "Sorry, i'm late...Little last minute problem...." He sighed, keeping his smile on. "Joshua carpenter" He introduced himself, holding out his hand.</p>
<p>"Nice to meet you" Sang John and Mary in one voice, in turn shaking the outstretched hand.</p>
<p>"And you are Dean, aren’t you?" He asked, turning to him.</p>
<p>"Hello" Dean said gruffly, examining the man in front of him.</p>
<p>The educator must have been in his twenties, maybe even in his early thirties. He had brown hair that reminded him of Sam’s still tousled mop of hair, piercing laughing eyes, as well as a piercing at his left ear. The kind of cool educator. “And is that your little brother? I’ve always wanted to have a little brother but i only have two older...." He said as he sat down on one of the desk chairs next to him.</p>
<p>"It's cool to have a big brother..." Sam murmured in a small voice.</p>
<p>"And you don't want him to leave you, huh?"</p>
<p>"No".</p>
<p>"It's just a year", the educator continued,"after that, it depends on your brother..." He said, looking Dean in the eyes.</p>
<p>Dean returned his gaze without looking down. If he started by trying to make him feel guilty about Sam, it was a losing battle. If Seeing Sam being able to live without him was one of his biggest fear, it was good for him to learn to live without his big brother behind him.</p>
<p>"Like i was saying", the principal went on, "Joshua will take care of Dean if troubles occurs both academically and disciplinary. As a first step, hours will be arranged for him to ask any question he might think about. During the year, these hours will be less numerous but Dean will be able to go find Joshua whenever he’ll want, at his office".</p>
<p>"During these two months of vacation, we will take the opportunity to get to know each other", Joshua said in a clear voice, speaking directly to Dean, "and you'll be able to familiarize yourself with your new surroundings. Academically, we will also see about your level."</p>
<p>"Dean has no problem on that field.…", Mary interrupted, a hint of pride in her voice.</p>
<p>"We just want to be sure that he doesn’t get lost once class starts" Reassured the principal. "During these two months, you will have a specific schedule. Few students stay during summer holidays but it's nothing new. Like you, three others students enter our school. You will certainly meet them".</p>
<p>"How about we visit the school?" Joshua said, jumping from his chair.</p>
<p>The institution had six buildings plus the administrative one where most of the offices and archives, were located, and the gymnasium which was slightly offset from the others buildings. The seven blocks making up most of the school were arranged in an arc. The first, the most to the south, was the administrative building and each side were located the two buildings intended for the classes. These buildings contained classrooms, a library as well as a study room. Sam's mood had warmed up at the sight of the generous library while whispering to his brother that he was still a little lucky...So, Dean had joked by promising to borrow a book for him every time he would go back home.</p>
<p>Each side of the main building was named; thus the left side was A and the right side was B. The third building A had an amphitheater with more than acceptable dimensions as well as various art and drawing classes. Dean had learned that the school had, like any other high school; shows, choirs or art classes for interested students. The third building B was a garage, a mechanical workshop in fact. The subject was very popular with the school population...Mechanics lessons were therefore given to volunteers. John had glanced at his son upon hearing this but Dean hadn't reacted. It was certainly pretty cool but it wasn't that which could lighten his mood. Or his anger.</p>
<p>Buildings B4 and A4 were living spaces with dorms, kitchens and restrooms - once again, Sam had squinted on the pool table and ping-pong table. Each bedroom consisted of 4 members and each bedroom had a small en-suite bathroom. Dean was in building B, room B12. His roommates were all spending their holidays at their home.</p>
<p>In the center of the arc was a large basketball court and further to the right, the gymnasium. It consisted of a sport hall, a swimming pool and an infirmary. Around the entire construction, a small park stretched over a few hectares.</p>
<p>The visit took a bit of time as Joshua didn’t skimp on humorous comments and remarks to lighten up the atmosphere. However, his eyes didn't leave Dean - And Sam of course, who always made sure to stay close to his big brother.</p>
<p>And despite that, the separation came too soon according to Sam. He instinctively approached his brother as Joshua stepped back to make room for the family. Dean wasn’t gonna make a scandal, like it was sometimes the case, but goodbyes were always difficult. "I don't want to leave you here..." Sam said, his head buried in his brother's chest.</p>
<p>"I know Sam but that’s how it is.…"</p>
<p>"What am i gonna do without you?" Asked the youngest once again.</p>
<p>"As usual, Sammy. Keep training seriously and most importantly, don’t let others step on you, okay?” He whispered, bending down to his brother's height.</p>
<p>"I’ll train every day and i'll become stronger than you!" Sam mumbled, a smile on the lips.</p>
<p>"Don't even dream about it, Samantha..." Dean merely replied, running a hand through his hair. "You remember what we said, huh?"</p>
<p>"Hm hm"</p>
<p>"And?"</p>
<p>"I listen to Dad and mom, i don't have to be mad at them and i have to come see you every weekend..." Sam recited.</p>
<p>"Exactly", Dean agreed, "But you don't have to come every weekend, Buddy.…"</p>
<p>"Of course I do! How could i have these books otherwise?" He joked.</p>
<p>Dean smiled widely at his little brother's answer before hugging him. Sam let himself sink into the embrace, resting his head on his big brother’s solid shoulder. Even in his father's arms, he didn't feel the warmth and security of Dean's.</p>
<p>After Sam, it was John's turn. His father stood in front of him, impressive. He must have thought that his son was mad at him and although Dean couldn't deny a small point of resentment, he wasn’t feeling a burning anger. Or if he was feeling it, it was towards his mother. So Dean didn't hear his father’s awkward words, he simply pulled him roughly against him, in an embrace as brief as it was symbolic. John looked at him wide-eyed, clearly amazed by his son's gesture before putting his hand on Dean's shoulder.</p>
<p>"Dean..." His mother’s small voice whispered.</p>
<p>He knew his mother was having a hard time leaving him. He would have liked to believe that she was reacting like John who hadn't wanted to let Sam go for fear of what might happen, far from him. But that wasn’t it...Mary no longer had a hunting instinct. And Dean didn't quite understand why it affected him so much… He should have been happy that his mother was behaving like a real mother, and not like a drill sergeant. But he wasn't....</p>
<p>"Goodbye, mom." He said in a colder voice than he wanted to. </p>
<p>Mary uttered a kind of moan as Joshua raised an eyebrow. He had read the file and it was very clear that it was John Winchester who had made the decision to send his son to boarding school. So, why did Dean seem mad at his mother? John frowned in front of his son's reaction and Mary fought back a tear with difficulty. She wasn't the type to cry easily. Dean sighed wearily at his mother's distress. He could blame her outrageously for some of her actions or some of her oversights, in the end she was still his mom. He still remembered pretty clearly some of the night of his childhood spent mourning her absence.</p>
<p>"Goodbye, Mom" He repeated on a warmer note, pulling her into his arms.</p>
<p>Mary closed her arms around her son's body, John sighed in relief and Joshua smiled imperceptibly.  </p>
<p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Dean watched his family’s car drive away with a mixture of distress and bitterness. He hated himself for feeling so bothered to leave them. But the family was only the basis of all his education, the leitmotiv of all his childhood. He had watched over after Sammy while looking out after his father, had gone out of his way to keep his family together in vain, had sacrificed a lot of things for them without any regret...So, it was right above his understanding to be knowingly separated of them.</p>
<p>A knot formed in his throat as the car was just an indistinct point on the horizon. Beside him, he could feel the presence of his educator, who remained patient. He swallowed back his tears, digested the awful burning and sour feeling that was gnawing at his stomach and turned to Joshua, a smile as bright as it was fake on his lips.</p>
<p>" So what? Now the killjoys are gone, are we gonna have some fun?"</p>
<p>Joshua wasn’t fooled by the boy’s sparkling gaze even as he led him to his dormitory with a smile on his lips. The love the kid had for his parents was so obvious that Joshua wondered why he was here. He loved his parents, seemed to adore his little brother and yet, Joshua could feel an intense anger and a harshness that he was finding hard to grasp. </p>
<p>Once in his dorm, Dean glanced around at what will become his bedroom for the coming year. Two pairs of bunk beds faced each other on each side of the room as a small door to the right opened into the bathroom. The walls were a light gray while the blankets were black.</p>
<p>"You can change it, if you want..." Joshua said.</p>
<p>He nodded absently, dropping his bag on the only bed left, the lowest on the left. A large window overlooked the basketball court but Joshua told him it wouldn’t open. He sighed deeply, keeping on his inspection. The room wasn't really small, quite practical even. A wardrobe - with the number four engraved on it – eagerly awaited his clothes while two little nightstands sat between the bunk beds. Dean groaned under his breath, thinking of his CD player that was left at home.</p>
<p> "We can't have music?!" He said, sullenly.</p>
<p>"Not in the dorms. There is a CD player in the non-televised break room"</p>
<p>"Hmmpppfff..."</p>
<p>Dean put his clothes away under Joshua's gaze who didn't tire of looking at him. Already, he could feel that Dean was special. On his bedside table, he hesitated to place a picture of his family. His dad was hugging his mom and was kissing her neck as she held a hilarious Sam in her arms. He had taken the picture.</p>
<p>"Can we phone?"</p>
<p>"You’ve just arrived..." The educator pointed out to him.</p>
<p>"My parents didn't let me say goodbye to my friends..." He explained.</p>
<p>"It seemed to me that you didn’t have a friend?"</p>
<p>"Just because my parents don't see them doesn’t mean they don't exist." He growled venomously.</p>
<p>"Alright. The students’ phones are in the break rooms. You can only use them in your spare time, and each time you have to write down who you call and when." Joshua explained to him.</p>
<p>"It's worse than jail..." Dean grumbled, leaving his dorm to go to the break room.</p>
<p>"You'll get used to it". He reassured him.</p>
<p>"I doubt it...", he blurted out. "My friend's name is Bobby Singer", he continued, once in the break room before heading to the phone.</p>
<p>"We need to report your calls to your parents. If they think it’s bad news, we'll take actions..."</p>
<p>Dean breathed longingly in order to control his anger. Finally, after a few seconds, he shrugged carelessly. He would find a way to communicate if needed.</p>
<p>	----------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>The days were long, identical and boring. During these two month of vacations, Dean got up at the same time every day, 8 am precisely. A favor due to the holidays, a torture for him. Right after waking up, it was jogging. The school seemed adept of morning sport.… So, he would run and stretch, always under the watchful eye of a supervisor, from 8 to 10 am. Then came the breakfast, there again longer than usual because of the holidays… After the shower and some free time, it was already time to have lunch. The afternoon was devoted to lessons...Ho yes! He had lessons during the holidays to keep him up to speed...Dean had a good laugh when Joshua had told him he had no academic problem. He even had pretty good grades...</p>
<p>Classes ended around 5 pm and he would have dinner. Thereafter, he’d do his homework from 6 to 7 and had free quarters until 10 am. Curfew. And it was still a favor.</p>
<p>He had to pick up activities for certain time slots and it had been quickly chosen. He had ticked the boxes "<i>mechanical</i>" and "<i>defense sport</i>". Even though sport was a main subject in school policy, students could still specify whether certain sports were more interesting to them than others. Combat sports in general seemed to have a large following. As extracurricular activities, he had noted "<i>movies</i>" and "<i>paintball</i>". He had been quite satisfied with this last point.</p>
<p>The start of the school year approaching - in fact, it was today, Dean had received a copy of his regular schedule. He was already feeling piss off.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <i><b><span class="u">Day of the week</span></b><br/>
5 am: Wake up<br/>
5 to 7 am: Sport - Athletics<br/>
7 -7:30 am: Breakfast<br/>
7:30 – 8 am: Shower<br/>
8 - 12 am: lessons (per 2h)<br/>
12 am- 1 pm: Lunch<br/>
1 – 5 pm: Lessons (per 2h)<br/>
5 - 6 pm: Dinner<br/>
6-7 pm: Homework + study<br/>
7-9 pm: Free time<br/>
9 pm: Curfew</i>
  </p>
</div>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <i><b><span class="u">Wednesday and Sunday</span></b><br/>
7 am: Wake up<br/>
7 – 9 am: Sport - Athletics<br/>
9 – 9:30 am: Breakfast<br/>
9:30- 10 am: Shower<br/>
10 – 12 am: Practical Workshops (Mechanics/ Art/ Literature/ Sport...)<br/>
12 am – 1 pm: Lunch<br/>
1 – 5 pm: Family visits/ Educators<br/>
5 – 6 pm: Dinner<br/>
6 – 7 pm: Homework + study<br/>
7 – 9 pm: Free time<br/>
9 pm: Curfew</i>
  </p>
</div><p>
  <i>
    <span class="u"></span></i></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <i>
      <span class="u">This schedule may be modified according to planned or unforeseen outings/ punishments/ needs.</span>
    </i>
  </p>
</div><i>
  <br/>
</i><p>
  <i>
    <b></b></i></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <i>
      <b>Any violation of the curfew will be penalized. This schedule is intended to avoid delays, please take this into account.</b>
    </i>
  </p>
</div><i>
  <br/>
</i><p>So, today was the day. The schedule was, of course, changed since the students would be arriving during the whole day. The general reception would only be late this afternoon. Dean was finally going to meet his roommates. Joshua had told him they were cool but frankly, he didn't know if he could trust his educator's judgment or not. He had also told him he would be the younger of the four. The others were at least 16 years old....Yay! He was gonna be their whipping boy...</p>
<p>For now, he was still in his bed, taking advantage of this special day to stay under his duvet. No waking up today, no sport when you jump out of bed....He glanced quickly at his alarm clock- 7:30. He was gonna sleep for a fucking while...</p>
<p>On the other hand, Joshua was busy. The back to school was not only a source of stress for the students but, and perhaps more so, for educators and teachers too! He had never liked the rush that it caused each year, the last minutes details that couldn’t be sorted out, the paperwork always late...And the introduction of files which was done, of course, at the last moment.</p>
<p>He had already read half of his students’ files. None had gotten into big troubles during the holidays and he couldn't hold back a certain feeling of pride and satisfaction. Three quarters of the kids at the facility were good kids. Some had real authority issues, others just needed an ear and in these cases, a psychologist was, of course, provided by the school. There were also the kids whose parents had just resigned....In a way, that disgusted Joshua more that the young delinquent they were sheltering. Good God! If you have a child, assume it! But no, many parents were unable to cope with their child’s adolescent crisis and dumped them <i>asap</i> into a disciplinary institution.</p>
<p>For now, however, he was relying on Dean Winchester's case. In truth, the kid hadn’t cause any problems since arriving. Joshua was well aware that the real test will be contact with other students. According to his record, Dean had been by distinguished by frequent fights even if often, it wasn't him who started it. The establishment didn't tolerate violence and if Dean was going to use this kind of practice, the punishments would flow. The punishments were various, from double the hours of sports to the elimination of the little free time granted to students, not to mention the classic chores. So, it wasn't uncommon to see a student running on the basketball court or peeling potatoes in the kitchen.</p>
<p>But Joshua was pretty sure Dean was too smart for that. In fact, the kid had done little....He had been drinking and stealing a car. Most of the kids in the facility had run away at least once and skipped school everyday. Dean had good grades, but his teachers had noted his distraction and flippancy towards his lessons. Joshua was convinced it was Dean's daily behavior that had essentially decided his parents. This pride, almost this arrogance, nonchalant. This irritating calm and that too piercing gaze. Dean had accepted his entry into school without a flutter of hesitation....and had greeted his parents warmly after that.</p>
<p>Joshua was already convinced that Dean Winchester had some surprises in store for him.</p>
<p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Dean watched with boredom as yet another car parked in the parking lot in front of the main building. Wearily, he watched yet another boy - angry faced this once-  come out as his parents seemed to exchange whispers. In the meantime, another car had parked and the boy who coming out of it had a more jovial face. His father had a hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>Dean sighed, thinking about his own father. Since he had entered, his parents hadn’t visited him very often. <i>It's the holidays</i>, they said, <i>we don't really have the opportunity to come very often. Sam shouldn’t be penalize Sam, you understand? He is entitled to have true holidays</i>. Sam only asked to come see his brother, preventing him was more of a punishment than not going to Disneyland. Because the few times they had come, it was without Sam. <i>He doesn't need that right now</i>, his father said. Which implied Sam hadn’t put up well with his departure....And that his parents were preventing him from coming. It was a misstep, according to Dean. First, there was only him to cheer up his brother and second, Sam would come somehow. Dean wasn't understanding his father. How did his relationship with Sam bother him? Why try to separate them? Dean brushed aside his dark thoughts; anyway, his mother had promised him to come if not every week, every two weeks. With Sam.</p>
<p>"Aren’t you new?" Said a deep voice behind him.</p>
<p>Dean turned back to see a tall boy a head taller than himself. The guy looked older and not really nice."Yeah...." He replied, "I arrived early at the beginning of the summer".</p>
<p>"Which building are you in?" The other asked.</p>
<p>"B"</p>
<p>The tall guy smirked as he continued to walk towards him. Dean recognized right there the kind of fellow he had in front of him. A that’s-me-the-boss-because-i'm-hefty. Like Wilfried, with a few more years.  "It's my block", he said, "I'm the oldest".</p>
<p>"I wasn’t informed that the buildings had delegates" He answered simply with a polite smile.</p>
<p>"What the fuck are you talkin' 'bout, shithead?! It's my block an’ if i don't like you, it'll be hell for you..." He continued.</p>
<p>"Ho....", whispered Dean, feinting surprise. " So.… What's your name?"</p>
<p>"Dave". Grunted the mammoth.</p>
<p>"So Dave, after giving me your little speech thinking to impress me, do you think I’m gonna hurry to please you? Like carrying your bag, reserving part of my ration? Reassure me, you don't want me to hold your pocket?" He scoffed before remembering that no one could yet understand what he was talking about.</p>
<p>"What?! Listen, runt, it's not hard… Either i like you, either this year will be very not cool for you… "</p>
<p>"Yeah....Let's say i'll give it a try, okay? Bye, Dave." Dean hissed with a cheeky smile before turning his heels.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!</p>
<p>Don't forget feedback = love!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. A father's words, an angel's arms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Mr. Winchester, could you please sit up straight and pay attention to the lesson." The shrill voice of his English teacher sounded.</p><p>Dean straightened up laboriously in his chair, trying not to seem annoyed. As soon as the reception had been over, the lessons had started. It was late afternoon and they had their first English class. Real torture. For an hour, their teacher explained them his point of view on education and his study plan for the year. In an hour, they could all go to eat and after that, he would finally see the faces of his roommates. Not that he was in any hurry but hey....</p><p>Casting discreet glances around him, he had been able to get an idea of the students. According to him, the first third was confused, the second thought their were big men and the last third seemed relatively normal.  The teacher, on the other hand, was a fifty-years-old stuck in a suit too small for him.</p><p>His eyes falling inexorably on the drawing he had scribbled - a pentacle of protection - he sighed deeply. Since he was here, he had seriously thought about his future. Of course, he'll be a hunter but he thought it might be interesting to graduate. Unfortunately, the more time passed, the less he saw how that would be possible. If everything went smoothly and that he pretended to be a good little repentant teenager, he would go back home at the end of the year. He just wasn’t really sure his parents would accept his trips again....And ironically, he wanted to go out more often without hearing about it for days. But skipping school was gonna be banned. He sighed again at the complexity of the situation. He also couldn't leave them and let them unprotected!</p><p>The bell rang and Dean sighed in relief at the thought of leaving this confined room. He unwittingly caught up with his teacher’s dark glare and assumed that he already had to dislike him. A year at this rate was gonna be hell...</p><p>Getting out was invigorating. The path from his dormitory to the school building wasn't really long but dragging, it took about ten minutes. After seeing the almost empty school and the totally abandoned alleys of the park, it was strange to see it bustling with all these people. As in all high schools, it was swarming with people. For the first time, Dean noticed that he wasn’t missing miniskirts and plunging necklines...</p><p> He frowned and stopped walking at the sudden finding. It was true...Aside from his jokes and salacious remarks which had became more a habit than a sign of interest, Dean hadn't felt attracted to a girl in a long time. Actually, he considered all girls his age to be little girls. Kids. It was normal considering his real age...He was 41 years old! A smile spread over his lips as he resumed his journey. He had obtained what everyone hoped for: A second youth. Even though he felt older than ever. The fact remains that no girl attracted him....nor any woman for that matter. He couldn't imagine flirting with a forty years old woman....Maybe he was immune to the horrors of hormones?</p><p>Finally, Dean burst of laughing when he realized he was fussing about his libido. It was really the least of his worries. Especially in a boarding school for boys. Having delayed his way, he hastened to the refectory. Strangely, the room wasn't very loud and the noise level was still reasonable. Out of the corner of his eye, as he stood in line at the canteen, he caught sight of the supervisors at a distant table. Even during the meals, discipline was required. The uproar was certainly not accepted.</p><p>Without really paying attention, he quickly analyzed the composition of the room. Most of the tables were made up of four seats, certainly roommates. Thus, Dean was able to notice that each room was formed by students of different ages. Some tables were longer and made up of students of the same age. A laugh louder than the others caught his attention and he easily spotted Dave, the huge kid who had tried to intimidate him earlier in the day. The boy was talking, gesturing widely before he calmed down to lean towards a boy to his left. This one turned to him almost immediately, a mocking smile on his lips. Dean sighed and quickly lost interest in the little group...</p><p>Of all the table of four or more, it wasn't difficult to notice the only table of three. It didn't take long for Dean to deduce that it was probably his roommates. Hesitant for a moment, he decided to go and sit alone. He preferred to keep the presentations in the privacy of their room.</p><p>He ate slowly, not really enjoying the food. The menus weren't very extensive and looked a lot like the greasy food he and his brother and him used to eat in motels. And although his mother had gotten him used to eating healthier, he hadn’t lost his appetite for a good burger with fries! Well....It wasn't fries and the burger tasted like paper but he would be happy with it.<br/>
The meal ended quickly and Dean was almost the last to leave the refectory. He felt some apprehension towards his roommates and found himself totally stupid for it. Why would he fear the reaction of three troubled teenagers? Once in front of his bedroom door, he decided not to hesitate and enter with a relaxed and flexible step.</p><p>Three heads instantly turned to him. Two of them were sitting on the floor playing cards while the third was perched high on his bed reading a book.</p><p>"Finally, you’re here! " One of the players said. The smallest." Hi! I'm Bradley!" Bradley was metis with black rather short black hair, a slightly flat nose and two curled lips. He already had a big smile on them and his brown-ocher eyes were welcoming.</p><p>"Hi", the second player continued, "I’m Tony and the other over there", he said pointing to the reader who had returned to his book," it's Steven but everyone call him Sven".</p><p>Tony was quite tall, slender, two brown eyes seemed to eat up his entire face as his thin pale lips brought out his square chin. His brown hair were a bit longer than Bradley's but also didn't look like Sam's. Sven, on the other hand, was blond and although Dean wasn’t seeing his eyes, he pictured them as ice blue.</p><p>"We were told you were younger?!" Said Bradley, who seemed to be the most talkative of the group.</p><p>"I'm 14", he merely indicated. "my name is Dean".</p><p>"14 years old?" Yelped Bradley. "Fuck! You look at least 16! I fucking really wish I was built like you at your age!"</p><p>Dean smiled slightly at the boy's babble. Quietly, he walked over to his bed to let himself drop without much grace. "And you? How old are you?" He asked.</p><p>"I'm 17", Tony replied with a smile. "The chat box here is 16 years old" he said, pointing Bradly by the chin. "And the quiet one too" he continued, indicating Sven.</p><p>"And why are you here?" Wanted to know Bradley.</p><p>"Brad", sighed Tony, "i don't think he wants to talk about it…"</p><p>"Ho, come on! We ain't in jail either!"</p><p>Dean smiled sadly before shrugging. Tony was right, he really didn't want to talk about it.</p><p>"Joshua’s your educator, right?!" Bradley asked again, in a good mood. </p><p>Dean sighed lightly and already felt tired by the metis' speech rate. A real kid...He noticed Tony’s amused smile and thought these two must be inseparable. "Yeah....You too?"</p><p>"No. There are eight educators in the school and for some reason, they never put two students from the same educator as roommates."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>Tony shrugged, mumbling something about pliability and teenagers.</p><p>"He's nice?" He asked finally.</p><p>"Enough, yeah....He's cool." Tony answered briefly.</p><p>"Extra cool!" Completed Bradley.</p><p>Dean nodded and lay down on his bed. The head resting on the pillow, as Tony climbed on the bed above his, he met Sven’s ice blue gaze.</p><p>The boy looked at him for a moment, completely unmoved, before going back to his book.</p><p>		-----------------------------------------------------------</p><p>"Hurry, Winchester! We’re gonna be late!" Tony’s urgent voice said from behind the bathroom door.</p><p>Eyes still heavy sleep and mess hair, Dean groaned against the alarm clock at 5 in the morning. Quickly, he splashed cold water on his face and pulled on some sweatpants and an old t-shirt to get comfortable for running. </p><p>As he left the room, he didn't expect to find the three boys waiting for him , looking quite anxious. Seeing him frown, Tony answered his silenced question: "We’re in the same dorm, we’re united" He merely said.</p><p>"To what extent?" He couldn't hold back. Bradley looked at him with wide eyes, Tony laughed and Sven threw him an inquisitive look.</p><p>"At least to the point of avoiding you being late at the torture!" Tony replied, leaving the dorm.</p><p>"Rule number one", Bradley whispered to him, "they hate delays. Whoever educators, teachers or coaches...They hate it! And if running for two hours is tough, you can't imagine the punishment if you're late for sport!"</p><p>Said trainer glared at them as he looked at his watch. It was borderline. Jogging was done randomly around the basketball court, gym or in the park. It was just enough for the stream of students running each morning.</p><p>Dean didn't even think before starting his stride, paying little attention at the herd of students literally spreading across the school grounds. His thoughts passed quickly without any real coherence. He thought about his father and his brother again, he thought about the distance – big or small, he didn't really know- between the mother he had dreamed of and Mary. He thought about the fiery-tempered hunter he had seen in her and the traditional mother who baked chocolate cookies. He thought about Lucifer who should still be in his cage. About Lilith too, who should think about finding a solution. Dean had no illusion, Lilith and the other demons would find another way to free Lucifer one day. His thoughts naturally led him to Castiel. His angel. Recently, a certain  notion of possessiveness had interfered in his thoughts towards Castiel. He was His Angel. The one who had freed him from Hell and saved him from the Apocalypse.</p><p>After about thirty minutes during which he didn't slow down, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Lost in thoughts, he tensed, grabbed the arm that had gripped him and turned around so that his "attacker" was in a precarious situation.</p><p>"Wow!" Bradley gasped, his arm twisted behind his back.</p><p>Dean released his grip right away when he realized what he had done and raised both of his hands in apology Tony had already walked towards them, a shadow on his face. "Sorry", he said with contrition. "I didn't know you were following me..." He explained.</p><p>"We were trying to follow you!" Bradley corrected, massaging his arm. "Where did you learn to run like that?" He asked, apparently forgetting the incident.</p><p>"I like to run" He merely replied.</p><p>"Yeah....That explains your shoulders, indeed", mumbled Bradley. "And in addition, you have a fucking grip!" He added.</p><p>"You startled me", he defended himself, "I was lost in my thoughts…"</p><p>"Hey, that's cool, it was a compliment..." Bradley said with a smile.</p><p>"Hey girls, maybe we should start running again, no?!" Tony said, while Sven still hadn’t said a single word.</p><p>			-------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Two hours later, the body sweaty and the muscles on fire; the three boys were heading for their room. Once again, it was a real herd of students that seemed to migrate to the dorms. In the crowd, Dean didn't really notice who shoved him hard enough to make him stumble. He fell down to his knees and immediately stood up....To see the mocking smile of an older boy he recognized as one of Dave's friend.</p><p>"It's just begun, brat..." The boy’s loud voice said.</p><p>Dean glared at him, his fists clenched in two compact masses, ready to fight before a big hand came to rest against his chest. "Go away, Davis…" Tony's voice spat contemptuously.</p><p>"Hooo....Are you defending the brat, Delgado?"</p><p>"We said: Get lost! Do you understand or we have to spell it?" Bradley hissed.</p><p>The other snorted slightly as he looked at the quartet in front of him before chuckling and turning his heels.</p><p>"Holy shit! You already made an enemy of Montgomery and his little bunch of no-hopers?!" Bradley said as they walked back on their way.</p><p>"Dave, that's it? He tried to intimidate me yesterday morning...A real jerk, this guy..." He sighed. "Does he really have influence?"</p><p>"Not really", Tony explained, "It's just that he has a band of underling as sturdy as him and they manage to intimidate the younger ones quite easily".</p><p>"Except you, apparently" Sven concluded, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.</p><p>Dean turned back to him, hesitating on how to react to the young man’s tone. Sven was blond, pale and light-eyed. He was quite short and thin, his features were delicate and his waist slim He was quite effeminate according to Dean and the whole gave an impression of fragility. The boy certainly had to hide behind a rough, abrupt mask to avoid being bothered all the time.</p><p>Finally, it's Bradley who broke the silence by reopening the conversation: "Rule number two: Don’t fight. They hate violence even more than delay"</p><p>"Really?" He sighed.</p><p>"Why do i feel like this is disappointing you?" Tony taunted.</p><p>"I'm not violent", he defended himself with a smile, "i'm just very responsive…"</p><p>"Responsive....Yeah, sure....", laughed Bradley. "But nope, seriously...If you fight, you're good for chores, laps or no trip".</p><p>"Very nice…" Dean grunted as he entered their room.</p><p>"First in the bathroom!" Bradley yelled as he ran into it.</p><p>Dean let out a laugh before turning back to Tony. "He really is a kid!"</p><p>"And it's a problem?!" Sven hissed right away.</p><p>"You spoke more in ten minutes than in a whole morning..." Dean pointed out a smile.</p><p>Sven pursed his lips, glaring at him before exchanging look with Tony. The older boy seemed to lecture him in silence before turning back to him. Sven had in turn engulfed himself the bathroom, following Brad. "Don't worry about him. He's a brave guy even if he's a little cold…"</p><p>"I don't doubt it..." Merely replied Dean.</p><p>				------------------------------------------</p><p>The lessons followed one another while looking alike. Mathematics has always been his favorite subject and he became more interested in sciences. English always made him growl and if he was attentive enough in History, he paid no attention in Spanish or French. Every morning, Bradley laughed at him about his athletic talent and every morning, Tony laughed at the more talkative because of his big mouth. Sven was equal to himself. Dave's dirty tricks weren't uncommon but rather harmless. Dean didn't care, which kept surprising his two closest friends. It was just some pushing, cursing or humiliating comments. It didn't really affect him.</p><p>He hasn’t seen Joshua yet. It was not even a week since the start of the school year. In all honesty, it wasn't that bad....Every day, Dean called Bobby for news. He didn't want to call Missouri directly because he didn't want his family to know he was in contact with her. So, Bobby relayed the news to him, the important hunts....</p><p>Today was Wednesday and they had their first day of team sport. From time to time, instead of any other activity, whether mechanical or plastic art, they practiced team sport. <i>To unify the group</i>, they said. This was happening in the gym and Dean had to admit that it was his first time going there. He hadn’t yet taken part in combat sport and the morning jog wasn't done there.</p><p>The gymnasium was big. Large, high and well furnished. Dean estimated that it could hold three small basketball courts width wise. A few holes in the ground seemed suitable for playing badminton or other such games… The locker room were also quite comfy. Showers were available with <i>hot</i>, clean water.</p><p>"Hurry up, Dean!" Tony told him once again as he lingered on putting on his t-shirt.</p><p>He had to admit he didn't show himself shirtless to his roommates yet. Bradley had laughed at him not just yesterday for not wanting to take his shirt off when it was a dreadful hot in their room. But there was his tattoo...If the educators found out that he had a tattoo, they’d tell his parents and his mother would recognize the pattern right away...Unthinkable. Simply unthinkable.</p><p>"Dean?! We’re the last, here! What are you waiting for to move?"</p><p>"That we’re the last, precisely…" He mumbled.</p><p>"What?!"</p><p>"Well..." he sighed, "Nobody knows, okay? And my parents must not learn it, okay?"</p><p>"What are you talking about?" Hissed Tony.</p><p>"About that..." He continued, removing his shirt.</p><p>"A tattoo?!" Bradley exclaimed with his usual discretion.</p><p>"Go on! Louder, Breickman!" Dean hissed at his friend. "I'm not sure the whole gym heard!"</p><p>"What is it?" Tony asked, leaning on the drawing.</p><p>"Something mystical… Something like that.." He grumbled under his breath.</p><p>"You wanted to scare your parents?" Bradley asked.</p><p>"No since they don't know, moron!" Tony said slapping him on the back of the head.</p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>"Great. Can we go, now? Don’t you mind?” Sven’s placid voice said. Dean nodded as he put on his sports t-shirt. Bradley looked dubious about the motif of his tattoo, he clearly didn't understand why  one would want to get a tattoo of a rather unattractive pentagram. Dean merely smiled at his questions while making them promise not to say anything. Tony and Bradley nodded as Sven shrugged. Dean took it for an agreement.</p><p>Today was volleyball day. Dean and Bradley sighed in front of the two temporary courts set up in the gymnasium. The coach shouted at them to come closer to make the teams. Dean had to take upon himself not to sigh a second time when he saw the cheerful faces of Dave and his friends...There were games between the boys from block B. Fucking fantastic.</p><p>"What is that?" Dean asked suddenly, pointing to a corner of the gym that seemed to contain a small arch.</p><p>"Just a souvenir" Tony replied briefly.</p><p>"A souvenir?"</p><p>"An old basketball from one of the first boy in the school. He died on the school grounds....That's why we have a basketball court and not a football field or whatever..." Bradley said, still as chatty.</p><p>"How did he die?" Dean asked right away, letting the hunter speak.</p><p>"Dunno. It was a long time ago…"</p><p>"Breickman! Winchester!" The coach shouted at them. "No gossip!"</p><p>"Sorry coach!" They sang together.</p><p>"Good. I'm gonna choose four team leaders who will play two games simultaneously. The two winning teams will take turns."</p><p>"And the team that wins the game, what does it win, coach?" One of the young students asked.</p><p>"My good mood and respect...Is that enough for you, kid? Grunted the older one.</p><p>"Yes, sir" The child whispered in response.</p><p>"So, here are the team leaders: Lesner, Montgomery, Zander and O'Connor. Pick a member each in turn...And let's go fast!"</p><p>Dean exchanged an eloquent look with Tony upon hearing that Dave had became team leader. He was gonna be bawled out again. Tony left to join Zander’s team, like Sven. Bradley joined O'Connor's. Being the newbie, he remained in the last, like all children of his age. Tony had already tried to influence his leader but unfortunately, it was Dave's turn.</p><p>"Winchester!" Yelled the hollow voice of the older one.</p><p>Sighing - This would soon become his favorite form of expression- he walked over to his team, made up largely of Dave's good-for-nothing friends.</p><p>"So Winchester, not so smug anymore, huh?!" Spat Dave, a smirk on his lips, rolling the ball in his hands.</p><p>Dean just looked at him stoically, not quite sure what the most appropriate answer was. Any answer would be turned against him. Obviously, his silence passed for fear and unleashed taunts from the group. "Ho! The cat got your tongue, brat?!" Said a guy, pushing him a bit.</p><p>"Nope, don't think so...", replied another, "i think he's just dumb…"</p><p>"Or maybe he's chicken...Huh, Winchester?! You're scared to death!"</p><p>"Ho yeah...", Dean finally replied sarcastically, "I'm terrified. Can’t you see how i'm shaking?"</p><p>"You think you're smart, little piece of shit?" Dave hissed, advancing towards him.</p><p>"More than you, anyway. The coach looks at us as the three other teams..." He said, seriously.</p><p>Dave whirled around at the coach, all smile before grabbing by the shoulders to lead him to their court. They lost the game and it wasn't surprising as his teammates seemed to have a problem with the trajectory of the ball. In other words, he had been shot all over the head in general hilarity. Every remark of the coach was met by helpless shrug. <i>I don't really know how to aim, Coach...</i></p><p>				---------------------------------</p><p>It was Friday night and Dean was already called in Joshua's office. Thursday had gone off without a hitch, as mundane and monotonous as any other day. He had run with airiness in the morning, had been deeply bored during the day and had had a little fun in the break room in the evening. Same today....Running, studying, smiling. Things at the saint-Sebastian boarding school weren’t very complicated. Smiling at the teachers and answering their dumb questions with precision when they though to set you up, avoiding the dirty tricks of Dave and friends, sorting food in canteen and beating the others up fair and square every night at pool.</p><p>So, no, he saw no reason why he was called by his educator. It was Friday and everything Dean could think about was Sunday.... Family visits. Sam's visit. His parents had decided to come see him every Sunday <i>with</i> Sam, after school started. It would be the first time he had seen Sam since leaving home. Three months already. An eternity....</p><p>He entered the administrative building with his usual indolence - which already had a knack for annoying teachers- before idly searching for Joshua's office. Once in front of the satinwood door, he knocked roughly three times. The door swung open on Joshua's cheerful face.</p><p>"Dean! Come in..." The educator said warmly.</p><p>Dean didn't hesitate and shamelessly settled himself on one of the available seats in the room. "Did you want to talk to me, sir?" He asked politely.</p><p>"Don't be so formal with me, Dean!" Joshua scolded him softly. "I'm not <i>sir</i>, i'm just Joshua. If you insist, i'll call you sir too!" He threatened him gently.</p><p>"Alright....So, you wanted to talk to me, Joshua?" He continued in a less stilted tone.</p><p>"Yeah....Actually.....I saw you asked to participate in combat sport or self-defense.…"</p><p>"Yeah…"</p><p>"Well...I just wanted to talk about it..." The educator said.</p><p>"That we talk about it?" Dean repeated with surprise. "Why? I don't know what we could talk about…"</p><p>"I don't know....It says in your file that you are quite brawler…"</p><p>"Really?" Dean quipped falsely, raising his eyebrows excessively.</p><p>"Dean…"</p><p>"What? You tell me i'm a brawler when i haven't done anything yet....And above all, i haven’t lost my temper in front of Dave Montgomery and his little merry band...You don't think you're exaggerating?"</p><p>"Is Montgomery causing you trouble?" Joshua asked, frowning.</p><p>"Trifles..." Dean muttered, discarding the problem off by the hand.</p><p>"You seem to take it pretty well…", Joshua remarked, "still, Montgomery has a knack to push everyone to the limit…"</p><p>"He's just a kid who think he's a big boss..." Dean reasoned.</p><p>"A kid?" Joshua asked him. "He's four years older than you…"</p><p>"And what? Age isn't really a big factor.…"</p><p>"Maybe not… " Joshua mumbled, doubtfully.</p><p>"So? These lessons? Can i participate or do you think I’m too troublemaker?"</p><p>"You’re participating Dean. I just wanted to warn you… The school has zero tolerance for violence…"</p><p>"Like i said....I'm not violent. Just responsive"</p><p>			-------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Dean was nervous. It was surely totally stupid and unfounded but his stomach was tight and up uncomfortably in his throat. It was Sunday afternoon and he was finally gonna see Sam. The morning mechanics class had gone wonderfully...Among his classmates, only Tony had taken mechanics, like him. Once again, the elder had been amazed by his knowledge and skill. <i>"My father is a mechanic...</i>" was always a good excuse.</p><p>With a look that betrayed the tension in him, he looked again the alarm clock resting on his bedside table. For the sake of convenience, he was waiting for his parents in his room. Tony's had already arrived and he had gone with them for a walk in the park. Bradley had decreed he was going to take a nap since his parents couldn't make it while Sven was in the library. The guy was a real book eater...And Bradley had whispered to him that his parents never came to see him. Dean felt more than sorry for him. Sven was a discreet and suspicious person but Dean was convinced that the kid was worth it...</p><p>"Dean!" Said a cheerful voice as he received a cannonball in his arms.</p><p>"Hey Sammy...."He whispered through his brother's hair, hugging him.</p><p>Sam stayed in his arms for a few minutes before taking off slightly. Just enough for Dean to move freely while keeping him close to him. Sam had a hand around his brother's waist, gripping his shirt tightly.</p><p>When Dean looked up, he found his father’s face who was already stepping into the room was his mother was obviously waiting something to enter, tense, on the doorstep. "Hello son…" His father's deep voice said, uncomfortable.</p><p>"Hi dad...", he replied soberly with a hint of a smile. "Aren’t you coming, mom?" He then asked, looking at his mother, still tense.</p><p>"Yes, yes...", she replied hastily towards him. "Ho Dean..."She whispered, hugging him.</p><p>Dean hugged her back, involuntarily less vigorous than with Sam. "How is it going at home?" He eventually asked to lighten the mood.</p><p>"I continue to train and i'm the best in self-defense!” Sam told him, happily.</p><p>"You’re still doing self-defense?” He asked, surprised.</p><p>"Of course! Why?!"</p><p>"Nothing....I thought…" He ended his sentence by casting an eloquent look at his parents who looked away elegantly. He had thought that his parents were going to forbid Sam from continuing his classes...There really was no reason, but that was what he had assumed. "That's great Sammy... I knew you could beat them all!" He congratulated his brother.</p><p>His brother straightened up proudly, stretching his chin forward, a bright smile on the lips. John had a twinge of sorrow when he saw his youngest son’s dazzling smile. Smile that he had been trying to get for two months in vain. He had made basketball games over baseball games, he had listened to him tell him about his day like Dean did all the time....But he didn't get that smile. Sometimes, when the special relationship between his sons was pretty obvious -like now- he wondered who Sam would choose. It was stupid and it was a question that had no place to be...But it was stuck in his mind and was poisoning his life: Did Sam love his brother more than him?</p><p>"And the school?", Dean continued without suspecting his father's turmoil. "It went well? Your last year of elementary school, right Sammy?"</p><p>"Yep! After, i'll go to middle school! I'm so impatient!"</p><p>"I've no doubt, Buddy.." Dean whispered, running a light hand through his brother's hair.</p><p>"It was so boring during the holidays! It's not fair we couldn't come to see you during the summer!" He whined.</p><p>"You couldn't come see me?" He asked with a surprised voice.</p><p>"Well, no....Your school didn't want to!" His brother replied, shoulders slumped.</p><p>A heavy silence fell over the room like a screed of lead. Dean had tensed at Sam's first words as Bradley shifted in his bed. Dean gave his parents a murderous look. Mary seemed to be looking everywhere except him as John bravely met his gaze. Dean felt a burning anger explode in his chest and tried with all his might to temper it. Screaming and raging at his father wasn't going to solve anything at all...It’d even be less helpful to him.</p><p>"It's okay, Dean?" His brother asked, looking at him seriously.</p><p>Dean's face froze in a hint of a smile as he thought at a frantic pace. Should he admit to his brother that their parents lied to him? Or should he give up and thereby prove to his parents that he was way above it all? If he was telling the truth, it would hurt Sam and risk setting him in rebellion against their parents. And it was the last thing he wanted...</p><p>"Yeah, it was <i>so</i> unfair." He said finally, plunging his eyes into his father’s. “But that’s life, Sam, people are often unfair. And you can stop to pretend you’re asleep, Bradley!” He shouted louder. "If you want me to introduce you, you should get up".</p><p>No sooner said than done: Bradley jumped out of his covers to land almost next to Dean. As usual, he smiled but Dean found his smile to be very strained compared to the usual bright one. No doubt he had heard his parents' lies… He didn't really know everyone’s story, not more Bradley's than everyone else’s. He didn't ask and they hadn't told him. He only knew Bradley had a very good relationship with his father but he had to live with his mother.</p><p>"Hello, Mr and Mrs Winchester!" Bradley exclaimed with his usual mirth.</p><p>"This is Bradley Breickman, a roommate." He merely explained.</p><p>"Hello Bradley" His mother replied softly while his father just manly nodded.</p><p>"Are you friend with Dean?" Sam asked, studying the boy.</p><p>"Hum....Yeah, i think so", Bradley answered with a smile, "Your brother is kind of unapproachable. He didn't talk much…" He continued. </p><p>"Dean?" Sam asked with surprised. "With me, he talks all the time!" He said then and Dean was almost surprised to hear a note of pride in his voice.</p><p>"Hmmm....Well...Here, he barely speaks. Never to ramble, anyway....The total opposite of me!" Bradley laughed. "But you have a good son, Mr and Mrs Winchester..." He said, more seriously. "A good guy".</p><p>"Thanks Bradley", Mary replied kindly, "We never doubted it".</p><p>"Well", Dean continued, scratching his throat for attention, "Shall we go to that library?"</p><p>"Yeaaahhhh!!!!!"</p><p>					---------------------------------------------</p><p>Dean burst out laughing at his brother’s antics once in the library. Sam was in heaven, literally, and eventually, he asked his brother to borrow three books. Two novels by well-known authors and a history book on Native Americans that Sam found simply<i> fantastic</i>. Dean slipped him a fourth book on the Myths and legends of North America promising him that it was interesting, while his mother had her back turned.</p><p>They then went for a walk in the park and Dean never got tired of listening to Sam talk about his holidays, going back to school and this girl he really wanted to meet but was just afraid of approach. Sam was talking and talking and Dean just listened, a soft smile on his lips, his eyes sparkling.</p><p>Once again, Dean and Sam didn't deliberately put their parents aside. Truly not. But Sam was talking and Dean just wanted to listen to him. He didn't want to talk to his parents, pretend he wasn’t hurt by their decision and pretend he was all smile. Sam, on the other hand, was thinking at the amount of things his brother had missed during those two long months and it was just intolerable that he didn't tell him. In four hours, with an unbeatable flow of words, Sam recounted sixty days of his life.</p><p>"Hey, it's okay Sammy, you’ll be back next week! No need to put yourself in such a state, Buddy..." Dean whispered into his brother's neck.</p><p>"I miss you, Dean." The young boy merely replied, the nose in his chest.</p><p>"You too....But we are fine, right?" He said, pushing his brother away to look him in the eyes. "You're fine and i assure you i'm fine, ok?"</p><p>"Hmmm hmm..." Sam nodded.</p><p>"And as long as we’re okay Sam", he whispered softly so that only could hear, "As long as we’re okay and we know the other is okay too, everything is fine, Sam. No need to worry, ok? Answer me Sam...ok?"</p><p>"Okay Dean" His brother replied with new confidence.</p><p>"That's good, Buddy..." He said in a smile, ruffling his brother's hair.</p><p>"Sam, can you go wait in the car? We need to talk to your brother..." Their father’s calm voice said.</p><p>Sam obeyed, not without hugging his brother one last time. Dean found himself alone in front of his parents. His mother still had that hesitant look on her face as if she wasn't sure what to say or do...His father seemed more imposing and determined to have a conversation with him. "So what?" He sighed. "Just spit it out..."</p><p>"Dean..." John sermonized soberly. "We just wanted to come clean…"</p><p>"It's clear. You lied to Sam so he wouldn’t come see me because you can't stand us being so close and you were hoping that it keeps us away. Did i summarize correctly the situation?"</p><p>"Don't talk to me like that, Dean..." His father warned him.</p><p>"Or what? You will resort to emotional blackmail and tell Sam it's impossible to come see me?"</p><p>"We just wanted you to take some distance, Dean." His mother tried in turn.</p><p>"I think I got far enough away, mom." He said, harshly.</p><p>"It's your own fault you're here, Dean", his father hammered, dryly. "You stole a car and if…"</p><p>"You had this idea long before the bloody car!" He spat in resentment.</p><p>"You were drunk! For God's sake, Dean! Do you even realize?!"</p><p>"I realize perfectly well, thanks!" He hissed. "I felt bad and drank. It was wrong, i grant you that but…"</p><p>"But you're a child, Dean! If you drink now, what will you do later?" His mother choked.</p><p>"And you felt bad for the car too? You didn’t feel good and you thought stealing a car was gonna cheer you up?" Hissed his dad.</p><p>"I had my reasons but you just don't trust me! That's it, period!"</p><p>"Don't talk to us like that, Dean! We aren't your friends! We're your parents!"</p><p>"Yeah my parents...As such you should trust me a tiny bit more and not treat me like a criminal…"</p><p>"We'd trust you more if you proved yourself worthy" Hissed the sharp voice of his father.</p><p>"Ho...I ain't worthy of you, now?" He spat, half-acerbic, half-hurt.</p><p>"Dean..." His mother mumbled softly.</p><p>"I think i'll go back to my dorm. Bye."</p><p>				-------------------------------------------</p><p>The way back to his room was nebulous. He got carried away, he knew it. He shouldn't have said all these things to his dad. He should never have admitted to him he had his reasons and that he was really in a bad place after his nightmare. He shouldn't have attacked him directly on the lie they had told Sam, nor on his removal He had slipped up....The words had come out his mouth on their own without he had truly the time to analyze them.</p><p>He really got carried away...</p><p>But his father too, apparently. And he had found again the tough, uncompromising John at the wrong time....He had, apparently, found his limit. His dad had had harsh words...And Dean had felt shaken that his dad didn't find him worthy of his trust. Had he really made so much blunders? He had drinking - which, in itself, had happened to all teenagers- and had stolen a car without damaging it. He had tried hard to be as normal a child as possible but his difference had simply attracted attention...</p><p>And, not really intentionally, he had driven the wedge between himself and his parents. He certainly didn't wish to, not really wanted either but he had done what he had to do. What his parents will probably never understand.</p><p>He slammed the bedroom door shut and was relieved to find no one there. He wanted to be alone. He had always needed to be alone to figure out what was hurting him...Or maybe it was just what he had limited himself to think.... Because he felt reassured at the sight of Castiel.</p><p>The angel was on the bathroom doorstep, looking at him affectionately. Dean gave a rather sad vague smile before letting himself drop on his bed. He soon felt a weight beside him and instinctively he approached it, ending up shoulder to shoulder.</p><p>"He did not mean it", Castiel's soft voice whispered.</p><p>Dean didn't answer, he just shrugged, cursing the water swarming in his eyes. He wasn't as sure as Castiel about his dad.</p><p>"He did not mean it", Castiel repeated, "He is scared, he realizes he is losing his son..."</p><p>Once again, Dean just nodded briefly. Of course not, he wasn't losing him. He could never lose him. He loved his father, his family, even if they could never love him as fully as he did. You don't love what you don't know.</p><p>Castiel sighed lightly at the turmoil of his protegee. He hated to see him so vulnerable...So sad and dejected. Softly, he put a hand on the boy's shoulder and pulled him towards him. Dean didn't protest and even went so far to bury his head in Castiel's neck. This one froze a moment in front of the display of affection....He loved Dean more than he wanted to admit or even, more than he could acknowledge it but their gestures and their attitude had been limited to some rare and brief embraces.</p><p>Dean felt soothed in Castiel's arms. Appeased, rested and safe. Just good. Castiel had to admit that he hadn’t felt this sense of belonging for a few years, now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!</p><p>Tell me, so far: love it? hate? favorite parts? Line? What do you think of my English? Not too many mistakes?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Sven's secret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p>
<p>Please be aware that the story happened in the early nineties, so a lot of people aren't very open-mind. (Especially stupid bullies, you see what i mean?) So, this chapter is talking about homosexuality and the confusion some could make between homosexuality and being effeminate.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John didn't know what was hurting him the most. The last words of his son, so full of regret, disappointment and bitterness or the disapproving look of his youngest son.</p>
<p>Not a word had been exchanged since leaving Saint-Sebastian. Sam had kept his chatty mouth shut the entire trip. When Dean had literally dumped them on the parking lot to get back to his dorm, John had refrained from running after him. He knew his words had been harsh and he had hated himself as soon as they came through his lips. He had made fun of his son's unhappiness… An ill-being such as he had led to get drunk. He had laughed at it like it didn’t matter… John clenched his fists on the steering wheels until the joins were white. These words are those of his father. His father who had almost denied him when he had joined the Army. His father who had laughed at his wishes and his feelings. He didn't want to be that kind of father to his son...</p>
<p>John suppressed a sigh and loosened his grip. Actually, seeing his son turn his back to him, he had been afraid. And if John were to be honest with himself, he'd admit it was too late to experience this fear. His son was no longer a little child and Dean had walked away a long time ago. He didn't really understand why or how it happened...<br/>
Why was Dean keeping this distance between them? Why did he never tell them what he was thinking? Why was he trying to hide his feeling from them? Why was he behaving like this with Sam? Why, whenever he spoke with his mother, John had the feeling he was angry with her?</p>
<p>John wasn't understanding his son and that infuriated him. He was angry with Dean for not talking with them, for not explaining to them. He resented him not being able to share what Billy Mcpherson shared with his son every time he went fishing with him. He resented him for not trusting them. And how can you trust someone who distrusts you? It was perhaps the most painful...Why didn’t his son trust him?</p>
<p>Next to John, Mary was repeating the conversation over and over in her mind. She hadn't wanted to end it like that...Even though she had known their lie was going to come right back in their face. Strangely, when Dean looked at her, she had the feeling of being naked. She didn't understand the looks he gave her sometimes and she felt, in her stomach, that something was missing. And that bothered her because she would never had missed something like that before...She had realized it not long ago...As she led Sam to his self-defense class. She had met another mother who immediately recognized Sam as Dean's little brother. <i> Such a talented boy, dear!</i> She had said, speaking of her oldest child. <i>And polite, always helping the younger ones and so smiling...</i>The woman in front of her had described another child. Not her Dean. A child with enthusiasm, cheerfulness, whom the old ladies doted over and the youngest admired. Not her taciturn, morose and silent Dean. She had received this realization like a slap...With violence and disbelief.</p>
<p>She didn't know her son. She didn't understand his looks, his silences and even, sometimes, his words. It was a painful realization for a mother. Every now and then, she thought it was her punishment for having make a deal with a demon...And in those moments, she wondered if her son could be influenced in any way. But she quickly dismissed the idea. Her life was normal and her son too. There was nothing demonic about his son's behavior. Nothing at all.</p>
<p>In the rear-view mirror, she met Sam’s angry gaze. The boy refused to look at her any longer, he looked away. She sighed. Still, she was looking forward to next week...</p>
<p>					--------------------------</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>(a + b) (a – b) = a² – b²<br/>(a + b)² =  a² + 2ab + b<br/>(a – b)² =  a² + 2ab + b²</p>
</div><p>Dean sighed at the lines and lines of mathematical formulas sprawling across the board in front of him. With a careless hand, he had copied half of it without retaining a single one… Well, even though he liked mathematics, this teacher was doing everything he could to make the subject boring.</p>
<p>On the bench next to his, two boys were talking louder and louder for ten minutes. Fortunately, they were at the back of the class, otherwise, the two friends would have been spotted right away. Dean wasn't sure what the boys' name were… In fact, he wasn't sure to remember half of the boys' names in his class. If his memory was good, maybe one of the boys was a Nathan.</p>
<p>He dropped his chin heavily in his other hand as the teacher turned angrily on them. Apparently, he had enough of the chatter of his two classmates. "Lincoln! Braddy! What's all the fuss about?"</p>
<p>"Sorry sir!" Hurried to answer the larger boy. "It's Winchester who keep bothering us!"</p>
<p>Dean was speechless for a moment watching them confront him. The one who had spoken glared at him while trying to hide a smirk, while the other seemed uncomfortable and refused to look him in the eyes.</p>
<p>"Winchester? Something to share?" The teacher asked, sharply.</p>
<p>"I haven’t spoken to them, sir. I don't even know them."</p>
<p>"I swear, sir!", the other added. "He stopped us from listening! That's why we were talking, asking him to stop!"</p>
<p>"Lincoln? You're agree with this?" Asked the adult, looking at the smaller one.</p>
<p>"Yes sir", he whispered in a weak voice.</p>
<p>"Good. Winchester, two hours of detention with the coach." The professor dryly said. </p>
<p>Dean pursed his lips, acknowledging his defeat. Any defense would be useless. The teacher had taken a sudden aversion to him since the beginning of the year and it was their word against his. He didn’t mind running a little more or a little less but he didn't really understand why these two had a grudge against him...</p>
<p>Seeing the fleeing look of the younger, Lincoln, he figured he might have his answer soon enough.</p>
<p>				-------------------------------</p>
<p>The punishment itself wasn't horrible. Frankly, he’d rather run than do the chore of cooking or cleaning. He ran at his own pace under the watchful eyes of the coach. The coach was a massive guy, near 6 foot-3, broad shoulders and with small brown-ocher eyes that were lost in his angular face.</p>
<p>Previously, when he got to his detention, he had been surprised to see Sven. He honestly had thought the boy wasn't the type to get into trouble. He didn't ask any questions, anyway, Sven wouldn't have answered him. The kid was quieter than Cas on his bad days. They had only exchanged a look. Sven hadn't looked surprised to see him there.</p>
<p>"Well, i hope that has serve as a lesson to you! We don't accept frivolity or daydreaming in classes", said the coach by looking at him,"nor violence, in all its forms!" He added, pointing to Sven. "Are we clear?"</p>
<p>"Yes, coach" They sang together.</p>
<p>"Go take a shower and go straight to bed! Don’t hang out in the hallways."</p>
<p>On the way back, Dean glanced at Sven several times. Strangely, he felt disappointed not to speak to him. The kid seemed like a good person, with just a few issues. "Something to say?" Sven finally asked him, annoyed by his looks.</p>
<p>"No", he replied calmly, "I was just wondering why you were in detention. You ain't really the kind to look for a fight…"</p>
<p>"And how do you know that?"</p>
<p>"I know, that's it", Dean shrugged.</p>
<p>Sven paused for a few minutes to look at him, with his two clear, evaluative marbles. Dean gave him time, no doubt the boy needed it to decide whether or not he could tell him. Dean briefly wondered who could have betrayed his trust for leaving him so leery. "I don't like to fight", Sven confirmed after a few minutes as he got on the road, "but i don't let myself be insulted without doing anything."</p>
<p>"By who?"</p>
<p>"Dumbass" Merely answered the eldest boy.</p>
<p>			------------------------------------------</p>
<p>That morning, Dean woke up slowly. A diffuse sensation of warmth and safety still embracing him. He took several minutes to come out of his warm cocoon, stretched and let his head fall on his pillow. Above him, he could hear Bradley's loud snores as Tony mumbled something in his sleep across the room. It had to be pretty early and when Dean looked at his alarm o'clock, it was confirmed. He still had half an hour before training.</p>
<p>Hands folded under his head, Dean thought back with some.… satisfaction about what had happened the day before. It was hardly embarrassing to say but in Castiel's arms, he had felt good. Simply good. Safe, understood and accepted as he was, for what he was. A little blush appeared on his cheeks when he thought he'd like to do it again.</p>
<p>If the day had started well, Dean quickly became disillusioned. Today, he'd see Joshua to supposedly talk about his family condition. Tony had even told him that, sometimes, family sessions could be arranged. Dean was just appalled at the idea: to be cornered in an office with his parents and educator asking for explanations. In those moments, Dean cursed his mother.</p>
<p>Joshua's office hadn't changed an inch. Tidy without being too neat, serious without being formal and warm without being stuffy. Joshua, on the other hand, was late. As usual, wanted to say Dean. The educator had a knack for being late...The secretary still had him into the office all the same and even served him hot chocolate. Dean would kill for a good coffee. While distractedly twisting the teaspoon in his cup, Dean thought about what to say to Joshua. How to explain to him the mixed feelings he felt towards his parents?… Without sending him to the asylum so fast that it'd make his head spin?</p>
<p>"Sorry for being late, Dean!" Joshua's panting voice said. "It's good that Maggie let you in." Dean shrugged carelessly before taking a sip from his cup. He wouldn't have been against an additional delay. "Well", Joshua whispered, settling into his seat, a cup of coffee in hand, "where do you want to start?"</p>
<p>"I think it's up to you, right?"</p>
<p>"No, i don't think so. But i can ask you questions if you don't know what to talk about....Alright". He added as Dean nodded. "So...How old is your brother?"</p>
<p>"10", Dean replied with a smile. "He turned 10 in May".</p>
<p>"It’s only four years between you? I'd have sworn there were more… Do you get along well with him?"</p>
<p>"You’re going in circles, sir.…"</p>
<p>"I already told you to call me Joshua and yes, i grant you that. So, go on, be honest and tell me what you think of your relationship with your brother."</p>
<p>"I'm overprotective and almost a mother hen. I know. So what? What's wrong?"</p>
<p>"Nothing", Joshua admitted, surprised by Dean's sincerity. "But it unsettles your parents. It's not very common...Or at least, not for children like you."</p>
<p>"What does this mean? Because we have loving parents and a privileged environment, i cannot be close to my baby brother?"</p>
<p>"No, that's not what i said."</p>
<p>"Look, Josh...I love my parents and i know they love me. I did some bullshit, i know that. But every family has his dirty laundry, right? I won't unpack ours on the public square for the simple reason that my mother didn't understand what it is. She'll understand when she needs to.  When she'll be ready."</p>
<p>"Every family has its problems, it’s true but…"</p>
<p>"I’m not talking about problems, Josh. I’m talking about secrets."</p>
<p>"Secrets?"</p>
<p>"Look....It's between my mom and me, ok? It's nothing wrong or perverse...It's just something that I struggle with."</p>
<p>"Maybe i can help you?"</p>
<p>"I’m not meddling in your family issues, Josh when i'm sure there must be some…  Stay out of mine."</p>
<p>			---------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Joshua was absentmindedly drumming against his desk as he watched his office door close on Dean Winchester. The only thing he could safely say was that his first impression was correct: Dean Winchester was full of surprises!</p>
<p>The young boy could be surprisingly mature when he decided to talk seriously. During their conversation, Joshua had to remind himself that it was still a young teenager, and not an adult, that he had in front of him. However, of all his words, actions and demeanor gave off an impression of resigned and wise maturity. It was disturbing.</p>
<p>If another student had told him about secrets and dirty laundry, he'd quickly summoned the parents to have a frank conversation... Silencing problems in the hope that they’d resolve themselves had never been a solution. But it wasn't just any student… It wasn't a poor lonely kid, resentment deep in the eyes and his heart on his sleeve who had told him about it. No. It was Dean. Who had spoken of his family problems with composure, serenity and even caution. Joshua didn't want to call John and Mary Winchester. He wanted to talk to Dean again. To listen to him, to know him and perhaps to break through this shell the young man had built.</p>
<p>He had received Dean in his office to talk about his brother. According to Dean's file, John Winchester would have liked the subject to be raised. He viewed the close relationship between his sons in an unfavorable light. Being the youngest of a family with three children, Joshua could relate to sibling relationships....But though he loved his two older brothers, he didn’t feel like Dean felt when he was with his brother. When Sam was in the room or even just mentioned in conversation, it was Dean's face that shifted. A gracious smile spread over his lips and the few lines on his forehead would become smooth. Later, when Joshua will be able to watch Dean and Sam together more often, he'll say that Dean's gaze at his brother was one of leniency, love and longing.</p>
<p>For now, Joshua could only conclude that Dean loved his brother unconditional, that he loved his parents and was accepting their decision while holding a grudge against his mother. These were the few lines he wrote as conclusion of this meeting.</p>
<p>				----------------------------------</p>
<p>The days passes and, to Dean's annoyance, the word seemed to have been sent around. He had became the scapegoat and scooped off most of the detentions...He hadn't cornered Lincoln the last time and he regretted it deeply. He was tired of running in the park, especially since the weather had cooled down and he was more than fed up of peeling the potatoes!</p>
<p>Today was Saturday and like almost every day for a week, he came back alone from his long outdoor detention, as he liked to say. Tomorrow, he'd see his parents again and after their last little quarrel, Dean didn't really know what to do with them. No doubt he'd do as usual, pretending to be  indifference. A problem? What problem?</p>
<p>He was still in his thought when muffled sounds caught his attention. If Dean trusted his experience – and he trusted his experience as often as he trust his instinct, that is, always -  he'd say it was the sounds of a brawl. A beating, more precisely because the blows he was hearing had no counterparts.... Frowning – Hadn't they given him a lot of lectures on banning brawling and violence within the institution?- he walked over to the muffled noises.</p>
<p>It came from outside the life buildings, in a sort of small recess in the wall that formed a small interior courtyard since the building itself had undergone several modifications over the years. Dean made himself as small as all his years of hunting had taught him and analyzed the situation.</p>
<p>He saw red when he saw Sven was lying on the ground as another guy, looking older and clearly more massive, kicked him in the stomach. Sven made no sound other than muffled, plaintive moans. <i>But he didn't scream</i>, Dean noticed.</p>
<p>"Hey! Asshole!" He hissed as he walked through the yards, his fists clenched. The other guy turned to him and raised an eyebrow when he saw him walk towards them. A jeering smile spread on his lips as he gave another kick in Sven's stomach and the boy curled up more around his pain. "Get away from him, asshole!" Dean hissed Dean angrily. He should’ve known that this whole thing of forbidden violence was just bullshit!</p>
<p>"Whoa....You see, faggot?" The other hissed, hustling Sven, on the ground. "The shrimp has come to help you!" He laughed disdainfully.</p>
<p>"The shrimp will break your legs if you don't leave quickly, cappish Jumbo?" Dean replied dryly.</p>
<p>"You’re fucking sure of yourself, yeah? You wanna go down like your little girlfriend?"</p>
<p>"I’m gonna wreck you, dumbass.…" He hissed in turn.</p>
<p>On the ground, Sven was trying to catch his breath and waving Dean for him to walk away. Dean paid him no attention and instead focused on the young man in front of him. He was at least a head taller than him and must have weighed forty pounds heavier but Dean knew he could neutralize him. The other, on the contrary, looked at him condescendingly and seemed quite amused by the situation. Dean didn't linger and didn’t engage in the fight. He feigned to the left which drew his opponent in and when he was close enough, he gave him a right hook in the stomach. He wouldn't have enough strength to hit him in the face. The other widened his eyes as he stepped back a little, his hands tightening around his waist. He looked up in disbelief at Dean and straightened up, apparently determined not to get beaten up by a kid.</p>
<p>The guy changed his tactics and literally charged up against him, which made him roll his eyes. He shifted to the left while letting his feet behind, tripping his opponent. He recovered fairly quickly and grabbed Dean by the arm before he could dodge. Dean winced under the teenager's strong grip but managed to break the hold by flipping the boy’s arm behind his back and keeping it quite high enough, almost at shoulder blade level. The other let out a little moan but Dean didn't budge. He pushed him to the ground and broke his nose with his fist. Bloody nose and aching arm, the guy stood up and glared at him before turning his back to them to leave. Dean was pretty proud of himself. And besides, a little bit of action was good for him.</p>
<p>When Dean was sure the other guy wasn't coming back, he turned to Sven who was now sitting on the ground with one knee bent. Dean knelt in front of him as much to help him as to make sure he wasn't hurt. "You're fine?" He asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>Sven swiftly pulled away before settling down, realizing it was just him. "Sorry", he whispered softly, raising an unharmed face. "He avoids the face and it avoids questions" He said to answer to his silent question.</p>
<p>Dean nodded understandingly and held out his hand to help him sit up. Sven only hesitated a few seconds before taking it. Dean suppressed a satisfied smile...Sven had not only accepted his help but had also partially trusted him. Dean vowed to be worthy of it. After standing up, Sven tried to take a steady breath, his belly and chest still sore. "You're sure you’re alright? He could have broken your ribs or cracked one..." He said with a hint of concern.</p>
<p>"It's okay...." The other whispered. "This is not the first time and it won’t be the last....."</p>
<p>Dean frowned at his roommate’s defeatist tone and his gaze didn't go unnoticed as Sven laughed bitterly before continuing: "That must sound silly to you that i'm not defending myself, huh?" He asked. "But i don't have your fitness, nor your strength...Because to fight Lesner, you have to be a big honker…"</p>
<p>"Lesner?" He repeated.</p>
<p>"Yeah.… He is 18. He participates in team sport with us..."</p>
<p>Dean nodded absently, now remembering seeing him in the gym this time around. He was one of the leader of the four teams. "And why don’t you defend yourself exactly? Even if you don't beat him, you might dissuade him from doing it again.…"</p>
<p>"And he’ll rat me on..." The other answered.</p>
<p>"And why don’t you?"</p>
<p>"Cause he's in his final year and that if Graam is on my side, Deputy Principal Looper will be on his."</p>
<p>"Why?” Dean asked, frowning.</p>
<p>"Because he’s a homophobic bastard too", Sven replied dryly, looking at his reaction.</p>
<p>At the time, Dean didn't really react. He had never had anything against homosexuality and found it difficult to understand how educators could let their bad opinion interfere with their job.</p>
<p>"Does it shock you?" Sven asked softly.</p>
<p>"No, what shocks me is that they are protecting Lesner. He could have broken your ribs!"</p>
<p>"So, you have nothing against gays...?" Still asked Sven. “Aren’t you gonna start looking at me differently, refusing to share a bathroom with me or even being embarrassed to undress next to me in the locker room?"</p>
<p>"No", Dean assured him, "i'll just ask you to spare me all spicy details of your sex life..." He said with a mocking smile.</p>
<p>"My sex life? Here? Have you look around?"</p>
<p>"But", Dean said after a few seconds of silence, "everybody knows it? I mean...I didn't notice anything in the locker room. No looks, no whispers...You see what i mean?"</p>
<p>"No", Sven replied with a weary smile, "actually, not many people know.…"</p>
<p>"But....Lesner?"</p>
<p>"Lesner is an idiot. Like Looper. On the pretext that i'm thin and androgynous, they think i'm gay…"</p>
<p>"But you are...." Countered Dean, frowning.</p>
<p>"Yeah but they don't know. I don't show myself up. They only see that i'm slightly effeminate....Lucky for me, not everyone draws such hasty conclusions..." He laughed.</p>
<p>"Then, why did you tell me? Why not have denied?" Dean asked, seriously.</p>
<p>"I dunno", Sven admitted. "I think i can trust you...?"</p>
<p>Dean smiled at the young man's discomfort. Sven was asking more than he was asserting if he could trust him. And he was playing for high stakes.</p>
<p>"Of course you can", he told him. "But i think we really should get going before they lock the doors...."</p>
<p>They quickly returned to the dorm and Dean was able to learn from Sven what everyone knew in school: If Dean had became the scapegoat for his classes, it was because of Dave. The boy was undoubtedly a self-centered fool, but he knew how to scare the younger one. The barely 15 years-old classmates of Dean hadn't hesitate much in front of the big guy.</p>
<p>That night, falling asleep, Dean though he should go talk to Lincoln and company. It wasn't by allowing themselves to be bullied that they would pull through, here or elsewhere. And that night, like so many now, Dean dreamed of a certain angel.</p>
<p>				---------------------</p>
<p>This time, Dean had decided to wait for them in the parking lot. His father would see it more as an insult… As if he wanted to exclude them from his privacy, from his room. He was just fed up with Bradley's questions who had noticed Sven's blue abdomen.</p>
<p>To speak in technical terms, he had no established a strategy for his parents. He'd let it slide because that was what was best for the moment. Nonetheless, Dean was painfully aware that this rift marked the beginning of a bigger tear. He doubted he could go home to Lawrence. After careful consideration, he had decided to drop out school after this year. Ho, he wasn’t giving up on the idea of his degree but getting his GED wasn't a bad idea either. It was easier and faster than the degree...He could take the test at age 16, and if he studied a little bit on his own on the side, and have his equivalence in his pocket. It wasn't a bad idea...It remained to be accepted by his parents.</p>
<p>Speaking of the devil...Dean could be determined, confident and perfectly clear about his parents, a nasty knot still lodged in his stomach. The car pulled up quickly and Dean tightened his jacket, a small leather jacket he had dug up in a little shop in Lawrence. A smile spread over his face, however, when he saw Sam burst out of the car to run towards him. He received him easily, his arms wide open and let out, almost in spite of himself, a sigh of relief.</p>
<p>Despite the three past months, the almost constant surveillance to which his family was subjected by both Jim and Company and Castiel; Dean would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, his heart pounding, with the terrible feeling that Sam wasn't safe. It was a constant struggle to reason with himself. His brother wasn't risking anything. In any case, not at the moment....</p>
<p>He was rapidly disappointed when his brother stepped back and he saw the beautiful purple color spreading around his right eye. "What is that?" He said, imperiously. Sam shrugged, imitating a half-annoyed, half-guilty pout. He was finding his shoes very interesting at the time.… "Sam? I asked you a question..." He grew impatient.</p>
<p>"He got into a fight with a boy in his class...." His mother said his mother who had came near them. </p>
<p>"And why?" He wanted to know. "Sammy?" The young boy looked up shyly at his brother and Dean swore under his breath in front of his puppy eyes that his brother had always known how to master and that was always made him mellow. "Sammy?" He asked again, kneeling down in front of him.</p>
<p>"He said it was because you were crazy that mom and dad sent you here…" The younger one murmured in a weak voice. "That you weren’t normal and that if he was in my shoes, he'd be ashamed to have a brother like you. I couldn't let him say that! You're not crazy! He doesn't know of what he’s talking about! And i'm not ashamed of you!"</p>
<p>Sam's tone had gradually increased during his speech and now the boy had wet eyes and a trembling chin. Dean's heart sank and he pulled his little brother into his arms. As he felt Sam's tears soak his shirt, he met his father's gaze. A bitter smile spread over his lips, he held him partially responsible....</p>
<p>"Hey...Buddy. Dry your tears, alright?" He said, pushing his brother away. "Are you listening to me, champ?"</p>
<p>"Yeah..." Sam replied huskily.</p>
<p>"You don't have to worry about that, man. Fighting doesn’t help and certainly isn’t the best option...You're better than that, okay?!"</p>
<p>"But you fight and..." Sam answered and Dean ignored his father’s disdainful snort.</p>
<p>"We talked about this already Sam, am i wrong?"</p>
<p>"No", Sam sighed, "but i just wanted to defend you!"</p>
<p>"I don't need to be defended against the whiners in your class, Sammy...Let them talk, they'll get tired before you. You’re better than that, Sam. Okay?"</p>
<p>"Okay, Dean." Sam agreed as he plunged back into his brother’s arms.</p>
<p>Dean laughed, closed his arms around him and closed his eyes while running a hand through the still bushy hair of his adorable little brother.  "There is only one thing worth the fight, Sam." He whispered in his ear. "It's your life. And your family..." He added so softly that even Sam wasn't sure he understood. "I at least hope you beat the crap out of this moron?" He exclaimed, straightening up.</p>
<p>"Yeah! I won! You should’ve see him!" Sam said, puffing his chest proudly.</p>
<p>"Dean!" His father scolded him.</p>
<p>"What?! To fight so much to win, right?" Dean replied with a smile.</p>
<p>John watched him for a moment before sighing heavily, a thin smile appearing on his lips. He looked at his sons, Sam’s proud pout and Dean’s teasing smile before nodding softly. Ex-soldier, he couldn't really complain about a little fight between two boys. Sam's smile widened as Dean seemed satisfied.</p>
<p>"How are you going, son?" John asked, catching Dean's astonished gaze.</p>
<p>John had to admit to have questioned himself after their last visit. He didn't want to be the kind of judgmental father who expects his son to follow his instructions. He didn't want to be his own father. He didn't want every meeting with Dean to end with words, grief and his son's disappointed look. He didn't want to dwell on what Dean had done and always blame him for it. He wanted to move forwards...with Dean.</p>
<p>"Fine dad....How about you?" Dean answered calmly.</p>
<p>"It's okay...The house is empty without you, you know?" He said, uncomfortable.</p>
<p>"Empty?” Dean repeated Dean, shrugging. "I didn't know i was taking up so much space..." He laughed with a bit of forced gusto.</p>
<p>"Hi Dean..." Mary finally said, kissing him on his forehead.</p>
<p>"Hey mom...So.…"</p>
<p>"So....", Mary repeated, indecisive. "Have you made any friends?"</p>
<p>"My roommates are nice" He said with a shrug. "Hey Sam", he added after a few minutes of heavy silence, "Up for the library?"</p>
<p>"Yeah!!"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback = boost!</p>
<p>Tell me: love it? hate? favorite parts? Line?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. First kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean burst out laughing when he saw Tony's face as he had just shot the last billiard ball in the hole. The young man looked astonished and his eyes were bulging exaggeratedly. "You owe me 10 dollars, Delgado!" He exclaimed in a good mood.</p>
<p>"Hey!" Grumbled the older one. "We didn't bet!"</p>
<p>"Of course yes!"</p>
<p>"No! We just had been thinking about the idea of betting...It's not the same!" He grunted.</p>
<p>"You wanted to bet because you were sure to beat a 14 years old kid...." Sven calmly reminded him in an amused voice.</p>
<p>"My God! Tony! Pinch me! The silent one just spoke for Dean!" Bradley exclaimed, looking at the blond in amazement.</p>
<p>"The silent one fucks you!" Sven replied right away.</p>
<p>"Well....It was time for the ice to break!” Tony sighed, happy to deflect the conversation.</p>
<p>"Dean is quite enough...." The blond remarked.</p>
<p>"And Sven is quite funny...." Replied Dean.…,"if you like black humor" He added in front of the two pairs of astonished eyes witch were looking at him.</p>
<p>"Speaking of black humor", Bradley resumed, " How it's going with your parents?"</p>
<p>Dean glared at him before sighing annoyingly. It was Monday evening and his three roommates were already familiar with the strained relationships he had with his parents. Actually, the conversation that Bradley had overheard had been repeated verbatim. The boy seemed to have understood that it wouldn’t bother Dean too much… Because Dean still didn't know anything about their family, despite all the roundabout questions he had asked Brad. It was 8 p.m. and a football match was on the television...They had the non-televised break room to themselves. And that was pretty cool, Dean had to admit. All that was missing was beer, pizza and great music – he missed the bar vibe so damn much!.</p>
<p>"We’re talking" Dean said laconically.</p>
<p>"And what about your bro? What's his name again?" Asked Bradley.</p>
<p>"Sam", he replied.</p>
<p>"Yeah...You two seem to be very close!" He noticed.</p>
<p>"Absolutely, yeah.…"</p>
<p>"Damn, i've a little brother and i can tell you the less he bothers me with his stupid cartoons, the better...." the metis added.</p>
<p>Dean smiled at the comment. No doubt, It would have been his case too if their life had been normal… Maybe he would have been an immature big brother, chasing the girls and swinging his head on an ACDC tune, only seeing in his little brother a stupid little cry-baby. Or maybe he would have been a careful big brother? Who could really know… Dean didn't like to get lost in guesswork. His world and his life were what they were. He didn't like wasting time imagining them differently. Shaking his head slightly, Dean looked at his watch and straightened up nimbly. "Sorry guys...", he said walking over to the phone, "i have someone to call....".</p>
<p>" A naughty phone call? " Tony laughed.</p>
<p>Dean laughed as he imagined Bobby's face if he confessed that he was his kinky phone call. He was sure to see his face turn green.… Because he and Bobby had agreed that it was always Bobby he would contact. The less he compromised people, the better. He dialed the number he knew by heart, jotting down Bobby's name and the date and time. These controls were really excessive.</p>
<p>"<i>Bobby Singer</i>" sounded a grumpy voice across the line.</p>
<p>"It's Dean". He just said.</p>
<p>"<i>Hey kid, how are you? Are you hanging out among this bunch of wild teenagers?</i>"</p>
<p>"I'm fine Bobby. It's pretty cool in some ways…"</p>
<p>"<i>Ho yeah? You're gonna have to tell me that! For now, i've someone here who’s dying to talk to you…" Bobby said, a smile in his voice.</i></p>
<p>Dean frowned before hearing the thin voice: "<i>Dean?</i>" Said a small, shrill voice.</p>
<p>"Jo?" He asked. "How are you, Princess?" He whispered affectionately.</p>
<p><i>"Fine!</i>" Replied the little girl. "<i>Dad told me he'd teach me how to defend myself like adults!"</i></p>
<p>"Like adults?" Dean repeated, amused. "You'll be able to beat me then?"</p>
<p>"<i>Noooo! Not you!</i>" Laughed Jo. "<i> You're too strong!"</i></p>
<p>"Well, i don't need to worry then....You'll tell to your dad to take it easy, ok?"</p>
<p>"<i>Dad said he knew you'd say that and he doesn't need advice from a...a ..a brat like you!</i>" Jo said hastily, and Dean could almost see her with red cheeks.</p>
<p>"Well… Then you tell him the brat will kick him in the ass if his princess is having trouble, ok?"</p>
<p>"<i>Really?</i>" Asked the little one.</p>
<p>"Of course, princess! I'll kick your father's butt just for you!"</p>
<p>"<i>He's as strong as you, you know?</i>!"</p>
<p>"It's nice to tell me, Jo. Thanks."</p>
<p><i>"It's too bad you're far away! We can't see each other anymore!</i>" She grumbled.</p>
<p>"I'll come see you as soon as possible, munchkin…"</p>
<p>"<i>Pinky swear?"</i></p>
<p>"Pinky swear"</p>
<p>"<i>Pass you Bobby. Bye Dean</i>".</p>
<p>"Bye princess. Be strong and wise.</p>
<p>"<i>Dean?</i>" Went on Bobby.</p>
<p>"Mmh?"</p>
<p>"<i>Look....Not really anything new. Your family is ok. The neighborhood is quiet and the hunts as usual...Talk to you later?</i>"</p>
<p>"Yeah okay Bobby. Be careful."</p>
<p><i>"Always kid. Bye.</i>"</p>
<p>Dean sighed in relief as he hung up the phone. He always felt relieved and light after a conversation with Bobby. He could talk to him more or less freely and didn't have to behave like a teen although he had to admit that he was trying less and less to look really adolescent. Dean frowned when he noticed the silence in the room. A room where Bradley was was never silent! He almost jumped when he met Joshua's sparkling green eyes as he turned back. "Are you spying now?" He said, annoyed.</p>
<p>"No" Joshua replied politely, "but you know you have to tell us who you’re calling, don’t you?"</p>
<p>"It's written here...." Dean indicated casually, pointing at the notebook next to the phone.</p>
<p>"I doubt you’d call your friend Bobby Singer princess...." Joshua remarked sarcastically.</p>
<p>Dean frowned at the underlying question. He had no intention of telling them - Joshua as much as to his parents - Jo's name. More than anyone else, he wanted to prevent Jo from being involved in any way in his bullshit. He had only seen the kid the rare occasions when he and Bobby had gone to the Roadhouse for a few hunts, or when Bill had come with the little one at Missouri and they were there. Most of the time, he talked with the kid through the phone but that didn't prevent their complicity from growing. On the contrary, Jo considered Dean to be a big brother/super-hero and Dean loved to pamper the child....It was strange to think that he had almost had a relationship with her in the past… He was sure of not being able to see her like that here. He saw her more as a little sister...</p>
<p>"You asked me who i was calling, it was Bobby Singer. You can check the phone number if you want..." He said sharply. "His guests don't concern you" He added coldly.</p>
<p>				-------------------------------</p>
<p>John was standing in his son's room, uncomfortable. Mary was helping Sam to do his homework downstairs and he had spent his morning on the Impala. Dean had always loved the car and it had brought back the bitter thought that he knew very little about his son. And he was standing there, swinging from leg to leg in his oldest son’s room; undecided. He wanted to know more about Dean but, for some reason, wouldn't go ask him questions. Mary said it was misplaced pride. His friend Billy told him he was scared. And sometimes, he was honest enough to admit it.</p>
<p>The almost bare walls of the room didn't help him much. Only two posters were soberly adorning the walls. An old poster of ACDC and another, just as old, of Black Sabbath. John had a smile....He had to admit Dean had great taste for music.</p>
<p>In front of Dean's desk, John took a deep breath before opening the drawers. He didn't really know what to expect… Some pictures of his mysterious friends? The love notes from his girlfriends? Some sort of private diary? Cigarettes? Maybe even, secretly, was he afraid of finding drugs? But his expectations, whatever they might be, were disappointed. There was no photos, no love notes, no diary....</p>
<p>In the first drawer, he found school materials. Yeah...School supplies! John almost cried....or laughed. He didn't quite know. In the second, there was a small penknife that no longer cut, the few medals Dean had won in self-defense and a map of the city. He frowned at the map and groaned when he realized that Dean had to walked around quite enough. After all, he had stolen the car near Clinton Lake which was pretty far on foot. The third drawer was practically empty except a tissue box, batteries and duct tape. Once again, John was dubious. Why did Dean need a tape in his room?</p>
<p>John didn't hesitate any longer when he turned back to the bedside table where stood a picture of the family, that of Sam laughing and an alarm clock with tarnished colors. When he thought about it, John realized Dean was satisfied with little. Really. The only thing he had really demanded was a  worthwhile Hi-Fi system… But he was content with few clothes, games and was doing pretty well without the video games Sam seemed to love.</p>
<p>In the corner of the room, a pile of comics was slowly building up and seeing the layer of dust on them, Dean hadn't touch them for some times. Beside the well-made bed, a small bookcase occupied the space. John hovered over it quickly, not very surprised to find a large amount of mechanics book but his eyes rested on a separate book from the others. All the books were neatly tucked together glued to each other, this one rested on the shelf as if it had been dropped quickly and the pages seemed folded and worn. Curious, John grabbed the book and stifled an exclamation of surprise when he saw the title. </p>
<p>It was the Bible.</p>
<p>He froze for a few minutes, the sacred book in his hands. Dean was reading the Bible. Dean read the Bible? Since when? His son had always hated religion and wasted no time in telling Mary about it. He wasn't going to the church, didn't pray and smirked when they spoke of the goodness of the Lord. And he read the Bible? Enough for it to be worn? John gently put the book down where he had taken it, suddenly feeling uncomfortable and guilty. Like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Hastily, John left the room and closed the door behind him. Hand still on the doorknob, he sighed, still confused about what he was feeling. It was strange the feelings he sometimes had towards Dean. Sometimes, he felt so… nervous. And that only made him drier and more bossy towards him because - Holy shit! - he didn't have to feel bad in front of his son!</p>
<p>				-------------------------------------<br/>

Dean quickened his steps when he saw Lincoln's redhead come out the canteen. It was his chance to have a conversation with the kid, face to face. He had understood that he was letting himself be intimidated by Dave's big mouth and was pretty determined to make him understand that this was not the solution."Hey! Lincoln!" He yelled as he got closer to him.</p>
<p>"What do you want, Winchester?" Hissed the smaller one with venom.</p>
<p>"Just to talk....", he replied, letting one of his hands rest on the other's shoulder. "Do you mind if we go to somewhere quieter?"</p>
<p>"What? No, i.…" But Dean didn't let him finish his sentence and promptly pushed him into a restroom, totally empty at the moment. Immediately, the kid seemed to lose his wit and looked at him with wide, frightened eyes. "We...We're gonna miss class!" Hastily hammered Lincoln. "I don't want detention!"</p>
<p>"For me, it wouldn't be a big change, would it?" Dean replied sarcastically.</p>
<p>"I don't see what you are talking about!" Lincoln answered quickly, growing more and more nervous.</p>
<p>Dean raised an eyebrow, detailing the boy in front of him. Lincoln was short, really short for his age and his messy red hair made him look like a lost kitten. He had big blue eyes that were as expressive as they were clear, and high cheekbones with a small upturned nose. No one would have given him 14 years old...</p>
<p>"I would have thought otherwise..." He said casually. </p>
<p>"No! No, i..." Lincoln mumbled, waddling from one foot to the other.</p>
<p>"Stop taking me for a moron, okay?" Dean hissed, dropping the masquerade.</p>
<p>The boy stopped talking, nibbling his lower lip anxiously. For a 14 years old, Dean could certainly be as impressive as Dave. Despite being the same age, Lincoln couldn't deny being shorter than Dean, nor not having noticed his presence...</p>
<p>"Listen....I don't want any trouble but i know Dave asked you, if we can put it that way, to give me a hard time. The detentions themselves, frankly, i don't give a fuck about but i don't think my parents will like them so...stop."</p>
<p>"Why are you telling me this?" Lincoln asked with surprise. "The guys in our class won't listen to me! Go see Brady, he’s the leader…"</p>
<p>"Braddy's a jerk" Said Dean, bald. "You ain't"</p>
<p>"And what i'm supposed to do? Let him beat me?" The smaller one snapped in anger.</p>
<p>"Refuse. As long as there are people, they won't do anything. If you are in trouble, come find me...And if they catch you, defend yourself…"</p>
<p>"And i'll be in detention...." Lincoln replied.</p>
<p>"Would you rather peel the potatoes or stay his stooge for the rest of the year? If you let yourself be intimidated now, they'll have cataloged you for the rest of your schooling here …"</p>
<p>"I'm not very good with my fists, you know..." He admitted, worried. </p>
<p>"Do what you can and if you’re overwhelmed...run. There is no dishonor in retreating when you don't stand a chance...." Dean reassured him, seriously.</p>
<p>"You sound like a soldier!" Lincoln remarked with a nervous laugh.</p>
<p>"We have a deal?" Dean asked, ignoring his remark.</p>
<p>"We have a deal" Confirmed Lincoln.</p>
<p>"Hum...By the way, what's your name?"</p>
<p>"Charlie...." The boy replied him with a smile.</p>
<p>			---------------------------------</p>
<p>Dean was in detention again. Not that it really surprised him....He had only spoken with Charlie yesterday and he doubted the kid could make his peers see reason so quickly. This morning, he had again faced the glare of one of his teachers since he had been accused of cheating by a comrade. The day before, in mechanics, one of the oldest had spilled engine oil on him before complaining to the teacher about his clumsiness - for once, the teacher had looked skeptical - and no later than Monday, his locker had been flooded, by no one of course.</p>
<p>If at first, these childish pettiness had made him smile by their banality, it was beginning to bother him tremendously. His fist tickled him every time he crossed Dave’s smirk. Strangely, Joshua didn’t comment on the number of detentions he had been granted.… On the contrary, most of the time, he seemed to praise his perseverance. No doubt the educator clearly saw what the students were doing.</p>
<p>It remained that Dean was running in the park again as the sun slowly disappeared over the horizon. Dean felt good during these moments, it was ideal to think quietly. Without Bradley's babble, Sven's sarcastic and comical comments and Tony's appalling jokes.</p>
<p>And for once, he felt his presence even before he even really appeared in front of his eyes. It was a soft, warm and soothing feeling. It was Castiel. "Still thinking?" The angel’s neutral voice asked.</p>
<p>Dean turned to him with a smile on his lips and a sparkle in his eyes. Since their last meeting which ended with a hug, Dean felt embarrassed at the idea of Castiel. Oddly enough, having him in front of him removed any kind of discomfort. "What’s up?" He asked, stepping closer to the angel.</p>
<p>"Good", Castiel replied automatically, "Sam still endures your absence painfully but your parents do everything to make him smile. Mary looks unchanged although confused and John is sad. He is terrified of losing you. They love you." He finished softly.</p>
<p>"I wasn't talking about them", Dean whispered, shaking his head, "i was talking about you. How are you? And since when can you read human feelings so well?"</p>
<p>"I am fine", Castiel nodded, "i spend a lot of time watching"</p>
<p>"You spent millennia looking at us..." Dean remarked.</p>
<p>"I was looking at you without seeing you..." admitted the angel. "You made me discover the man and his greatness, i just wanted to....deepen this knowledge." He finally said, uncertain.</p>
<p>"And what did you learn?" Dean asked curiously.</p>
<p>"I learned friendship, sympathy, kindness but also fury, wrath and fear"</p>
<p>"You didn't learn anything then." Dean said. "You already knew all that. You were and you are my friend, you sympathized with the resistance and you're kind. You knew anger knowing the betrayal of your people and fear in front of the Apocalypse. You haven’t learned anything new." Dean Concluded.</p>
<p>"I learned..." Castiel added softly, moving closer..." i learned desire"</p>
<p>"Desire?" Dean repeated in surprise.</p>
<p>"Desire, passion....Love".</p>
<p>Castiel's voice was deep and his face was only two inches away from Dean’s, and soon, his cheeks colored slightly. The well-being he had felt in his angel's arms was still fresh in his mind. And when  he could see the lighter streaks in Castiel's blue orbs, he wondered if his lips would have the same effect. "Love? That's a big word, right?" He whispered in a weak voice.</p>
<p>"Yes. A very big word", Castiel confirmed, "for something even bigger".</p>
<p>Seconds later, both lips were sealed and the two inches filled. If we were to ask Dean, he'd say it was Castiel who had crossed them, those two endless inches. Castiel would tell us the opposite.</p>
<p>At that moment, during that first kiss, neither of them thought about the consequences. None of them thought they were in the middle of a park after dark, and that any supervisor who passed there might surprise them. They didn't think about the image, that of a man in his thirties and a fourteen-year-old boy making out, which they were giving.</p>
<p>At that moment, they only thought of these butterflies fluttering in the pit of their bellies, the warmth of each other's arms and the flavor, too, on their own tongue. They thought at that blessed and so rare feeling of belonging to someone....</p>
<p>...And that was worth all the risk, right?</p>
<p>		---------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>The next morning, Dean woke up more embarrassed than when he had gone to bed. His boxers were sticky with his sperm and he thought he was back at another time, where he still dreamed of hot scene. In all fairness, the last few years in the resistance had been poor with this kind of pleasure. The advances weren't lacking but he had other things in mind to lose himself totally in a carnal relationship.</p>
<p>What he had felt in his dream was more than just a carnal relationship....<br/>
Dean blushed thinking about his dream. It had been full of an amazing sweetness and, on the contrary, of passion as he had known little. And he had known a bunch! But...It was different with Castiel.</p>
<p>The slight blush became more pronounced when he realized this was the first wet dream of his new teenage years… and it was with a man! Dean's face was now chalky white.… He had fantasized about a man! A man! He had kissed a man! Shit! And he had loved it!</p>
<p>He wasn't gay! Never! He had always dreamed of girls, slept with girls and wanted girls! He had never looked at a man that way before! Never! He was straight, hollyshit!</p>
<p>Dean was now sitting cross-legged on his bed, totally stunned. He had to talk to someone...He had never been prejudiced about homosexuals, really. In truth, he had to admit that his father had never had been as he was on the matter… He well remembered John's chauvinistic words, the fight he and Sam must have had to keep his long hair because <i>"long hair is for fags</i>". John wasn't homophobic but Dean couldn't deny he didn't like them very much. Even less if his son was one of them....But he wasn't, was he? And anyway, the John he was talking about and his father were two different people, right? His father hadn't even considered cutting Sam's hair.</p>
<p>So to whom? To Joshua? To Sven perhaps? He was his age after all and would know how to help him sort things out...</p>
<p>And if the morning had started on a more than pleasant note, Dean found himself with his face buried in his hands, totally confused. He spent a few seconds in this position, breathing deeply to pull himself together before his eyes fell on his alarm o'clock, where today’s date glowed an electric  blue. A smile crossed his lips as he thought that this was really not the right time....</p>
<p>Classes had started a month ago, so it was time for the first parent/educator meeting. What joy.… The last thing he wanted was to face his mother's sorry eyes and his father's scathing comments. He wasn't in the mood to pretend… In fact, he was less and less so. And what would Joshua say? Would he report their conversation word for word? If so, Mary would understand or at least, really suspect the secret in question....</p>
<p>But he wasn't too worried about it… For some strange reason, he knew Joshua wouldn't tattle to his parents. Maybe it was a mistake, but he trusted him. The day was shaping up to be difficult and Dean was already tired. He sank back into his sheets, already overwhelmed by the day that awaited him.</p>
<p>				----------------------------</p>
<p>John sighed before wincing in discomfort, adjusting his tie too tight. He was uncomfortable in front of that dark wooden door, waiting his son's educator. It was the first meeting they had and John would be lying if he said he wasn’t stressed. He had no idea what was ahead of him… Anyway, what should he expect? Did Dean have any problems? Had he fought? Had his grades gone down?</p>
<p>Beside him, Mary fiddled with her silver bracelet, as anxious as him. His wife didn't stop to wonder if they were right not to bring Sammy. John had held on… It was a parents/teachers reunion, Dean was in class at this time, they wouldn’t see him until later and they wouldn't have let Sammy roam free… If Dean couldn't understand that, too bad!</p>
<p>"Mr and Mrs Winchester?” Their son's educator asked, opening the door. They nodded in the same movement and quickly entered the educator’s small office. Joshua Carpenter, if they remembered correctly. "Hello", the young man said in a happy voice, "do you want something to drink? I always have coffee on hand and some fresh stuffs for the kids in my little fridge...." He said without losing from his broad smile.</p>
<p>"A coffee would be really great, thank you..." Mary whispered returning his smile as John declined the invitation with his head.</p>
<p>"So?" Joshua resumed, putting a steaming cup of coffee in front of Mary.</p>
<p>"So?" John repeated in confusion.</p>
<p>"In your opinion...What could you expect from Dean?" He asked, his hands crossed on a fairly thin file.</p>
<p>John sighed heavily, already sensing that the hour ahead was going to be long. Hearing a whole list of wrongdoing from Dean wasn't really his cup of tea… "What did he do?" He asked bitterly with a gruff voice.</p>
<p>"So for you, he did something automatically?" Joshua asked with a thin smile.</p>
<p>"What?" Mary wondered. "No! it's just that…"</p>
<p>"I only asked you what you expect to hear when you come here...."</p>
<p>Mary pursed his lips before taking on a guilty face while John sighed again. This educator was starting to bother him… "It's true", he admitted, "we expected comments. Personally, i thought he would make us pay for his arrival here.…"</p>
<p>"Dean is a good student", Joshua continued, opening the file in front of him. "Studious, orderly and discreet. He has very good grades." He concluded by giving them a summary of his grades.</p>
<p>Mary and John couldn't help but smile proudly at the list of A and A+ stretched out before their eyes. Dean had always criticized school, but he wasn’t doing any less because of that.  </p>
<p>"And his behavior?" Mary asked quietly, handing him back the paper.</p>
<p>"He gets along pretty well with his roommates from what I’ve seen and unfortunately, having the strong head we know, he manages to get into troubles."</p>
<p>"Troubles?" John repeated, frowning. "It doesn't surprise me…"</p>
<p>"A group of older students tend to bully the younger ones", Joshua explained to them, "and Dean was obviously not impressed. Since then he has become the scapegoat or his classmates.… He had enough detentions because of it. However, he had never fought”.</p>
<p>"Never?" Mary questioned.</p>
<p>"Never. He keeps a cold head and always tries to calm things down. I have to say he surprised me...Dean is a rather unusual boy."</p>
<p>"Rather unusual?" John repeated with an odd smile. "Dean is a special kid..." He nodded "Sometimes, i even get the feeling that he's not a kid at all....Stupid, right?"</p>
<p>"No", Joshua replied, drawing two astonished looks, "I personally had a few conversations with Dean that left a rather disturbing impression on me. You can easily forget that he’s just a teen." He admitted. "Have you ever thought of giving him more advanced  IQ tests than the standard ones?"</p>
<p>"He’d never have accepted." Mary told him. "Even when he was little, it was difficult to get him to pass the common test".</p>
<p>" Listen, i will be honest with you two… I can't betray Dean's trust and tell you what’s been said between us but one thing for sure....He loves you."</p>
<p>"We know it! We love him too!" Mary felt compelled to add.</p>
<p>"Of course, but there is still a problem".</p>
<p>"A problem? John asked, frowning.</p>
<p>"Between you. You should talk frankly or at least, try to understand what could have caused Dean to hold a grudge."</p>
<p>"He resent us that much?" Mary whispered in a pained voice.</p>
<p>"Dean had always been distant from us", John explained. "Always. We did what we could.… I know he's mad at us for leaving him here.…"</p>
<p>"Not really, no." He contradicted them. "He's hurt that you separated him from Sam. And yes, i tried to bring the topic up with him..." He added before John could cut him off.</p>
<p>"And?"</p>
<p>"He loves his brother more than anything. There is nothing inappropriate or unhealthy about it… He doesn't understand why we are fussing about it. He says it's a shame that because of their comfortable social position, they cannot have a strong bond."</p>
<p>"We never say that!" John rebelled.</p>
<p>"No but we noticed that in certain situations of social or economic insecurity, the fraternal bond strengthens. Their bond is strong. As much from Dean as from Sam."</p>
<p>"So...That's okay? Mary asked, uncertainly.</p>
<p>"Absolutely."Assured her Joshua. "Well...Now, that’s the only person he’s called this month. It’s a  Robert Singer. Do you know him?"</p>
<p>"Just by name. He’s a friend Dean had met during his pastoral retreats".</p>
<p>"I can only encourage you to contact him. He might enlighten you on some things? It’s his phone number..."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!</p>
<p>So? What's your favorite parts? Lines? What do you like? Love? Dislike? Tell me! Sharing is caring!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Heart to heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was raining cats and dogs, one of his shoes had punctured, his jacket was useless since his last hunt and he could feel a rude headache started.</p>
<p>Bobby growled once more time after slamming the front door. The air was cool this October and it wasn't much warmer inside than outside. With the little time he’s been spending in his house lately, he couldn’t see why he would heat the place. Cursing against the weather, he took off his shoes and threw his jacket on the couch. Indeed, for some time, he shared his time between the house, the road and Lawrence. He just came from Missouri’s, after all, hadn’t he told Dean he would keep an eye on his family? So, he would stay in Missouri for a few days and pack up his things when he was sure the little family was okay. And that fucking woman was gonna drive him crazy!</p>
<p>No sooner had he opened the fridge door that the phone rang. He groaned for the form as he closed the fridge and briskly picked up the phone. "Hello?" He roared in his usual gruff voice.</p>
<p>"<i>Uh.…</i>" A voice spluttered from the other side. "<i>Am i at Bobby Singer's?</i>"</p>
<p>"It depends.... " He mumbled in response. "Who’s asking?"</p>
<p>"<i>Well....I'm John Winchester and…</i>"</p>
<p>"You’re Dean's father", he said forcing his voice to be more welcoming.</p>
<p><i>"Yes</i>", the other sighed with relief. "<i>And you are?</i>"</p>
<p>"Ho! Sorry!", Bobby hastened to say with a tone meant to be friendly. "I'm Robert Singer Senior. My son, Junior, keeps talking about Dean"</p>
<p>"<i>Ha...</i>" John’s voice whispered. "<i>Dean doesn't talk much about your son</i>".</p>
<p>"I get the feeling Dean doesn't talk a lot, period. Right?" He said, not without reason.</p>
<p>"<i>Have you ever met him?</i>" John’s husky voice asked.</p>
<p>"I had to pick Bobby up on a trip. He had a bad flu. I got to chat with Dean. A good boy."</p>
<p>"<i>Thanks. Uh....Without wanting to be indiscreet, where do you live? You see… Dean has given us a hard time this year and i'd like to get to know his friends. You understand?</i>"</p>
<p>"I understand. I heard about Dean. Bobby told me. I live in South Dakota…"</p>
<p>"<i>South Da....It's pretty far…</i>"</p>
<p>"You're from Kansas, right? It's quite far but the kids had come nearby, to a campsite and Father Jim allowed Bobby to participate. He joins them when possible...." Bobby easily lied.</p>
<p>"<i>Ho...that's great…</i>"</p>
<p>"Sorry but Bobby isn't here right now. Would you like to leave a message?" Bobby asked, fingers crossed.</p>
<p>"<i>Huh....No. No, thank you. Goodbye…</i>"</p>
<p>"Goodbyes Mr. Winchester"</p>
<p>Bobby hung up the phone before sighing of relief. Dean had told him that it could have happened even though he had personally hoped that he would never have the boy's father on the other side of the phone. He had been able to dodge the father’s request but what if he called back and Bobby Junior was still not there? How long could the excuse hold?</p>
<p>Two states away, John was sitting in front of his wife, hanging up the phone. The conversation had been fluid and he had noticed no hesitation in the man's speech. He didn't even know why he hadn’t left a message. He now knew that their son wasn't lying to them. Bobby Singer was real, Jim Murphy knew him and he lived in South Dakota, which was why neither he nor Mary had even seen him… What more could this boy could tell him about his son? What music group was he listening to? His favorite subject? He doubted Dean would really tell anyone about them, about what made him drink or about things that were too personal...</p>
<p>					-------------------</p>
<p>On the other hand, Dean grew impatient in front of Joshua's office. The meeting with his parents seemed to have lasted well beyond the scheduled time. The time was starting to get long and Dean was wondering what could be taking them so long...Did Joshua decide to tell them about their conversation? Had his parents drowned him in questions?</p>
<p>"Dean?"</p>
<p>Dean hurriedly turned to the source of the voice and raised an eyebrow at seeing Joshua, a file - his, obviously- in his hands. What was he doing there? "What are you doing here?" He asked, echoing his thoughts.</p>
<p>"Hello to you too..." Greeted his educator with a smile.</p>
<p>"So?"</p>
<p>"You parents needed privacy...." He merely replied, shrugging.</p>
<p>"Privacy...?” Dean whispered with a mocking smile.</p>
<p>Joshua stared at him for a moment with an unfathomable gaze before a bright smile warmed his face. "This is your first salacious comment, congratulations!" Smiled the educator. "I was wondering....At your age…"</p>
<p>"At my age?! I'm fourteen!" Dean replied, offended. </p>
<p>"I was just saying that at your age, kids enjoy to comment all and whatever with sex..." Joshua explained.</p>
<p>"Pfff.… At six, i was already shocking my teachers with my comments… You can ask my parents...But...Why did they need privacy?"</p>
<p>"Well...At first glance, i'd say it's personal..." Joshua said wryly.</p>
<p>"Personal, really?", Dean hissed. "It concerns me in one way or another, i have a right to know..." He argued.</p>
<p>Joshua looked at him and Dean held his gaze. He wouldn't look down.… Joshua finally nodded before his smile returned to devour half of his face. Sometimes, Dean wondered if he wasn't hurting his cheeks from smiling so much.… "They called your friend, Bobby Singer." Informed him the educator while watching him thoroughly.</p>
<p>Dean had to force himself not to show his anxiety and his surprise. He had warned Bobby that this could happen by giving the old hunter free reign to find a plausible excuse. He hoped his parents would swallow it and would even be happy with it. What would he do if they ask him to meet him? "That's great", he forced himself to say with a smile on top of that. "It's gonna make sparks, he has a caustic humor..." He added.</p>
<p>"Are you not angry?" Joshua asked him.</p>
<p>"Angry? No.… After all, i knew it was gonna happen, right?"</p>
<p>"You didn't want your parents to know him, did you?" Joshua said without really asking.</p>
<p>"No, i admit it. Bobby is my friend." He nodded.</p>
<p>"And how does it keep your parents from knowing him?"</p>
<p>Dean shrugged for lack of a better excuse. What could he say? That he was jealous that his parents knew his friend? That he wanted to keep certain things to himself...? Joshua would never swallow that! His educator was about to ask him yet another question when the office door opened on his parents. Saved by the bell!</p>
<p>"Dean..." Mary whispered, hugging him.</p>
<p>He flabbily responded to his mother's suffocating embrace while wondering what Bobby could have said to make her so cuddly… He greeted his father with a nod and this one gave him a brief smile. "Your friend seems correct." Said his father’s deep voice. </p>
<p>"You talked to him?" He asked, trying to hide the surprise in his voice.</p>
<p>"Not directly", John admitted, "but i spoke with his father".</p>
<p>"… Mr Singer?" Dean asked, under his breath.</p>
<p>"Yeah. He told me he had met you before.…"</p>
<p>"Yeah", Dean approved by rote. "A good guy...." He added with a bright smile. After all, maybe luck was on his side, today…,?</p>
<p>			---------------------------------------------</p>
<p>"Your educator told us some kids bothered you?" John asked his son, half-worried and half-curious.</p>
<p>Dean stealthily looked at his father without stopping. The three of them were walking around quietly in the park. When you took the time to look, it was a great sight. Dean wondered absentmindedly how many gardeners were needed for such result.… The silence was heavy between them and Dean had no doubt that his father would ask the question as much out of interest as to fill the silence. Sometimes, he was sorry about the state of his relationship with his parents; other times, he told himself it was better this way.</p>
<p>"Dean?" His mother interrupted him, seeing him lost in thoughts.</p>
<p>"What? Ho yeah.… It's just some stupid things..." He shrugged with a wave of his hand.</p>
<p>"Joshua seems to say it's more than that...." John contradicted him.</p>
<p>"He gets worked up", he reassured them, "Dave and his little group are content with small, unimportant pettiness"</p>
<p>"It's great that you keep your calm" Congratulated him his mother with a happy smile.</p>
<p>Dean passed over his mother's comment while trying to control the anger it had caused in him. As if he was known for his temper tantrums… He was just defending himself, and until Dave physically attacked him, he had no intention of touching him. Was it his fault the kids of his last school didn't know how to keep their hands to themselves?</p>
<p>"How are things at home?" He asked to fill the silence.</p>
<p>"Good", John said soberly. "Sam always has excellent grades. The garage is running pretty well."</p>
<p>"We had to buy a new television, the old one broke down..." His mother said, unnecessarily.</p>
<p>"Did you search my room?" He suddenly asked, turning back completely to them.</p>
<p>"What?" Mary croaked, her eyes wide.</p>
<p>"You definitely had to take a look, huh?" He scoffed "To make sure i didn't hide dope..." He added, meeting his father's gaze.</p>
<p>"I never believed you took drugs, Dean." John said gravely. "I know… I said things that went beyond my thoughts.…"</p>
<p>"I know", Dean cut him off. "I got carried away too..." he admitted in turn. "But seriously, have you searched my room?"</p>
<p>"No" His father replied him simply, looking him in the eyes.</p>
<p>Dean quickly gauged his father before shaking his head. He knew him by heart. Every mimic, every wrinkle, every expression. He knew John better than John knew himself. He knew his limits, his love for Mary, for his children and he even knew how far he was willing to go in revenge. Ho yeah, he knew him by heart.</p>
<p>"You’re lying", he casually said, "but that’s not important. Did you see the other side of the park? They’re starting work. I don't know why yet but that’s a lot of racket..." He said to change the subject.</p>
<p>"Dean!" Cried a more or less shrill voice.</p>
<p>"Hey Charlie!" He answered back, seeing the boy running towards him.</p>
<p>He could feel his parents’ interested looks on his neck as he greeted the young boy. Charlie wore loose clothes making him even more puny than he was and his red hair were even more messy than usual. When he arrived in front of Dean, he could also admire his black eye. "They got you good… " He sighed, looking more closely at the kid.</p>
<p>"Yeah", the kid replied bravely, "but i did what you told me!"</p>
<p>"Namely?" He asked, already imagining his father’s face in reaction to Charlie's words.</p>
<p>"I defended myself!"</p>
<p>"Did i not tell you to retreat as well if necessary?" He asked with a smile.</p>
<p>"It's just a shiner!" he shrugged. "No need to make it a big deal!"</p>
<p>"You’re gonna get caught…"</p>
<p>"No....", Charlie reassured,"....If no one saw it, it didn't happen!"</p>
<p>"Ok...", Dean resigned himself, "If they bother you again, don't hesitate, ok?"</p>
<p>"Yeah....Thanks Dean. I never wanted to be with them… Braddy followed them".</p>
<p>"I told you. Braddy is stupid."</p>
<p>"Yeah, it's true!" The kid exclaimed. "Sir, ma'am!" He greeted his parents, turning back to the building.</p>
<p>When he turned back to his parents, he could see in his father's eyes that he was in trouble. Sometimes, he really wondered how his father could have been a soldier… He disliked guns and disapproved all violence. Some brawls between boys were normal, right? "What?" He sighed, giving them an annoyed look.</p>
<p>"I heard correctly?" His dad hissed. "Did you advise this kid to fight? Do you reserve good advice for Sammy?"</p>
<p>"First", Dean replied in the same tone, "this kid is the same age as me and secondly, the situation is different."</p>
<p>"Ho yeah? And in what?" His father spat, raising his voice.</p>
<p>"Sammy didn't need to fight the whiners in his class, Charlie needs to show he's not weak. If others see him as an easy target to scare or dominate, they won't hesitate. He must pay attention to his reputation.…"</p>
<p>"His reputation?" John choked, as astonished as he was angry.</p>
<p>Dean clenched his fists as he saw the disappointment shine in his father's eyes. He didn’t understand! In fact, he couldn't understand, he had done everything for that… But reputation was important! A good reputation could save your life! A good reputation could bring more allies, push others to be more forgiving… If everyone thought you were weak, no one would want to rally you and alone, you were no match.</p>
<p>It was what he had learned in the resistance. We are stronger together than alone. Even if the other is not your brother… "Yes!" He snapped with rage. "His reputation! Right, mom?"</p>
<p>Mary looked at him with wide eyes. Haunted eyes, full of doubts and remorse. Yes, she agreed with her son. Yes, she had learned this lesson from her father who had died of not wanting allies. Yes, she knew her son was right. And yes, right now, as Dean stood in front of his father, his fists clenched, his face dark and his gaze grim, he reminded her of her own father in a painful way.… But… "No, Dean", she heard herself say. "Listen to your father".</p>
<p>Dean's eyes darkened further and she had the distasteful feeling that she had failed something. Later, she'd understand that she had only disappointed her son then. That he had understood that his mom, the one the little boy and the man he had been idealized, was in fact a forgetful and cowardly woman.</p>
<p>"Don't try to take it up with your mother, Dean!" His father snapped in a sharp tone.</p>
<p>"Well", he whispered in a low voice. "I think i'll go back to my dorm before to say something that you'd regret as much as I would ." He said, turning his back to them.</p>
<p>"And don't turn your back on us! Stop running!" His father yelled at him.</p>
<p>Dean turned around in a half-second, his body shaking with rage. How dare he tell him that? How dare he? He could feel the anger radiating through him and the urge to put one at his father itched in his fist – despite the seven inches difference between them. "Never call me a coward again!" He said in a voice charged with rage. "I'm a lot of thing but not a coward!"</p>
<p>His father was stunned by his sharp reaction and didn't hold him back when he turned on his heels again. Dean had  never felt so betrayed and angry.  John, the hunter, had never gotten into the niceties and he had received a lot of scathing remarks from him… But now, he felt betrayed and angry and disappointed… And bad. </p>
<p>He needed Castiel.</p>
<p>					------------------------</p>
<p>Dean couldn’t help but slam the door as he entered his dorm. Despite the fact that he had called Castiel the whole way, softly or more sharply, the angel had not answered. Dean knew Cass couldn't answer every time but it frustrated him for some strange reason. Without really caring if there were other people in the room, he walked straight to his bed. Briskly, he grabbed his pillow and tossed it across the room; he kicked violently his bed and the pain that appeared in his feet didn't deter him from pursuing.… He kicked his bed several times before overturning his bedside table with a big wave of his hand. In the old days, with that anger gnawing at his guts, he'd have go to a proper bar,  would have drunk the first part of the night, would’ve participated in a good fight in the said bar and finished the night in the arms of an unknown and anonymous girl.</p>
<p>Today, in the body of a fourteen years old boy - almost fifteen-, he could only let off steam on his bed. And anyway, he had no desire to jump on the first girl to come.… He wouldn't, on the other hand, say no to a little drink.</p>
<p>"What's this ruckus?!" Yelled a thin voice.</p>
<p>Dean immediately turned to Sven who had just come out of the bathroom, alerted by the noise. The boy's gaze swept over the mess before returning on him. "A meeting with my parents that didn’t go well..." He explained in a bitter tone.</p>
<p>"You want to talk about it?" He asked him, almost anxiously.</p>
<p>"No, it's gonna be fine… " He sighed.</p>
<p>"As you want..." His friend replied dryly.</p>
<p>Dean frowned at the young man's abrupt response before realizing that he was still watching him out of the corner of the eye. Sven was really worried about him and the young boy had to estimate he could confide in him. He had done it himself....</p>
<p>"They don't understand anything" He said suddenly, with bitterness.</p>
<p>Sven looked at him for a moment, hesitating on what to do, before moving closer to him. "It's often the case..." Sven asserted with a dark face.</p>
<p>"It's just....My dad doesn't want to understand that i'm… Different. Just different. You understand?" Dean asked, watching over the words he was using. His situation couldn't be reduced to a misunderstanding between a teenager and his parents.</p>
<p>"That's too is often the case." Sven said again, sadly.</p>
<p>"He sees my every action from his point of view and hasn’t even tried to consider them from mine. He doesn't put them in context and i know i didn't give him the opportunity but…"</p>
<p>"He doesn't give you the benefit of the doubt…" Sven finished. "Two years ago, i decided to talk once and for all with my parents. It’s been a long time since I put off this conversation but i had to, you know? They stopped at my firsts words: I was gay. My father screamed he didn't want a faggot as a son and my mother started crying as she mumbled stuff about grandchildren and bad educations."</p>
<p>"And they sent you here? To a boys’ boarding school?"</p>
<p>"One of the keeper owed my dad a favor so they arranged for me to come home. He thought it was going to harden me and forge my character. That it was gonna erase my odd ideas and get me back on the right path. What a band of idiots…"</p>
<p>"They never came to see you?" Dean asked softly.</p>
<p>"They come to every parents/educator meeting but they don't stay to see me. My mom comes to visit me from time to time, without my dad. She says my dad won't be able to accept it. I'm his only son so…"</p>
<p>"Then he should put your happiness first" Dean concluded harshly. "So… Can i ask you a question? Intimate?" Ended up asking Dean.</p>
<p>"Go on…"</p>
<p>"How...How did you know? That you were gay?"</p>
<p>"It was almost obvious", Sven began. "Because i wasn't drawn to what was under girls' skirts, i didn't look at all the pairs of breasts that went under my nose, like my friends. I wasn’t fantasizing about Kim Basinger or Demi Moore… I was too busy staring at my friends' asses molded in their jeans…" He added with a smile. "It was obvious for me: I didn't like girls. Sorry if that doesn’t help you…"</p>
<p>"What?! But… Why do you say that?! I… No… I.… " Dean muttered, blushing slightly.</p>
<p>"Breath Dean.… ", Sven soothed him. "It doesn’t matter…"</p>
<p>"I ain't gay", Dean replied seriously. "It's just… him". He finished in a whisper.</p>
<p>"You should talk to Joshua about it. He can help you..." The blond advised him.</p>
<p>"Thanks Sven." Dean whispered, doubtfully.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Loss of control</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Time passed like an arrow. Dean constantly postponed the famous conversation with Joshua. As much for obvious reasons as for other more complex ones. What could he say to him? That no, before coming here, he had no taste for boys but that, no, it wasn't one of the students? The secrecy around this mysterious boy would do him a disservice, he was sure.</p><p>That wasn't what had kept them from seeing each other again. Castiel had came back. As embarrassed as he could be in such situation. As usual, Dean had acted as if… As if nothing had happened when a huge change was taking place in their relationship. There were harmless little gestures: A hand lingering on a shoulder, fingers brushing a cheek, eyes full of connivance, lips also… so tempting… But neither of them had crossed that road again. Out of fear, no doubt...</p><p>The days passed on rapidly, then the weeks flew by as quickly. And the routine had settled… Charlie had isolated himself from his group of friends to get closer to him. He spent most of his free time in the three boys' room. Dave didn't bother him anymore, probably considering he wasn't worth it. That wasn’t the case with Dean who had to constantly grit his teeth not to engage in hostilities. He lost all control over himself on Halloween night.</p><p>"Ho come on, it will be fun!" Charlie insisted with puppy eyes. "Please!".</p><p>"Frankly, that doesn't tempt me… I don't like Halloween and i don't like horror movies..." He replied, annoyed.</p><p>"Don't be stubborn, Winchester!" Tony yelled from the bathroom. "You’ll bring your ass to this horror night!"</p><p>"Come on Dean.… For once we can really watch TV… " Sven added.</p><p>"Ho yeah", said Bradley smiling, "and i'm sure there will be a lot of pretty babes.…"</p><p>"Reassure me Brad....You know they're actresses, right?" He laughed.</p><p>"Fuck you...."</p><p>Dean sighed as he settled into one of the seats in the room specially designed for the occasion. Special Halloween night with horror movies, pop-corn and a darkened room. If the darkness didn't bother at all, it wasn't the case with the films the others had chosen. Maybe was he going soft but he didn't feel like watching people being impale, eviscerate, slay or others joyousness...</p><p>Caleb had died of a slit throat. Bobby had died impaled by a demon. Sam… Sam… Sam was dead too and he had no desire to see those pictures transpose to the ones he'd see on the screen. He didn't want to hear the laughter of others as a character took his last breath. He'd see Bobby, Caleb, Jim, Rufus or another… There were so many. He had seen so many die one after the other. Even if, in the end, he was the only one left. He and a handful of people, including women and children, ready to fight to the death.</p><p>No, he didn't want that. Even though they were third-rate movies, outrageously stuffed with hemoglobin. Even if the main hero was gonna do bullshit over bullshit. He didn't want to hear them mock the death of one of the characters or judge the reaction of another to be exaggerated. No reaction was exaggerated to the death of a loved one. He knew that among the films was "<i>the exorcist</i>" and frankly, from an objective point of view, it was a masterpiece. But he didn't want to think about all the possessed children he hadn’t been able save. Even less hear them laughing and joking about such a serious matter.</p><p>It wasn't funny.</p><p>So Dean settled in his seat, forcing himself not to pay attention to the movie. But it was loud, the room was dark and Bradley, next to him, made sure to comment on every scene. It wasn't really their fault… Everyone liked horror movies and the thrill it brought. Unless that thrill was a reality for you...</p><p>Dean didn't last long and at the end of the first movie, he got up with the firm intention of leaving the room. Unfortunately for him, or for the other, Dave noticed it and didn't fail to let it be known.</p><p>"You’re running away, Winchester? It's too much for you, sissy? You wet your pants?" He laughed, like half of the room.</p><p>Dean really tried to contain himself. Really. But his nerves were on edge and he could see with disgusting sharpness Bobby and Rufus' faces at their last breath. He remembered Sam's eyes.… And all that blood… So, no, when Dave Montgomery mocked him with condescension, he couldn't stay calm. After all, he had never been known for his self-control....</p><p>Before anyone could anticipate his move, he was in front of Dave and gave him a nice right hook. Despite his size and weight, the boy fell to the ground under the force of the punch and Dean stared at him coldly. "You think you're funny?" He spat in rage. "You find that funny? Seeing people die and be cut to pieces? You're right, it's hilarious! Do you know how many people go missing without a trace every year? Do you know how many of them have died savagely murdered like beasts? How many are raped? Beaten? Shredded? But yeah, you're right, it's funny… You disgust me… " He said in spite, his fists clenched at his sides. </p><p>"Dean!" Someone called him as a hand grabbed his shoulder.</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>"Goddammit Dean! What were you thinking?!" Joshua yelled as he paced his office.</p><p>"Nothing" He mumbled.</p><p>"Nothing? Nothing? You threw yourself on him! Half the students said so!"</p><p>"I punched him. Once! " Grunted Dean.</p><p>"I don't care how many hits you gave him! You broke his jaw! Broke his jaw, Dean!" Joshua firmly admonished him.</p><p>"A single punch!" Dean repeated. "I didn't mean to break his fucking jaw!"</p><p>"Careful with you tone, Dean, you have enough problems like that..." Joshua warned him, staring at him.</p><p>Dean looked at him, his body tensed and his fists clenched. He hadn't intended to send Dave to the hospital but had to admit he was quite satisfied. As he had to admit having lost it. He had lost control and this time, it was gonna come back right in his face… It was really annoying… "I'm sorry", he said honestly, "i didn't mean to send him to the hospital… but i'd be lying if i said i regret it. He’s crossed the line and his shitty little remarks were really starting to get on my nerves…"</p><p>"So, what, you broke his jaw?" Joshua asked eagerly, astonished.</p><p>"No. Like i told you before, i didn't want that." Dean repeated sharply.</p><p>"Watch your tone, Dean". Joshua threatened him before resuming. "Alright, he was exaggerating… But why now? The others say his comments were pretty harmless compared to some he’s already told you."</p><p>"It's true. His comments were just plain stupid." Dean admitted, looking away to the window.</p><p>"So what? Your friends, Tony and the others, say you didn't want to go tonight and you were just pissed off that Dave was having fun with these horror movies."</p><p>Dean sighed cursing his friends who couldn't hold their tongue. How was he supposed to explain that? <i>"Sorry sir but i can't stand creepy movies since the Apocalypse"</i>? Dean suddenly felt very tired and sank into one of the chair in Joshua's office, who was still watching him with interest. He ran a hand through his slightly too long hair as he thought of his next words. "I'm sorry, ok? I fucked up, i know… Dave pissed me off laughing in front of...of.…"</p><p>"Horror movies?" Joshua finished with a hint of disbelief in his voice.</p><p>"It's not just movies, you know? Some people really die in some horrible ways..." He whispered in a dulled voice.</p><p>"That's true", Joshua agreed,"But that shouldn't affect you so much. People are dying every day and…"</p><p>"No", Dean cut him off, "He was laughing watching a man drown in his own blood! He was making fun of a guy who was crying for his dead friend!"</p><p>"It's a movie Dean" Joshua reminded him Joshua, frowning.</p><p>"But it's real. Do you know how many savage murders happen every day in the US? Not to mention other countries?!"</p><p>"Dean.…", Joshua continued,"it's just a movie and even though some people die horribly, we have the right to watch entertainment. This is not denigrated what those people are going through."</p><p>"No, it's just making fun of that" Dean hissed sourly.</p><p>"Dean…"</p><p>"When i was 13, a man tried to kidnap my brother. Do you know what he could have done to him?" He asked, finding a new direction for the conversation.</p><p>"Dean..." Joshua whispered Joshua and this time, his tone was softer.</p><p>"I'm sorry for Dave", Dean said. "I guess my parents will know?"</p><p>"Do you even need to ask?"<br/>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>The hand trotted slowly in the clock in front of him. Too slow for his liking. It had been almost half an hour since his parents had walked into Joshua's office to explain the incident to him. Did it take that long to explain just one unfortunate punch? His patience was dwindling dangerously and his fingers had started drumming madly on the armrest of his chair. Dean hadn't seen his parents arrive and had no idea of their state of mind. Well… His dad had to be fucking angry. And disappointed. Or maybe he was telling himself that, in the end, he was right. He couldn't really imagine his mother's reaction… No doubt she had to look as angry and disappointed as his father, but deep down within herself, she wasn't really shocked by these few blows exchanged.</p><p>He only threw one punch, fucking shit! Was it his fault if Dave wasn't smart enough to dodge the punch or if, by bad luck, his jaw was broken? The guy had brittle bones, was it his fault?</p><p>His parents had had no choice but to bring Sam. His brother was currently in the library with a secretary. Joshua had suggested this to prevent the kid from overhearing their conversation. Dean really wished he’d come back before they were done. He wanted to explain the situation to his brother before his father told him bullshit. Their mom was unable to disparage Dean in front of his brother but it was a specialty for John. Dean had to acknowledge it had always been. <i>"If your brother wasn't a pussy", "if your big brother wasn't so much of a diva", "if Sam wasn't so selfish", " If Sam spent as much time learning to shoot as his nose in the books..."</i>. It was just his turn. He could already hear his father lecture Sam by telling him that his big brother was just a car thief, brawler and arrogant.</p><p>"Dean!" Sam exclaimed, jumping into his arms.</p><p>"Hey, buddy", he greeted him, ruffling his hair, "how are you?"</p><p>"Better than you, i think..." His little brother yapped.</p><p>Dean sighed, gently pushing his brother away, the latter looking at him suspiciously. Dean saw the doubt in his eyes and it hurt him more than he will ever want to admit. The quasi-adoration of his baby brother was an important thing, that he wanted to keep as long as possible. He knew his father's speech and his own actions would slowly erode that childish trust but it still hurt when it happened…  "What did dad tell you?" He merely asked.</p><p>"Not much", admitted the youngest. "Only that you had screwed up again… Well, he didn't say it like that but that's what it meant!" Sam sighed in front of his older brother’s raised eyebrows.</p><p>"I didn't screw up" Dean contradicted him.</p><p>"You fought, right?"</p><p>"No. I only gave one punch." Dean refuted, mulish.</p><p>"You fought then", Sam concluded. "Why can't i?"</p><p>"Because i'm the oldest." Dean replied quickly. "And because Dave deserved it. The little shits in your class are just plain stupid."</p><p>"And not Dave?"</p><p>"Dave is egotistical, brutal and violent. Stupid too, obviously." Dean added with a smile.</p><p>"So… Could I fight brutal and violent people?" Sam asked Sam, logically.</p><p>"Sam...", Dean sighed, looking at his brother more closely. "You should never let someone mistreat you, you should never accept beatings or insults on the pretext that you don't want to fight but you don't have to try to fight either, ok? I shouldn't have hit Dave because he's just a mean, stupid teenager but i got carried away.… If you can control yourself in front of these kind of morons, you will always be stronger than them. You understand?"</p><p>"So… We're stronger if we can act calmly than if we’re fighting?"</p><p>"Exactly, Buddy." Dean confirmed with a smile. "And you, you're very strong, i know that." He added.</p><p>"Not as much as you" Sam said, shaking his head.</p><p>"Of course you are…"</p><p>"No, i couldn't be like you", Sam whispered. "I couldn't do what needs to be done without nobody knowing."</p><p>Dean looked at his brother, amazed that he still remembered this conversation. No doubt his speech had marked Sam more than he thought. But a day would come when he'd demand answers. Sam wouldn't always be happy with those sibylline words.</p><p>"Dean? Sam?" Joshua was on the doorstep of his office and if Dean leaned back bit, he could see his parents whispering to each other. "Sam, if you could wait a little longer outside… Dean… " Joshua invited him, opening the door wider to let him pass.</p><p>Dean sighed wearily at the though of the conversation that awaited him and gave his brother one last look, mimicking a hanging before entering the room. Sam laughed softly, encouraging him with a wave of his hand. He could almost feel the atmosphere getting heavy once Joshua closed the door. His dad was standing stiff in his seat and Dean was doing his best not to look at him. Neither him, nor his mom.</p><p>"Well", Joshua began, settling down at his desk, "as you imagine Dean, there will be sanction".</p><p>The youngest tensed under the heavy gazes of his parents. Of course, he was going to have a sanction. It was so obvious that doubting it would be laughable but Dean feared what Joshua was gonna say nonetheless… </p><p>"Namely?" He grumbled under his breath.</p><p>"The director, the deputy director and i have already talk about this. Mr Grams and Mr Looper are uncompromising when it comes to violence" Joshua said calmly.</p><p>"They are?" He asked falsely, hiding his apprehension.</p><p>"Yes", Joshua continued ignoring his ironic tone, "and they are very determined to take this matter seriously. Even though fights are not uncommon, one of our students ends up in the hospital."</p><p>"Ho please!" Dean snapped. "A punch! I didn't beat him up! Not like others!" He added angrily.</p><p>"We'll talk about this comment later", Joshua cut him brutally, frowning, "And no, it's true, you didn't beat him up but that doesn’t change the result…"</p><p>"The poor little thing is in the hospital... " Dean complained with irony.</p><p>"Dean!" John barked, glaring at him. "Stop with that arrogance right now! It's not funny!"</p><p>Dean pursed his lips to avoid answering his father. He never thought he would brave John Winchester in the past. How many times had he shut up in front of his father? How many times had he wanted to defend Sam? "What’s the punishment?" Dean wanted to know.</p><p>"The director was opting to cancel your Christmas holiday. He wanted you to stay here..." Joshua summed up.</p><p>"What? NO!" Dean exclaimed deeply, jumping out of his seat.</p><p>"Dean..." Joshua tried to calm him down.  </p><p>"What “Dean”? It's been two fucking months that I’ve non-stop detentions because some little shits hold a grudge against me! And the teachers, even stupider, see nothing! I deserve a medal", he added, "for not having come to blows earlier!".</p><p>"Dean..." Joshua tried again when John was ready to say something.</p><p>"No! I won’t be spending my holidays here cause some litt…"</p><p>"And can we know where this sudden craze for Christmas is coming from?" Cut off his father sharply.</p><p>"I've always liked Christmas", he replied on the same note. "Just because i don't jump around like Sam doesn’t mean I’m not happy. And it's not really about holidays, just spending time at home…"</p><p>"Dean", Joshua repeated once again, "if you had let me finish, you'd have known i was against the director's decision. I spoke on your behalf and explained the situation in a little less coarse words."</p><p>"Ho… " Dean whispered, still dubious. "And?"</p><p>"And i won. You spend your holidays at home but you have two month in detention."</p><p>"Ho… Well… Thanks, that's cool" Dean whispered, dropping down in his seat.</p><p>"Well", Joshua said with a smile, "it’s settled. Now, Dean, even though it’s none of my business.… You know they won't stop there, don’t you? Dave and his band?"</p><p>"I'm not afraid of them" Dean merely replied, shrugging.</p><p>"They are many and older than you", he said.</p><p>"They are stupid and a lot slower than me", he retorted.</p><p>"Alright", sighed Joshua. "I think you have things to talk about so i'm going to chat with Sam." He added, leaving the room.  </p><p>When the door closed on Joshua, Dean could have sworn that the silence grew heavier and heavier. His parents didn't speak right away and he didn't know what to say. Whatever he said, it was going to fall on him. He would always be the bad guy and it wasn't gonna get any better.… He could hear a pin drop.</p><p>"Honestly, Dean", his mother started, "Can we know why you hit that boy?"</p><p>"Because he had been pissing me off for two months, turned half the school against me, and i had daily detentions because of him. Any others questions?"</p><p>"Don't be cheeky, Dean." His father's voice growled. "You broke a classmate’s jaw." His father repeated to him as if it hadn’t been repeated enough today.</p><p>"Yeah, thanks, i know", he taunted. "I didn't do it on purpose but i'm not sorry", he added in front of his father's dark face.</p><p>"It's not a joke, Dean", his mother warned him. "Joshua told us he didn’t know why you did it."</p><p>"He pissed me off", Dean explained, exaggeratedly articulating all the syllables. "Period. Why do you want to look any further?"</p><p>"Because Joshua seems to think it was about Sam's kidnapping attempt." His father's dry voice snapped. "But i don't think so" He added, glaring at his son.</p><p>"And you're right. I only told him so to give him an excuse." Dean confessed to them, he didn't want to look like a nutter neither…</p><p>"So what?" His mom asked.</p><p>"So what!" He repeated with annoyance. "I'm 14 years old and had a fight with another teenager, good Lord! Fuck, dad, don't tell me you never fought with some guys when you were my age?!"</p><p>"Ho yeah", nodded his father, "and then, we would go home with our shiner collections! None of us ended up in the hospital!"</p><p>Dean took it upon himself not to sigh/roll his eyes/scream in rage. Misunderstanding was gnawing him from within, he wanted to throw the truth and their mistakes in their face – staying polite. His whole childhood - present or past- he had been misunderstood. In fact, John the Hunter didn't need to be weighed down by the emotional state of his sons, he never even cared. But to be an adult, confronted by mindless, stupid teens; judged by ignorant parents, one hypocrite and the other stuck up, was beyond what he could apparently endured. He finally sank into the seat he couldn’t remember leaving.… And ultimately, did it really matter what his parents thought of him?</p><p>What Sam thought was important. But he could always talk with Sam and his brother seemed a lot more open-minded than John and Mary. His brother trusted him, above all.</p><p>Coming back to Lawrence was important. More for practical than emotional reasons. He couldn't stay here next year. This had to be temporary. He had to see Bobby again and keep on the hunt. He had to continue to prepare the Apocalypse. Maybe get Ruby's knife back? Prepare hunters for this eventuality. Above all, if the situation arose, not kill Lilith. In absolute terms, he could easily get the hell out of here.… But he doubted that his parents, even with a poor opinion of him, would let him wander as he pleased. Yes, in the worst case scenario, he would have to run away from his parents. Count on Castiel to take care of his family. Be satisfied with the phone calls and sporadic encounters with Sam. It was definitely better for him.</p><p>A lot of things mattered, well beyond his parents' opinion of him. And even if it hurt him, if his parents definitely turned their back on him, by dint of misinterpreted actions and misunderstanding… Well, he would get over it. He always has, hasn’t he?</p><p>Except that today, he was no longer alone. At the thought, Dean allowed himself a smile. No, he was no longer alone. Because he had Castiel. And Castiel was important too. A lot.</p><p>"Does that make you smile?" His father’s furious voice growled.</p><p>"Sorry", he blurted out. "I was thinking about something else. Well, i'm being punished, i got the lesson so… Can we move on?"</p><p>"Dean..." His mother sighed in response to his perkiness.</p><p>"I know", he nodded, "I'm sorry, i shouldn't have hit him, that wasn't right. Okay?"</p><p>John looked at his son torn between two very strong feelings. Annoyance and sadness. Annoyance because Dean never took anything seriously and was always making fun of everything. His son didn't seem to understand that every action had consequences.… Or he didn't care at all. What was the worst? Sadness, for they both seemed doomed to never understand each other. He knew this tone perfectly well… He had used the same one when he had given up to make his father understand something. When he just wanted to keep on with his occupations, without triggering a memorable fight. He had used the same one when, after dozens and dozens of discussions, he had replied to his father that he was right: Army was for idiots and soldiers were all brainless big-arms but he still wanted to be one of them. A little later, he had slammed the door. His father didn't technically kick him out, he had only whispered this solution to him.</p><p>He didn’t want Dean to slam the door. He didn’t want to watch his son leaving, too proud to hold him back. He didn’t want to be in the same place as his father. </p><p>John was still thinking about it in the car, on the way home. How to reverse the situation? How could he make Dean understand that he wasn't against him? That he just wanted to understand him? Unfortunately, he never seemed to be able to decode Dean's words.… Because there was always double meaning, he knew it but… It would be certainly better if he was able to understand those. But Dean was slipping out of his hands as he tried to catch up with him.</p><p>"Sometimes, i don't understand him" Mary whispered next to him, low enough that Sam couldn’t hear her.</p><p>"Only sometimes?" He quipped, darkly.</p><p>"I feel like he’s slipping out of our hands, John" His wife told him, her voice trembling.</p><p>"He's our son", he said a little louder, "we'll forever be able to catch up with him…"</p><p>"Did you father catch up with you?" She merely replied in answer.</p><p>John pursed his lips as his whole his face closed up. He and his father hadn't spoken for almost 25 years. He had tried to reconnect, at their wedding, but his father had always been a stubborn person who held firm on his positions.… He wasn't like him. If Dean ever came back to him, whatever he did, he'd welcome him. And Dean wasn't like him, nor like his father....</p><p>"He reminds me of yours...." He whispered softly.</p><p>Mary stiffened immediately, as every time the subject of her father was brought up too abruptly, before throwing him a warning look. "It's not possible", she hissed, "he never met him".</p><p>"Maybe", he granted her, "but sometimes.… he has his manners".</p><p>"No" Mary said firmly and John knew the discussion was over.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Don't forget, feedback is motivation!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Christmas at home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean had accepted his detentions without complaint and neither he, nor Joshua had mentioned his parents again. Dave had returned from the hospital with a bluish jaw and a gleaming look of rage. At the insistence of Joshua and all the teaching staff, he had properly apologized to him. Dave had just looked at him, silently promising him revenge, mockery deep in his eyes.</p><p>His parents had since returned and he had kept his good resolutions. If they didn't want to give him the benefit of the doubt, neither will he. He had been quite mistaken about his mother: he had always seen in her as a victim, whether it was from the hunting world or the machinations of Azazel. She wasn't. As he hadn't been innocent for his descent into Hell, she wasn't innocent in the decline of her family. She certainly didn’t deserve it, like him, but that didn’t changed anything. He took responsibility, he had done terrible things in Hell and lived even more terrible things but he wasn't a victim. He had chosen. It's true, today, he had finally learned that it was a mistake. Death was not meant to be thwarted. But he assumed, day after day. His mom seemed ready to deny even the existence of this choice, of this pact. She closed her eyes to what should have been blatant. She was keeping her eyelids so closed that she forgot that there was another world right there where brawling and booze were almost a necessity.</p><p>His mother was a coward. She preferred to choose to see nothing rather than face her mistakes. The deal had long expired but she didn't question it. She wallowed in her ignorance and in the foolish hope that the demon had been destroyed. She closed her eyes, once again, to the price she could pay. When he looked at Sam, he wondered how she could be so blind. How could she risk their lives?</p><p>Dean didn't need the approval of that kind of woman. She was his mother, she always will be, and he still loved her as much as the little boy he had been. But he didn't need her esteem or even her encouragement.</p><p>"Remind me why i still play against you?" Tony asked him with a desperate face.</p><p>"Because you hope to beat me one day..." He retorted with a big smile.</p><p>"And i will Winchester, i will!" His friend replied in a good mood.</p><p>"In your dreams Delgado", Continued Sven, "the kid is much better than you…"</p><p>"You know what the kid tells to you?!" He growled as Sven laughed.</p><p>"Where did you learn by the way, Dean?" Bradley asked him, still so curious.</p><p>"My friend Bobby’s dad has a bar" He replied easily." About him, i think i'm gonna call him…"</p><p>"You call him a lot..." Sven remarked, a salacious smile on his lips.</p><p>"He's a friend. My best friend." He said emphatically.</p><p>"You still haven’t talked to Joshua about you-know-what?" The blond whispered to him as he moved closer.</p><p>"I need to phone..." He repeated, ignoring Sven's question.</p><p>He heard the boy laugh behind him as he walked over to the phone. As usual, he wrote Bobby's name in the notebook before dialing the phone number he knew by heart. The phone rang twice before an ever-gruff voice echoed through the handset.</p><p>"<i>Singer</i>" Said the deep voice.</p><p>"Hey Bobby…"</p><p>"<i>Hey kid, how are you</i>?" Bobby asked eagerly.</p><p>"Why do you insist on calling me kid?" He sighed.</p><p>He smiled when he heard his friend laugh out loud across the line. He had never realized what Bobby had lost in the war. Seeing Bobby again had opened his eyes. This Bobby was as cranky and sarcastic as the other but he laughed more easily, allowed himself a smile more easily and seemed more inclined to have fun. He was just younger, less jaded and stood firmly on his own two legs.</p><p>Bobby's disability had been a grim change for the old man. His two legs fucked, the apocalypse at the door of the earth and Lucifer walking freely… A grim moment but still more livable compared to the times which were to follow… But even without legs, the man had been an essential part of the resistance. Always distilling his ideas, his advice and his sermons with efficiency.</p><p>"<i>I dunno</i>", he finally replied, "<i>it's true that in reality, you're older than me… Maybe i should call ya grandpa?</i>"</p><p>"Hey! A bit of respect for your elders, alright?! And i'm barely older than you, grandpa!"</p><p>"<i>Yeah....Otherwise, do you know who i met not long ago on a hunt?</i>"</p><p>"No, but you’re gonna tell me…"</p><p>“<i>A certain Caleb.… Didn't want to give me a last name but it could be the one you mentioned, right?</i>"</p><p>"Blond, tall, around twenty? A little arrogant?"</p><p>"<i>A little? His head is bigger than a basket ball!</i>" Said Bobby with a growl.</p><p>"It's just a front", he explained, "He's a great guy and a good hunter.”</p><p>"<i>You said that before</i>", Bobby reminded him, "<i>That’s why i told him to come at Missouri’s on occasion… If possible during the winter holidays so you'll be able to see him....okay?</i>"</p><p>"Frankly Bobby, i don't know if it’ll be easy to slip away…"</p><p>"<i>Well, you'll find a way because i didn't spend my time convincing the kid for nothing!</i>" Bobby growled in a deep voice.</p><p>"Ok, grandpa, i'll try.… Don't get upset, it's not good for your heart".</p><p>"<i>You know what the grandpa tells you, old man?!</i>" Bobby hissed before hanging up.<br/>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>The winter holidays came fast enough. The park was covered with a thin white film, the morning jog had become torture for many students and, strangely, Dean no longer had detentions. The others students seemed to have been impressed by his show of strength, and Dave's still aching jaw didn’t encourage anyone to bother him.</p><p>It was the last day before the holidays and Dean was enjoying some privacy. The park was almost deserted, with most students preferring the warmth of the dormitories or the canteen on this cold morning. But at Saint-Sebastian boarding school, the park was the only place where it was possible to spend time alone. Well, if you wanted that....</p><p>"I am glad to see you..."  A warm voice whispered in the hollow of his ear.</p><p>The boy smiled softly as he slowly turned around. Castiel's two blue marbles were watching him tenderly and with a feeling he still refused to name.</p><p>"Me too" He answered, placing a hesitant kiss on the lips of the elder.</p><p>Castiel closed his arms around him and held him tight for a moment. What was great about Castiel was that the angel had no notion of modesty. It was something he hadn’t learned from human contact. He could be embarrassed, intimidated or hesitant but couldn’t understand why he shouldn't kiss Dean if they both wanted it. It was nice to be in the arms of someone who didn't hesitate to do it.</p><p>After their first kiss, they realized that they didn't want to forbid each other from this relation. There was nothing wrong. Castiel was no longer an angel like the others and Dean was no longer a teenager like the others.</p><p>There are only barriers that we choose to leave, right?</p><p>"Are you worried about your return?" Castiel asked him, releasing him.</p><p>"A little. I’m gonna have to slip away and i don't really it to splash on me" He said softly as he started to walk.</p><p>Castiel followed him on the path that went deeper into the park, towards the area under construction. Instinctively, Castiel stood next to him and Dean moved close enough to him to be shoulder to shoulder. A rapprochement as harmless as it is significant.</p><p>"I thought you did not care about your parent’s opinion anymore?" Castiel asked him gently.</p><p>"No, it's true", said the youngest, "but i don't want to hear my parents rant during all the holidays.…"</p><p>"Have you already planned something?"</p><p>"Not really. I'll see..." He shrugged. Silence settled calmly between them. Most of the time, they didn't need words to understand each other. Castiel wasn't the talkative type and he felt in a quiet mood. With Castiel, he didn't feel obligated to fill the silence with everything and nothing. Silence was enough. His presence was sufficient, as romantic and simple as it might sound. “Any news from up there?" He asked finally.</p><p>"My brothers do not feel concerned by the facts that i brought to them. My father cannot be found even if no one says so, as in our temporality. Unfortunately, i think my brother’s arrogance and recklessness towards humans is leading them to their demise. My arrival does not change anything." He concluded, sorry.</p><p>"Did you see things differently, Cass?" Dean scoffed. "Your brothers would kill us poor human beings if God hadn't forbidden them to do so. They see us as negligible. Mud-monkeys, huh?"</p><p>"They are wrong". Castiel hissed sharply.</p><p>"Yeah....You think if we explain them, they’ll understand?" Dean scoffed.</p><p>"No", replied the angel nonetheless, "they are too obtuse for that"</p><p>"Cass!"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"It was… I.… Nothing, forget it." Dean sighed with a smile. "Don't worry Cass, we'll stop it even if we have to do it all on our own."</p><p>"I know". Castiel replied him in a soft voice. "And i trust you. But…"</p><p>"Yeah?" Dean encouraged him, seeing him hesitate.</p><p>"I find that unfair" Finished Castiel. "I wanted to offer humans a future but I also wanted your happiness… "</p><p>Dean looked at his more-than-friend with a surprised expression full of tenderness. Castiel really had no bashfulness, neither in action or in words. At least, he was making up for his difficulties in expressing his feelings.… "I know Cass..." He said finally, turning to him. "And i can already tell you that you are making a huge contribution to it." He whispered before kissing him softly.</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Dean sighed as he watched his parent's car go through the school's gate. He wanted to get back to Lawrence. He had to. With a certain sadness, he had realized that he was no longer thinking of Lawrence as his home. It was his parent's home. A lie. An illusion. When he thought of a house, a place he could call his own… He saw Bobby's old house, studded with books as old as the hills. He saw Helen's old smoky bar on a muted old rock. It was his home. Not the white picket fence and the green door of Lawrence's house.  </p><p>"Dean!" His brother yelled as he pulled out the Impala. "Two weeks at home!" He said jumping on him.</p><p>"Hey Buddy!" He greeted him catching him.</p><p>"I'll be able to show you what i've learned in Self-defense and my progress in athletics! And i'll introduce you to Coralie.…"</p><p>"Coralie?" He asked, frowning.</p><p>"Yeeaaahhh! You know, the girl at school!" Sam sighed.</p><p>"Ho yes! Your girlfriend?"</p><p>"Nooo! We're too young for that!" Sam said, rolling his eyes.</p><p>"Obviously…" He replied with a smile.</p><p>"And you will be for a little while, Sam." Added their father when they arrived near them. "Hello Dean, how are you son?" He asked, resting a solid hand on his shoulder.</p><p>"Good. Happy to come home." He admitted quietly.</p><p>"Great. Your mom couldn't come. She preferred to stay home to cook you a good meal…"</p><p>"Cool..."</p><p>What was great about Sam was that you could always trust him to fill in the heavy silences. In fact, the young boy knew exactly when to trigger the "<i>chatterbox</i>" mode and when it was best to shut up. The stony silence that reigned in the car only encouraged him to tell to his brother all the anecdotes that came to his mind. At one point, however, Sam ran out of story and silence fell heavily in the car.</p><p>Dean, sitting in the passenger's seat, was already satisfied to be able to listen to his baby’s purring. It just lacked a good ACDC to perfect the picture. "Can we put on some music?" He asked his father.</p><p>"Sure but it's still a cassette player", he explained, "your mom is hassling me to install a CD player but.…"</p><p>"It would be a sin to put a CD player in a car like this!" Completed Dean.</p><p>"Exactly" Approved his father with a big smile. "There are some tapes in the glove box..." He said and smiled wider as the first notes of "<i>Back in Black</i>" echoed through the cabin. "A good choice… " He said.</p><p>"What's that?" Sam asked with a wince.</p><p>"Ho little brother… I think it's high time to make your musical education...."</p><p>And the next hour was filled with burst of laugh, musical debates, head shaking and good humor. Father and son had, for once, an innocuous and simple discussion about something trivial. It had been a long time since John had spoken freely like that with his son, without screaming or outbursts of anger. It was good. It was good to remember that their relationship was more than that. Soon, they found themselves both trying to convince Sam that 70s rock was the best of all.</p><p>Unfortunately, far too soon for John's liking, they were in Lawrence’s garage. With a sigh, he stopped the engine and the radio turned off automatically. Sam got out first yelling he was going to tell Mary that they had tried to pervert him with rock and Dean laughed. John had to admit it wasn't something he had heard many times. Yet, Dean's laughter was so infectious… Why wasn't his son more open?</p><p>"Well", his son muttered embarrassed, "it was great"</p><p>"Yeah, it was", he admitted with a slight smile. "I'm here, you know, son." He added more seriously.</p><p>"If you want to talk about…boarding school, your problems or… even music. I'm here." He repeated.</p><p>"I know, dad." Was his son's reply. "I know. I'm gonna say hi to mom and put my stuff in my room." He added after a few minutes of silence.</p><p>John stood alone at the steering wheel for a moment. He wanted to be able to hear his son's laughter again or to debate anything and everything with him. Even if it was just to talk about Deep purple or Metallica...</p><p>He wanted to smooth things over, bridge the differences and make his son understand that he wasn't the enemy. He wanted to be able to talk to his son without feeling like he was walking on eggshells. He wanted, above all, make him understand why they had sent him there. Make him admit he was drunk and that it was serious. That stealing a car couldn't be excused for whatever reasons.</p><p>He wanted to make him understand that he only wanted his well-being. The only question being: Would his son listen to him?</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>"How about showing me your progress, Buddy?"</p><p>"Yeah!" Sam exclaimed sharply. "Come on! We'll be better off in my room!" He said, already running for the stairs.</p><p>Dean stifled a laugh as he watched his little brother fuss like that. It had only been a day since he came back and already, he could tell this holidays looked bleak. He was practically forbidden to go out.… If it wasn't under the watchful eye of his parents. His dad had even forbidden him his morning jogging. They wanted to keep a close eye on him… As if he was a criminal. Frankly, sometimes, he felt like his father was a stranger. How can a man change so much? He was gonna have to be crafty to go out and meet Bobby and Caleb at Missouri.</p><p>He could see that his father wanted to talk to him. And he knew exactly what he was gonna tell him. His father loved him and like any good father, he was gonna try to squeeze some sens into his head. By sense, hear "<i>common sense</i>". The good old tune: we don't steal, we don't lie, we don't fight. Tasteless, isn't it? And so wrong… And what could he say to this loving father? Lies. But he didn't want to lie anymore, so it was easier not to say a word and avoid the conversation.</p><p>"That's great Sam", he said to his brother, judging his level. "You’ve really made progress. I'm proud of you." He whispered to him.</p><p>"That's true?" The younger one marveled.</p><p>"Sure, jerk. How about we take it up a notch?" He asked seriously.</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"Well, you know defense techniques and parries, don't you want to see some attacking techniques?" He explained.</p><p>"But why? I don't want to attack anyone!" Sam replied, surprised.</p><p>"The best defense is offense, Sam." He answered. "Defending yourself is good. Anticipating and attacking the other before they do it is better. You understand?"</p><p>"Yeah, i think so. But mom and dad won't agree." Warned him the youngest.</p><p>"Well, they don't need to know, right?"</p><p>"You think? You’re gonna be in trouble again..." Sam sighed.</p><p>"Hey, don't worry little guy....", Reassured him his elder brother. "It's your safety first, right?!"</p><p>"Is it so important, Dean?" Sam asked him with a worried face.</p><p>"Very"</p><p>"Ok then".</p><p>			--------------------------------------</p><p>"Can i go for a walk?"</p><p>"I'm busy on the car Dean and your mom is cooking." His father replied patiently.</p><p>"Ok.… But i could go alone, right? I could take Sam to the park? He’s dying to go make snowmen… " Dean explained.</p><p>"He can do them in the garden..." His father replied, still leaning over the car.</p><p>"There isn't enough snow in the garden anymore", Dean said impatiently. "Dad! I can take him to the park very well!"</p><p>"Wasn’t it you who wanted to take a walk in the beginning?" His dad said finally looking him face to face. "Don't take you brother as an excuse, Dean." his father scolded him.</p><p>"And going to the park isn’t the same than going for a walk, you think?" Dean said, annoyed.</p><p>"Watch your tone, young man!" His father replied in a strangely calm voice.</p><p>"Dad! You can't keep me locked up for two weeks!" Dean sighed, running a tired hand over his face.</p><p>"You ain't locked up, Dean. Don't exaggerate." His father answered him brutally. "You don’t go out alone. Period."</p><p>"What are you afraid of, exactly?! Dean exclaimed.</p><p>"I don't know Dean since you still haven't bothered to explain to us why you stole that car!" His father replied briskly. "Or what hurt you or scared you to the point of getting drunk! We don't know what to expect, Dean! Cause you don't talk to us!" His father explained him, looking him straight in the eye.</p><p>"This nightmare is my business! I've the right to privacy." Dean repeated, jaw tightened. "And I’ll say it again, i'm sorry I reacted that way. Sorry I’m just human! But it's true that couldn’t happen to you, right dad?" Raged Dean, fists clenched.</p><p>"What are you talking about?! But let's forget about the drinks..." John whispered, dismissing the problem with a wave of his hand. "Why did you steal that car, Dean?"</p><p>"…"</p><p>"You can't have stolen it just like that! For fun! Tell me the truth even if it’s for telling me it was to sell it or sell the parts!"</p><p>"It was in good shape, wasn’t it?" Dean hissed. "I stole this car because i needed it. And even though i did it for fun, it doesn't change a thing for you, right? No excuse, right?</p><p>"Yes, that's it, Dean. No excuse."</p><p>"Well. If someone is looking for me, i'm in my room." Dean said turning his back to him.</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>It took her almost an hour to make up her mind and go see her son. A whole hour. Sixty minutes for her to take the courage to go see her child. She didn't really know where this fear, this irrational discomfort came from. Dean intimidated her. Despite everything she could say to John, with each passing day, she saw more and more Samuel Campbell in her son. It was such a disturbing feeling. If she had given up hunting, it wasn't to raise her father’s exact replica of her...</p><p>Once in front of Dean’s closed door, she took a deep breath before pushing it open. She knew immediately that he had noticed her presence even if he didn't let anything appear. Dean was good at this game… His face could show exactly the opposite of how he felt.… or nothing at all. He was in a T-shirt on the floor of his bedroom, and was doing push-ups. The first thing she noticed was his arms… Yes, because she didn't remember her baby having muscles. Dean had always been thin, fast and rather slender for his age. People have always overestimated his age. But she didn't remember that he had such biceps… He was only 14, almost 15, why was he training like this? Actually, Mary had to admit he had always liked sport and that, very early, he had run around the neighborhood to keep himself in shape. That was what he had said...But since when did a 12 years-old boy care about his health?</p><p>The second thing that struck her was the expression on his face. He seemed so serious. So much older. His movements were fast, adjusted and precise. Mary could tell he was letting off steam. Dean had always had his own way of expressing his anger. She couldn't even say she remembered a day when he had screamed. Really screamed. Even when he was little, around 5 or 6, he had never had tantrums or loud sorrow. Dean had always been silent. Discreet. An owl had said one of his teachers one day… Silent with eyes big enough to look at everything. Discreet, lurking in the shadows so that you couldn't tell he was there.</p><p>"What's going on mom?" He finally asked as he stood up.</p><p>"Your dad told me you wanted to go out..." She merely explained. "If you want, i'm free, we could go for a walk?" She proposed with a soft smile.</p><p>His son stared at her for a moment, his eyes almost scrutinizing her before she looked away. No, really, that feeling was weird. "No thanks" He answered calmly.</p><p>"Why?" She asked with a curious and slightly plaintive voice. She wanted to spend time with her son.</p><p>"Because i don't want anymore and with no disrespect, i don't want a chaperon" He summed up simply.</p><p>"You’re not helping us Dean", she said more dryly. "We’re trying to do our best, right here!"</p><p>"Trying isn't enough. We have to be successful." Dean muttered, repeating one of the most usual sermons of his childhood.</p><p>"Dean.… If you don't help us, if you don't do your bit, we won’t get there..." She admitted, keeping her calm.</p><p>"I’m doing my best." He repeated simply. " You keep rehashing my mistakes over and over again. You don't even try to move on."</p><p>"We can't forget that easily, Dean. If you don't understand that what you did is wrong, what is stopping from doing it again?"</p><p>"Nothing at all", he admitted, "You should take Sam to the park. He really wants to go" He said again after a while.</p><p>"Do you come with us?" She asked nonetheless. "Sam would be really happy..." She added in front of his silence.</p><p>"Why not..." He replied, acknowledging the low blow for what it was.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!</p><p>So? What's your favorite parts? Lines? What do you like? Love? Dislike? Tell me! Sharing is caring!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Caleb</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first week of the holidays had been a series of fruitless and pointless discussions. His father tried to make him understand his point of view, with his usual stubbornness. His dad wasn't a bad guy and if he had had a "<i>normal</i>" reason for stealing this car, he'd gladly have told him. His father was making efforts and raged against him so as not to make any from his side. He'd wanted… Truly… It killed him to see his dad trying to understand him when he was totally incomprehensible to him. He would never understand him, not if he hid half the puzzle pieces from him. </p>
<p>So, he tried to save face, smiled at his father, got involved in unnecessary conversations he had, was affable and obliging most of the time. Sometimes, however, when a question consumed too much of his privacy, he had to turn harsh again. </p>
<p>His mother was also making efforts. Even if it wasn't the kind of effort he expected from her. Obviously, to hope that she now understands and realizes her actions and their consequences would be ludicrous. His mom had really chosen to deny her past. And it was impossible. We don't stop hunting. Or we become the prey.<br/>
But even with her, he was cordial and smiling. Because she was his mother and he understood way too much what she had been through… Which was no excuse for her choices at all. </p>
<p>Soon, the Thanksgiving meal was here and, for the first time, it bothered Dean. It was again a meal between their four walls, with the uneasy looks of his parents. For the first time, Dean would’ve liked to have more family. Besides his maternal grandparents, he didn't know any other member of his family. What about his father's parents? He suspected that they didn't get along well since they never talked about them. He had never heard his parents talk about them, or so little. </p>
<p>He couldn't tell he was really interested in them. He was just wondering… And at the same time, he could put his mother in front of her past, talking about her own parents. </p>
<p>The opportunity presented itself at Christmas Dinner, which was no different from any other family meal. It only was more filing, more expensive and his parents tried to consume it in “<i>the spirit of Christmas</i>". Words that inevitably put a smile on the lips of his little brother. As a child, Sam had always loved Christmas. John and the hunt had destroyed that spark and Dean had vowed that Sammy would never hated the end of the year again. As far as he was concerned, he always saw the same scenes when he thought about Christmas. The slightly creepy Christmas of his childhood, the one when Sammy gave him his pendant, the one they spent before Hell - full of heartache, longing, monumental fear and a fucking eggnog – and the others. All those he spent with Castiel, a glass of whiskey in one hand and his gun in the other – all fond memories then. </p>
<p>Today however, he was ready to sing all the silliest Christmas carols to see that smile on Sam's lips. To see his eyes light up in front of his presents and his mutinous pout when as they told him not to open them before midnight. It was almost surreal. </p>
<p>Once again, as he watched Sammy as he helped their mother cook, drowning her in a ton of questions, he wondered how Mary could be so blind. Let's forget the deal and the denial of her roots… But how could she forget that demons never do? How could she let her family’s survival – not even the happiness but the survival!- rest on the crazy and aberrant hope that Azazel gave up his plan? How could she even live in expectation?</p>
<p>It was totally beyond him. And made him furious, bitter and spiteful. </p>
<p>So, today, as he listened with distracted ear to one of his father’s sermon on violence, he decided for himself. The four of them were sitting around the dinner table and Dean wanted to shake his mother. "Where do our first names come from?" He asked suddenly, while continuing to pound the piece of meat on his plate. </p>
<p>"What?" Croaked his mother. </p>
<p>"Our first names?" He repeated. "Why did you choose them? My friend Tony, it's in reference to Anthony Hopkins. Bradley, it's for his godfather", he easily lied.  “So, i wondered why you chose these names…"</p>
<p>"In honor of your grandparents", his mother said soberly. </p>
<p>"Your parents, dad?" He asked again, turning to his father in the same movement as Sam who was interested in the conversation. </p>
<p>"No, mine", Mary replied with a strained smile. "My dad was called Samuel and my mother, Deana". </p>
<p>"Pfff!!! You have a girl’s name!" His brother’s joked, laughing. </p>
<p>"Yeah, that's funny, Samantha!" He retorted kindly. "And huh...Are they dead?" He added in an affected voice. </p>
<p>"Yes. They are" Confirmed Mary, sadly. "Long ago". </p>
<p>"I wish I had known them", he whispered. "Grandpa must have been an... interesting man"</p>
<p>"Sure..." His mother mumbled, staring at her plate. </p>
<p>"What about you, dad?" He asked his father. </p>
<p>"My mom left when i was young", his father explained. "My dad raised me. His name’s Eric and my mom, Sandy. My father… I guess he's still alive. He lives in Montana, near Dillon"</p>
<p>"You didn't get along?" He asked with genuine curiosity. </p>
<p>"Not really. My dad was quite an anti-militarist…"</p>
<p>"Ho… I get it", he whispered, thinking wryly that it had to be in the blood to go against the paternal. "You should talk about them more often…" He said, giving his mother an innocent look.<br/>
"It'd be cool…"</p>
<p>"We'll try..." She promised, her lips pursed. </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><br/>The next day, Dean spent his whole day thinking about how to slip away without raising alarm. The icing on the cake would be if his parents refused him the next vacation at home! He had given up going out alone because he always got a refusal, the outings he did were almost all walks in the park with Sam and John or Mary. And anyway, he had to be admitted, he wanted to see Castiel… It was too dangerous to bring him into the house and since he was literally locked up.<p>Talking about Castiel, he could very well ask him to put his parents to sleep… But he would also have to put Sam asleep as well and for some strange reason, he didn't want to lie to his brother if he could do otherwise… So far, he only lied to him about details… Monumental details, sure but details all the same! He had tried to be as honest as possible with Sam. </p>
<p>Or… He worked things out to spend the day at James Collins. The kid wouldn't spit over a few bucks and he could narrow down the details later. Relying on his sister to watch over them - who wouldn't spit on the money either - he could join Bobby and Caleb at Missouri pretty easily. He had called Bobby as recently as yesterday and the old hunter had told him they would spend the week at the psychic. He had told him he was an inch away from strangling them both. <i>This damn woman and this freaking kid are gonna drive me mad!</i><br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><p>"So, you want me to lie to your mom again, Winchester?"</p>
<p>"Yeah...Your sister have to be there too, she’ll be able to certify to my mom she’ll look after us…"</p>
<p>"You need a baby-sitter, Winchester?"</p>
<p>"Shut up, Collins", Dean replied. "You want these bucks, or what?" He added, shaking the money under the other boy's nose. </p>
<p>"Give me that!" He hissed, grabbing it. "Well, when do i ask?"</p>
<p>"My mom is downstairs", Dean said. "We're going now". </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><p>"You want to go to James?" Mary repeated, looking at the boys in front of her. </p>
<p>"Yeah", her son replied, "to make up for lost time, you know?"</p>
<p>"Are you two friend?" She asked, surprised, with some suspicion. </p>
<p>"We're buddies, yeah..." Dean nodded. </p>
<p>"Dean has been in Saint-Sebastian for four months and you never asked to hear from him…" She said, correctly. </p>
<p>"Well...right m'am....", James retorted cordially, "we just wanted to catch up a little....Like he said…"</p>
<p>"Will you be alone?"</p>
<p>"No, my sister is there.… She is 20 years old. She can watch us if you want..."</p>
<p>Mary pursed her lips, staring at her son who was looking at her hopefully. She knew he and James had been friend before. Dean had spent more than an afternoon at his house, under the supervision of his sister. But could she really risk trusting Dean? In truth, he has been reasonable so far except for this little issue at the boarding school. "Alright", she granted, "but i'll call to check and you take your brother with you"</p>
<p>"What?" Dean choked, looking at her, flabbergasted. "And why?"</p>
<p>"It will do him good too. And then, like that, you'll spend time together..." She added with a cryptic smile. </p>
<p>"You don't like us spending time together" Dean reminded her dryly, well aware of the real reasons his mother asked him that. </p>
<p>"That's not true, Dean", Mary lamented. "So? You take him?"</p>
<p>"Yes. No problem", he nodded, straining his lips in a forced smile. </p>
<p>Mary gave him a satisfied smile before giving him the usual recommendations. <i>And take care of Sam… </i>Of course, his mother thought that if he had to go anywhere else than at James’ place, somewhere fishy, he wouldn't bring Sam. And she was right...</p>
<p>He couldn't bring his brother at Missouri. It would be to introduce him where he wanted to keep him away at all costs. It was unthinkable.</p>
<p>"Are we taking your brother?" James hissed him softly in his ear. </p>
<p>"Yeah. I’ll give you and your sister twenty more if you look at him and she answers my mother's call", he said. </p>
<p>"Ok…" The other boy nodded enthusiastically. </p>
<p>"And you’ll take care of him....", he hissed dangerously, turning completely to him… "Otherwise, and you know that I will, I’ll castrate you. Capish?"</p>
<p>The brown head nodded sharply, eyes wide. In town and in the neighborhood, rumors that Winchester's eldest was a hooligan had spread like wildfire. <i>His parents had to send him to a boarding school! / Really? Isn’t that a correctional facility?/ He stole a car! / I heard he totally dismantled it!</i> - James was totally willing to believe he could beat him up...</p>
<p>"Sam?" He asked as he entered his brother's room.</p>
<p>As usual, he found his brother nose in a book, comfortably seated on his bed. Strands of brown hair were falling on his face and Dean loved to tease him about his shoulder length hair.… At first, in the other timeline, Sam's mop of hair had been a bravado against their dad. Like everything Sam did back then anyways… A man didn't have to have hair long according to John.… So, Sam had grown his own. Logical, right?</p>
<p>"I’m going to James, are you coming with me?" He resumed as Sam gave him a questioning look.</p>
<p>"Mom wants you to come with me" He clarified as he saw Sam hesitate. </p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"What do you think?" He let go bitterly. </p>
<p>"I'm coming..." Sam replied, straightening up. </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>****</p>
</div><p>"Aren’t you staying?" Sam asked suspiciously as he gave James' sister some extra money. </p>
<p>"No", he replied honestly. </p>
<p>"But you want me to tell mum and dad that you are..." Summed up the youngest, his features strained.</p>
<p>"Yes Sam"</p>
<p>"Dean! I don't like lying to them!" His little brother moaned, staring at him. "And where are you going?"</p>
<p>"Somewhere i can't take you" He explained patiently. </p>
<p>"If I’ve to lie to mom and dad, i want the truth!" Sam asked, standing straight in front of him.</p>
<p>"Sam please..." Dean sighed. "It's pretty complicated like that, right? You trust me, right?"</p>
<p>"Obviously..." Sam whispered, rolling his eyes. "But you're still gonna be in trouble and i don't like lying to them…"</p>
<p>"Sammy, you just gotta trust me. I know i ask a lot of you but… Please? In a few years, i know you're gonna send me off but for now you have to trust me, okay?"</p>
<p>"This is not true!" The youngest argued. "I will always trust you!"</p>
<p>"Thanks, Buddy", Dean replied, running a hand through his hair. </p>
<p>"You’re coming back soon?"</p>
<p>"As quickly as possible. Don't worry, James and his sister will stay with you. And they’re gonna take care of you..." He added, raising his voice to the attention of those concerned. </p>
<p>Dean hurried to Missouri. He couldn't waste time since he had to be back at James’ place soon enough. Besides, he was a little worried that his mother would go there unexpectedly to check on his presence. Putting aside his parents’ reaction if they found out about the subterfuge, Dean thought of Caleb. </p>
<p>According to his memories, his father met Caleb when he was 18 himself. So, he'll meet him a few years in advance but his father  had never dealt with inexperienced hunters so currently, Caleb was just a newbie. It would have taken four years to prove himself and be accepted by other hunters. </p>
<p>He was still in his thought when he rang on Missouri’s door. It was the young psychic who opened it. Despite her usual smile, she seemed slightly nervous. She must have been worried about meeting  Caleb. After all, he never really told them how much he knew them all, or what had become of them. "Hey Dean..", she whispered, letting him in. "How are you? It seemed like you had found some trouble again…"</p>
<p>"Bullshit, Missouri, bullshit..." He replied with a smile, shrugging. </p>
<p>"Come in the living room...Bobby's already there"</p>
<p>Indeed, the old hunter was already sitting in the couch, a beer at hand. A small smile stretched his lips when he spotted Dean and he answered him as discreetly. "So kid? Did you manage to escape your prison?" He asked him, a smile in his voice. </p>
<p>"Don't tell me about it!" He moaned, dropping down onto the couch. "Real misery!"</p>
<p>"Yeah… They have not to let you out of their sight!" Bobby commented. </p>
<p>"They’re sticking to me like glue! I even had to leave Sam at a classmate’s house and make him promise to lie to the parents...", he sighed, slightly annoyed. </p>
<p>"Why didn't you bring him with you then?" Simply asked Missouri. </p>
<p>"No", he hissed harshly. </p>
<p>"You seem very adamant", noted the young woman, observing him closely. </p>
<p>"In my lifetime, and without a very good reason, Sam will never know anything about the hunting world, is that clear?" He said, seriously. </p>
<p>"Really?" Missouri said surprised, incredulous. "But… Well… By getting involved in hunts, you got him involved too." She whispered, uncertain. "Right?"</p>
<p>"No", he repeated harsher. "Sam won't be a hunter.  He hated this life and it won't taint him! if even one of you gets him involve, he won’t get away with it!"</p>
<p>"He was a hunter, right? Like you… so why?" Asked Bobby. </p>
<p>"Sam is my little brother. He’s gonna be a lawyer, marry Jessica and have lots of kids, ok? This is how it should have been...." He finished for himself. </p>
<p>"He has a right to know what his brother is getting involved with for him....", began Missouri..."You can’t do it alone… He's your family and…"</p>
<p>"NO!" He said, straightening up. "No, no and no! Sam won't hunt! Never!”</p>
<p>"What’s this ruckus?!” The tension in the room immediately eased and Dean had to suppress a smile at the sight of Caleb. The young man was almost the same as he remembered. Taller perhaps… Short-cropped blond hair, bright and sparkling blue eyes and fairly fine features. Dean well remembered having loved it when his father was hunting with Caleb. The young man, a few years his senior, always treated him with equality and respect. In addition, he didn’t spit on the little pleasures of life...</p>
<p>"Dean, this is Caleb. Caleb, this is Dean." Bobby introduced, indicating a seat to Caleb. </p>
<p>"Yeah...." The young man muttered, looking at him with some skepticism. "Without wanting to break the mood, can we know why you were screaming like crazy?" He asked, amused. </p>
<p>"Little lack of understanding...." He summed up. "I'm glad to know you, Caleb" He added, seriously. </p>
<p>"Huh....Me too. But...Who are you exactly?" The elder asked him eagerly. </p>
<p>"Missouri's neighbor. How about you? A nephew? Or Bobby’s hidden son?" He joked as Bobby nearly choked on his beer. </p>
<p>"Take that instead of saying bullshit!" Bobby hissed, brutally pushing a glass of water in front of him. </p>
<p>Dean raised an eyebrow in front of the filled glass before smiling frankly. He still wondered where Bobby got this idea… He must have stolen it from Elkins. "He should have put down a label...", he sighed before drinking. "Satisfied, grandpa?"</p>
<p>"Call me grandpa one more time and you're gonna see what grandpa can do, kid!" Bobby lectured him, adjusting his cap. </p>
<p>"Huh… That's great and all but....", Caleb interrupted them, "Sorry kid but we’re kind of expecting someone and…"</p>
<p>"You wouldn't kick me out, right?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. </p>
<p>"Sorry kid but…"</p>
<p>"You’re expecting someone, yeah… I heard the first time, you know?"</p>
<p>Caleb frowned at the cheeky response and Dean could see him trying to keep his cool. Hunters weren't known for their patience with kids. "Okay kid, we’re gonna talk about some serious stuff here. Adult stuff, ok?" He ended more curtly. "How old are you? 16, max?" He taunted then. </p>
<p>"Actually, i'm 43", he replied honestly. </p>
<p>"Do you think you're funny?" Caleb retorted, raising his eyebrows as Bobby tried to hide a smile. </p>
<p>"Alright....", he granted with amusement, "I'm 14. Almost 15!" He hastened to add in front of the bewildered look of the young man. </p>
<p>"Shoo then!" He resumed. "You surely have homework or video games waiting for you. Leave us between adults, alright?"</p>
<p>"Well, your little games are great fun boys but you don’t have all you time, Dean!" Gently sermonized Missouri. </p>
<p>"It's true", Dean approved. "Bobby, do you still have it?" He asked in a serious tone that instantly made him look older. </p>
<p>"Obviously..." Bobby replied as he set the Colt down on the table. </p>
<p>"Fuck!" Caleb growled straightening up, pushing the chair aside. </p>
<p>"You didn't use the bullets, huh?" He reassured himself, checking the gun. </p>
<p>"No. It’s been in the same drawer since you gave it to me."</p>
<p>"Jesus Christ Bobby!" Caleb yelled again, taking turns looking at them, eyes wide. "He's a kid!"</p>
<p>"What a sense of observation!" Dean taunted as he picked up the gun. </p>
<p>"But…! Bobby!" Caleb hissed. "Missouri!"</p>
<p>"Calm down… ", Dean whispered softly, “...like i told you, i'm happy to meet you. Bobby told me that you’re a great hunter...”</p>
<p>"Sorry? But…! Bobby!"</p>
<p>"Wow...Keep calm, ok?" Said the older one, pouring him a glass of Whiskey. "Here, drink this, kid, it'll do you good… " He advised him, pushing the glass in front of him. Caleb hesitated before taking the glass and taking a sip. His gaze shifted from Bobby to Dean, totally dumbfounded at what was going on. "Caleb, listen....", resumed Bobby, “… sorry for the introductions but it's the truth. Dean is a hunter"</p>
<p>"Are you kidding me?" Caleb hissed, glaring at him. </p>
<p>"No. He's not", Dean said. "I hunt and i do it well. My parents are average citizens, or at least my mother wholeheartedly tries to believe this and i intend them to stay that way. They don’t know no--anything and so far I was able to hunt without them noticing"</p>
<p>"But how…"</p>
<p>"It's not important", he cut him sharply, "I’m hunting, period. The why’s and how’s don’t concern you. Maybe someday...", he whispered. "You're a good hunter and i know i can trust you. Right?"</p>
<p>"....Right". </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Caleb was still holding the glass in his hands when Dean decided it was time to go home. He soon found himself alone, his fingers entwined and tight around the glass. Bobby had certainly understood that he needed time to think. </p>
<p>He was a newbie in the world of hunting. It was true… Many of their codes still eluded him. But, even in his worst projection, he had never thought of children. At 14, he was still a kid. Shit! Three years ago, he was still a kid! But this boy… This boy with the look of an old man handling this gun with dexterity....</p>
<p>At first glance, he seemed to be 16 year old. The kid had broad shoulders, quite tall, and radiated a self-confidence that few teenagers already possessed. And his eyes… His eyes were sweating an older age. </p>
<p>But he was 14. And he was hunting. For a brief moment, he wondered if he would have look like that if he had been raised by his father. He had been raised by his mom. Only by his mom. An independent woman who had worked her ass off to feed him. With regret, he thought he had never really appreciated her efforts at their fair value. He was young and stupid. <i>You're exactly like your father… </i>She spat when he stepped out of the line. By that, she called him selfish and heartless even though her tone contradicted her words. At the time, he didn't know how to take these words which weren't insults but certainly not compliments either… Today, he could tell his mother had loved his father till the end, despite the circumstances. His mom died when he was 17. A death as natural - mean here non-supernatural - as it was accidental. A drunk driver. </p>
<p>Her will was clear, he had to go live with his father. A man he had never known. A hunter, he later learned. A hunter who couldn’t stop and had refused to involve wife and kid in the life. What could he do?</p>
<p>Caleb shook his head from side to side to collect his thoughts. It wasn’t making any sens. Dean had specified that his parents were civilians. </p>
<p>So, how would a kid know about hunting?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!</p>
<p>So? What's your favorite parts? Lines? Never Forget feedback is motivation boost!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chase the super'natural</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean waved his hand limply to say goodbye to his parents who were passing through the school gate with the Impala. </p><p>The rest of his holidays had passed slowly, almost in slow motion. The new year was there, we were in 1994. Dean wasn't sure what they had done, before, for this new year but he was sure that Sam hadn't jumped everywhere, excited by the late curfew and the fireworks. No, actually, before, they’ve spent most of the New Year around a coke - or a beer, later- a bag of crisps and a rerun of one of those stupid movies about Christmas spirit that Sam had loved so much at the time. Those which talked about united family, forgiveness and happiness... Strangely, Sam wasn't that enthusiastic about them here. </p><p>Speaking about other things, Dean quite happy about his meeting with Caleb. The young hunter had seemed shaken but Bobby had told him afterwards that he had known the hunting world for only three years and that his father had sufficiently protected him until then. Bobby had assured him that he was managing and that he was still convinced he had made the right choice. </p><p>It was, however, with an annoyed step that Dean made his way to his room. He sighed in annoyance several times along the way, finding the level of agitation pretty high. To tell the truth, Dean was rather annoyed these days. During those two weeks spent in Lawrence, Castiel had only been able to come see him once. This irritated Dean more than he was willing to admit..</p><p>It had been barely two minutes since he had fallen on his bed when the door to his room slammed opened. Dean sighed, knowing too well who it was, even with his eyes closed. Sven always entered discreetly; Tony always knocked before entering out of habits.… There was only Bradley to make such a ruckus. "Hey Winchester!", Yelled the metis when he saw him. "Are you awake? Did you hear the news?" He resumed without delay. </p><p>"What?" He groaned, slowly sitting up. </p><p>"Lesner is dead!" He told him with displaced enthusiasm. </p><p>"Dead?" He repeated, all ears. </p><p>"Yeah… He got torched while smoking in his bed!" Brad taunted. </p><p>"It's not funny..." He said, frowning. </p><p>Bradley looked at him for a moment before blushing slightly, realizing his words and behavior. “No, no, of course not. Sorry"</p><p>"Tell me more", he demanded. </p><p>"Well… I don't know much actually… He was spending his holidays here as usual and one morning, they found him tor… burned in his room."</p><p>"And the fire didn't spread?"</p><p>"Sound like it doesn’t… but I really don't know much..." The other boy assured him. </p><p>"When did it happen?" He asked again, more attentively. </p><p>"Two days ago, i think…The whole floor was smoky it seems and they called the fire department right away. The fire alarms were, apparently, defective.”</p><p>"And is it only his room that was burnt down?" Dean asked frowning. In response, Bradley shrugged in ignorance and no doubt, in fatality. A thoughtful silence settled in and Dean couldn't think of anything else. Faulty fire alarms and fire that got caught in one room… His gut told him there was more in this business than just recklessness. </p><p>"Hey Dean?" Bradley whispered after a moment. </p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"I didn't want to sound insensitive earlier, huh.… it was just.… I dunno…” The young man mumbled. </p><p>"I know Brad.…"</p><p>*****</p><p>"So, Dean, how was your holidays?" A too calm Joshua asked him, leaning against his desk as usual.</p><p>"I developed claustrophobia..." He replied briefly, settling more in his seat. </p><p>"Sorry?"</p><p>"My parents had agreed among themselves to forbid me to go out alone", he summed up. </p><p>"So....You haven’t gone out at all?" Tried the educator. </p><p>"Yes", he retorted, "but it was very, very restrictive..." He hissed. </p><p>"That was definitely the main goal, Dean" Said the adult with a slight smile. </p><p>"Anyway, my holidays have been better than yours...", he commented in a lightly. </p><p>"Ho yeah? And why?" Josh asked, distracted, walking to his seat in front of the desk. </p><p>"I heard Lesner died", he simply said, in a completely neutral tone. </p><p>Joshua froze in place for barely a second before pulling himself together and letting himself dropped into his seat. "Who told you that?" He asked almost curtly. </p><p>"Word got out..." he replied evasively. </p><p>"Well… The word is true", murmured the educator, "even though i shouldn't tell you and it doesn't concern you at all", he added more fiercely. </p><p>"I know. I just wanted to be sure… A fire, huh?"</p><p>This time, Joshua didn't reply him. He just looked at him, as if trying to find out why it interested him so much. After a few seconds of analysis, he sighed loudly, looking at him with what Dean interpreted as exasperation, even deception. "Why all these questions, Dean?" He finally retorted, totally rhetorically. "David Lesner is dead, burned alive, yes. And there is nothing funny about that"</p><p>"I never think that", Dean calmly defend himself. “Lesner was an asshole and a bully but he didn't deserve this…"</p><p>"Deserve?" Joshua hissed, lips pursed. "The little idiot braved the smoking ban in his room and for what? He fell asleep with the butt of his cigarette in his hand and died stupidly." His educator muttered, with some resentment. </p><p>"He was one of your student?" Dean asked, aware of the older man’s pain. </p><p>"Last year, yes. This year, we decided to entrust him to Pat… But why am I telling you all this?" Joshua said, surprised, running a tired hand over his face. </p><p>"It's fine.…"</p><p>"I'm sorry Dean. I'm not in the right frame of mind to talk today..." Apologized the educator. </p><p>"I said it was fine....I get it."</p><p>"Let's say tomorrow?" Joshua offered. </p><p>Dean left the office fairly quickly, giving Joshua some privacy. Dean could understand that losing a student had to be hard… On the way to his room, Dean received some strange looks… Because, he was talking alone. "You better get your ass back asap, Cass!". Once in his bedroom, he greeted Tony and Sven with a nod and locked himself in the bathroom. </p><p>No sooner did he turned back that Cass stood in front of him, with that typical pout, between restrained amusement and sarcasm the angel was good at developing. "I think i heard you demanding my presence with some urgency?" Asked the angel, staring at him with his two azure blue marbles. </p><p>"A certain urgency, yes!" Dean agreed, a smile already on his lips. "You don't know why?" He resumed, leaning against the door, arms crossed. </p><p>"I apologized", Castiel began, moving closer, "I could not visit you while you were at your parents’ house. They were watching you constantly"</p><p>"So much?"</p><p>"Yes. Your father always had his eyes on you and he would not have been embarrassed to walk into your room without knocking if he had heard something suspicious…"</p><p>"Like me talking to myself… " Dean resumed. "I'm happy to see you..." He murmured, lower. </p><p>"Me too...", Castiel murmured in turn, leaning over him. </p><p>Castiel put his lips almost tenderly against Dean's before this one responded to the kiss. Instinctively, Dean moved closer to the angel, almost to the point of sticking and Castiel closed his arms around him. The kiss grew more passionate after a few seconds before Dean pulled back to catch his breath. He remained nonetheless in Castiel's warm arms, his head resting on his shoulder, his eyes closed. A position that bared his vulnerability so much that it looked so unlike him… Castiel was surprised by Dean's abandonment for a moment but said nothing, only appreciating one of those rare moment when Dean let himself go completely. Dean could be particularly sweet sometimes...</p><p>A few minutes later, Dean was standing straight, apparently embarrassed by what he had just shown. Castiel reassured him with a simple smile before starting a conversation: "Did you want to talk to me about something in particular?"</p><p>"I met Caleb. He trusts me relatively, we can count on him. I think” </p><p>"Alright" Castiel approved. </p><p>"And...." Dean hesitated. </p><p>"And?"</p><p>"I think there may be a possible hunt  in the school"</p><p>"How so?" Castiel questioned, frowning. </p><p>"A strange fire. I'll tell you about it when i'll have more intel…"</p><p>"Alright. Be careful", Castiel reminded him in a serious tone that made him smile. </p><p>"Always… my angel." He promised, slightly teasing. Dean gave a last smile before leaving the bathroom. As soon as he opened the door, he came across three pairs of curious eyes. </p><p>"You’re okay Dean?" Tony asked him, an inflection in his voice. </p><p>"Of course....Why?" He replied, raising his eyebrows. </p><p>"Well… Do you often talk alone, dude?" Bradley laughed. </p><p>"Ho… Well, i think out loud, that's all..." He explained with a smile. </p><p>******</p><p>Dean spent the next hours digging up the data he had. Suffice to say that he did not have much… The fire was suspect, of course, and research was obviously necessary. But how could he reach them? And what to look after? Was it related to the building or to Lesner? Spontaneously, he opted for the building.… After all, recent works had animated the district… Maybe a ghost had been disturbed?</p><p>If he remembered correctly, when visiting the school, Joshua had said that the main building housed not only the administrative offices but also the archive. The question was how he could get there without arousing suspicions and especially when… Free time was limited and he would certainly not have enough time to carry out the gigantic research that awaited him. You had to, at least, have an idea of what to look for!</p><p>By chance, he found crucial information the next day when the coach decided to have them practice Volley-ball "<i>to develop their team spirit</i>". In truth, the atmosphere was quite light despite the circumstances. The reason wasn't difficult to understand.. Dave's group, of which Lesner had been a part, had been unusually quiet since class resumed. They mourned in their own way.… And seemed to have lost all desire to annoy the young people. Dean was under no illusion, it was temporary. </p><p>The answer he was looking for was right his nose and he knew it as soon as his eyes fell on one of the corner of the gym.<i> Of course!</i> He castigated himself. The basketball, under the glass dome! What did Bradley tell him?</p><p><i>"An old basketball from one of the first boy in school. He died on the school ground...</i>"</p><p>Obviously! Of course, the school could have had more than one death but this one had to be special to be honored in this way. And a commemorative plaque surely rested near the ball under the dome. </p><p>"Winchester!" The coach roared, seeing him distracted. "Pay attention to the game!"</p><p>"Yes coach!"</p><p>The end of the match was quickly there and Dean slipped discreetly toward the small arch sheltering the dome. It was pretty simple actually… A dusty glass bell under which a used basketball rested. In the lower right corner, near the ball, a small engraving only read: "<i>In memory of Charles Bremeer, basket-ball enthusiast and good friend</i>". Short and concise. It didn't give him much information other than the name of the potential ghost. At least, he knew what to look for in the archives if he went there. He could always bring the topic into a conversation with Joshua. </p><p>That same day, he returned to see Joshua to try to get more information. The free time was limited and it infuriated Dean that he couldn’t do something out of these hours.… The ghost could do it again at any time… He was planning to extract as much information as possible from Joshua.… The hardest part will be not to appear pushy or unusually curious.<br/>
Once in the educator's office, Dean was satisfied to see the man smiling again. He was attached to the cheerful and talkative young man. As usual, Josh asked him if he wanted a drink and he gladly accepted a coke. </p><p>"So?" Joshua asked, as he settled into his desk. "We didn't really talk last time… How was your holidays?"</p><p>"I told you...", he sighed with an annoyed pout, "They practically kept me inside with a formal ban on leaving without them"</p><p>"And was it so horrible?" Joshua asked him. </p><p>"I'm not a criminal on probation...", he merely mumbled. "I just wanted some fresh air. Go see a friend…"</p><p>"And that excluded the presence of your parents?" Joshua asked him. </p><p>"I'm almost 15, you bet my friends wouldn't have been thrilled to see me bring my parents...", he retorted, shrugging. </p><p>"Then they aren't your friends. Friends, real ones, would get that you had no choice and that it was for your own good"</p><p>"They are 15 too, you know?" Dean replied, ironically. </p><p>"Really?" Said a surprised Joshua. "I'd have thought your friends were older given your maturity… And i don't think I’ve heard you talk about them yet?" Noted his educator. </p><p>"They are discreet" Dean replied merely. "I was able to spend some time with my dad..." he indicated after a few seconds. </p><p>"And?" Josh pressed him gently. </p><p>"We talked about everything and nothing. Music, weather, sport… We played baseball and basket. He's very good at basket...." He commented with a smile. It was only a half-truth. Yes, he had talked with his father about various things. Yes, they had played  baseball and basketball games with Sam. But his father was very lame at basketball, he was more into baseball. "Talking 'bout that", he added casually, "What's that ball in the gym?"</p><p>"I don't see wh....", Joshua started, frowning before stopping. "Ho! Do you mean Charles Bremeer's ball?"</p><p>"I guess so....Who is that?"</p><p>"A student from the early seventies", Josh explained to a Dean all ears. "He died in 71", he later noted. "After his death, the school closed for more or less 10 years and rebuilt in 80". </p><p>"Rebuilt?"</p><p>"Yes, the old buildings were more inside the park. In fact, they’ve resumed works this year." He continued without suspecting that he had just given Dean some of the most important information.</p><p>"How did he die?" Dean finally asked. </p><p>Joshua's face darkened and the answer was waiting. Dean began to ask himself questions when Joshua finished by replying with a sad and serious voice. "In a fire. He was burned alive in a fire..." He replied sadly. </p><p>Dean bit his lower lip as he saw the older mood turn dark again. He didn't want to remind him of a bad memory, but now, at least, he knew it was undoubtedly Charles Bremeer who was playing pyromaniac. Why? That was another question… He was gonna have to supplement his data with those from the archives. The silence stretched uncomfortably without Dean being able to do anything about it. Joshua seemed lost in his sinister thought and he couldn’t find any subject of conversation to lighten the mood...</p><p>unless....?</p><p>Wasn't this the best moment to start the discussion he had been pushing back for a month? "Huh...Joshua?….Joshua!" He repeated louder. </p><p>"What?" Josh jumped, turning to face him. "Sorry. You were saying?"</p><p>"Yeah.… It's quite personal, ok?" he began, sitting down in his seat. </p><p>"I’m listening" Assured him the educator, settling in turn. </p><p>"Well… It's more..… How to say.… It has nothing to do with other things, ok? Not my parents, my friends or… the rest. It's more personal.… Alright?"</p><p>"Alright", Joshua nodded, still quite puzzled. "Can you develop?"</p><p>"Let's say.… It's between us, that's right? Not a word to my parents? I don't think my father would understand…"</p><p>"Is it that serious? If it's too important, Dean, you suspect I’m going to have to let your parents know..." Joshua explained. </p><p>"It's not important. It's personal… ", he repeated. "And my father is a former Marines. I don't think they condone homosexuality" He said, watching his educator's reaction. </p><p>"Are you gay, Dean?" Josh asked him.</p><p>"No!" He hastened to answer. "I never look a man that way, ok? I liked women very much. Kind of… Very very much. You see?"</p><p>"I’m trying", Joshua assured him. "You talk about homosexuality while assuring me you're not. You tell me you like women when i'm pretty sure you've never had a relationship.… You are 14, Dean. "</p><p>"Forget my age!" Dean said, annoyed. "And i said I liked women"</p><p>"So, you discovered yourself a penchant for the other sex, that's it?" Joshua asked. </p><p>"No! Only… Only one person of the other sex. One man."</p><p>"Man?" Joshua repeated with a frown. </p><p>"Man, boy, we don't care, it's the same!" Dean said waving his hand. "What i want to understand is how do I go from woman to man, just like that...?"</p><p>"Have you ever even been with a girl, Dean?" Joshua asked in a fatherly tone. </p><p>"Don't talk to me like a kid! Forget my age. What would you say to a forty year old man who finds himself attracted to.… his best friend for example, when he was a womanizer?"</p><p>"Dean, i don't understand…"</p><p>"It doesn't matter. Just answer me. Please?" He whispered in an uncertain voice. </p><p>"I'd tell him that he might be bisexual…"</p><p>"No", he replied flatly. "He never looked at men like that, and even now there is only one man… And he no longer looked at woman."</p><p>"So maybe....", Joshua began before pausing, while glaring at him. </p><p>"Yeah?" he pressed him. </p><p>"Maybe he should stop to ask himself this question"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Maybe it doesn’t really matter to know what he is, in terms of name, i mean. He just loves another person and as long as that remains consenting and legal, he shouldn't ask himself too many questions"</p><p>Dean carefully studied his educator's response. It was true… Maybe he was thinking too much? And honestly, he felt good with Castiel… It was more than just an attraction or… Everything he had known so far. What he had with Cassie or even with Lisa was quite weak compared to what he felt in Castiel's arms. As sappy and dripping with sentimentality as it was. </p><p>Why go further?</p><p>Dean left the room with a new resolve and satisfied with the information he had obtained. His relationship with Castiel would evolve at its own pace, come what may… Joshua, on the other hand, watched the boy leave with some confusion. What had just happened? He was pretty sure Dean had never had a relationship. The boy was reluctant to any relationship, even a friendly one… Or at least, that’s what his parents said. Besides that, Dean got along with all his roommates and had even formed relationships with some of his classmates.… But a romantic relationship that, he hadn't got any. Anyway, unlike many teenagers his age, Dean didn't seem curious about sex. So, how can he say he’s attracted to women to the point of being a womanizer? And how did he know he was attracted to men now? He was barely 15! He had plenty of time to find his sexual identity, right?! And why does he compare himself to a man of forty?</p><p>Joshua sighed loudly, dropping his chin into his hands. This boy was only bringing interrogations…</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!</p><p>Tell me...favorite lines? Part? What do you like?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Retaliation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The ink stain spread rapidly as he hammered the same spot on his sheet - the upper left corner to be more precise – for the past half hour. He listened absently to the teacher of literature commenting on yet another book by William Henley as he pondered a plan to search the archives. The best part was the evening’s free time, when the building's offices were empty, giving him almost complete freedom of action in the building. </p>
<p>The only problem was that he always spent this free time in his room or in the common room with the others. He had never done otherwise. He was gonna have to ask them to help.… Maybe it wasn't very safe but he trusted them relatively to support him. Furthermore, he was pretty sure they wouldn't ask too many questions…</p>
<p>He hadn’t thought back about his discussion with Joshua. The only thing he hoped for was that the educator would keep his word and not chat with his father. If there was one thing he didn't know how John would react to, it was his sexuality. He was sure he wasn't gonna take it well. Beyond that, he had absolutely no idea of his reaction. A smile stretched across his lips as he remembered the infamous father/son chat his ol’dad had gave him when he had stumbled upon him and Kimberley Bogaerds, a girl two years older than him, on the Impala's backseat. His father had only told him to protect himself because their life didn't allow them that kind of bullshit. He was 16 year old and he had refrained from telling his father that his first experience went back to almost two years earlier… He had moved forwards with Sam having this conversation on his 15th birthday. He still remembered his speech: <i> "You are becoming a man now Sammy and there are some stuff you should know..." </i>. His brother had blushed profusely but still had listen to him carefully. </p>
<p>Dean was still lost in thought when a deafening alarm sounded in the classroom. The students almost all jumped up and soon the whispers of his classmates turned into heated discussions. In the midst of the hubbub, the teacher tried to restore calm. </p>
<p>"Keep calm!" He said, waving his arms. "These are the fire alarms and that must be a drill… Please!" Said the teacher, not seeing anyone listening to him. </p>
<p>Considering what happened to Lesner, it might seem normal that they’re testing the alarms but Dean found it indecent because they all heard the news yesterday. Some of the students had already started to panic imagining another fire… Dean could read Charlie's face, in particular, that he was uncomfortable as the teacher again tried to get the attention of the crowd. Another teacher entered the classroom and whispered something in his ear. Dean could see their teacher pursing his lips in annoyance before sighing heavily. </p>
<p>"Well… ", he started in a stifling tone, "… I'm told that no exercise was scheduled for today… Keep calm! No rush!" The professor roared, seeing the crowd of students literally charged the exit door. </p>
<p>Dean could have rolled his eyes.… And, actually, he did. Holy shit, it wasn't the apocalypse! Most of the students had rushed forward, leaving behind a few classmates, and all were jostling to get out first… What a mess! Dean watched in disdainful astonishment as the students pushed each other as the teacher tried to appease them to no avail. </p>
<p><b>"Shut the fuck up!"</b> He roared aloud. Instantly, all heads turned to him, almost in the same movement. Charlie, on the other hand, looked at him with wide eyes as the teacher gauged him with a frown. The alarm sounded louder in the silence that just settled. "Stop bawling like little kids and go quietly, no rush. Don’t take your stuff and go straight to the main parking lot or the basketball court"</p>
<p>The whispers resumed as soon as he finished his sentence but the panic seemed to fade. The students quietly left the classroom, surprisingly following Dean's orders. The teacher nodded in satisfaction before silently thanking him with an appreciative glance as Charlie joined him, at the back of the group. </p>
<p>"Well… ", he praised. "After that, you'll have everyone under your thumb… "</p>
<p>Two hours later, and after checking, they were told it was a mistake, a faulty alarm. No fire was burning the school. That decided Dean. Tonight, he'd go to the archives. "Finally, the evening! It was a long day.… " Bradley sighed as he sank down onto his bed. </p>
<p>"Yeah", Tony agreed, "leaving us to wait two hours outside while it's freezing cold, really!"</p>
<p>"Who’s up for a card game?" Sven asked, pulling them out of a drawer. </p>
<p>"Poker?" Tony asked immediately, smiling. "I'll take you at the cleaners with this, Winchester!" He whistled, playfully. </p>
<p>"That would surprise me", he retorted in the same tone. "But it’ll be for another day..." he added. </p>
<p>"Why?" Brad asked right away. </p>
<p>"I've...stuff to do", he eluded with a shrug. </p>
<p>"Stuff?" Tony repeated, frowning. "What kind of stuff?"</p>
<p>"The kind that will make you say i spent the next two hours with you...If you are asked." he replied. </p>
<p>"It's free time, Dean", the metis told him. "If you want to go for a walk in the park, you can, you know?"</p>
<p>"Yep… But anyway, I’m playing with you tonight, aren’t i?"</p>
<p>Sven gauged him a moment with his dark gaze before nodding briskly. Tony imitated him the next second as Bradley shrugged carelessly. </p>
<p>Getting out of the building to slip into the archive's was relatively easy. It took longer to find the right part. The building was already completely empty apart from the principal he had heard working in his office. Most educators went home every night, like secretaries and the management staff. Only two educators and two monitors remained for the night. This left a pretty wide field of action...</p>
<p>He found the room he was looking for on the second floor, across from the principal's office. Once inside, he took the time to study the layout of the room. Without wasting any more time, he pulled out a flashlight from his jacket's pocket - congratulating himself on having brought it back from his holidays. </p>
<p>Dean sighed, looking out the rows of identical lockers. Maybe the student files have been sorted according to their entry date? Either way, it didn't matter much. <i>The files start from 1980, with the reconstruction! </i>Raged Dean. Perhaps there were no files on the former students? Maybe they all burned down with the old building? Time was tickling and Dean began to get impatient....</p>
<p>He was soon at the last locker and frowned at the lack of dates on a few. Spurred on by an impulse, he walked over to those and slowly opened one. He winced when the drawer squeaked pretty loudly. A smile spread over his lips when he saw that the files were sorted alphabetically and looked slightly yellowed with time. </p>
<p><i>A...Abbenan...Azerty....</i><br/>
<i>B....Barger....Belizee....Birston....Borlen...Bravis...Brel....Bremeer!</i></p>
<p>A satisfied pout painted on Dean's face as he pulled out the file to read it. He could have taken it but it was too risky, knowing that the housekeepers cleaned their room every day. They could very well stumble upon it by accident… And that would certainly lead to too many questions from his roommates. No, he had to watch it here and take some important information notes. He still had half an hour left, he thought before delving into the file. </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <i><span class="u">Name</span>: Bremeer.                                       <span class="u"> First name</span>: Charles.                               <span class="u"> Age of entry</span>: 15 year old.<br/>
<span class="u">Reason</span>: desocialization – refusal of dialogue – school dropout.<br/>
<span class="u">Educator</span>: Henry McArthur.<br/>
<span class="u">Behavior</span>: Closed up, introverted.<br/>
<span class="u">Family situation</span>: Father and mother present. A firm but fair education. </i>
  </p>
</div>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p> <i><span class="u">Note</span>: - Grades up. Very intelligent student. =&gt; Boredom could be the reason for dropping out.<br/>-....<br/>- Little progress on socialization. No friend. Main target of other students.<br/>- His situation with his peers is getting worse. We suspect frequent beatings....</i></p>
</div><p>
  <i>
    <b>Deceased</b>
  </i>
  <b>: 04/21/1971 in a fire. </b>
</p><p>
  <b></b>
</p>
<p>The file didn’t say much more about the circumstances of the death, not even about the graveyard - or funeral home – where the remains might have been buried – or scattered. Suffice to say that the file wasn't thick. Or not very consistent since question of thickness, the file didn't envy the others. Each teacher seemed to be able to make notes, some conversations with the educator were handwritten and some homework recorded in the file. </p>
<p>Looking at his watch again, Dean cursed before quickly putting the file at his place, closed the drawer and hurried out of the building. The trip to the common building only lasted a few minutes… It was already pretty dark, the days still excruciatingly short, and the fields around the building dimly lit. So, Dean didn't notice anything, too focused on what he had just learned, before being roughly arrested. </p>
<p>"Ho… What do we have here, guys?!" A deep, hoarse voice mocked. </p>
<p>The said guys had quickly surrounded him and Dean clenched his fists. They were five of them and all older than him… He didn’t stand a chance. The beatings, late at night, just before the doors closed, were not uncommon. The proof was the bruises that Sven frequently reported in the past...</p>
<p>"What do you want Dave?" He spat, glaring the older one with a challenging look. </p>
<p>Because it was definitely Dave and his little bunch of morons surrounding him. And Dean wasn't foolish enough to believe that the recent lull was gonna last here and now when Dave had the perfect opportunity for revenge. </p>
<p>The boy's face twisted itself in a grimace of rage and disdain before stepping towards him with a step of conquest. Dean felt the boys behind him come closer in turn, thus reducing his space. He could soon felt hands grasping him hard by the shoulders while twisting his arms painfully. </p>
<p>"Do you think i don't know what you did to David?" Dave exploded, hitting him right in the face. </p>
<p>Dean took it without flinching, tasting his own blood on his tongue. He had probably bitten it.… The only thing he could think of was the fact that it was gonna leave some pretty bruises that he was gonna have to explain to Joshua. </p>
<p>"You think i don't know you beat him up while he was beating the shit out of the little fag?" The older one roared again, punching him in the stomach. </p>
<p>Once again, Dean refrained from any moaning and simply hunched over in pain. He was straightened up without care by the two gorillas who still firmly held him firmly and received a few more hits, mainly in the stomach. After a few minutes, he fell down to the ground to be kicked, this time, still in the stomach. Reflexively, he folded himself around his pain and curled up. Above him, Dave sneered before grabbing his hair to lift his head. </p>
<p>"Not so smart now, huh Winchester?! You're just a buffoon!" He said before spitting on him. </p>
<p>Dean didn't answer, just clenching his fists and biting his tongue to stem the tide of insults that came naturally to him. Dave was just an asshole who couldn't do anything without his fists...  For good measure, Dave gave him one last kick in the back. </p>
<p>Dean didn't really hear them leaving, too busy controlling his breathing. A dull ache in his back still radiated through his hips and neck. The blows to the back were the ones he hated the most… They  always left more impressive than serious bruises but still very painful. After a few minutes that seemed endless to him, he was able to stand up completely. He was walking slowly, limping since one of the gorilla had gently crushed his ankle. Dean could tell it wasn't broken, that was good enough…</p>
<p>A sinister smile tried to animate his features before freezing painfully. Now wasn't the right time to smile because his face had to be purple. He just told himself he wasn't so unlucky, glancing at the doors of the building that were still open. Pushing himself up to his room could've been torture if he didn't know a great deal about the subject. </p>
<p>When he pushed his bedroom’s door, he didn’t have to wait ten seconds before his roommates jumped on him, worried. "Fuck, Dean!" Tony whispered, guiding him to his bed. "What happened?"</p>
<p>"Looks like you got hit by a truck, dude!" Bradley commented, wincing with sympathy. </p>
<p>"A bad meeting..." He replied, dropping down on his bed. </p>
<p>"You got beaten up?" Tony questioned him seriously, frowning. </p>
<p>"It's ok...", he said, closing his eyes. </p>
<p>"You're sure you're ok?" Sven asked him, looking at him seriously. </p>
<p>"Nothing too bad...", he mumbled. </p>
<p>"Since i know you won't want today, tomorrow i'll take you to the infirmary" Tony said Tony, resolutely.</p>
<p>"Huh? No need…"</p>
<p>"No need?" Roared the older one. "You're more purple than an eggplant, you’re holding your abdomen like you’ve received more than one blow there and your ankle has already doubled in size! Tomorrow, we're gonna go to the infirmary!"</p>
<p>"By the way", Sven calmed him down, "you really think you'll be able to run in this state?"</p>
<p>************</p>
<p>Tony sighed again at the apparent bad unwillingness Dean was showing to get to the infirmary. It wasn't that hard, was it? It was necessary… If he wasn't so sure that Dean could still surprise him, he'd say the kid couldn’t spend all day in this state. </p>
<p>Dean was sulking, literally! and even through the palette of colors that had become his face, everybody could see that he wanted to be anywhere other than here. Annoyed, Tony pushed him gently into the hospital wing. </p>
<p>The school infirmary wasn't extravagant. There were barely five beds, the white sheets of which were more grayish. Most of the time, the nurse – Mrs Okklepup – only had to deal with common stomach aches, twisted ankles or strained muscles during sport, some hypoglycemic attacks or sometimes, epilepsy. She knew at first glance the difference between bruises from a fight and bruises from a fall down the stairs, much to the dismay of the students. </p>
<p>Sitting forcibly on one of the gray bed, Dean sighed once again. He wouldn't have spat on painkillers, but time was tickling… He had to call Bobby to do some research on the 71 fire. Maybe the municipal library would've more information than the archives of the school...</p>
<p>"Let's see this, Winchester", said the nurse, leaning over him before telling him she had already called his parents.<br/>
*****</p>
<p>"For the last time, Dean, what happened?" Repeated for the thousandth time at least Joshua. </p>
<p>"My answer is still the same", Dean answered him with a jaded voice. "I fall in the stairs"</p>
<p>"Well, the steps came together to hit your face", he replied dryly. </p>
<p>"And my stomach, my back and my ankle", Dean reminded him. </p>
<p>"Was that Dave?"</p>
<p>"I have nothing to add, Joshua" Concluded Dean, looking at him seriously. "And there are just some bruises..." he added. </p>
<p>"Some bruises?" Choked the older one. "Your face is practically unrecognizable, your abdomen is dark purple, a bruise spreads all over your back, and your ankle is pretty bad… Your want me to go on with the possibility, if not the near certainty, of your cracked ribs?" </p>
<p>"You're overreacting..." Dean sighed, settling more in his bed.</p>
<p>"Exaggeration or not, your parents have been called. They’ll be here in about two hours", Joshua said, getting up from the chair next the bed. </p>
<p>"What?! No! They don't need to come!" He retorted sharply. </p>
<p>"Yes. Rest all day", he resumed, "It's important for your ankle according to Mrs Okklepup. And you should really report those nasty steps..." He added. </p>
<p>"Everything is fine", repeated the younger one. "May i make a call?"</p>
<p>"You know the drill..." Joshua refused soberly, shaking his head. </p>
<p>"I won't be able to go to the common room today..." Dean pointed out to him. </p>
<p>"Hum.… You can call from infirmary, ok? But within the schedule time… Is it for you?" The educator suggested him. </p>
<p>"Please?!" He pressed him. "It's urgent!"</p>
<p>"Sorry Dean. Your parents have been warned.… And unless you want to tell me the names of the culprits, there is no urgency" The elder refused once again. </p>
<p>"But…"</p>
<p>"You can always talk to me Dean, if it's really urgent..." He reminded him seriously. </p>
<p>"No. It's okay"</p>
<p>***********</p>
<p>Patience had never been one of his main virtues. He learned it willy-nilly over the days at the head of the resistance and hunting always requires a little bit of patience, but it was clear that had never been his main asset. </p>
<p>So, his patience was strained and began to slowly but steadily crumble. It had been three hours since Joshua had been gone and his parents had still not arrived. The nurse walked out into a small room adjacent to the main room he seemed to be in and he hadn’t seen her since… The hum of the heating was beginning to piss him off in a stupendous way. Furthermore, he had to call Bobby. Maybe he could dare a little trip to the common room? He was rather lucky, the infirmary wasn't in a building too far away from the dorm. He could give as pretext not to support the boredom and inactivity. </p>
<p>As he was seriously thought about going to the common room, he heard footsteps in the hallway. Of course, it was his parents who had arrived. The only thing Dean was wondering was if they had brought Sam? There was little chance they had found someone to watch him so quickly and Sam would certainly have want come to see him…</p>
<p>"Dean!" His little brother’s voice threw as he opened the door of the infirmary with a crash. </p>
<p>"Hey, Buddy… What's up?"</p>
<p>"You should be the one answering this question, right?" Her mother whispered, smiling softly at him. "Hi, how are you going?" She asked with a worried face. </p>
<p>"Good. Joshua shouldn't have called you..." He sighed. </p>
<p>"Of course, yes" Hissed his father’s dry voice, looking at him intently. “What happened?"</p>
<p>"A unexpected little encounter with a staircase..." He just said. </p>
<p>"Dean…"</p>
<p>"Dad…"</p>
<p>"Are you in pain, Dean?" His little brother asked </p>
<p>"No, bud…"</p>
<p>"The truth, Dean" His father asked. </p>
<p>"I barely hurt, it's fine…"</p>
<p>"I wasn't talking about that..." His father hissed, sharply. </p>
<p>"I don't see the problem", he explained, "and even if that’s what you’re thinking about, why are you mad at me? I was the one who got beaten up, yeah? Or you should be happy, they respected your standards, they didn't send me to the hospital..." He said, raising his voice. </p>
<p>"So, is that what happened?"His mother asked. </p>
<p>"Maybe. It doesn’t matter" He whispered, shrugging. </p>
<p>"Sam, stay here. Your mom and i, we're gonna talk with Joshua" John’s hard voice said after a few seconds of worried silence. </p>
<p>Dean sighed in relief once the door closed on his parents. Sam, next to him, had simply settled himself on his bed. His little brother looked at him with a strange expression. "That's what happened, huh? They beaten you up?" The young boy asked him. </p>
<p>"Yeah" He replied without trying to lie to him. </p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"For revenge and because they're sad about the death of their friend"</p>
<p>"They’re sad? And because of that, they hurt you?" Asked a surprised Sammy, innocently. "It's stupid!"</p>
<p>"Exactly", Dean agreed. "People often do stupid things" he added. </p>
<p>"It's not true, you know?"</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"Dad was really angry when Joshua called. He said it was a shame they let this go. That it was predictable and they should have prevented it". </p>
<p>"Yeah....i know” He exhaled, strangely comforted by his little brother’s words.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome and very much appreciated!</p>
<p>Which part do you like the most? or the last?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. The huntress</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So?"</p><p>"So what? Carpenter seemed to believe Dave and his gang had jumped on him even though Monsieur didn’t want to say so..." Creaked John, glancing at his wife. </p><p>"Ho, come on John!" Mary rebuffed him. "Because you would’ve rat out your classmates at his age?"</p><p>"I didn’t send my classmates to the hospital and pretend i fell down the stairs, mistaking my parents for fools" He replied, sharply. </p><p>"Yes, but Dean isn't you. And he's not guilty..." Mary began before pausing. </p><p>"This time...." John completed. "You can finish your sentence, you know? We both thought so…"</p><p>"It remains true", insisted Mary, "he's not guilty. You have no reason to be angry with him..."</p><p>John sighed heavily, pushing open the gym's door. The infirmary was on the first floor of the building. They had just had a little reunion with Joshua Carpenter and he was one hundred percent sure that Dean's condition was due to Dave and his gang. Obviously, Dean was still denying. "I ain't angry" He sighed wearily. "I'm just tired that he thinks he has to lie to us…"</p><p>"He doesn't!" Mary claimed, imperiously. "He just wants to solve his problems by himself…"</p><p>"And you wonder why he reminds me of your father?" John asked like a joke. </p><p>Unfortunately, he knew the seconds the words passed his lips that they wouldn't be received like that. Instantly, Mary's face closed up and only a tired look of resentment remained on her features. "I thought the topic was closed", she snarled. </p><p>"Well, that’s not the case", he replied in the same tone. "Dean is his grandson, I’ll remind you. It's normal he has some of his expressions or mimics. Your father was who he was. I’m not talking about what he did…"</p><p>"Do you really want us to argue over this?" Mary retorted placidly. </p><p>John slowly shook his head from side to side, thinking of the various arguments that always followed the discussions about Samuel Campbell. The subject was taboo; Mary never mentioned it.</p><p>They were soon in front of the infirmary door and as John was about to push it open, it swung open on a restless nurse. The young woman barely noticed them as she hurried out of the room, a worried expression etched on his face. Dean followed closely behind and tried to pass in front of them at the same fast pace…</p><p>"Where do you think you’re going, young man?" John asked gruffly, grabbing him by his shoulder. </p><p>Dean suppressed a smile and mentally thanked his brother for answering for him. Fortunately, his little brother had only a partial idea of what might be going on. Okkelpup had received a call earlier and Dean saw her face drain itself of colors before rushing for the door. Dean wasn't stupid enough to let that kind of reaction go in the real world. "The nurse got a call", Sam explained. "It seemed important because she turned very pale…"</p><p>"And how does this concern you?" John asked, trying to get them inside the hospital wing. </p><p>Clearly piss off this time, Dean didn't even try to reply to his father. He deftly freed himself from his father's grip to catch up with the nurse. He paid no attention to his parent's calls, too busy spotting the young woman. Once outside, the cold air slapped his face and he realized he was only wearing a simple t-shirt and he shivered. Apparently, the nurse was heading toward the buildings A, toward the dormitories more precisely. Attentive, Dean could hear his family's footsteps hurrying behind him. They all slowed down, however, as they arrived in front of the dormitories A, where an ambulance was already parked. </p><p>Dean swore under his breath, well aware it was certainly already too late. If it was the same modus operandi, the victim was already burned alive. And this time, it was during activity, with groups of people going and coming in the building. A bundle of people who didn't notice anything. While a classmate was burning in a room…</p><p>When a stretcher came out of the building covered with a white sheet, there was no longer any doubt. Dean vaguely heard the cries of Mrs Okkelpup who had to known who the victim was. He especially heard the trembling breath behind him. Vividly remembering the presence of his parents and his brother, he turned around to find himself in front of his little brother’s pale face. </p><p>"Sammy..." He whispered as he walked over to him. </p><p>His little brother looked at the white sheet with wide eyes, and Dean knew he was fully aware of what was under. Before his parents could even react, Dean knelt in front of his younger brother, both hands gripping his shoulders tightly. As a kid, contact had always comforted Sam. And Dean too, if he had to be honest. "Look at me, Sammy" He demanded softly. </p><p>"It"s… It's a dead under the sheet?" Sam asked in a hollow voice. </p><p>"Yes. Yes, it's a corpse" He replied. </p><p>"How… How did he die?" The younger one asked again, his voice trembling slightly. </p><p>"I don't know Sam. Are you gonna be fine, buddy? He asked, tenderly pushing away his little brother’s bangs from his eyes. </p><p>"He….He was young, right? I mean… He was surely young, right?" He mumbled. </p><p>"Yes, I guess", Dean agreed. "Why, Sam?”</p><p>"I… He was as young as you", Sam mumbled, clearly sad. "It's not fair…"</p><p>"No, it's not. But it does happen. I already told you Sam, unfair things often happen" He explained to him with neutrality. </p><p>"Dean...", his father's deep voice whispered, warning him that he was saying too much according to him. </p><p>Dean glanced briefly at his father as he sat up, a hand still resting on Sam's shoulder. The kid still looked upset and Dean was surprised, despite of himself, to make a comparison. He had seen his first dead body when he was 9. In defense of his father, he was the one who had asked to help him do some research in the field. It was supposed to be safe. But instead of finding a grave, Dean had came across a slightly jagged body. He had been brave, hadn't shown his father anything except a fleeting stupor… And hadn't been able to sleep for a week. Sam hadn't seen his first body until he was 14. When he started harassing their father, he was no longer a child. Now, Sam was 10 and looked shaken. And he had only seen a mere sheet. It was normal, he guessed. </p><p>*************</p><p>"So", asked Mary, "is this the second death since school resumed?"</p><p>Dean nodded in agreement, looking at his mother’s thoughtful face warily. Briefly, he wondered if she'd react. No doubt she'd scent the supernatural… Any hunter would see that there was something here. But would she react? In one way or another?</p><p>"That's it", he replied anyway. "And apparently, both in a fire"</p><p>"Fires?" John repeated, frowning. </p><p>"Yeah...Really small because there was very little material damage" he added innocently, still looking at his mother. "You could almost say it was spontaneous combustion..." He mumbled loudly enough for his mom to hear him. "It's really to weird…"</p><p>"There’s no such thing as spontaneous combustion" Mary argued mechanically, staring into space. </p><p>"But what’s Joshua doing?" John grew impatient as he looked at his watch. "It's been a quarter of an hour since he went to get this soda with Sam… I'm gonna get them… " He finished, leaving them alone, his mom and him. </p><p>"And these two boys knew each other?" Mary asked again, thoughtful. </p><p>"No, i don't think so", he replied. "A and B don't know each other too well" He explained, hiding a satisfied smile. </p><p>During a moment, his mother's features changed under concentration. Before his eyes, she became a hunter again, analyzing the information he gave her from a different angle than ordinary citizens. He could see her thinking about it, wondering what could be responsible for these deaths, and certainly coming up with a draft solution. It wasn't really difficult. </p><p>"It's strange, huh?" He whispered in a serious voice. </p><p>At her son's words, Mary fixed a troubled look on him. These deaths weren't natural. She knew it deep in her guts. Her instinct, even quite blunted, told her to dig in. But there had been no business for a long time, hadn't it? She shouldn't even have thought about this. She shouldn't have been interested and asking questions. How many times had she turned the news page, pretending not to have seen this strange article?</p><p>How many times had she closed her eyes? It had became a habit...</p><p>But this time, it was at her son's school. This same son who looked at her with a thousand-years-old gaze, waiting for something from her answer that she didn’t understand. Judgment… Because that was what she was reading in her son's green iris. She had never understood the unkind look her son was giving her and she certainly would never understand. But she was sure… Her answer would be important. As john's before he left for boarding school. </p><p>And the hunter vanished as quickly as it came. Mary stretched a fake smile on her lips, buried her doubts as deep as possible within herself and pretended nothing had happened. </p><p>"Of course not", she heard herself say. "Surely the cigarettes butts weren’t completely extinguished"</p><p>Dean's eyes froze and Mary could almost read in his eyes all the expectations he still had for her disappear. "Sure", he replied in a low voice. </p><p>Dean didn't know what he had expected. Truly. Had he really hoped his mom would get back on track? That she take it upon herself for his safety, like any mom would do? That she'd be honest with herself and admit that, no, it was not natural and need to be put down? That she'd face the music and decide to do it herself? Or, at least, that she'd pay attention and point it out to another hunter? Yes. Yes, he had hoped for all of this. Truly. Really. Unquestionably. </p><p>But she didn’t do any of that. She had, of course, understood that this wasn't normal and she had even asked questions, just to get a clear view. But that was all. She wasn't gonna get involved. Even less go hunting. Did she hope that this could be resolved with the intervention of the Holy Spirit, or that praying that nothing would happen to him would be enough? His mother's faith was something that always make him laugh. </p><p>He had to be realistic. The strong, independent and courageous hunter he had known for a few days was dead. There was only one over cautious, too cowardly woman left to face her past, treacherously displaying a dummy smile. Dean didn't like this woman. But he knew that some wounds leave gaping holes that change you forever. Sometimes in something that you wouldn't have like yourself. </p><p>"You should go find dad. He'll be late if you don't leave soon" He said dryly. </p><p>"You're right" She approved with an apologetic smile as she stood up. "See you soon Dean" She whispered, kissing him on his forehead. </p><p>"Say goodbye to dad and Sammy for me", he just answered.</p><p>"Alright", she answered weakly. </p><p>Dean watched placidly his mother as she left the room. Once at the door, she turned back to him and looked at him hesitantly. She wanted to say something but apparently didn't dare… "Dean?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Be careful, alright?" She asked with a wavering seriousness that characterized her perfectly. </p><p>"I don't smoke" he hissed, wincing a smile.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is an awesome motivation boost!</p><p>Love it? hate? favorite parts? Lines?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. The red file</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translation of one of my story on ff.net in French where my pseudo is Lululadivine. English is not my first language so sorry for any wrong grammatical construct or false expression...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>"So, you're sure of yourself? A ghost is walking around your school?</i>"</p><p>"Don't fuck with me, Bobby" Dean hissed in a low voice. A few hours after his parents left, Dean could finally get a call. The old hunter seemed skeptical but Dean wouldn’t let him doubt him so easily...</p><p>"<i>Ok, ok...</i>", his friend’s gruff voice growled.…,"<i>What's his name, you said?</i>"</p><p>"Charles Bremeer. He'd have died in 71 in a fire inside the school. That's all i know but i'm sure it's him. Just try to find out more, ok? The graveyard he's in if there was still something to bury. That kind of thing, you know?"</p><p>"<i>Ho kid… It's not my first ride, huh? I know you're old but still...</i>" Bobby scoffed. </p><p>"Is it grandpa who says so?" Dean whispered softly so as not to be heard by the other students swarming in the common room. </p><p>"<i>Hmmm… Just a little snag</i>" Bobby said.  </p><p>"What?"</p><p>"<i>I'm hunting in Maryland. And i'm not about to finish</i>"</p><p>"Shit!" Dean cursed under his breath. "Don’t you have someone around?"</p><p>"<i>Hum… I think Caleb is somewhere in Texas. That's ok for you?</i>"</p><p>"I'm not picky Bobby and it's just research. You explained the situation to him and told him to call (913) 573-5311*. That's the school number… He'd just have to sweet talk to talk to me, alright?"</p><p>"<i>Ok, kid</i>"</p><p>"Cool. Later Bobby"</p><p>"<i>Later</i>"</p><p>Hanging up the phone, Dean sighed lightly, hoping Caleb wouldn't be long. They didn’t have time to sit idle, Charles could start over at any time. His second victim was Vince Baker and he was a real tyrant who didn't hesitate to brutalize the younger ones while getting away with it. Like Lesner. Maybe that was the motive? From what he knew, Charles wasn't really liked by his classmates and endured quite a bit of teasing and cheap beatings. Perhaps his violent and horrific death had heightened his desire for revenge? Or maybe it was easier?</p><p>Still in his thoughts, he jumped when he bumped into Sven, turning around. The boy looked at him almost suspiciously, mingling distrust and mischief. "You scared me..." He said, grabbing him by the shoulders to pull him toward the others. </p><p>"You were talking with your friend Bobby?" Sven asked him.</p><p>"Yes"</p><p>"And you call him <i>grandpa</i>" Said the boy, raising an eyebrow. </p><p>"He’s six month older than me and he likes to hear it..." Dean lied with ease. </p><p>"And you'll also gonna come up with an explanation for me that you gave him the secretariat phone number when we can't have non-emergency calls? Or that research stuff? I don't care about what you're doing Dean but don't take me for an idiot..." The teenager said sharply, hurrying his steps.</p><p>"Whoa....", Dean slowed him down, grabbing him by the sleeve. "It was really Bobby", he insisted, "but it's true he's older than i had suggested. And this research stuff is… personal. That's ok for you?"</p><p>"That's ok", Sven agreed. "I know you're pretty secretive Dean but… I hate lies", his friend explained him, "if you don't want to tell me something, just say so. Don't beat around the bush…"</p><p>"Ok, i get it. Hum… It stays between us?" Dean added after a few seconds, half-heartedly. </p><p>For only answer, Sven burst of laughing. Like everything Sven did, it was a quiet, almost delicate laugh. But it was rare enough that Dean notice it... </p><p>****</p><p>Once alone in their bedroom bathroom, Dean finally really relaxed. Sven was really someone he liked a lot and that he was starting to mistrust him was the last thing he wanted. His three roommates were really nice, he didn't want the tension to build up unnecessarily. </p><p>"So, you have a hunt?" A voice asked calmly. </p><p>Even if he had wanted to, Dean would have been unable to suppress the smile that spread on his lips. In front of him, Castiel stood upright, almost stoically. His smile grew at the so...Castiellish attitude. "Yes, it's really a hunt" He confirmed. </p><p>"Be careful" The angel said simply as he came closer. </p><p>"As always", Dean replied. "And after all this time without seeing me, you don't even say hello properly" He teased. </p><p>"Properly?" Castiel repeated with a frightening seriousness.  </p><p>"Yep...properly" He nodded.</p><p>"As you wish…"</p><p>Dean didn't have the time to answer that Castiel was already on him, his lips against his, his tongue begging with insistence for him to open his mouth. The kiss was passionate and when Dean had to catch his breath, Castiel still looked at him with tender and greedy eyes. "Hey, you're full of energy..." Dean whispered as the angel came closer again. </p><p>"I learned things" Castiel replied merely. </p><p>"What?" He asked suspiciously. </p><p>"I.… did research on human relations"</p><p>"Human relations?"</p><p>"Romantic relationships" Castiel clarified in front of Dean’s questioning gaze. </p><p>"Ho… And what did you learn?"</p><p>"I learned a lot about carnal relationships" Castiel confessed to him and Dean could’ve sworn have to have seen his eyes twinkle. </p><p>"Carn....Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Dean slowed him down with an embarrassed laugh. "You're talking about sex!"</p><p>"Yes. Sex between men is..." The angel began to recite in a learned tone. </p><p>"Stop!" Dean suppressed him again. "It's not just.…" He pursed his lips. Honestly, Castiel caught him off guard. He hadn’t planned this aspect of their relationship before a while and he didn't expect Castiel to talk about it first! How could he tell him he wasn't ready yet? Anyway, not completely. He would of course… later. Not now! Not so fast! While they had only kissed quietly enough without even caressing. "It's something pretty big, Cass… It's not just about sex, you know? I know it might sound weird coming from me but..."</p><p>"I understand Dean" Castiel cut him gently with a gentle and understanding smile. </p><p>"Ho yeah?" Dean asked, surprised, slightly skeptical. </p><p>"I know it is an important step in the evolution of a couple and you are not ready to deal with this physical aspect of our relationship. I understand."</p><p>"Yeah, yeah… That's right… " Dean agreed, astonished by his angel's little speech. "We're gonna go at our own pace, right?" He then asked. </p><p>"Of course" Castiel nodded. "I just wanted to tell you i knew. About....sex." Castiel explained to him. </p><p>"Castiel… You may be a thousand of years old but you don't know shit about sex" Dean reminded him gently. "But I’ll teach you...." He promised him with a wink.  </p><p>For only answer, Castiel gave him a small smile. It was true after all, they had plenty of times… With a gentle movement, he grabbed Dean's hand and settled quietly next to him. Dean, for his part, stared at their two mixed hands without succeeding in hiding the smile that stretched across his lips. Kissing was one thing.… Holding hands meant another. According to Dean, it was this kind of mundane gesture that proved a couple’s worth. <i>A couple</i>, he repeated quietly.… <i>sounds good</i>. </p><p>"I am sorry to break the mood but..." Castiel resumed after a little while. </p><p>"But?"</p><p>"I know what happened with your mother" He said succinctly. </p><p>"Ha"</p><p>"Yes, ha. I know it hurts you… She hurts you" Castiel whispered I, a calm voice. </p><p>"She doesn't hurt me”, denied the youngster. "It's just… I've another memory of my mother"</p><p>"Dean", Castiel sighed, turning completely to him, "You remember the smell of the cookies she was baking, the lullaby she sang to you, some sunny afternoons she took you to play soccer, her sacrifice. But you don't remember her. The woman she was. It’s the same person, Dean." He finished in a soft and steady voice. </p><p>"No" Dean whispered in response.</p><p>"She is the same person with years older. Additional experiences and fears" Cass added. </p><p>"It's the opposite of what i was thinking..." Dean sighed in a trembling voice. </p><p>"How so?"</p><p>"I had often imagined what our family might have been under other circumstances. These circumstances. And always… It was my mom who was the best. I mean who was… truly a mother. Dad… I couldn't imagine my dad as the father of the year. I didn't think he'd make a great "normal" dad. But, actually, it's quite the opposite. My dad is awesome and my mom… leaves his own son with a vengeful spirit"</p><p>"She loves you" Castiel reassured him.</p><p>"I know. And i know what sacrifice she'd be willing to make for Sam and me… Well, what sacrifice she was willing to make." He said sadly. </p><p>"Death is far from the ultimate sacrifice", Cass commented. "You know that better than anyone"</p><p>"It doesn't change anything", Dean shrugged. "She'd be ready to die for us"</p><p>"It's true", Cass admitted. "But maybe… maybe it is easier for her to accept Death than to face her past"</p><p>"No shit...." Dean murmured in a hollow voice. </p><p>Castiel say no more and Dean silently thanked him for it. There was nothing more to say. Ruminating on the question wouldn't solve it and would only bring more pain. His mom was ready to do a lot of things for him… but not everything. She was ready to die for him and Sam. Today, as before. She was ready to sacrifice herself so that they could live… But she wasn't strong enough to face her past. She wasn't brave enough to admit her mistake. Not because she didn’t love them but simply because it was beyond her strength. </p><p>Castiel's hand tightened around Dean's and he immediately felt a warmth spread in his chest. As usual, the angel didn't need words to understand how he was feeling. And it was just good to have someone understanding him so well...<br/>
*****</p><p>It was Sunday and still no news.  On both sides. Charles hasn't made any problems for two days and Dean was quite reassured. He didn't want to witness another murder while being utterly helpless.… But Caleb hadn't come forward yet either. No doubt, he was engaged in research at the moment...</p><p>Dean was now in Joshua's office. The educator absolutely wanted to talk about his parents with him… He had no doubt that he had seen his mother's upheaval. The conversation would once again become an endless parade of half-truths, lies and pretense. A tiresome discussion where he had to constantly watch himself not to say too much, and certainly, nothing compromising. </p><p>"How is your brother?" Josh asked to start the conversation. </p><p>"He's fine. He was pretty upset by Vince Baker's accident but he recovered." He replied honestly. </p><p>"You don't seem upset" Joshua noted, looking at him intently. </p><p>"I'm not" Dean admitted. "I'm sad about this guy and his family. As i was for Lesner"</p><p>"Nothing more, that's it?"</p><p>"I guess.…"</p><p>"Your mother seemed shaken too" Joshua resumed then. </p><p>"We had a conversation" he admitted. </p><p>"About what?"</p><p>"About Starky's automotive tastes. It really saddened her to know that Paul Glaser hated his Ford...**" Dean replied with infallible seriousness. </p><p>"It was a Gran Torino! How.… Dean!" Joshua hissed, glaring at him, annoyed to have been tricked. "I’m talking seriously"</p><p>"And I’m seriously saying it’s just between my mom and i. She made a choice that day and someday, she'll have to face it. It's that simple."</p><p>"I don't think so…"</p><p>"Yes", Dean insisted, "It is. But it stays between us, ok?"</p><p>"Why Dean? It would be easier if you talked to each other, don't you think?"</p><p>"No. Things can't always work out over coffee, Josh"</p><p>"Often enough…"</p><p>"But not always", Dean repeated, getting up from his seat. "Some things need time..." He mumbled, walking over to one of the shelves in the room, full of pictures and books. </p><p>"Time can infects some wounds too, Dean." Joshua noted, sadly. </p><p>From that moment on, Dean didn't really pay attention to it anymore. Joshua began to explain his mother's frame of mind and Dean didn't listen. Everything his mother could tell Joshua was as false as what he himself could tell him on the current matter. So, he let his eyes slowly wander on the shelf in front of him. A smile crept across his face in front of a photo of three smiling brothers. Joshua was between two other young men with the same green eyes as him, smiling happily at the camera. Various books on pedagogy, education or even psychology have been neatly put away and certainly ranked. Some files were stacked in a less orderly fashion. And among those, one in particular caught Dean's attention. </p><p>It was a thick file, slipped into an old, faded red cardboard binder. A binder he himself had held between his own hands in the school archives… But why would Joshua have Charles Bremeer's file in his office? Why would he suddenly care about this boy? Was he related to the hunt? With the murders? Did he have a connection with the boy? A thousand and one possibilities crossed his mind which was running at full speed. </p><p>"Dean? Dean?! Dean!"</p><p>"What?" He jumped, turning back to the educator’s worried eyes. </p><p>"You're okay? I’ve been calling you for five minutes.…"</p><p>"Hum.… Yeah, yeah, that's cool", he muttered slowly. "Just lost in thought..."</p><p>The rest of the meeting was a blur for Dean. He responded mechanically and quite unproductively to Joshua who quickly tired of his short, tapering answers. In truth, the only thing on Dean's mind was that red binder. </p><p>Why did Joshua have it?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*: Kansas city's town hall phone number. <br/>**: Starsky's car was a red and white Ford Gran Torino. In the show, Starsky loved it. In an interview of 2004, Paul Glaser, the actor who played Starsky, confessed he hated the car. </p><p>Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks or just for reading! Feedback is awesome!</p><p>Tell me: love it? hate it? favorite parts? Line?</p>
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